Why Why why?!! I start off so good, I eat well and I love to work out. So why is it that I then choose to sabatoge myself by sitting on the couch, eating the biggest pizza and then carrying on like that for a whole week? Its like I'm saying to myself I can't do it and that I don't have enough power to do so. I want it so bad, I am so tired of being fat and never having a boyfriend and being invisable to the world. I try to do activities and meet people but I know what they're thinking. That I have no self control.l see the way some people look at me, or worse, they don't look at me at all! It's like they see right through me. I can't do this anymore. I can't keep feeling sorry for myself. But yet I do.. every day.. for the last 15 years of my life I have lived with this. It's almost like its all I know. I need the motivation. I need the patience. I need someone to tell me that I am already a good person and that losing weight will just enhance who I am already.
Sorry. had to get that off my chest
03-06-2008, 10:51 AM
I know the feeling! And you're right... you ARE a good person and weight loss will not change the person you are on the inside. It will enhance your physical appearance but you low self esteem will not just go away when you lose weight necessarily. Stay strong and FORCE yourself not to buy that pizza. We're here for you!
03-06-2008, 10:53 AM
It's almost like its all I know. I need the motivation. I need the patience. I need someone to tell me that I am already a good person and that losing weight will just enhance who I am already.
You DO know. You HAVE the motivation, you HAVE the patience - YOU. You must tell YOURSELF that you are a good person - you CANNOT rely on measuring yourself by what others think or say or DON'T say. And you do NOT know what people are thinking when they 'look at you' or 'look through you'. :nono: That is the road of paranoia, my friend.
Depression is HARD - the hardest route through life, some days. And looking for reassurance and self-worth through what others say (or don't say) will only lead to worse, darker days ahead.
Please join us in the daily cluck thread; we are all struggling with issues of self-worth and the evil, self-sabotaging lure of this illness. Are you on medication? Do you see a counselor? What are you doing FOR YOU? My dear, no one - NO ONE - will boost you up in this life, you MUST learn to do it yourself.
Hang in there, and start today. START TODAY. Make a list of what you LIKE about yourself. This is HARD - it is so much easier to list the negatives - DON'T! :nono: List three things you really like about yourself, even if it takes you all day to think of them. You must rely on yourself. :hug:
I hope to see more of you. :)
03-06-2008, 10:55 AM
Hey Mukisa, :wave:
You don't list your height--but unless you're 5 ft 2 or under, you're not in the obese range, only overweight.
You say you want it so bad--but if you really want it that bad, you won't get that pizza to begin with.
Have you actually tried losing weight? Usually that means a plan, not just an intention. Tell us more about what you've tried... What is your strategy?
03-06-2008, 11:41 AM
Hang in there...you can do this. I know for me...everyday I got up planning to be on track with my eating but by lunch, my mind (not my body) was telling me that I had to go get that cheese steak and fries. This happened everyday. Until one day, something just clicked in my mind and I said....ENOUGH. I saw a xmas picture of myself and I was huge. So for me, it was being ready mentally. Now, I am not perfect... I will eat over my calories a day or two a week but I try to control my overage and my eating has drastically changed.
03-06-2008, 11:41 AM
Hey Mukisa :wave: :hug:
You've come to the right place. Everyone here is or has been struggling with the same issues as you. You are not alone!! You might want to take a look at the Chicks in Control forum. They have a couple great threads where you can go post what you feel like binging on before you put it in your mouth so you can talk yourself out of it. And, they talk about stuff like being able to throw food out after you've brought it home instead of eating it (they even gave me a couple of tricks to use to keep from retrieving it after trying to throw it away). I think that would be a good place for you to start. Sometimes just having someone who understands to share your frustrations with can be such a big help in getting started and keeping motivated.
I absolutely agree with HeatherAngel - you need to start with focusing on the things you like about yourself. When those negative thoughts try to creep in push it to the side and look at one of the good things. Hard to do at first, believe me I know, but it does get easier. And, plan, plan, plan! When I first found 3FC that's what everyone told me and I spent a couple of days rolling my eyes and saying "yeah, right. Like I have time to plan my food." But you know what, I discovered that once I realized I had to do SOMETHING, I miraculously found the time. The only thing I actually took time away from to do the planning was eating :D
Last tidbit (OK, chunk :D ) of advice - Use every single minute of every single day as your opportunity to start over. If you have a slice of pizza, don't let yourself use it as an excuse to give up and eat the rest of it! As soon as you realize you aren't happy with yourself for eating that slice, the very next instant is your starting over point. Not tomorrow morning. A quote I really like that keeps me focused is "Today is the tomorrow you were waiting for yesterday". And use every minute as a reason to pat yourself on the back. If you make it for an hour before you give in and head for the fridge, congratulate yourself for that hour and set a goal to wait 2 hours next time. Use a little patience and set mini goals along the way to your main goal. All these changes take time and if you are too focused on an end goal that might take 6 or 8 months to achieve it can get really frustrating when doesn't seem to be happening fast enough. At the same time, keep in mind that 6 or 8 months are going to go by whether you use them to make changes or not. Do you want to have to look back six months from now and think of how much progress you would have made if you had stuck to a plan?
Keep your chin up and come to 3FC often. You can do this! :carrot:
03-06-2008, 12:09 PM
Wow - everyone has given you great advise!! I agree with all of them!
You have to have a plan. Even if your plan is to only eat 3/4 of the pizza. Have that plan.
You have to pat yourself on the back for the little things! Ex.- you ate a veggie pizza in stead of a pepperoni pizza!
Try to worry less about what other people think - there will ALWAYS be people who like you and people who don't. It just is what it is. It has taken me a long time to accept this... not everyone wants to be my friend (poo on them!)
Do things for you - Sometimes I think my answer to everything is 'get a hobby' but I think it is VERY important that people do things they like - things that make them happy. And it is important to do things that take your mind away from eating and weight loss. Go for coffee (not a latte!) with a friend, take a painting class, plant some flowers, learn meditation, start a book club, take a self-defense class, learn to ski, listen to new music - ANYTHING that you think you might like or enjoy.
03-06-2008, 12:44 PM
Mukisa . . . This is the third time around for me losing the exact same weight. I've never gotten below 153 and when I've fallen a few lbs short of a 'set wt loss by set date' goal, I got pissed off and frustrated and gave up and ended up eating myself right back up the scale. Where am I now? Same place I was before. same place you are now. FAT. :rolleyes:
You HAVE to start paying attention to what is going in your mouth and what is going on in your mind. You HAVE to start eating mindfully. Some people can jump in both feet, cold turkey and just get down to business. I can't. I have to think about it, mull it over and mentally prepare myself. And no matter how much planning and thinking I do, the first days to a week are freakin' hard! It's hard saying I'll just have one slice instead of many slices. It's hard making the choice of chicken, broccoli and some potatoes over a cheesesteak. But it doesn't mean you can't ever have that cheesesteak again . . . just not right now.
And take the little victories where you can. I've been working this thing, counting my cals, exercising 6 days a wk -- and the past two weeks the stupid, stubborn, scale has been mocking me by just staying put. Not up, not down, just there. I literally am ready to tear my hair out cause I can't get it to move. But I'm still plugging away because really, what choice do I have? I just got home from grocery shopping. Had a good bfast, wasn't hungry or anything in the store. Today's 'store temptation' was a bag of baked Tostitos (I love them) and a jar of cheesesalsa stuff. Oh how yummy! I could eat the whole bag with nearly the whole jar of cheesey gooiness all over. No one is home -- ha ha, I could have it all to myself! I even went so far as to look at the cals on the cheese label. When I reached for it I noticed my wedding and engagement ring. They were loosely spinning around my finger. Now, it's not cold here today and I certainly wasn't cold in the store. Those rings are loose because something is happening -- whether the *&#@!)^ scale says so or not. So I turned my back on the snack attack and continued my day. Small victory but it's all mine. :D
If you focus just on the big picture you'll get overwhelmed. Start small. Make one change for one week and just stick with it. Maybe go for a 20 minute walk each day. The next week, change one more thing, even if its substituting lowfat milk for whole milk. Do something that will get you started in the right direction.
Oh, and research. What do you like to eat? Find different ways to have them. Pizza is not a bad thing -- but you could make your own and control everything that's in it. Look up recipes, exercise information, talk to people on here. We are ALL in the same boat.
Touch your toes
And touch your toes
And wish you'd skipped
03-06-2008, 12:48 PM
I used to say "I want to lose weight" and never follow through.
So I decided to finally calorie count what was going in my mouth. And as I realized how HORRIBLE I was eating (8000 calories on a semi-bad day!!! eeek!) I realized how I needed to make changes IMMEDIATELY.
I log EVERYTHING to the smallest detail in FitDay.com calorie tracker. And it keeps me totally accountable. There's no lies in there.
In fact, it helps, b/c when I REALLY want something, I plug it in and see how I could make other decisions through the day to make sure I leave some room to have that special treat.
Something concrete to look at and be held accountable to... that was what I needed. I couldn't keep saying, "No, that wasn't that bad. There's not too many calories in that..." When in fact there WAS and I was just ignorant!
Ignorant but with good intentions. Now I'm knowledgeable with good intentions. It's MUCh better and much easier!
03-06-2008, 12:53 PM
[COLOR="Blue"] It's hard making the choice of chicken, broccoli and some potatoes over a cheesesteak. But it doesn't mean you can't ever have that cheesesteak again . . . just not right now.
I would have to disagree on this point. If you're doing all this work just to someday go back to what you were eating before... you'll be RIGHT BACK where you are today... years later.
If you can't figure out a way to fit that cheesesteak into a healthy diet NOW while you're losing weight, you can NEVER fit it into the diet. So you need to leave it out.
Once you lose weight, you need even LESS calories per day in order to maintain that small weight. So you need to figure out now, while you are allotted a few more calories, if that cheesesteak is really worth it. I still have pizza now b/c I know I can't give it up forever. But I buy the smaller pizza when it's just the hubby and I and I make sure we eat a healthy salad before digging into the pizza. I make sure my food choices for all my other meals are healthy and lower calorie.
You can't say "I won't have it now but I can have it when this is all over" b/c it's NEVER over. You got the way you are today b/c you don't know what you're doing and you made bad decisions. Don't make good ones now just to make those same bad decisions "some day"
03-06-2008, 12:56 PM
At least if you are going to eat pizza, eat it with a thin crust, like the Pizza Hut thin and crispy with ham and pineapple. I'm "allowed" 2-3 pieces of a small one these days. I spent last winter eating large extra topping pizzas and drinking high calorie beer, I was sabatoging myself, I was depressed, a lot of personal issues like separation and a death in the family. Finally I told myself NO MORE, one day I made that decision, had I NOT quit pigging out I would have kept gaining weight and feeling bad about myself. Now I'm feeling good, so much energy, few down days, and I'm a mostly positive person. Taking control of my weight, organizing my home/kitchen/etc, and meeting some goals 5 lbs at a time - it helped me move from the negative world of self loathing to this positive one. This site is the place to hang out, friends reminding you not to pig out, to day by day try to meet your goals for calories and NOT pig out. There's other things you can do for comfort, as you know, much better for you then a large pizza. I'm sure glad the pizza place NEVER gets calls from me anymore!
03-06-2008, 01:58 PM
BrandNewJen -- no, I disagree --- you CAN have the stuff you're 'not suppose to eat' again . . . in moderation. Yeah, plan around it w/your other meals but . . . to say 'never again?' ****, I'd quit right now forever if I thought I could 'never again' have some candy or a couple of slices of pizza and a beer or some chips or whatever. If I thought I could 'never again' have whatever, why that's all I'd crave until I ate it! And sticking OP 90% of the time allows you to have these things . . . throughout your life. Eating moderatly MOST of the time allows it. Exercising allows it. To sit and gorge on it endlessly? Don't be silly; but to have occasional 'treats' -- absolutely.
It's not what you eat between Thanksgiving and Christmas as much as what you eat between Christmas and Thanksgiving.
03-06-2008, 02:04 PM
Never again? Not never again?
How about... NOT NOW! :drill:
If you're trying to lose weight, then it has to be "not now," because otherwise you will never learn how to live without those foods and the binges that are so typical.
Look, no one ever died because they couldn't have a cheese steak sandwich or a pizza. So yes. At some point out there in the future, you can have these foods again, if you plan ahead for them and realize what eating them means for your eating plan. But, NOT NOW!
03-06-2008, 03:50 PM
You know what? I used the "not now" when I first started out but I've been focusing so hard on finding the healthy foods that I like, I'm almost to the point where I don't miss the not so healthy ones (notice I said almost :D . I did have a serious "I would kill for a french fry" day a couple of weeks ago but I thought about the gas I would have to use to go get some and talked myself out of it.) Do I think I will never, ever, ever have another french fry? probably not. But I do know that as long as I feel that one or two french fries is going to lead to two biggie size orders, you can bet I will be avoiding them like the plague. And, if that means I'm in the retirement home before I have another one, then so be it. My mistake in the past has been not planning for maintenance - hence the screen name - at this point, I have no intention of including french fries in my maintenance plan because this time is the last time.
03-06-2008, 04:23 PM
you've gotten some really good advice. i'll just add that i, too, loooooove pizza!! pizza is to me what chocolate is to some others. pizza is also what got me to my highest weight...along with a lot of other poor food choices but you probably know what i mean.
what i've done is to work pizza into my day...several times a week even. sometimes i have it for lunch - sometimes for dinner. BUT i only buy pizza from the grocery store. no pizza parlor pizza - it's too big, greasy, high in calories and i can't stop at just a couple of pieces (HA) so, at this stage, buying it from the grocery store is the safest thing for me to do.
i buy south beach harvest wheat crust cheese pizza. it's 340 calories; 31 grams of protein and 10 g of fiber. that's lunch!
my husband and i will split a kashi thin crust roasted veggie pizza and add a side salad for dinner. half a pizza is 375 calories; 21 grams protein and 6 g of fiber. and the best part - there are no leftovers.
i track my calories on the daily plate. when i start my day i log in breakfast and dinner (since i plan my dinner the night before or early in the morning). then i can see how many calories i have left to work with - and work with them i do! i work in my lunch, couple of snacks/pieces of fruit and then i do my best to adher to this plan. and then i do it all over the next day.
hope this helps a little.
bottom line - it is work.
03-06-2008, 04:36 PM
The very first day I decided to begin a weight loss plan I had a huge cheese steak, and I still came in on plan. In the beginning, I felt that I needed to have a big, fatty meal here and there, so set a calorie limit for the day and ate lightly for most of the day. My calorie limit was higher then, and I have approached my weight loss this time by setting my calorie limit as high as possible while still getting the job done.
Eventually, I stopped doing that so much, and eased into better habits. It was a process for me, one that evolved naturally over time. I am glad I didn't start out this time with a plan that I couldn't stick to or required perfection. It came one step at a time, first with as few rules as possible. I can still plan around a big cheesesteak if I want to, but most of the time I find it harder to manage my eating when I have something like that. So, I end up choosing not to. But, it is extremely important for me to know that I have the choice, and if I really want it, I can find a way to have it without falling into the abyss.
03-06-2008, 07:57 PM
Guess what? I just had 3 slices of pizza. Am I beating myself up for it? Not really. I didn't eat it because I was upset, I didn't eat it because I was bored. I ate it because I was hungry. And I figure if I can't enjoy a food I love (and I loooove pizza) once a week or once every few weeks, then what's the point of dieting if I'm going to give up the things I love? I just don't eat them as often, or as much. And when I do, I exercise a little bit more and a little bit harder.
I think the worst thing you can do to yourself is make yourself feel bad or guilty when you go off plan. Everyone does it. Nobody's perfect. So you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and don't wait until the next day to start making the right choices. Make them now.
I have gotten up and fallen down and gotten back up and fallen back down about a hundred times now. What counts is not how many times I fall down... it's how many times I keep getting back up until I've gotten back on the horse for good.