Weight Loss Support - Handling the Won't Take No For An Answer people




BattleAx
02-17-2008, 02:51 PM
How do you respond to people who offer you food, you decline, and they continue to offer it? I admit this is a button-pushing event for me. I find it incredibly rude and disrespectful, and I hate it in any situation in which I've declined an offer, be it food or otherwise. No means no! My usual response is to politely decline a couple of times, and on the third occasion, I say loudly, "I said NO!!!!" Wow, I sound *exactly* like my mother when I was a kid and kept pushing for something.

There must be a better way to handle this. How about some snappy/smart/stops them dead in their tracks responses?


doIlookfat?
02-17-2008, 03:06 PM
How about, "I'm sorry, but my doctor put me on a real restrictive diet and it's something I can't eat". This way it's not like you are declining because you don't "want it", but instead "can't have it". Maybe the food pushers will be more apt not to push if a doctor is involved. What do you think?

BTW, I am around these types too, but my willpower is not as strong as yours.:( I applaude your determination.

Heidi

Catmint
02-17-2008, 03:30 PM
Heidi, you stole my response! That's exactly what I would say. You can even add something like "Maybe next time we're eating dinner together I'll be finished with my program and I can have a bite."


CountingDown
02-17-2008, 03:30 PM
The second time they ask:

"You are so sweet for making sure that I am taken care of! But, I really don't care for any. If I change my mind, I will be sure to let you know. Thank you for respecting my decision. I have been places where people just PUSH food on me. Thank heaven's you aren't one of those folk." (smile coyly)

They don't come back

JayEll
02-17-2008, 03:32 PM
What I do, by the third or fourth time, is turn it around into a question for the person pushing the food. For example, "Why is it so important to you that I eat that XX?" or, "Why are you insisting that I have that food when I've told you No already?" or, "I guess you didn't hear me when I said No all those other times." or, "You must really want to get rid of that XX because this is the fourth time you've tried to get me to eat it."

In other words, put the spotlight where it belongs, on THEIR behavior, instead of having it focused on you because you keep saying No. You don't have to say any of those responses in a loud or belligerent way--in fact, you can smile and be pleasant about it.

I'd practically guarantee that if you say one of these, you won't get asked a fourth or fifth time for that food.

Jay

RedPhoenix
02-17-2008, 03:33 PM
I always say I've just finished eating.My in-laws try to push food on people,once they went as far a fixing my husband a plate and TELLING him to eat.They put a plate in front of me once and I just acted like it wasn't there(I'd said "no" 3times already).It urks me too...I don't force my kids to eat either;only YOU know if you're hungry and only YOU should be deciding what goes in your body and when...

sharonrr1
02-17-2008, 03:38 PM
I am downright rude. I don't believe anyone has any right to push their food on me. They don't know where I'm coming from. I also can't stand it when someone says,"She doesn't eat that, she's on a diet." I quickly respond."No I'm not on a diet I choose not to put that garbage in my body."
"Thank you"

rockinrobin
02-17-2008, 03:51 PM
I don't feel the need to tell anyone I'm on a special "diet" or anything like that. It's no one's business what or why I'm eating or not eating something.

I just say "no thank you" as many times as I need to.

Although I have had people, many, MANY people respond to me, that "Oh, you're probably not ALLOWED to eat XXX." And Then I get a little nuts and say something like, "What do you mean not ALLOWED to, I CHOOSE not to eat XXX." Not allowed to? What kind of nonsense is that? I'm an adult for goodness sakes, I CHOOSE what I want to eat and not eat. See, there I am getting all nuts. :dizzy:

In this day and age, with the focus on health, I don't think anyone should feel insulted if someone doesn't want to eat a particular item. And if they are that's their problem. They need to get over themselves.

I do like Jay's line of thinking though, I must say.

Jasmine31
02-17-2008, 03:56 PM
I need to try some of these. V~day I was at See's getting chocolate for my dh and they offered me a sample, I said no. By the second time the same guy offered me a sample without thinking I took it and ate it! Arrrghhh!!! I didn't even like that particular piece!

horsey
02-17-2008, 04:37 PM
A client took me to breakfast a few weeks ago. I had oatmeal and fruit, and I kept getting questioned. I went on and on about I have a birthday coming up, I'm on a diet, and truth is it's NOBODY'S BUSINESS. Why is it NOT OK to skip the skillets that made me fat to begin with? What's wrong with oatmeal. Next time I'm not going to explain myself.

JayEll
02-17-2008, 05:07 PM
NO ONE has to explain their food choices to ANYONE. Period.

A 3FC member also once suggested, "Tell you what--you look at your plate and I'll look at mine."

This wouldn't be the thing to say at a business breakfast, but if necessary one can always say, "Oh, I'm never very hungry in the morning, and I've found that this is the best thing for me to eat." No one can argue with that!

Jay

horsey
02-17-2008, 05:22 PM
"I'm not very hungry." PERIOD.

PurdueGal
02-17-2008, 05:31 PM
I hate it when this happens too. The other day I was at the mall with one of my friends and we walked past the Japanese restaurant where an employee is always handing free samples to passerby. My friend stopped and took one, and I politely declined the offer. But the guy kept pushing it- "Here! Here! Try one!" I started to walk away and MY FRIEND joined him by saying "Oh come on, try one!" No means no. I just kept walking away and I hear my friend say to the guy, "She's a baby."
What a friend. I felt like slapping her. :P

But all I can ever do is just say, "No thanks," and leave that situation if I can. (Like walking away or turning to talk to someone else.)

Justwant2Bhealthy
02-17-2008, 06:03 PM
How about 'NO THANKS, I'M NOT HUNGRY RIGHT NOW', then just turn and walk away. I also have used the 'NO THANKS, I JUST ATE' comment many times; and I really like COUNTING'S clever answer ...

Someone once suggested to say 'WHAT PART OF THE WORD 'NO' DIDN'T YOU UNDERSTAND? THE 'N' OR THE 'O'? Then leave. LOL! But, that may sound too harsh in some circumstances (ie you wouldn't want to offend your boss).

:hug:ROSEBUD:hug:

Ilene
02-17-2008, 06:06 PM
I just answer: "I REALLY am STUFFED, couldn't eat another bite."

missingmyerica
02-17-2008, 06:09 PM
I just say no thanks...if they insist then I tell them I'm not eating that type of food for health reasons, I want to live longer. That usually shuts them up.

PhotoChick
02-17-2008, 06:35 PM
I'm a big fan of being honest and not being snippy or snarky - because that just makes you look bad in the end.

My response would be something like:

I appreciate the offer, but it's really beginning to upset me that you won't accept my answer of "no thank you". I don't understand why you are insisting that I eat something I don't want.

It's polite and not snippy, but it does get across the message that you don't want to be asked again.

.

Tealeaf
02-17-2008, 10:49 PM
I've had good luck with "Thanks, but I now choose to not eat that." The phrase is odd and rather stilted, it doesn't sound like "normal" speech. People aren't sure how to respond to it, and most will usually say something like "Ok, um, ok then, I guess."

I've never had to use the second line, should some question me about this. But if they did, it would be "My body, my choice. I choose not to put that into my body."

Its awkward, but it does get the point across in a way that they will actually hear.

Kery
02-18-2008, 05:01 AM
I don't justify my choice. I just say "Thank you, but I'm not hungry". People tend to question my reaction way less often this way. (On the other hand, anything sounding like an explanation will set them off on a discussion full of words like "why?", "allowed", "diet" etc. As if then they were feeling compelled to try to make me change my mind.)

I remember once friends offering cake at like 2:30 pm. I really wasn't hungry (I had finished lunch at 1:30!). They said "but maybe there won't be any left later on", to which I just answered "it's okay, it's just cake". I got a funny look, but no more questions. ^^

JayEll
02-18-2008, 05:59 AM
Kery, that's right! :bravo: It is just cake! It doesn't matter whether you eat any or not! :yay:

Too often it seems like our food impulses are tied up in being about 5 years old--we're sure we will just die if we don't get to have the goody. :lol:

Jay

Aldebaran
02-18-2008, 06:57 AM
Ha ha, It's JUST CAKE! That is the rightest attitude you can have for weight loss! You can have it any time you want, if you wanted to... In the States probably even at night! When I finally understood that, I stopped feeling like that 5yr old. Depraved and unhappy. I will not never again see cake if I don't eat of that particular one.

One thing you guys overlooked though is WHY people are pushing the food on you: because they either spent a lot of time/money/both to be able to force it upon you - I mean offer it to you. And when you decline, you negate all of the hard work that was put in there... And they really want the praise, so they'll keep attacking!

Maybe something like: "I am sure you made it tastylicious, but I (insert statements from above - doctors, noneofyourbusiness, whatever works for your personality).

I don't have that problem, I just count calories and if they're made of cake and pizza, I'll still have just 1600. So I'll have that bite of goodness they're offering and make sure I know what it's made of, so I can calculate the calories. If I inquire about it, then the host will be satisfied in more than one way, see.

Once I went to my aunt, I was on a cleansing fruit diet, and she gave me the apple, but made fun of me the whole visit. Cow.

jellydisney
02-18-2008, 07:16 AM
I have this problem with a relative who, no matter WHAT I say, insists on pushing food off on us. Her reason, however, is because SHE doesn't want it in her house after a party, etc. Around Christmas she forced me (yes, FORCED me) to take home two full platters of cookies, cakes, eclairs, etc that didn't get eaten at her party. I said no no no over and over, and that if she gave them to me they were going right into the garbage. So I carried them home, and into the garbage they went.

Most people are much more reasonable though. At work it's always somebody's birthday, somebody's retirement, etc, and they get these enormous sheet cakes from the cafeteria. Everyone digs in, but I never take a piece. At first it's always like "Mmm you're missing out!" or "You can't be good all the time!" but eventually they accept it and stop badgering me.

JayEll
02-18-2008, 08:13 AM
jellydisney, tossing unwanted food in the garbage is the right thing to do when one is losing weight--and even if one is maintaining! We do not have to eat foods we don't want or need, and we don't have to save them, either. If it's possible to pass them on further, that's OK--but if we can't, it's OK to toss them!

Jay

rockinrobin
02-18-2008, 08:41 AM
Oh yeah. The garbage can is a very useful "diet aid". Sure it seems a sin to toss food in the trash, but it is WAY more sinful to eat food when not hungry, and to eat food devoid of nutritional value, food that will only cause harm, then to throw it away.

There's no telling where I would be in my journey if I hadn't used the garbage pail to throw away unneeded food. Certainly not at goal, this much I can tell you. ;)

BillBlueEyes
02-18-2008, 08:44 AM
LOL at Kery's "It's just cake." Well done!

What works for me is some variant of "I can't eat another bite," or "I'm still stuffed from lunch." I avoid "choose" to avoid conveying that I'm judging their choices and, as mentioned above, giving them an opening to discuss my mine. When pushed, it's worked for me to respond with a smile, "No thanks, religious choice," conveying that my choice isn't up for debate.

I do have a strong internal reaction to statements sent my way suggesting "not allowed," as when my SIL asks DW, "Is he allowed to have this?" - sometimes asked while I'm standing there. It's all I can do to appear calm with a simple "Yes" response, instead of a tirade that includes my age, status as a free man, intellectual capacity and constitutional rights.

__________________
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rockinrobin
02-18-2008, 08:58 AM
LOL at Kery's "It's just cake." Well done!

What works for me is some variant of "I can't eat another bite," or "I'm still stuffed from lunch." I avoid "choose" to avoid conveying that I'm judging their choices and, as mentioned above, giving them an opening to discuss my mine. When pushed, it's worked for me to respond with a smile, "No thanks, religious choice," conveying that my choice isn't up for debate.

I do have a strong internal reaction to statements sent my way suggesting "not allowed," as when my SIL asks DW, "Is he allowed to have this?" - sometimes asked while I'm standing there. It's all I can do to appear calm with a simple "Yes" response, instead of a tirade that includes my age, status as a free man, intellectual capacity and constitutional rights.

__________________
XXXXXXX 7 XXXXXXX 14 XXXXXXX 21 XXXXXXX 28 XXXXXXX 35 XXXXXXX 42
Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!


Yup, Bill same with me!!! It's that ALLOWED phrase that sets me over the edge. Oooh, it gets me so NUTS. :dizzy:

I do have a problem though with saying that I'm stuffed or I simply can't eat anymore. Just because there might be something else that I may choose to eat, just not the particular item that people are trying to throw my way. So, I personally try to avoid saying that.

AnnRue
02-18-2008, 09:35 AM
Something I thought was interesting the other day... I was at McDonalds and I had ordered a cheeseburger and a small diet coke (in a pinch I take off the top). The woman said to me "did I want fries" and I said "no" and then she said "did I want the meal?" I had no clue what she was talking about but said no. She goes "you do know the price is the same" lordy, yes I know that.

But this was interesting, a guy behind me ordered a McChicken and a soda, and got the same thing but he totally got upset. He called the manager over and said that thing would go a lot smoother if his workers just paid attention to what he actually ordered instead of trying to make sure we didn't mean to order the entire menu! Cracked me up.

Guess McDonalds is hurting for business.

nelie
02-18-2008, 10:48 AM
I don't really have this problem but I HATE going to Costco on the days they have samples. So many people, people blocking the aisles, etc etc. I never take samples and never did.

I don't eat meat any more and they were giving away samples of sausages and the guy was yelling about the types of meat they had, flavors, etc and it just made my stomach turn. I know the Costco people aren't really allowed to be pushy but they do seem that way to me.

kaplods
02-18-2008, 11:22 AM
Fast food workers are taught and even pressured to ask "would you like x with that" (so they can sell more to the customer of course - because the price is never really "the same" but "just a few cents more").

My husband and I had one of those "so funny it's kind of sad moments," a couple years ago. On a road trip we went through a drive through and ordered a Diet coke and large fry to split (that's all). The gal actually asked "would you like fries with that." (Um, let me see, fries with my fries, I'll have to think about that one). She realized instantly what she'd said and tried to recover, but only made it worse as she couldn't think of what else to offer us from the menu. You could tell she was almost in a panic (of course, I'm sure our hysterical laughter didn't help).

Beach Patrol
02-18-2008, 11:55 AM
I change up my response depending on who I'm speaking to.

If it's my mother, that's a real easy "No thanks, Mom, I've already eaten."

If it's a friend, I say "Helloooooo????? Haven't you notice that I'm FAT already? Get that food outta my face!" (in a sing-songy jokey manner)

If it's my husband, I say "Sweetie - you know it's hard for me to say no to that kind of stuff - why you wanna make it harder?"

If it's co-workers, I say "No thanks - it looks better on you than it does on me."

If it's a stranger, I say "I don't eat that kind of stuff - makes me sick."

Yup. Different answers for different peoples.

HiHoHiHo
02-18-2008, 12:08 PM
My MIL does this all the time at family get togethers. She will literally ask 5 times, and 5 times I'll politely say No, Thank you. (I've found it's much better not to elaborate, not provide any reason or excuse, but just say no thank you.) Usually at the 4th or 5th time she asks, even people around me will start to say, she said no, stop asking!

ennay
02-18-2008, 12:24 PM
Fast food workers are taught and even pressured to ask "would you like x with that" (so they can sell more to the customer of course - because the price is never really "the same" but "just a few cents more").

My husband and I had one of those "so funny it's kind of sad moments," a couple years ago. On a road trip we went through a drive through and ordered a Diet coke and large fry to split (that's all). The gal actually asked "would you like fries with that." (Um, let me see, fries with my fries, I'll have to think about that one). She realized instantly what she'd said and tried to recover, but only made it worse as she couldn't think of what else to offer us from the menu. You could tell she was almost in a panic (of course, I'm sure our hysterical laughter didn't help).

I used to work @ wendys back when it wasnt a franchise. We were REQUIRED to suggestive sell. If we didnt say "would you like (something else) with that" we would be in trouble. One day when we were having an inspection with the regional manager there, I was working the drive up. "Would you like fries with that" is of course always first, "would you like a drink with that", "would you like to try one of our chocolate chip cookies"? "would you like a frosty"?

The manager was standing right behind me doing an eval when a car pulled up and ordered a burger, fries, salad, chili, baked potato, coke, and frosty. I was in a near panic because again "REQUIRED TO ALWAYS SUGGESTIVE SELL" . In a panic I suggested "would you like chicken nuggets with that" :rofl: the guy must have thought I was insane!

DOnt blame the poor food service workers...

beautybooty
02-18-2008, 03:11 PM
i am in that situation often. my roomie made soup the other night and while i am sure it wouldn't have been unhealthy, it just wasn't in my daily plan. she kept offering and finally i said, really, i am sure it's good, and i would probably really like it, but i don't want to eat something that i am just going to want more and more of. it had egg-noodles in it and i know i would have gone crazy on the stuff if she had let me.

the most annoying thing that happened what when my other roomie had some left-over pasta and offered it to me, and even after i declined he was like, "ah come on, i don't want to waste it!" ... i'm sitting here thinking, that is the least supportive thing you could do. pushing pasta in my face when you know i am trying to change the way i eat.

aerotigergirl
02-18-2008, 04:26 PM
If you're like me (I fear confrontation), you could always tell a teensy white-lie: "Sorry, no, I'm allergic to XYZ." It's not entirely false... Cake does make me swell up... it just doesn't happen all of the sudden! :)

didjaever
02-18-2008, 05:58 PM
I like JayEll's response...turn the table on them. I wouldn't try to be sweet to anyone offering me food over and over again... If I say no, you better here me...hehehe It sounds harse but it is what it is... "NO THANK YOU, I am not breaking my plan to lose these pounds...I want to feel and look better."

Ilene
02-19-2008, 03:51 PM
aerotigergirl - I am non confrontational also, and have used the white lie also :yes: ... nuttin' wrong with that ....