I swear that there are people in my life, who may not even be conscious of it, that do not want me to lose weight. Not that I expect every coworker, relative, friend to actively help to me lose, this is my own battle, but it seems everytime I turn around someone is pushing me to go out with them and get blitzed, baking me special treats (with a pound of butter and a pound of sugar in them) that I feel obligated to accept gracefully, cajoling me into going out to a greasy burger joint... anybody else having to deal with this stuff from the people around them? I know these people do love me and aren't trying to be malicious, but sometimes I feel they'd be much happier if I just stayed this weight. I have a coworker who is also overweight and is also trying to lose, and she will not accept no for an answer when she brings in donuts or pigs in blankets (she's not buying them for herself, she brings them for these meetings at work and there are always leftovers). She'll bring the box and put it under my nose, I'll decline, she'll come by an hour later and offer again, she'll tell me 30 minutes after that that there are still some left if I change my mind...These are all people that are aware of my dieting, and while they all commend me for how well I'm doing but sometimes it seems like their actions speak louder than their words. Ok, wow that felt good to actually put all that into words. Anyway, any of you guys having the same issue with friends/coworkers/relatives?
I know exactly what you're going through! I have two very close friends at work who are constantly giving me a hard time because I refuse to eat out with them. I made a deal with them last week, I told them if they wanted to get out of the office I'd be happy to go for a walk with them, but that I would only be eating at restraunts on payday Friday's (every other week). That way, they don't feel completely abandoned, but I actually have a hope at getting this weight off! Today is day one, so I'll let you know how it goes...
As for the office treats, I don't tell them I'm not eating it, because it seems like they are more likely to leave you alone if they think you've already had some. So when someone comes by my office and says 'there are donuts in the breakroom' I'll say 'Oh, I just had one thanks!'. It's just a little white lie, and then that person won't ask me again.
Good luck to you! I'm sure you can get through this, since you've done so well already!
~Dawn
Ha-I hear you on that. Most people in my life know I'm dieting and yet, I still get the constant offers. Coworkers wanting me to go eat is a big one. But I keep saying no and hoping they will just stop. I don't think it's to purposely prevent my weight loss as much as it is just kindness but you'd think that people would know to be more considerate. However, people don't all think the same and you just have to stick to your guns and say "No, but thank you for the offer."
OK I am not in my 20's but feel young and read this part of the forums often I hope its OK that I post here.
I feel this way with my husband quite often. I make all meals according to my WW points. At one point my husband even said he was going to follow the plan and we pointed his weight and such. Mind you Ive been on WW for 9 mo and he EVERY day makes a comment on how the meal would be better with this or that, "why not try it like this"...OMG it gets so irritating. The whole point is to LOSE weight and eat healthier. He just does NOT get it and I get very upset and discouraged.
Then I have the total opposite with my mother and daughter...they monitor my every bite...that drives me nuts!
Last edited by PorkChopNoMore; 02-25-2008 at 02:48 PM.
Reason: Spelling, UGH!
YES. i don't feel like it's coming at me from all sides though - I changed jobs recently and most people there don't know the "old" me. However, I do work at a job where I have to talk about my WL far more often than I would like which ends up making people more aware of it, so most of my coworkers know I have lost about 75lbs. I hear "you've lost so much already, one treat won't hurt you" so often it makes me want to throw things.
I am surrounded by treats and snacks all day long and it takes so much willpower NOT to buy the 480 calorie cookie for a snack that it is a struggle every day, but i love my job and wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
in addition to my daily struggles, I have one very good friend who has no idea what it is like to be overweight, claims she has never viewed me as overweight, is quite an enabler, and now seems to be in some weird kind of denial when we go shopping because in many styles of clothing, we are close to the same size, even though I am about 45lbs heavier than she is. (i'm taller and have a much more muscular build). she has actually said "that can't be right" when I tried on a size 10 in front of her and it fit, and the same pant on her was a little snug. we have VERY differently shaped bodies and it all had to do with the cut of the pant.
anyhow, the more i lose and the closer I come to being "the same size" as her, the more she wants to go out to eat, grab drinks with me, do anything caloric basically. it's very frustrating but in all other aspects of life she is a very good friend so I try to look beyond this, but sometimes it's hard not to get upset with her. I don't think she's doing it consciously, she's not that kind of person, but i think there is a part of her brain that has a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I am no longer the "fat friend" that i have been for so many years.
Pork Chop - Gee, I think either one of those extremes would be very bothersome!! You need to let them know that this is your weight loss journey, not thiers, and you are doing it the best you know how. You appreciate their concern or your husband's "help" but would appreciate it if they'd all just let you do this yourself.
Last edited by Florida Native; 02-25-2008 at 12:18 PM.
I learned the hard way to never tell anyone, not even you're closest girlfriend that you are dieting. The only person who knows I want to lose weight is my daughter and that's because she would never try to tempt me with forbidden foods because she is also successfully losing weight. Everytime I've told someone at the office or a girlfriend, they always ask me why do I want to lose weight because they don't think I need to and then proceed to shove the sweets and fried foods in my face. I've even seen the evil smirke on their face when they are doing it. So, what I had to do to save myself because I couldn't take it anymore is tell them that I've decided to stop dieting and have decided to just concentrate on eating healthy because it gives me more energy and I feel better. It was almost like I was using magic words by denying the fact I was dieting - there's something about that word "diet" that gets people's attention. Amazingly, most of them have somewhat stopped trying to tempt me and I continue to lose weight - however there are still several devils who will are relentless. I have to keep my guard up around them.
Yes, I do feel that people want me to fail, and it can be incredibly frustrating.
I rent a room from a friend of mine, he and his wife are both obese, and I get the very strong impression that they are both waiting for me to fail, and encouraging that whenever possible. They're constantly eating out and bringing leftovers home, baking cookies, leaving cheesecakes in the fridge (literally ON TOP of my vegetables), leaving chocolates out on the counter, etc. Honestly, I don't expect them to change their eating habits at all because I moved in with them, and I can handle the stuff being around. What frustrates me endlessly is that when they do something like bake cookies, he'll take one and shove it in my face and start telling me how good it is. He'll do that with any variety of food he knows I don't normally eat, and in addition will tell me that whatever I've cooked is disgusting. He will very rarely take no for an answer, and I just have to walk away from him and avoid any social situation involving food when he's around.
He seems happiest when I'm eating off-plan, and I don't really understand why that is. Does he WANT me to be diabetic?
unfortunately, I feel like my best friend isn't pleased that i'm trying to lose weight.
she is also overweight, so i am trying to be very delicate about the issue in general. when i started Weight Watchers at the beginning of last month, i asked her if she would consider being my weightloss buddy (we are close enough that i knew this wouldn't insult her). she said that she would, but didn't want to go to the meetings, since she had been a member before and knew the plan pretty well.
so, just a few weeks later while i'm just picking up speed, she had already fallen off the wagon. ever since then she has been less than encouraging of my weightloss efforts. on superbowl sunday she had a party, and one of our other friends offered me some type of dip or something, which i jokingly refused saying "too many points!!!" overhearing the conversation, she rolled her eyes and said "OHHHHHH who CARES?!?!?!?" as if i was being completely unreasonable.
she hasn't made any positive comments about my weight loss. it's not extremely noticable, but my first twenty pounds has led to me dropping about a dress size. it seems every time i turn around, she's asking me to go out to eat at places i KNOW have no healthy options (bar food, etc.). she also wants me to go drinking with her at least a couple nights a week, when i've made it a point to restrict my drinking to just one night a week.
i know there is probably some jealousy involved, but i really would be nothing but supportive of her if tables were turned. i know there are certain points in time where it's impossible to get motivated to lose weight, but i think she should at least try to not make me feel bad because I am.
Yes, i too feel like people want me to fail sometimes. Like "yeah you are dieting...wanna go to McDonalds?" and i am like "no way!" (never been huge on eating out anyways....except that TOM when I crave it). At any rate, if you have at least ONE supportive person....even if it's only you cheering for yourself, you can do this! My husband is supportive... he knows I have been unhappy with my weight. And I have vowed that by next year, this time, I will have lost AT LEAST 60 lbs. I want to turn 27 next year and be a hot 27 year old, lol. At any rate, people will hate, hahaha. Some people aren't happy with change in others, because it makes them look at themselves and think "i need to do that too" or it makes them see they are unhappy with themselves. Best idea? Surrond yourself with positive people to the best of your ability.
Sorry, I so have a psych minor from college and I totally overanalyze, lol.
Btw, I am kristin, and I just popped on here....gotta help my fellow girls !! hope to be talking to you all more soon!!
You know, the people that are toxic to me are the one it will affect greatly. Like my husband who's over weight himself, Because I won't go on tha eating binge or make the foods my husband wants. I'll be thin and active and he will be sitting in the sidelines still obese and feeling ashamed ALONE. My mom who's diabetic and a heart patient, my BF who's very overweight and feels like he will and never has fit in with the North Shore gay crowd and recently quit WW. We won't be hanging out on the weekends ordering out take out and eating the delish bakery foods we love so much in excessive amounts.
Hmm fat wants fat alike eh?
Not telling people is a good idea to some degree but when you want and need support you should be able to rely on whomever is close to you.
Last edited by PorkChopNoMore; 02-25-2008 at 02:56 PM.
Whenever a friend or coworker finds out that I am dieting they always say “you don’t need to lose weight you look fine”. Then they try to get me to eat whatever evil food is around. At a size 6-8 I am not technically “overweight” but that doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t watch what I eat, I’d like to be a size smaller. I usually tell people that I don’t eat refined sugar or carbs and that usually makes them leave me alone.
I've found that BF's are my biggest culprit. They always say oh you look beautiful just the way you are. What's beautiful about being out of breath after walking for 5 seconds. I just stopped listening to what other people had to say. I choose to lose weigh and take care of my body. My ex was really big on saying I didn't need to lose weight and one time he ate a whole oreo ice cream cake all to himself. I just sat there amazed. The more I was dieting and losing weight the more crap he was eating. I stopped buying pop and junk food and he went crazy. He was addicted to all that sugar so when he wasn't eating it he seemed so erratic and insane. This other guy I've been talking to tried to tempt me with quarter pounders at McDonalds and then my friend wanted to go out and have drinks. Whenever I tell my sisters about losing weight they said oh that's nice, and that's really it, so I don't really look to them for support. I've been going on and off diets for forever, but still I would like a little more support.
I luckily haven't had anyone do that to me so far....I've had a friend invite me to go out to a fast food place and then immediately go "OH DAMMIT!" at themselves for forgetting that I'm trying to lose weight. Other than that, everyone's been really supportive of me.
One of the ways I've avoided much of that is that I haven't told everyone
The fiancé knows, and is VERY supportive. The roommate knows... and she's not in your face about offering me things, though she does offer me things more often than I'd like. She DOES take no for an answer, though. So that's good.
Many people fear change. And when you're safely the "fat friend", that's all good for them. They can be "bad" with you and go out to eat the fast foods or go drinking like they're used to doing. When you change, their lives change. And that's fine with me. I WANT the change. But... that and jealousy probably keep a lot of friends from being as supportive as they could be.
anyone ever feel like people want you to fail?
I hope its OK that I post here.
