[butterfly_dreams]

As I am looking through my cousins myspace photos, I look at their wonderfully cute, tanned, thin bodies and think to myself "Why do I have to be the overweight one?" I am the heaviest of all my family members including cousins, Aunts, and even Uncles. We are all overweight, I mean, it runs in the family but all of my cousins are thin. It's just my aunts and uncles that are overweight...

I'm still looking at my cousins photos and see how sexy and cute they pose for photos and if I'd try that I would look like some blob. My cousins on myspace comment each other with sexy comments, but I don't even get that from them. Of course, their is the occasional hello, but it's nothing compared to what they send each other. HOW I WANT TO BE THIN!!! I feel this hurt in my heart...it's a broken heart.

For the past 3 years I have gone no where outside my town. I'm tired of people staring and giving me awful looks. And i'm tired of those stupid young guys that love to make their friends laugh by making jokes about me and yelling "FAT" across the store right in front of me. (that happened a few days ago). I'm tired of people not wanting to sit beside me as if I'm some plague!

I am isolated from that now. Being in this prison keeps me from the hurt. I am 22 years old and I don't drive, I don't work, and I don't have a life all because of being fat. I am a prisoner of fat.

I want out of this terrible body! I want a normal life! My insides are screaming to get out but my body does not listen...

...WHATEVER

[Sarah9279]

Oh, don't be down on yourself. My cousins are all very thin and sexy too. You should be so proud of yourself for what you have accomplished. You have lost 50lbs!!! Your doing great and you are moving towards your goal. Hang in there and don't get discouraged because your doing great.

[JerseyGyrl]

Christina,

First of all, you've already lost 50 lbs!!! Do you realize what an accomplishment that is??

The first step to fixing anything in your life, is acknowledging its a problem...."You can not change what you refuse to acknowledge!" You HAVE acknowledged and you ARE taking the steps to fix it! You have already lost 50 lbs...and...you are here for advice & attempting to lose more!!

Trust me, I am almost 47 years old and I was fat my entire life. I've got the thin cousins too. I was made fun of all my life. I allowed it to empower me until it left me helpless to move forward. When I got older, and I realized my health was suffering because of my weight...I woke up & I said to myself "I have got to do something about this for MYSELF!!" Being overweight is a very emotionally complicated issue ("Its not what you're eating...its whats eating you")....but...YOU can break free of that prision! Use that hurt, use that anger, use that frustration as MOTIVATION!!!

You CAN do it Christina!!!

[emmag]

Hi there!! My name is Emma and i just came across this site, whilst browsing the net on my lunchbreak at a newspaper here in the UK....I read your post and felt compelled to join, so I could reply to you!! I understand that you feel trapped and how life can just seem like its slipping by for you...but trust me, "you have your destiny in your hands" (no-one can stop you from losing weight)....I have been overweight myself practically all my life on and off...I have 5 brothers and sisters who can all eat what and when they want, so I do understand...every day for me was an obsession about how i looked, what i could wear and how much weight i might have lost/gained. However, about 5 weeks ago I decided to change the way i looked at myself...Im a good person with a kind heart thats what important, I made a note of how much weight i wanted to lose and broke it down to little steps of 2lb, instead of feeling like i need to lost 50Lb, each time was just 2lb, I began to exercise and eat fruit and veg...so far in 5 weeks ive lost 20lb (and 5 inches!!). IF I CAN DO IT SO CAN YOU!!! Please believe in yourself...you have lost an incredible amount of weight already..cut yourself some slack please!! Dont focus on your attractive cousins, focus on the day they turn to you and say WOW YOU LOOK AMAZING.....Trust me that day will come!! and when it does you will feel like life is fantastic....Remember you are not on your own....there are many people to support you...sending you a HUGE good luck from the UK...Emma x

[Lovely]

I understand your pain. The isolation, the feeling that you're not being included in this big secret "thin club".

But there's no reason why being fat needs to hold you back from having a life while you're trying to lose weight. Why not get your license now? Why not get a job now? It doesn't have to be anything fancy, but I guarantee that getting out of the house on a regular basis would help.

If you really want to have friends who call eachother sexy names, then by all means go out and make friends who do that! By the way, have I mentioned you have such a sexy photo

You've lost 50 lbs! You're well on your way to changing your entire life. But things do not magically get better when you're thinner. There is work involved even there.

We're all routing for you

[petra65]

unfortunately, prejudice against the obese is still the only acceptable form of prejudice in our society.


You have a great start. 50 lbs is no small accomplishment.
I realize what I'm about to say may sound harsh but I am trying to be helpful so please take it with that in mind. From reading some of your posts, I am getting the idea that you sometimes feel your weight is the source of all the problems in your life and that life will be "great" when you are finally thin. Unfortunately, it doesn't work like that. Happiness and self-esteem comes from within and it has nothing to do with what size your body is. I know you mentioned that you don't work and that money is tight at your house so I don't know whether or not you have health insurance, but if you do, you might even consider some professional counselling. There is more to you and to your life than just your weight. Yes, it is important for you to lose weight for your health and your self image but it likely isn't going to change many of the things in your life you think it is.

[leah_0600]

butterfly_dreams this thread has really touched me... i felt compelled to reply because you sound like you really need some great support right now, and you sound really down. I can't believe how inconsiderate and disgusting those guys behaviours towards you were, it's really sad how we live in a society of such unacceptance and isolation.

You know in yourself how much you want to lose weight, turn this negative period in your life into the start of a great new era. Prove EVERYONE wrong- show those STUPID IDIOT guys, your 'thin' cousins, YOURSELF that you can do this. Not only to look good, but for your own future and happiness!

You've got past the first stage of really WANTING to lose weight (this is the most important part) and you've lost 50 lbs already! WOW!!! You have so many caring people to talk to here and so much support, YOU CAN DO THIS!

You deserve the life you want, and you can make it happen- listen to all the good information people have replied with, it'll really help you on your journey! And post here whenever you're struggling, we'll all listen

My prayers are with you xxx

[KendraLynn]

I don't know if someone already said this, but I just had to post before I go to work. Just think--all this work you're doing now is going to pay off. It's going to pay off big time. Your thin cousins have overweight parents, right? Well, what's to stop them from gaining weight when they get a little older and their metabolisms slow? I mean, they're probably not thin because they work hard at proper diet and exercise. I have an older sister who subsists on sugar, and she never gains. I've always been the fat sister, but somehow we eat about the same stuff. When I feel really down about being the bigger sister, I just think that everything I'm going through now she'll have to go through later.

So my point is: at some point in their lives they'll understand what you're going through, and they will probably look at you with awe and respect.

[srmb60]

Good Morning

I'm an old mama. I have a 22 year old. He's the third 22 year old I've had
I'm going to have a shot at talking to you the way I did (do) my own children.

If you are alone, check and see who stepped away, you or everybody else. Why did that happen?

If you are absolutely convinced that the only thing standing between you and the big wide world out there is fat ... you should be jumping for joy ... you've lost 50 lbs! You know what to do. You've done something very few people have ever done. Go do it some more.

If the only thing you really want is to escape this prison of fat. Then the only thing you need to focus your energy on is losing the fat.

I kinda wish you had a job with a paycheck, then you could be the master of all you eat. But since that is not so, you can at least be master of your portions and how much you move. You literally can get up and exercise any old time of any old day, right?

Mostly I want you to go walk where there are other people. A mall, downtown in a small town ... Most people in North America today are not skinny. YOU are not so far from the norm that you need to stay hidden in your home.

Eat less, move more ... chant ... Someday soon I'm going to hop in my own car and go to my great job in my trendy clothing and sit in the sun with my coworkers at lunch and laugh.

[bambifox]

I truly sympothize with your pain and frustration. While I didn't grow up overweight...I have a 22yr old that has. It's genes, I guess. She mirrors your feelings. She's also extremely beautiful just like you. I try to encourage her and let her know her worth...but she doesn't feel it so...little I can do. I just try to set the example. But when I lose weight, she just says, "Ohhh Mom...you were never really fat anyway"...so it's no big deal to her! Imagine my frustration there!

Prejudice/ignorance is never a good thing. However, the good part is that you can change your weight...it's just fat cells...eating less and exercise will definately do the trick. HOW EASIER SAID THAN DONE...I know..I know..right, but, the hardest thing to do (probably impossible) is to cure ignorance and prejudice. Just think...you've lost 50 friggin pounds (WOW) and the same people are still taunting, making fun, staring, etc. Even if you lost another 100 lbs...do you really think that would change those types of people...NO!...they will still be ignorant!

The things you do...the accomplishments you make (whatever they may be)...are what CHANGES YOU! I know you'll do this...but I want you to also see this as a journey...a journey of self-discovery! You'll find out that you are capable of much more than you think! Leave the idiots behind...although they make act more like they "accept" you when you've lost the weight...they really don't (cuz you'll still be the same person) and they'll just go on to the next person with their stupid ridicule! Good people (people you want around you), will accept you right now! I mean...really, would you say that Delta Burke was ugly (she was on Designing Woman)...**** no...she's a drop dead gorgeous woman who is overweight! She let that kill her from the inside and is now battling mental illness...damn! She's talented (famous actress), loaded $$$, and beautiful...don't let that happen to YOU!

BTW - Perhaps these people (chucklers) are intimidated by you...perhaps they really don't want you to be thin/fit...cuz they may feel threatened at your beauty! Remember...you're the only one who feels unattractive..I'M SURE THAT NOBODY LOOKING AT YOU WOULD REALLY FEEL THAT YOU WERE UGLY...**** NAAAH! You just have to believe it! Remember...it's just fat!

Okay..enough of my ramblings...but I really believe every word I say to you...and I'm sure everyone here will agree with me when I say...WE'RE ALL SOOOO PULLING FOR YOU! So chime in anytime for support, questions, ideas, strategies as we all journey together in "shedding the cloth of fat" to reveal our true selves! Joyce

[butterfly_dreams]

I went to bed with all this stuff on my mind last night, and I woke up with the same thing. I decided to come here today before the storm came to read what you all had to say knowing I was going to get some great support. There were a lot of feelings that I told you that I've never told anyone before. I always tend to keep my feelings inside. I'm glad I spoke up because reading all of your responses have encouraged me greatly. I just want to say I love you all very much and I thank you so much for all your support.

[Leenie]

Girl... 50 lbs .. wholey smokes, your on fire !!!! That accomplishment alone should make you smile.

One thing I've learned in life is...no matter what your weight, you need to walk with your head held high, eyes forward and a big smile. This shows people you love who YOU are and when people see that....they will love you right back. I don't care what you look like, if your thin or fat and you walk with your head down, I won't give you a second look b/c your not looking back... but if your walking with your head up high smiling...I'm gonna smile back at you.

I think getting angry is a good thing.... some times thats what we need to set us in the direction we want to go. Brush those knees off and start running. We all believe in you.... its time you believe in yourself

And BTW.... you are hot, sexy and very very pretty (no I'm not trying to pick you up lol silly).

[Leenie]

Oh... one more thing. People who despise something so that they have to mock it.....better be careful because 'what you so despise will wind up in your very one home/life'... I've seen this so many times.

Example.... when I was younger my brother would not invite me to his house/parties b/c he was embarassed of my weight. The people at these parties (friends and relatives) would tell me how he would make fun of me behind my back infront of all these people. It hurt..yes, I cried for a very long time, and it hurts so much more when it comes from your own blood. Anyway.... years went by... he married...had kids and guess what... his wife got really fat and he had two very fat kids... .. HOW YOU DOIN!!!!!

I do love him, and I've learned to forgive him ...but it took a long time.

See what I'm saying.... those people who made fun of you will get a taste of their own medicine some day.

Love yah little Chickie

Leenie

[JerseyGyrl]

Christina,

You CAN do whatever you set your mind to do!!

Sweetie, I read your post about your Mom being the most inspirational person in your life and I'm not a Mom but....let me tell you, if I had a 22 year old daughter who said that about me...I'd be very, very proud of her!! You are truly a special girl!!

You're doing great!! And we're all here to support & encourage you whenever you need it!!

[petra65]

Butterfly-I stopped at Walmart on my way home from the Dr. today to drop off my script and the girl who checked me out was easily over 300 lbs. In fact, was probably close to 400. It's not your weight that is keeping you from getting a job, or a driver's license, or meeting a man, or going to college, or wearing attractive clothes.