Weight Loss Support - Unfair frustration




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improbable
03-12-2008, 05:23 PM
Let me preface by saying that I totally and utterly recognize this is unfair, and I wish I didn't think this way, but I do, and I'm curious as to how other people deal with it. I love 3fc, I love the community. That said, I sometimes avoid coming here or looking in certain threads or forums because I know there are people who are my height and whose starting points are around my goal, or who talk about needing to lose weight far beyond where I'm aiming for. And I know that if I feel this way, there are probably other people out there with even more extreme versions of this. My question is, 1, am I the only terrible person on the forums? Is it wrong that it makes me feel fat, like I'll never be good enough, or even normal sized? And 2, how do you deal with it? And look. I'm aware that lots of you are better people than me, and look at everyone on their own plan, their own body. I know. And I'm happy to hear that, but please no self righteousness, I feel terrible about this already.

Thoughts?


gailr42
03-12-2008, 05:36 PM
You are doing wonderfully - congratulations of the 40 lb loss! Even at your present weight and height youv'e gotta be looking "hot"!

I believe the folks on here are mostly thinking about their own weight loss and not thinking about criticizing you. My goal is 130 and I am 5.5 inches shorter than you. I'll bet you don't think badly of me for that. I hope not, anyway :lol:.

peachcake
03-12-2008, 05:37 PM
I too notice the people whose starting weight is my goal weight. It is frustrating. I feel sometimes that I will never be that small, but looking at it... if I was 115lbs I would look gross. My sister is 150-160 at my height and same general body build and she looks great so I am aiming for 160. Once I get there I will re-evaluate and see if I think I need to lose a few more or not. I really have no advice. But I am curious what some other people say. :hug:


improbable
03-12-2008, 05:38 PM
Not at all! Its more frustration with my brain for doing this, for feeding into the competition between women that I KNOW is unnecessary and fabricated. Stupid brain :)

mandalinn82
03-12-2008, 05:39 PM
I totally understand you. But remember...your goal is YOURS. It does not and cannot belong to anyone else.

If you look at my height and goal, you'll see that I settled just at the very top end of "normal" for my height, bordering on overweight. For some, that is a starting point. But pretend, for a moment, that I said to you "I know I've lost some weight, but look at all these other people on here who consider my weight 'fat'...I'm clearly a failure". What do you think you'd say to me?

I'm guessing, because you are a smart cookie, that you'd say "You silly goose, you've made tremendous progress and had such success! Don't worry another MOMENT about those others, and just savor the amazing thing you've done"...am I right?

Now try saying those things to yourself. You've lost FORTY pounds! That, my friend, is 160 sticks of butter. And that fact doesn't change no matter what your weight at the end is, or what weights others are.

You determine the right weight for your body. You, and you alone, know yourself best. So please stop the comparing and start patting yourself on the back for the amazing things you've done!

fiberlover
03-12-2008, 05:43 PM
I see people who are taller than me with a weight goal that is less than mine. I figure that is their choice - and they certainly aren't judging me on my goal weight (or if they are, I don't care LOL! ).
There are so many individuals on this board, and the funny thing is - we are all here for the same reason. I would try to focus on the positive things about the forum and the people, which may help change your mindset. Think positive things about yourself and reaffirm them each day.

You are doing great, btw!!

junebug41
03-12-2008, 05:44 PM
You aren't alone :) I fall into the same thought pattern at times. I know I've looked at people and thought, "You will never understand" when their highest weight doesn't even land them (or barely does) in the "overweight" category. I also know people see me as someone who lost under 100 pounds instead of more than and thinks the same thing. We all have different struggles, different crosses to bear. I just had to realize that being unhappy with your body/health/diet/fitness level does not stop and start at a specific number. I'm not here to validate someone's struggle as more than my own or the other way around. I do understand your frustration, though. I hope you don't avoid 3FC altogether when it bothers you. If I'm not happy with the topics in one section, I just move along to another. There is no shortage of support, I know that :)

gailr42
03-12-2008, 05:53 PM
Just give yourself a little smack on the head like the people in the V-8 commercial.

Seriously, make yourself a list of all the things that are wonderful and unique to you. Add something to it every day. When you see what good things are within you, what's going on around you don't matter so much.

Rocker Chick
03-12-2008, 05:56 PM
I know WHAT you're saying because those thoughts "try" to enter my mind as well. (It's probably that way for most of us), BUT I just won't allow myself to worry about what others want or what they've done. I think I look great...I actually I thought I did at 250lbs too. I want to lose more weight, yes, but BIG PICTURE it's about being HEALTHY! I am constantly reminding myself of that, because it's too easy to obsess about weight! And on a site like this --IT'S ALWAYS IN YOUR FACE! Just concentrate on YOU and what weight you want to be, and getting HEALTHY! It will be alot more peaceful for you that way.

jellydisney
03-12-2008, 06:03 PM
I see people who are taller than me with a weight goal that is less than mine.

Yup, ditto. I see this all the time -- it always makes me wish that I was taller. Which I have NO control over.

My goal is at the higher end of normal for my height. I think my body is just heavy lolol. I think I have heavier bones and organs than some other people! Again, something I have NO control over!

Mostly I just try to treat it objectively. I think it's interesting that so many variations of height and weight can exist. Have you seen the Photographic Height Chart? (http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.shtml) I think it's just interesting how many different body shapes can exist for every height! We're all uniquely different, and there is no "perfect" weight.

JayEll
03-12-2008, 06:16 PM
Hey Bekka,

Yeah... I can see what you mean. 3FC does have folks at both ends of the scale, so to speak. Some come here and post that they feel humongous at 150. To someone at 300, that seems, well, completely ridiculous. But remember, we can learn from each other. The person at 150 may need a reality check--and so might the one at 300.

We all need to feel compassion for one another. People come here because they are suffering due to their weight--whatever that might be.

That said, we don't have to love everyone or their perceptions! There is nothing wrong with staying away from forums that push your buttons, and staying with the forums that are more to your liking. That's why 3FC has so many different forums. I don't think you're terrible at all--I think you're a human! :)

Jay

Rhighlan86
03-12-2008, 06:28 PM
If it makes you feel better we started exactly at the same height and weight and your goal is lower than mine. I've never even gotten below 150. For me when I see people like you that are already where I'd like to be again I get inspiration....I read blogs and see what they are doing that they are so successful. I can completely understand those feelings though and I think everyone feels that way at one point or another. My boyfriend and I were talking about this last night, my former roommate was 115 lbs at 5'7 and me being 5'7 and 150 I felt huge next to her, but he saw me as curvy and beautiful and her as skin and bones. He said that weight distibutions can be very different on people that are the same height and that you shouldnt compare yourself to others. It's hard not to, but its true. It's all about feeling comfortable in your own skin. If you feel awesome at 140 then don't worry about what other people's goals are, you are happy, healthy, and beautiful. What more could you ask for? :hug:

Edit to Add: I saw your name is Bekka....how weird of a coincidence is it :lol: mine is Becky we both started at 195 and 5'7 and our goals are very similar. That's too funny...at least to me :)

Glory87
03-12-2008, 06:39 PM
I'm 5'7" like you are and my maintenance weight is less than your goal weight, my original goal weight was 150. Then my goal weight was 135. Then my goal weight was 140. Now it's 130. I didn't know what was right for me until I got there, and you will know what's right for you whenever you get there.

It is kinda handy to see what other people are doing to get a general idea of what makes people happy/what's out there/what's possible, but ultimately it is YOU and only YOU that matters. When will you feel happy and not fat and normal sized? Only YOU can decide :)

I definitely do comparisons too, Meg has beautiful muscle tone, Robin lost weight the fastest I have ever seen in my life (I used to read her weekly weigh-ins with SUCH jealousy), Soulbliss lives the organic whole foods lifestyle that I want, Mandalinn was a weight-loss magazine cover girl - sometimes I'm jealous of the success of others, but ultimately I am inspired :)

yoyonomoreinvegas
03-12-2008, 07:05 PM
Omigosh - you have no idea how many times I've done that - looked at someone's stats and my first thought is "phishh, she's only got 20 lbs to lose and she thinks she's fat". But then I have to give myself a mental shake and remind myself what I felt like during one of my "thinner" phases. At 150 I felt like a cow - same as I did at 200 - matter of fact, when I looked in the mirror I looked the same to myself at both weights. If it is something that bothers you, it doesn't matter whether you want to lose 10 lbs or 100 lbs. Still hurts.

Sadly, it seems to be human nature for our thoughts to want to run that way. Trick is to recognize that we have a choice as to whether to continue to think that way (and then be mad at ourselves) or shake it off and look at it from the other point of view. And turnabout is fair play - just today I couldn't resist responding to something I saw in the "new posts" section so I just piped in without looking at where it originated. After I posted I realized it was from a 300+ thread and my first thought was "Oh crud, I bet these ladies are going to think I have my nerve blathering away on this subject when I have less than 100#s to lose" Hope they did - be my payback for any less than charitable thoughts I had about anyone else :D

yoyonomoreinvegas
03-12-2008, 07:12 PM
sometimes I'm jealous of the success of others, but ultimately I am inspired :)

Well, golly, all my typing and you said it all in the perfect sentence! You may be inspired by others but you are most definitely also an inspiration.

LittleMoonRabbit
03-12-2008, 07:18 PM
I have felt this way too. And like Yoyo, I have to remind myself that it all comes down to the same thing: we are all unhappy with our bodies, and we are all working to become comfortable with ourselves. Therefore, we are all facing the same struggle. I know there are probably people that look at my starting weight and goal weight and have that "pffft" reaction. I know I have had that reaction to other people. Just be proud of yourself and focus on making you feel better about yourself. You have done an amazing job so far. Keep it up!

nelie
03-12-2008, 07:39 PM
Bekka,

If it makes you feel any better, I'm jealous of your starting weight :)

Seriously, the way I view it is that we all have our own struggles and our own ideals. I can't say I understand someone's journey completely when their highest weight is lower than my current weight considering I've never seen those numbers other than on the way up when I was a kid. I am glad though that those that want to lose weight realize it before their highest weights ever got higher. It is a tough journey, no matter if you have 10 lbs to lose or 100 although every body has different challenges.

kaplods
03-12-2008, 08:37 PM
My guess is that even Mother Theresa had plenty of uncharitable thoughts. It's human nature, to think "it's so unfair, that.....". And no matter how you fill in that blank, someone hearing it will say sarcastically (at least in their head) "YOU think you've got problems!"

As long as you're not wallowing in these feelings, or making yourself miserable, chalk it up to human nature. If you can rethink it in a way that's positive toward yourself and (if you're feeling really generous) the target of resentment, guilt or whatever it is, that's great (it's worth the effort anyway, so you can feel good that you at least tried to be nice).

Ok, I'm kind of kidding (if it sounded bad, reread the last paragraph imagining me saying it in a silly voice).

People are complicated, and we have all these feelings that don't make sense, even to ourselves. It can seem almost like having multiple personalities (except all my personalities know each other and have the same name).

I've been morbidly obese since age 5 (somehow I went from scrawny to blimpy overnight just before I started school), and dieting more often than not since then. I AM a different person than I would be if I never had more than 15 lbs to lose. The struggles are NOT the same, and so it's perfectly understandable that I don't understand them. That doesn't make them "easier" or "better," they're just different. In many ways, I feel sorry for someone with 10 lbs to lose, who hates themselves and their body because of (what I consider imaginary) fatness, especially when it's keeping them from enjoying their lives and fully participating in it. The "bathing suit" fear, is an ideal example. While I remember it (in junior high) I got over it, because I loved swimming and wasn't going to let anyone, let alone ME prevent me from enjoying it. Does that color the way I see someone I consider thin, complaining about not being "able" to swim because of how they look in a bathing suit? Of course. Contempt, followed by eye-rolling, followed by pity, and if I'm feeling really nice, a small (very small) amount of compassion, but understanding? Not really.

(Again, exagerating a little for effect, and not meant meanly, but all-in-all pretty acurately).

As usual, my response is long-winded and rambling - I just want to say you're feelings are normal, but don't let them stop you from coming here and getting what you need. If that means avoiding forums, threads, or posts that stir up those feelings, that's ok.

Lovely
03-12-2008, 08:42 PM
Oh wow, how many times have I been jealous of someone's starting weight? Constantly! :lol: Occassionally I think "What can I possibly offer this person advice-wise? They already weigh so much less than me!" As if merely weighing less has anything to do with knowledge of weight loss. >_<

I don't know if I get jealous of their end weights, only because I've never been close to normal weight ever so that's all new to me. (You'll notice my "150-ish", it's a ballpark... like many people I'll just have to figure it out the closer I get.)

Yoyo- Ya know... I actually have posted in a couple of "Featherweight" areas, and uh, I'm NO Featherweight :lol: They haven't kicked me out yet ^^ I actually appreciate all types of advice no matter what board I'm floating around on. Your point doesn't suddenly become less valid simply because you happen to be posting in the 300+ area.

I agree with Jay. We can all learn something from the different struggles and challenges that we face. We might even learn to be a little more empathetic. In the end we all share a common goal. To be healthier. :)

:grouphug:

improbable
03-12-2008, 08:45 PM
Thank you guys so much, I feel like a lot less of a bad person now :) And you all made one particular really really good points - I realized I really don't judge people whose goal weights are higher than mine, if anything I love that people are comfortable in their skins at whatever size is right for them. But god knows it would never enter my head that other people might think that about me :-P Crazy brain! Good thing I have you all to keep me sane.

horsey
03-12-2008, 08:55 PM
We as women are hard on OURSELVES! Don't you think, no matter what our weight, size, whatever, we are all MOSTLY unhappy when we look in the mirror? I morn the days when I was 5'9 and 120s in my 20s. Now at 164 or so I think I'm FAT, not to my goal, I'm becoming a bit obsessive but I'm in MY OWN WORLD, my goal is to be a bit like I USED TO BE, unrealistic actually. I'm clueless, I know I'm not really FAT anymore, maybe at 180 I was last summer - and I've been stupid like talking to women MUCH more overweight about my "weight loss" in real life. I haven't been as thoughtful as I should have been. Going on about being FAT, when really another person wouldn't see me that way - I hide my stomach fat well and look MUCH thinner then I am.

SO life's lesson here... is we are selfish human beings in our own worlds with our own perspectives. You'll have to learn to take things less personally, but it's that part of this "journey"? I don't see weight loss as weight loss just for the purpose of going down in numbers - for me it's been a journey of weight loss, spiritual grown, growing up and being more real. I'm getting a little too obsessive about nutrition and things I never cared less about. Now all of a sudden I think that should be everyone's reality... you see how that works? You can take bits and pieces from this site, and this is the best site I've found for information - but as with anything in life, take "advice" with a filter, you choose what to listen to and what not to listen to - and realize most people are SELFISH, in their own worlds, with their own perspectives. And one day to you, that will be "ok" as you not only lose weight but build confidence to say yes or no to what you WANT.

RealCdn
03-12-2008, 08:57 PM
Sadly, it seems to be human nature for our thoughts to want to run that way. Trick is to recognize that we have a choice as to whether to continue to think that way (and then be mad at ourselves) or shake it off and look at it from the other point of view. And turnabout is fair play - just today I couldn't resist responding to something I saw in the "new posts" section so I just piped in without looking at where it originated. After I posted I realized it was from a 300+ thread and my first thought was "Oh crud, I bet these ladies are going to think I have my nerve blathering away on this subject when I have less than 100#s to lose" Hope they did - be my payback for any less than charitable thoughts I had about anyone else :D

I sometimes jump into threads from the front page. The only time I think I've stopped myself was one day in the maintainers forum. Mainly because I didn't really think I could impart any wisdom. I do sometimes wonder if people look at my posts when I'm out of my usual posting area and wonder what information I could possibly give them. :)

btw - I saw your post today and didn't think it was out of place.

Eves
03-12-2008, 10:05 PM
For those people who are afraid of imparting wisdom on any part of the site, you guys have to remember that if you lost your weight in a healthy manner (i.e. not the grapefruit and 4 hours on a treadmill plan) then you have a unique experience and point of view that may help someone else.

Case in point. I've been part of class research projects in out kinesiology program at the university. Here's some weird stuff that today I taught some kines grad students that I learned from 3FC:

*Fitday or similar sites. The three people that interviewed me had no clue how I could spout off my daily averages and break them up into percentages of carbs, protein, and fat.

*Couch to 5k - these are people who have been fit all of their lives, of course they've never looked it up.

*Physiological differences between formerly obese and "normal" people. This came up when I told them how many calories I eat to lose with my exercise plan. Plus the fact that we get pretty low on our calories the closer we move to goal, and then start moving the calories up a bit at a time.

So far, I've been shocked at how expertly I can talk about HIIT versus cycling versus steady state cardio with kines grad students. Or how little they know about the challenges of being obese, exercising while obese (physiologically and psychologically), or the major difficulties in losing weight.

These are all things that I learned from a number of people here. Some, like Meg and Mel, have studied and it is part of their job. Most, like Glory or Jay or Sandi or Nelie or Robin or at least 20 other people off the top of my head are people with jobs outside of the nutrition/exercise business who have specialized knowledge on losing weight, nutrition, and exercise.

For me, I've looked past the starting and goal weights, even current weights. Good advice and experience comes from all sizes.

Do I get uncharitable thoughts? You bet I do. Especially if someone is my weight and uses a smaller size or someone is like 20 pounds heavier than me and uses my size. It makes feel like mooing at myself. At least until I remember that we're all built differently, and that clothing sizes are not the same as body sizes. But that usually happens after I moo at myself...

PaulaM
03-12-2008, 10:45 PM
I remember years ago, I joined Weight Watchers cause I was so "fat"; I was embarrassed to go cause I weighed 146 at 5'5" tall. Well today I'm still 5'5" but 146 is less than my goal weight! I think we just have to concentrate on our current situation, not look at anybody else's, and do the best we can every day. What else is there to do?

improbable
03-12-2008, 11:45 PM
But that usually happens after I moo at myself...

:lol: Oops, that's totally me. :o

skinnyminnynow
03-12-2008, 11:51 PM
People carry weight so differently. A friend who weighs 15 pounds more than I do (same height) wears the same size. :?:

160 on one person could look just as fabulous as 140 on someone else! It depends on your bone structure, etc, so just choose a good goal for YOU!

2old2quit
03-13-2008, 07:56 AM
The grass is ALWAYS greener, you know. I have a wonderful family and home & still feel envious when I see others who seem to have more.

Let me tell ya - sometimes people are not telling the truth nor are they showing what they really are. I'm not saying people lie, just that stretching facts and figures sometimes makes them feel better.

So, just remember that we ALL feel like you do at one time or another in reference to just about anything - weight, money, looks, hair, clothes, kids, whatever.

Keep the faith and hang in - I will root my horn for you because you have done a GREAT job so far & will continue on your path!

I found this site from another poster somewhere here and it shows pics of people same weight, different body types, etc. Some perspective maybe?

http://www.cockeyed.com/photos/bodies/heightweight.shtml

Hat Trick
03-13-2008, 09:44 AM
My question is, 1, am I the only terrible person on the forums? Is it wrong that it makes me feel fat, like I'll never be good enough, or even normal sized?

At 5'7" and 155 lbs. you are 5 inches taller than me and wiegh 11 lbs. less than me. If you're not 'good enough or normal sized', gee -- what does that make me? :shrug: (Please know that I am laughing very much at the thought that someone might think that I'm 'not good enough' the way I am!). Am I the only person on here who isn't jealous of other people? Seriously? Why waste your energy being jealous of other people? What in the world can that possible accomplish? Are you jealous because they have different goals than you do? Of course they do, we're all different. It's never occured to me to read someones stats and be jealous of them. I read their stats and think 'bully for them, they've lost xx lbs so far' or 'they're getting close to their goal -- good for them'. Does my thinking the way I do make me a better person than you, or you a worse person than me? No, I don't think that way either. I just think the way I do and get on with my day. Guess I'm just an odd duck! They just had a report on tv last night about short people being more jealous than tall people (where, oh where do they come up w/this stuff? Are my tax dollars actually being spent on useless, inane garbage like this?). My husband looked at me and said 'hey, you're not the jealous type, are you?' What in the world would I have to be jealous about? Because someone else is thinner or prettier or richer? Who cares? Maybe I like myself a little too much? Dunno, I just knows I'm very comfortable in my own (shrinking ;)) skin. :D


My goal is at the higher end of normal for my height. I think my body is just heavy lolol.

See improbable, case in point right here. jellydisney's starting wt was 11 lbs. less than my current wt. Her current wt. is 1 lb. less than my goal wt. Her goal wt. is 10 lbs. less than my goal wt. And we're both the exact same height. So what? Should I change my goals just because hers are lower than mine? Seems kind of silly; I have no idea of her body type, her age, if she has kids. All this factors into things too. One thing I've learned from being here is that aboslutley, positively nothing is written in stone. Maybe I'll get to goal and decide to keep going for another 5 or 10 or 15 lb. loss. Maybe I'll maintain for a year. Who knows? Having a goal and achieving it and getting my wt down to a reasonable one is my focus today.
My guess is that even Mother Theresa had plenty of uncharitable thoughts.

I know this was said to make a point, but . . . you really think this? I think there are exceptions to every rule and Mother Teresa was one of them.

The grass is ALWAYS greener, you know.

Isn't it though? LOL There's always going to be someone who 'seems to have' something or 'seems to be' better than what we've got. 'Seems to'. Think about it.

hardatwork
03-13-2008, 09:50 AM
I don't think you are bad. My goal weight is way bigger than most people want to be. I'm not aiming to be skinny. I don't want to be skinny. I just want to feel good about me and when I was 180, I felt great. I might change my goal weight when I reach it but right now that is what I feel want to be. I also want to have my "thick" body. Just not Fat! Make sense?

meowee
03-13-2008, 10:16 AM
I think we all (or almost all) had a few of those thoughts and probably will again -- stuff like that is what keeps us all human. :yes: None of us can be the perfect size, the perfect friend, the perfect thinker, the perfect anything all the time. We just have to do the best we can and continue to support each other.

Wherever we are starting from; wherever we are right now; wherever we will finally get to -- the only thing of which I'm certain is -- we are all in this together.

Keep up the great work everybody. :grouphug:

kaplods
03-13-2008, 11:24 AM
I didn't just say it only to make a point. I do think Mother Theresa would have said it herself. If not toward others, then definitely toward herself. As a Catholic, when she made confession, she had to confess to something, right? There's much been made of her admission of her struggles with faith (used by atheists to prove she was an atheist, which is ridiculous to me), but to me it shows nothing but that she was a human being, with many of the same struggles as the rest of us.

As a Lutheran Christian, raised Roman Catholic (I converted before marriage, as my husband and I felt it important to be of the same faith, and he was more committed to his denomination that I was to mine). The core doctrine is the same, only Christ was sinless, so no matter how saintly, even the best among us struggle with our darker nature. I think the biggest difference is that the best among us, don't dwell or wallow in the darkness. So yes, I believe Mother Theresa had uncharitable, even dark thoughts, but unlike most of us, she chased them away much more quickly.

Hat Trick
03-13-2008, 01:42 PM
As a Catholic, when she made confession, she had to confess to something, right? There's much been made of her admission of her struggles with faith (used by atheists to prove she was an atheist, which is ridiculous to me), but to me it shows nothing but that she was a human being, with many of the same struggles as the rest of us. So yes, I believe Mother Theresa had uncharitable, even dark thoughts, but unlike most of us, she chased them away much more quickly.


I believe that when Mother Teresa went to confession her sins were those of humility, doubt, lonliness, temptation to lead an easier life, etc. But uncharitable thoughts towards others? I guess we all believe what we choose.

I'm not going to respond to this subject anymore; I'm sure it will get booted. Just want to remind everyone that religion and politics are not good references on this particular board because of so very many different beliefs.

kaplods
03-13-2008, 08:35 PM
You are absolutely right. The specific reference, particularly a religious one, was unnecessary and easily misunderstood. My point (without religious references) was that we all, every single entirely human person who lives or has ever lived on the planet, has made mistakes and has had unwelcome thoughts. The exact nature, number, duration and frequency of those unwelcome thoughts was not intended to be the issue.

I think it's important to realize that while the fleeting negative thought is normal it doesn't have to, and shouldn't affect our behavior and beliefs about ourself and others. The first few seconds of a mean-spirited, or less than generous thought is the smallest part of the mistake. What often makes it a bigger error, is dwelling on it, believing it truly reflects what we are or what we believe about ourselves and others. When a thought like this occurs, we need to acknowledge it, recognize it as false, remind ourselves of the truth and move on.

Me23
03-14-2008, 04:25 AM
I wouldn't blame anyone for feeling jealous. I have feelings I'm less than proud of, that I work to challenge in myself and expunge. But I'd like to put in a word for those of us whose starting weights were not what others would consider fat.
I'm 5"3 and of extremely small bone structure from a Western perspective (I'm half Asian and take after that side of my family, on which some of the women are absolutely tiny). Thus, even though my highest weight would only have put me in the 'overweight' category for my height, I had waaay too much body fat, was terribly unfit - couldn't even walk up the stairs without getting out of breath! - felt awful in all my clothes, looked fat next to my friends, etc. I really think we need to remember that numbers are not always a good measure of the amount of fat a person is carrying. When my mother was young she weight 7lbs more than I do now, at the same height, and looked positively skinny, whereas I look healthy and eat a *lot* more than she could to maintain that weight.
Also - and this something I tended to forget - slim people have problems too!
That said, I agree that everybody has uncharitable thoughts. I certainly do! The important thing is to challenge them before they become attitudes or actions.

improbable
03-14-2008, 11:35 AM
Wherever we are starting from; wherever we are right now; wherever we will finally get to -- the only thing of which I'm certain is -- we are all in this together.

Keep up the great work everybody. :grouphug:

You're going to make me cry! This is why I keep coming back here. And thanks to everyone for the responses, it helps to see other peoples' perspectives on all of these issues. I feel all warm and fuzzy now... Mother Theresa or not ;)

ladybugnessa
03-14-2008, 11:46 AM
I cant' even look. I'm old and I'm short and I'm very very very fat.

my goal is well beyond what even a doctor would call fat. i'll still by the book be FAT IF i ever get to my goal.

but it will be a doable weight for me for my life.... isn't LIVING and being healthy and HAPPY way more important than being a size 2? It is for me.

BrandNewJen
03-14-2008, 01:05 PM
Agreed---- I just don't let it get to me. I've got a big frame... Iv'e got years of "being fat" behind me.

Maybe some of these women have ALWAYS been thin, and that's what they're used to, so it's easier for them to make a goal of getting back there?

I tell ya--- I'm 6'1"... my goal is really ULTIMATELY 200 pounds. I don't really have aspirations of being in Onederland any time... maybe when I get to 200 it will still be easy and I can keep doing what I'm doing and still lose weight...

According to the dreaded weight charts, my HIGHEST healthy weight is 180... No way! I got to 215 and I was a size 14... if I could get to 200 that would probably make me a 12, something I would be VERY VERY happy with.

Yet there was a girl on here (don't see her that often lately) who was 5'11", very close to my height, and her goal (and maintaining) weight was like 150... I couldn't IMAGINE... then again, she said her body fat % was like nonexistent...

Everyone's goals are different--- who knows, when you get close to goal. maybe you'll realize you can keep going and you never thought you would have been able to before. Maybe, right?

One day at a time. That's my mantra. One day, one week, one weigh-in at a time...

kaplods
03-14-2008, 05:20 PM
I think it's also important to remember that goals can change (for any of us). Some of us will come to realize that we've set an unrealistic goal and have to change our expectations. Others will reach their goal, and realize they want to lose more. There's no law that states we can't have more than one goal either, and possibly plan a period of maintenance after each, before heading on to the next goal.

Nancy CA
03-14-2008, 05:33 PM
I've felt the same way sometimes. I've noticed that I'll also see someone who is starting at a heavier weight than I and think "Wow, she's got way further to go than I have and she's staying positive and not quitting. I can do this too!" It's all a matter of perspective.

bargoo
03-14-2008, 05:41 PM
Don't compare yourself to others. We are all different. You are the only one who knows how you look and feel at a certain weight. Do what is best for you and let others do the same.

maryea
03-14-2008, 05:52 PM
I agree that we are all different heights and weights and shapes even and while our goal are different we all feel the same about needing to lose weight.

Here's my problem...I am about 5'3 3/4 and weight 169.5 lbs. While that is over weight for my height, it really wouldn't be that bad if I were well toned and if it were spread all over my body. My biggest issue is that most of those extra pounds are on my back, midriff and abdomen. The midriff is the WORST part because it makes it very difficult to buy clothes to fit. If I find pants that fit my slender legs, they won't go around my waist unless it is an elastic band and even then not always. If I buy some that will go around waist, the legs are so huge on me I feel like a clown, Tailoring gets expensive and can only do so much. The lower rise pants have been a God send to me in a way but with my belly hanging over they sure don't look so good.

Dresses, now that's a whole nother story...it is pretty much impossible to find a dress that fits. If I can find any dress that fits me around my back and waist, then it is huge everywhere else. I feel I'd rather be big all over than this way! My mom used to say at least I could hide my fat with a jacket (she was pear shaped) but what about in the summer?

Carrying so much weight on my midriff is more unhealthy too and I am more apt to develop health issues. I already have diabetes and my doctor says it is very important for me to lose weight. He wants me down to 145 at least. So I may not be morbidly obese or even obese by many people's standards, but my weight is definitely a serious issue for me.

I guess my point is that no matter our weight and shape we all see our problem as terrible and our goals are pretty much the same...to be healthier, to look better and to be able to find clothes that fit better.

bethz
03-14-2008, 06:03 PM
Each of us is on our own journey, and measure our accomplishments in different ways! The nice thing about the message boards is there is something for everyone. What works for some may not work for others, but we can listen and take what we want, make it ours, and toss the rest away...The challenge is to be supportive and non-judgemental.

You can't judge your journey or progress by anyone else's, or even compare. Enjoy the fact that you are doing so well! Congratulate others on their accomplishments! Support people who are going through difficult times. Offer prayer for those who ask for it...

Come on chickies...we can do this!! :hug: Beth