Weight Loss Support - To those of you that have lost....




ThePrettyOne
02-25-2008, 12:14 PM
Sorry...the subject line should read "To those of you THAT have lost....." And I have a huge pet peeve for people who don't double check the subject of a thread....sorry :lol: :lol: Nevermind, someone fixed it for me :)





The other day I heard something that bothered me, even though I don't think it should and I can't stop thinking about it. Obviously when you are overweight, chubby, fat, whatever, most people won't say it to you, or anyone, outloud at least. But after you lost, does it hurt your feeling when they say something like "you used to be so big, you look great now". Even though you are thin now, does it still, even a hurt a little? Me and my boyfriend talk about our weight weight loss pretty freely, are honest with each other and how we both look, it's all good. We both had to lose about 30lbs (took me a year, he lost it in 2 months, blah to him!) and are happy and sexy and wonderful now :lol: The other day he was telling me about a girl at work and how she told him she wanted to meet me. He said to her "you did meet her, she was sitting next to my mother at dinner back in August" (he manages a restaurant and she is one of his servers). And she had the B@LLS to say "oh that was her, my god she's beautiful, but a little bigger than I imagined for you" Mind you I'm 26, he's 28 and she's in her mid 20's as well....she was not "too young to know better". Needless to say he was appalled but just said how wonderful I am yada yada all of that good stuff...didn't mention that I've since lost 30lbs, that's absolutely none of her business. She'll find out for herself next time I visit the restaurant (in my bikini? lol), which is incredibly rare...we like to keep his work and myself seperate. If I saw him at work I may see him in a different light. Big boss of the big restaurant yells alot and fires people. I still think he's kinda sweet at home and want to keep it that way! :lol:

If someone at work introduced me to his wife and I thought she was unattractive. I SURELY would not say "she's nice but man I thought you could do better than that". You are talking about someone the person loves and cares for very much, not some freaking one night stand!!!! Do people have NO manners???? Anyway, after he told me that I was consumed by it. No one has ever mentioned my weight. I look great now but all I can think of is HOW many other people thought that about me 30lbs ago.....I can't stop thinking about it!

Luckily I have the ego of 3 men so it's hard to break me down.....but it definitely pissed me off. She's no skinny-mini herself!!!


fiberlover
02-25-2008, 12:20 PM
Oh yes, one of our customers was gushing on and on about how great I looked.

Then she said " You were SO huge before".

The only thing I could think of to say was "Well, I am still the same person inside". She kind of stopped and maybe realized that wasn't the best thing to say. That both kind of hurt me, and really irritated me at the same time!

karmuz
02-25-2008, 12:25 PM
WOW.

that is just out and out rude. Why couldn't she have left it at "she's really pretty"... women can be really catty you know what's sometimes. I wouldn't dwell on it that much though - chances are MOST people never thought of you in that kind of light.
no one, except immediate family, ever says anything to me about my WL. sometimes it's kind of annoying, because i am really proud of myself and how far i've come. but my boyfriend's friends or co-workers saying something like that? holy crap that would never happen (partially bc my bf would probably get really mad at said person, and he has a temper to beat the band and as he says "no one is allowed to hurt your feelings except for me" lol)
the one person that has ever said anything about my size hasn't been welcome in our house for several years - not just because of that, but that was the straw that broke the camel's back, definitely.


wisher
02-25-2008, 12:32 PM
I look great now but all I can think of is HOW many other people thought that about me 30lbs ago.....I can't stop thinking about it!


I sort of have this problem now. I've recently started seeing a new guy who, frankly, has a great body :o He takes care of himself and you can tell! I, on the other hand, am stil "bigger" even though i've lost a lot of weight I'm a size 12/14 and in my opinion have quite a ways to go. So I wonder sometimes if people think that about me when we're together. "Why is he with her?" "He could get any hot chick he wants" etc. etc. I'm not really insecure about him thinking that because obviously he's with me for a reason, otherwise he would go out and find someone else! But I can be insecure about it when meeting his friends, family, etc. *sigh*

Scarlett
02-25-2008, 12:44 PM
that is rude,

what gets me is people who find out that you are loosing weight and then practically everytime you see them they say "WOW you look great," even when you have not lost or even gained since the last time you saw them. I have one aquanitance, who if I lost as much weight as she says I did I'd weight 30# right now.

I wish people were more free to talk about weight, many people who are overweight are in denial about it. Hearing how great and thin you look from your friends when it is unwarrented does not help you realize you have a problem. There are polite ways to handle these conversation topics without flat out lying. I believe you can be overweight and still look great, tell someone they look great when then do, but don't lie about their weight.

It's even more annoying when doctors don't say anything to overweight patients. I went to the gyno to talk about my PCOS, she prescribed medication and told me all about the disease not one mention of weight. I had to flat out ask her how my weight was contributing to the problem and even then she danced around the issue.

nelie
02-25-2008, 12:52 PM
Catherine,

That is one reason I love foreign trained doctors. They will say something about your weight. American trained doctors don't seem to at least in my experience.

I too have PCOS which I know is a mixture of weight and diet. It has improved greatly over the past couple years.

dgramie
02-25-2008, 12:55 PM
that lady was rude!! You are beautiful!! Just remember some people are just ignorant!! dont let her bother you!!

Azure
02-25-2008, 12:57 PM
I personally don't mind when people say: "You look fantastic!" or even "Wow! Have you loss some weight? You look great!". All the people I've talked to have been very positive about it--it gets a little embarrassing sometimes, but I'm never offended. I know I look better now than I ever have before, so why should I get offended over someone paying a compliment and recognizing my hard work?

Now, I've never had anyone put a negative spin on it, so maybe that's why I've never been offended. I've never had someone tell me: "MAN, you were SO FAT before, you look SO MUCH BETTER now"--that would offend me. But just paying a compliment doesn't bother me. :)

mandalinn82
02-25-2008, 01:09 PM
I fixed your thread title.

Other than that...wow, how irritating. But, you know, people often don't think before they open their mouths. And I think there is a serious undercurrent of cattiness in the restaurant industry in general (have you read any books by Anthony Bourdain? Might give you an idea what I'm talking about).

Point is - you're above all of that, so don't even dignify it with another thought.

ThePrettyOne
02-25-2008, 01:15 PM
^^ Thank you!



And you are all right, I know. Just onve in a while someone says something that sticks in your mind like cholesterol in your veins! :lol:

beautybooty
02-25-2008, 01:53 PM
I haven't lost enough yet for that stuff but I have dealt with other things that are on the same line.

For a while my mom had started to lose a little weight (she ended up gaining again though :(...) and my stepdad's mom would comment on it all the time around me, it's great that she wants to compliment my mom, but she seemed to do it around me as to make a point, like, "oh look your mom can lose weight, how about you??" I don't think they understand that when people do that they make me want to eat more, and not lose any weight, just to spite them.

Hat Trick
02-25-2008, 02:23 PM
Do people have NO manners????


Not much. If a friend had said this we'd laugh together about it. If someone I didn't know or know very well said it, I'd put her in her place. Congrats on your weight loss.


Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Lovely
02-25-2008, 02:51 PM
I think some people trip over themselves when they go to compliment someone. Like, instead of simply saying "Wow! You're looking great." They open their mouths and whatever they had specificially been thinking comes out. :tape:

What that lady says was not nice whatsoever. She may have had foot-in-mouth disease that day. lol That said, I don't think it was all that necessary for your beloved to repeat what she said. (Causing you such stress over some nobody you hardly even know.) I'll forever remember this phrase "One who repeats an insult to you, is also insulting you."

Ignorance of such things is bliss. :)

ThePrettyOne
02-25-2008, 03:33 PM
I agree I would have rather him not tell me :) But we were at a bar and heavily intoxicated....sometimes we start talking and don't know when to stop. He wasn't saying it to hurt my feelings......sometimes he's just too honest for MY own good :)

cbuggin22
02-25-2008, 03:54 PM
I sort of have this problem now. I've recently started seeing a new guy who, frankly, has a great body :o He takes care of himself and you can tell! I, on the other hand, am stil "bigger" even though i've lost a lot of weight I'm a size 12/14 and in my opinion have quite a ways to go. So I wonder sometimes if people think that about me when we're together. "Why is he with her?" "He could get any hot chick he wants" etc. etc. I'm not really insecure about him thinking that because obviously he's with me for a reason, otherwise he would go out and find someone else! But I can be insecure about it when meeting his friends, family, etc. *sigh*

I totally feel you on this one. My husband takes really good care of himself as well. When we met I had just lost 60 pounds and I was working out. While I'm only 20 pounds heavier than I was when we met I'm still 70 pounds heavier than I should be. I often feel like people are wondering why we're together. We work at the same place, but on different shifts and when I tell people we're married they're like "really?". I'm like why is that so hard to believe? People are just mean.

Lovely
02-25-2008, 04:15 PM
I agree I would have rather him not tell me :) But we were at a bar and heavily intoxicated....sometimes we start talking and don't know when to stop. He wasn't saying it to hurt my feelings......sometimes he's just too honest for MY own good :)

:lol: Ahhh yes! Alcohol will do that!

____
There's a terrible mind-disease going around where some people think that they have to verbally express when they are surprised two people are married or dating. Like if some hot young girly thing is dating an older balding man... why it must be for the money! Or if some handsome gentleman is dating a "fat chick" they can't possibly come up with a reason for such a match so they have to open their mouths. Expressing curiosity, and *gasp* horror at such a match up! Oh my yes, goodness forbid that two people who find eachother attractive and interesting go on a date without getting written consent from the rest of the population. Oh my yes, goodness forbid that anyone even suggest that "fat does NOT equal unattractive and unlovable." What does that man see in that "fat chick" they ask?... A LOT more than he sees in you, you nosy, closed-minded person.

Ahem... </rant>

Glory87
02-25-2008, 05:05 PM
Heh, I don't mind - I was pretty huge before :) Most people just say, "you look great" without throwing in "better than you did before." Most people just want to know how I did it!

griffogrubb
02-25-2008, 05:10 PM
Faeire, that's a great rant, great yet true unfortunately. I can understand where some of you girls are coming from though. I've dated some girls that told me they never would've given me a second looked if I still weighed 280. That still kinda gets to me sometimes, it's like I'm the same person but since my body's different now I'm "acceptable." I've also experienced the, "uhh...why are you going out with HER" bit, kinda annoying. Excuse me for not being some shallow, conceited butthead. That's just people though, I think after you experience some of the horrible and stupid things people do to you when you're fat, you really don't care how someone looks. That's how I view it anyway, physicals beauty fades-inner beauty lasts forever.

junebug41
02-25-2008, 05:12 PM
A couple of times.

But they were people that I didnt care for before or thought were stuck up in high school so when they said, "Wow you are so pretty now" or, "you look SO good", I had already attached an agenda to it ;)

MelissaNJ
02-25-2008, 05:46 PM
I know exactly what you mean. Rude, catty people never cease to amaze me.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for a little over 6 years. My weight has fluxuated quite a bit since first meeting him. We have a restaurant/bar and it's amazing how obnoxious and ingorant people can be about image, especially in an industry where looks tend to supercede all others. I don't think i was by any means at the level where i expected ppl to talk about me- i was in denial.. but ppl did talk, I found out, and it hurt. Overweight is overweight, some tried rationalizing with me about numbers (actual weight) or my other attributes but it just made me hate them even more. Im glad i overheard what they said b/c it helped motivate me..and keeps me going. I'd rather know what kind of ppl I'm dealing with. There's nothing I hate more than a wolf in phony *** kissers clothing.

Keep up the good work beauty.

Lovely
02-25-2008, 09:31 PM
Excuse me for not being some shallow, conceited butthead..

:lol: :cp:

JayEll
02-25-2008, 10:11 PM
griffogrubb, :yay: U R :cool:

Jay

Fat Pants
02-26-2008, 11:32 AM
I hear you on the husband being in better shape. My DH is really fit, and if he stops drinking soda for a week, he'll lose about 5 lbs. When we met, I was a whopping 80 lbs (!!!) lighter than I am now. I used to feel really confident, like we "matched" well together because of our body types.

At any rate, sometimes I get really self conscious when we're out in public together, and I have these conversations in my mind about what people are probably thinking about us (like I must be his sister!) but you know what, at the end of the day, he married me, and just like your boyfriend obviously thinks the world of you, even when you were heavier.

Someone said to me recently "living well is the best revenge," and that has really helped me put things into perspective...

ennay
02-26-2008, 03:01 PM
The other day he was telling me about a girl at work and how she told him she wanted to meet me. He said to her "you did meet her, she was sitting next to my mother at dinner back in August" (he manages a restaurant and she is one of his servers). And she had the B@LLS to say "oh that was her, my god she's beautiful, but a little bigger than I imagined for you"

My gut reaction reading the initial post is she was hitting on him or trying to flirt with him. Trying to feel out the relationship. "Is he dating the same chick he was dating months ago?" "Is that his girlfriend?"Call me cynic.

ThePrettyOne
02-26-2008, 03:30 PM
Oh.....every girl at his restaurant wants to sleep with him, that's a given. He's young, unbelievably successful, BEYOND charming, the most genuine, honest, guy I've ever met...and not to mention drives a killer truck and rides a Harley, the girls can't keep it in their pants around him. And he's got the adorable Minnesota accent :lol: They all know about me and the girls and guys he works with that I actually do see from time to time tell me how funny it is to watch him turn them down. Weird thing is, I LOVE girls hitting on him....none of my friends understand why. I find it flattering and when I'm around to see it happen, I love to give them "not on your life" look :lol: Brings me pleasure :) He's not going anywhere....so why try and drive myself crazy with jealously? Jealously is not in my vocabulary!

None of my piss-offed-ness has anything to do with girls....just that someone would say that. And like I said...I wondered who else thought I was "pretty but chubby" before....probably everyone I guess! Though since I first posted this I've calmed down. Last night I was looking in the full length mirror thinking damn.....I didn't think I could get much better, but d@mn...I'm smokin! :lol: :lol:

Lovely
02-26-2008, 03:59 PM
And like I said...I wondered who else thought I was "pretty but chubby" before....

Pfft. "But" nothin'! You're gorgeous!

almostheaven
03-01-2008, 11:32 AM
It's never bothered me. I look at comments about the weight I lost or how I used to be as compliments personally. It reminds me of what a huge accomplishment I made. I feel proud that I did it.