Exercise! - I did the elliptical!/Men and being overweight?
03-02-2008, 09:52 AM
So this is kind of a double subject, but I had to say I made the big investment in myself and joined this amazing gym near my home. Yesterday I went and I was able to do the Elliptical for 15 minutes! I know it doesn't sounds like much, but then I went and did the bike for another 10 so overall I am very proud of myself. Today I plan on going to do the it again, except this time do some swimming and then hit the sauna after.;) One more thing...
Being overweight has prevented me from dating. I notice lots of men do not like heavy women. I feel like I have so much to offer someone and I have a feeling when I hit my goal weight I will be getting more attention, but I will be angry about it. Like what was wrong with me before? I feel like I am very accepting of a heavier man and I have no problems wanting to get to know them?! Anyone else feel this way? :?:
I do. Right now, being over 75 lbs heavier, I feel invisible out in public where before when I was thin, I turned many heads and had respect from people. I just felt this way the other night @ my son's wrestling practice. One of the parents who we've known forever gave me the cold shoulder and acted like he didn't want to talk to me even though we were sitting right next to eachother. He turned his back on me and talked the other parents. It could be that he's juts a stuck up pos (be cause he is, as is his wife), but to me, it "felt" like it was because I am fat.
Anywho, congratz on 15 minutes on the Elliptical, I can barely get 60 seconds, lol!
03-02-2008, 10:12 AM
I'm in the same boat as you Lisa - and looks like we have the same start weight and goal too. :)
I'm 22 and perpetually single, and yes the last time I lost any weight I did start getting noticed more - and let me tell ya, it's a really weird, but empowering, feeling to have guys looking at your legs for the first time ever. But the truth is, that there are a lot of guys out there who do like chubby women... a girl I've known since high school was larger than I for a long time (she recently lost 60 lbs. :) ) but she hasn't been without a boyfriend for more than a week since she was 15 years old.
Like my grandpa used to say "There's a pot for every lid" and whether you're slim and trim or large and voluptuous the lid is the still going to be the same. So keep looking for your Prince Charming. He's out there somewhere looking for you. :)
Jackie is right. He is out there and if he's worth anything he's gonna love you exactly the way you are. I've been with my guy for 6 years and he's been with me through "thin to think" so to speak, lol! He loves me for me and he actually does prefer a girl with some meat on her bones. :)
03-02-2008, 10:33 AM
I appreciate the responses... it's just so hard being single now. As I get older the more and more my body and mind is telling me to meet someone! LOL It's just hard... I work with 150 men and I feel like I am invisible. Don't get me wrong they are all very nice, but I guess I just feel like it's ALL about looks... I am so happy for those of you that have found someone that loves you for you. I wish I had that. It's ok though, I will take out all my frustrations out on the Elliptical today! :hug:
03-02-2008, 06:45 PM
I think 15 minutes on the elliptical is a fantastic start!
03-03-2008, 12:00 PM
Yesterday I made it to 16 minutes... tonight I will try to hit 17... I actually love it and my goal this week is to hit the gym everyday this week after work. If I go home first I will not leave again. lol
03-03-2008, 12:28 PM
Lisa - I spent many years plump, after being very trim (thank you, four kids... ) In the last two months, I got a new haircut, got some new clothes, and this is what I found. Even at the SAME plump weight, I was now getting "looks". I don't think it is the weight at all, I think it is the confidence you exude. If you FEEL pretty and FEEL confident, you attract people. No one wants to have to work at soothing our insecurities. I think that women, regardless of size, are more attractive to other people when they feel good about themselves, when they've got a bounce in their step and a smile on their face...
It's great to lose weight, but if it's for the purpose of wanting people to notice you, I'm not sure you'll get the desired result at the end. I hope I'm not babbling here?
03-03-2008, 05:00 PM
Congrats on the elliptical :)
I spent many years being single but I know a lot of it was me. I'm kind of a loner and I didn't really want to deal with a relationship for many years. Then when I decided I did, it was hard to figure out how to date.
Anyway, I dated off and on in college and afterwards with my weight ranging between 330 to 360 but it wasn't really serious. I dated someone seriously at my highest weight (360 lbs) but honestly I had a lot of mental hangups. I hated myself and my body. I then started dating my husband when I was 290 and it was the best relationship I've ever had.
I agree it is hard to date, partially because of us and partially because of them.
03-03-2008, 05:11 PM
16 minutes is great!
keep up the good work!
03-05-2008, 01:16 PM
I am a man. And let me be frank: I get real tired of this line of 'man-bashing'. Guess what? There are plenty of women who will not go out with an overweight man. It does go both ways.
We all hopefully find a great mate. There are plenty of people who married 'trophy' spouses that are in awful, friend-less marriages. But if a man doesn't find a person physically attractive because of their weight that is just the way it is. We have afterall evolved as visual beings. Not even super-computers can come anywhere close to how a human can interpert faces for instances.
Now if a man or a female starts making assumptions about the person as a person then that is another matter. But I would not FOR A SECOND condemn a woman or find it odd that they did not find me physically attractive for them because I was over-weight. I am not particularly happy with how I look either for that matter. Probably the majority of people here are not. Now my primary motivation is getting healthier, getting more energy, and being able to enjoy each day more. But I am also comfortable with the fact that I want to look better.
So getting mad at men who do not find over-weight women attractive: well it works both way. Last time I looked Brad Pitt was in pretty good shape.
03-05-2008, 02:03 PM
In regards to the elliptical, that is a FANTASTIC start. I just got mine a few weeks ago and could only do 2 min! Now I'm up to 4 min at a time trying to get in 15 total each day.
BTW there is someone out there for everyone. True love means that person loves you no matter what..don't settle for less than that ;)
03-05-2008, 04:13 PM
I feel like this too. I have no problem with guys who are a little heavy but even the heavy guys think I am too fat. Even when they weigh 100+ pounds more than me. Ugh.
03-05-2008, 08:15 PM
DH and I started on the elliptical in mid January and my first time I made it 12 minutes (DH did 14). Now I can go for an hour at a good pace or 40 minutes pushing it. It's amazing how quickly you build up your stamina.
The hardest thing for me to get over in the first month was the tired legs that would kick in after only two or three minutes. Your legs tell you to STOP, but as long as you push through it, they'll get over it and stop being so tired in another few minutes.
And people looking at you differently when you're fat... Yeah, they do :( Unfortunately. I'm so very lucky to have a DH that has never minded the extra weight I carried, but I have some overweight friends that are really PO'd by how they're treated sometimes. I think a lot of it has to do with how you treat yourself. When you look in the mirror and don't like what looks back, it's hard to put a nice hairdo and nice clothes on that person. I always figured that I am what I am, and I may as well do the best with what I have right now. So I put on a dress and a smile and go grocery shopping :D
There will always be people that give the cold shoulder to anyone that is carrying around extra weight, and that hurts, but they're not really people you want to spend much time with anyway.
03-05-2008, 09:43 PM
Yes, yesterday I did 20 minutes!!! I can't believe it. And I will say after only a week I actually look foward to going to the gym!
And btw... I hope no one got the idea that I was "man-bashing." If I was saying I wanted a man in my life, is that man bashing? I didn't think so... Anyway, I guess when "he" comes along he is attracted to both the inside and the outside. :D
03-06-2008, 08:22 AM
It might not be 'man-bashing' per se. but people are physically attracted to what they are physically attracted to. Of course society has a lot to do with it.
But ever think of this. Renee Z...the actress. In Chicago she looked grotesque to me she was sooo skinny. Everyone I knew thought so too. She still looks way too skinny. Whenever I see her I go ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww out loud. Looks positively gross to me. I am not commenting on her as a person, but her looks are decidely unattractive to me.
And on the flip side I will admit that pass a certain point too much weight is not physically attractive for me and probably most of the men I have known in my life. And my friends and I know that the same goes for us and how women find us physically attractive. And people know this. They say I want to look better. But see that is the key. They care enough about themselves to want to look and feel better. That is a huge positive. But not liking where you are CAN be a huge positive as well.
I think if we were all comfortable with how we look and felt we would not be doing anything about it. Not being comfortable and wanting to look better does NOT mean thinking for a second you are a bad person in ANY way. But yeah I will say it (something most of us know): being overweight pass a certain point is not physically attractive to most men. Being overweight pass a certain point is not physically attractive to most women. It is what it is.
Now a man or a woman should not judge you as a person by how you look but of course they are going to judge their initial physical attractiveness to you by how you look to some extent (hence the term physical attractiveness). Not the entire extent though as they get to know you. I have known plenty of phsyically attractive women who when I got to know them actually lost a lot of the attractiveness (person attractivenss but it also made them WAY less physically attractive although, of course, they looked the same) and the opposite I have found very true as well. For men or women who are not open to more then first looks, their loss.
A lot of what 'is' attractive is mass media, but probably not all of it. Being too skinny is not attractive either. People generally find health and healthy looking people attractive all other things being equal.
So I guess the bottome line is that we should all feel we are WORTH it to feel better AND look better.
03-06-2008, 11:02 AM
I have heard that men in generally prefer a "healthy" woman or even one who is a little "thick" because their instincts show them that they are able to produce offspring. I have also heard that's why men like thicker/longer hair as opposed to super short hair. Healthy hair shows health and men's instinct say "me like that, me want to make babies with her". I thought this was funny. It's also why a lot of women prefer muscular/thicker guys. They want a man who can provide and protect. Of course, I'm not so sure that all this is tru, but it's entertaining none the less!
03-06-2008, 11:56 AM
Congrats on the elliptical!
Have you noticed how many of the women on this site have husbands/boyfriends? If all men only wanted skinny women than most of us would be single. Yes Ė there is a horrible message in popular media towards larger women that they are unattractive and unlovable, but it is so WRONG. Sure Ė it may not be the healthiest way to be, but it doesnít mean a person is utterly unattractive.
I have recently started putting myself out there in regard to dating, and it has definitely been a bit of a rollercoaster. However, I think the most important thing is to be honest. Size is going to be very important to some guys Ė in either direction. To others it isn't. Alternately maybe one guy really digs chicks with dark hair and another likes tall women. There really are all types. In fact, one of the reasons that I broke up with my ex boyfriend was that he was unhappy that I was losing weight because he is ONLY attracted to larger women. I posted an ad on an online site I felt comfortable with and I explicitly stated that I was overweight but working on it and that I needed someone who is size flexible. Whatever you do, donít try to hide your size. You donít have to be ecstatic about it, but you should be honest and upfront about it. If you arenít ready to do that, then you are probably not ready to date. I do feel like I was ready to do that and I am still not entirely sure I was ready to date. Big :hug: It is NOT easy.
03-07-2008, 06:55 PM
Yay on your 20 minutes! :carrot: You see - you do build up stamina faster than you'd think!
I have tons of overweight and obese friends that have partners or spouses. People that are willing to look past the fat are out there, it's just hard to find them in the usual places. I have noticed the biggest thing that separates the attached from the unattached (I would not count divorced or recently broken up as unattached) is that the attached have a more positive self image. They don't let their weight define them. They join clubs, do activities, and make it very easy for people to see that there's more to them that what first meets the eye.
P.S. - Not the cheat - Who's the one from 21 Jump Street?
hehe - love that guy.