Weight Loss Support - dealing with non-dieters




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veracitarella
02-22-2008, 12:15 PM
hi again-

just wondering what kind of reactions you've received from non-dieters (i.e., skinny minnies), who a) don't really notice that you've lost weight b) when you tell them your ultimate goal (i have 27 left to lose), they react in shock, like it's not possible for you to lose that much?

hard to keep momentum going when all the new moms around me have already lost all the baby weight and look fab!

thanks again!
:hug:

vera


nelie
02-22-2008, 12:19 PM
My advice would be not to tell anyone anything.

If they don't notice you've lost weight, who cares? Also a lot of people notice and don't say anything. I got the whole "did you do anything to your hair?" thing the other day from someone who hasn't seen me since 60 lbs ago.

I've also gotten the thing of "you better stop losing weight" or "do you actually plan to lose more weight?" And uhh yeah I'm still over 200 lbs people. I don't really tell people I'm losing weight but if they ask, I may tell them that I have lost weight.

Lovely
02-22-2008, 12:22 PM
Hey Vera,

I actually don't bother to talk to them about it. Whatsoever. I don't need, nor do I want, their comments/compliments. I'm doin' this for me!

It's not really their business what your ultimate goal is. If it happens to be mentioned, and they happen to comment that it seems like too much to lose. Just "white lie" it and say "My doctor and I discussed it. It's quite healthy, but thanks for the concern."

Do not compare yourself to other women! Who cares if they can lose 25 lbs super fast after having a baby? They are not you, they do not matter :)Compare your now self, to your former self. This is the time to be self-centered :lol: Focus on what you've done. Focus on how you have improved.

You HAVE improved. :hug:

And if you'd really like them to notice, just be patient. A couple more months and they will have no choice but to notice ^^


veracitarella
02-22-2008, 12:27 PM
thank you! thank you!

you're all so great - so thoughtful to take the time to respond to my worries.

vera

horsey
02-22-2008, 12:30 PM
Personally as a former skinny person, I think if someone is naturally thin they don't really understand dieting and the stress of being overweight. When I was in college I ate double/triple what other girls did, tried to gain weight -while everyone else dieting. I didn't understand salads and yogurt and why they seemed so obsessive. It's not like I was flaunting it, I just couldn't relate especially to losing 25 lbs. Now that I've slowly lost 15 and hopefully 25 in the end I can relate all too well. I think this site is a good place to chat about dieting - we all have that in common - but in the "real world" people have different views, some are naturally skinny and don't care, some are skinny because they really watch it and can't relate, some are overweight and get defensive if you are being proactive and they aren't... body image is a sensitive subject I'm finding out, because I've wanted to share with others about my progress. Everyone has their own sense of reality. This just seems to be a subject that can push buttons. However if someone doesn't just "notice" that you lost, most likely they are busy, in their own worlds and not in "dieting mode" as you are. What you are accomplishing very few people have the will power to do I'm finding - yes you can find "live" people to chat with, but not a lot will relate or join you on your journey.

souvenirdarling
02-22-2008, 12:42 PM
I don't tell thinner people I'm dieting. I have some friends who are great many ways, they're just either not honest enough or knowledgeable enough to say "Well, that'll be better for your health. Be careful and make sure you do it healthy like".

I'm assuming people like me will understand me,but I have another friend I imagine weighs around 200 pounds who I'm sure would insist I don't need to lose weight. I understand how, from her perspective, she might feel that way. I'd rather not discuss it with her because its sensitive to her :) We love each other how we are.

sidhe
02-22-2008, 12:56 PM
If people ask if I've lost weight, I mildly say, "A little bit," and change the subject. I don't think my personal body is a viable topic of discussion for anyone except me and my doctor. I'm much, much more comfortable when people don't notice or don't say anything.

As for keeping the momentum going for myself, I spend a lot of time looking at what I've achieved and what I'm doing TODAY to get closer to my goal. I congratulate myself on healthy eating choices, I keep careful records of my gym visits and revel in added weights on my lifts, and pay attention to how my body is changing. At any point when I'm comparing myself to another person and thinking, "Oh, wow, she lost 10 pounds this month and I only lost three," I can think, "BUT I rode 21 miles on my bike last sunday, and I'm doing 50 pound squats!"

veracitarella
02-22-2008, 01:10 PM
thanks for all the great responses.

i think the reason i've mentioned the dieting is that i hang out in new mom groups several times a week and the primary activity there is eating!
these women eat constantly and don't seem to gain.

i actually gained weight AFTER losing all my pregnancy weight because of the food (and my lack of self-control) at these meetings.
so, now i don't eat there - i eat at home and then go out.
and everyone notices and comments - and i almost feel like they are sometimes pushing the food on me, although i am more overweight than most of them.
actually, the one women there who is also overweight - and totally not interested in dieting (which is fine) is really agressive and obviously dislikes what i am doing. weird.

it is hard - lots of cookies and sweets, brie and bread. my favorites!

so, when they see i'm not eating and question it, i feel like i get defensive and say, well i've lost 10 lbs, etc.

thanks again!

horsey
02-22-2008, 01:33 PM
How about eating before you go to your mom's group? Then not responding about "why" you don't want to each such and such... we just had this discussion in another thread, about how we don't have to explain our choices to others. People don't always want to see you succeed, even your so called "friends..." If they are down, they'll want you to stay down with them. It's easier to go through life mindlessly without thinking, without worrying about the consequences - ie getting fat, being broke, a most Americans become. Perhaps you could choose your "friends" carefully, the ones you really confide in, and learn to have "casual" friends that you only talk lightly with? Dieting seems to go in the league of politics, religion - although I've only realized that lately, most people just don't want to here it -and here I am feeling energetic and proud of my progress... so likely are you. When the world doesn't cheer you on, you learn to be your own cheerleader! Maybe you need a diet buddy, is there someone in the group on the same "mission" as you that'll go to the park, go on walks, before or after your group?

lumifan4ever
02-22-2008, 01:35 PM
Wow...that really sucks. ON the one hand, you wanna hang out with all these new moms so that you can connect with other women who are going thru what you are going thru and on the other hand, you don't really want to in a way because they are trying to make you fat. That is a really hard place to be in. I really feel for you. All i can say is...you have to do what is right for you. Sounds like you have really already made up your mind by eating before you go and that is GREAT!!!! Good for you!!! I don't know....maybe you should try to find something to take THEIR minds off of trying to feed you. Bring an interesting baby article to discuss...or find something else you could do instead of eating. Or maybe just tell them you had to eat before you left the house and just aren't hungry but thanks for the offer anyways. But no one should make you feel bad because you don't want to regain your pregnancy weight when you're not pregnant anymore. If all else fails, find another group of new moms in the area who would rather find active activities to do together while hanging out. Suggest getting outdoors and pushing the strollers instead of sitting inside eating. Either way...good luck to you and let us know how it goes!!!

BrandNewJen
02-22-2008, 01:50 PM
If people ask, then I tell. But otherwise I keep it to myself (except for very close people to me so they know I'm trying and to not offer my tasty treats that I can't avoid!)

If they're asking that means they're noticing. My theory. :)

bargoo
02-22-2008, 02:02 PM
I am another one who doesn't tell anyone I am dieting, saves comments from the food police. If someone should happen to ask if I have lost weight I just say, "a little" then change the subject. I find the less said, the better. think about those "skinny minnies" they never explain why they only eat a half a sandwich or only a bite of pie!!

zenor77
02-22-2008, 02:12 PM
How about eating before hand like suggested and then telling them that you aren't hungry if they ask. I know several thin people who don't eat when thay aren't hungry, so it might not seem weird to them.

I had this problem when I was losing and it was aggravating! I'd either get strange advice (like "bananas will make you fat") or the guys I worked with told me I should stop losing. It's not like my goal was that low people! Or then there was the guy who couldn't stop telling me how hot I was getting and then made me REALLY uncomfortable.

Hat Trick
02-22-2008, 02:14 PM
I hate the 'skinny-right-after-giving-birth' types -- most likely because I'm so not. :D I'm still trying to lose the weight from my last baby --- and she just turned bloody 11!! :dizzy:

If someone ever notices -- and in my experience they mostly don't because everyone is into their own heads -- I'll just say 'eh, just a bit'; especially if it's more than than. Let 'em wonder how a few lbs loss on you looks so fab! Same w/exercise. I say 'oh yeah, I've been walking the dog a little more'. Yeah, like that's why my shoulders are buff. ;)

Eat b/4 you go; take a plate full of stuff you really dislike and push it around. If someone bugs you, tell them you think your getting streph. Tell them you just had a root canal. If they make some rude comment just stare at them like they're insane and say 'what??!?!' really loudly. What can I say, some people are dense. There really should be a patch for stupidity. :D Personally, eating at these things I've never had a prob with. It's when I'm alone . . . and the food police go on break . . . . and the goodies start calling my name :devil:

I've learned to not sweat the petty things (and not pet the sweaty things).

peachcake
02-22-2008, 02:15 PM
bargoo- good point. Nobody questions skinny people why they aren't eating very much. They really stick to questioning the bigger ones. I had never thought of that. I tell my friends/family about my diet but not just anybody.

PhotoChick
02-22-2008, 03:48 PM
Nobody questions skinny people why they aren't eating very much. They really stick to questioning the bigger ones.

I have to disagree with this. I have never been skinny (not super thin) but 2 of my dearest friends are. One of them is very tall and thin with a dancer's body and one of them is short and truly underweight - no matter how she eats it's difficult for her to gain weight.

Both of them feel just as bad about their bodies as we do about ours.

And both of them have been questioned, harangued, even attacked by people who have accused them of being anorexic, not eating right, asking them why they're "doing this" to themselves, etc.

My one friend, the tall one, was 7ish months pregnant and had a woman physically restrain her from leaving a deli, telling her that if she didn't eat more she was going to "kill your baby". My friend called me in tears from her car, weeping hysterically, feeling like s**t becuase some strange woman told her that.

Don't lose perspective here. We're used to being fat and being on the receiving end of fat comments, but the "skinnie minnies" (a phrase I won't use becuase I feel it's just as demeaning as "fatties") get their fair share of abuse and hurtful comments as well.

.

souvenirdarling
02-22-2008, 04:09 PM
I hate the 'skinny-right-after-giving-birth' types -- most likely because I'm so not. :D I'm still trying to lose the weight from my last baby --- and she just turned bloody 11!! :dizzy:

Everyone is different, right? My mum had me at 28, and wore her jeans the next day. She was a stick when she was young. Many years later, she's had to learn to manage her weight too :)

designerella
02-23-2008, 01:42 AM
I am the annoying dieter- since I've gotten older LOL When I was younger, I'd tell people I was trying to lose weight and they used to instantly start baking- cakes, cookies, cupcakes, even more cookies... homemade candy- and then shove it at me. So, now- I'm like wow, how many calories does THAT have a slice- woot- wouldn't touch that if you paid me :) Yes, I know- it's annoying, but it does stop them from offering you unhealthy foods :)

gailr42
02-23-2008, 12:15 PM
Almost no one has noticed that I have lost weight. When someone does ask, I respond with "a little".

I was a skinnie minnie and didn't appreciate it at the time. I could wear all my pants the day after delivery. My tops didn't fit because my boobs were too big. Oh, to have that kind of problem today!!! People used to try to get me to eat all the time.

bargoo
02-23-2008, 12:17 PM
I had a friend who insisted I giving me a plate of fried chicken.I didn't want it, but didn't want to hurt her feelings, either. I said I'll take it for later, On the way home I saw a homeless person, I stopped and gave it to him. He was happy, I saved eating a bunch of calories and she never knew about it.

Lovely
02-23-2008, 12:48 PM
I had a friend who insisted I giving me a plate of fried chicken.I didn't want it, but didn't want to hurt her feelings, either. I said I'll take it for later, On the way home I saw a homeless person, I stopped and gave it to him. He was happy, I saved eating a bunch of calories and she never knew about it.

Would that we could always give all our extra food to those who truly are in need of it!

almostheaven
02-23-2008, 10:37 PM
Well I have two co-workers. I used to work at this same company before. So one knows me from previously, and when I was around 250 lbs. The other came after I left, so she never saw me overweight. My old co-worker weighs about 135 and is about 5' 7". The newer co-worker, probably 120 and is about 5' 4". We were talking one day about my weightloss and I mentioned that I still wanted to eventually reach my goal weight. Both of them commented that I didn't need to lose anymore weight that I would be too skinny. Sometimes I wonder if people can see how they really appear to themselves. Cause they're both way smaller than I am. So if I get down to a similar weight for my height (which would have me weighing more than the 5' 4" co-worker as we're both the same height, why is it that *I* would be too skinny? I just get a chuckle out of it. It never bothers me. ;)

Ookpik
02-23-2008, 10:50 PM
People sometimes ask me what my goal weight is. I tell them roughly 140, and they react with surprise and say I will be skin and bones (I am 203 right now). I point out that for my height -- 5'0"-- 140 is considered heavy.

I am used to talking about my weight loss every day, because I live in a rural area where most people know me and people bring it up, asking how I'm doing it, and giving me compliments. It doesn't bother me, but to each his own. What I don't like is people asking my advice and then shooting down ideas I give because they don't have enough time to exercise, etc., or they find healthy food too expensive. That's annoying!