Weight Loss Support - Should I just give up and be happy at this weight?




doIlookfat?
02-17-2008, 03:02 PM
For the past year, I've been basically the same weight, 165. My eating has gone from "this is it, I'm cutting back once and for all" and I do well for a few weeks, go down to 163, then I eat a nice meal out with the family and I gain the 2 lbs back. Then I say "forget it, I'm eating what I want. Forget this!" and for 2 weeks I eat whatever I want and go up to 167. I freak out and start cutting back again and lose the 2 lbs. It's the same thing over and over again! It's like 165 is my set point or something.

I do walk, but haven't recently. Has that effected my weightloss? Not in the least. I hate gyms, I can't stay consistant with weights, and walking is the only thing I can stick with and enjoy. When it gets warmer outside I will start walking again, because it relieves my stress (spending all day with 20 first graders and them coming home to my own 2 kids with tons of homework is STRESS), but I don't expect to lose any weight.

Should I stop this yo yo type thing and just eat normally? Not restricting what I eat, nor overeating? Just eating normal and contently staying at this weight?

I am so tired of this nonsense. No matter what I do, or how much strength/willpower/planning/whatever you call it I do, the scale always goes back to 165. I checked again this morning. 165.:(

I try so hard!

Heidi


JamieY
02-17-2008, 03:30 PM
You sound so much like me. I used to do what you're doing all the time, yo-yoing back and forth. Today is day 64 (yes I'm counting the days) that I decided to just stay at my weight and eat what I want but in very moderate amounts and exercise when I have time. Guess what? I've lost weight and I look better! Shocker! I weighed in at 148 this morning and my clothes fit so much better. I've been working out when I have time, but it seems like I enjoy it so much more now then I did when I felt like I HAD to workout everyday to lose weight. Now that I'm not trying to lose, I'm losing. Funny thing.

doIlookfat?
02-17-2008, 03:46 PM
Thanks, Jamie, for telling your story. This is exactly what I want to happen, but too afraid to try. By "giving up" and accepting myself at this weight, stopping the eat less, go off track, eat less, go off track merry go round sounds so good right now. And maybe, just maybe, by leveling off my eating by eating with moderation, I can somehow go down to a more comfortable weight. Sounds too good to be true, in a way.

The walking doesn't help, but it doesn't hurt.:cool:

You have given me hope.:)

Heidi


dustdiva
02-17-2008, 04:18 PM
I've found it hard if not impossible, myself, to lose weight when my life has been filled with stress, and so I wonder if that area of your own life bears further examination. I know you can't change your job, put your kids up for adoption, etc . . . (although we have all probably fantasized about that from time to time!), but maybe you can work on changing how you deal with the stresses that life throws at you.

Have you ever tried something like yoga, or even just a regular stretching routine? I find it helps to have even 20 minutes a day to just focus on me, or better yet, on nothing at all. And as hard as it is, I've gotten into the routine of setting the alarm earlier so that I can have that "me time" in the mornings. Some days I can just manage to do one rep of each of the moves in my usual routine, but I don't let that make me feel as though I've failed, because at least I did something.

I don't know if any of that helps you, but some times it is useful to move the focus from losing weight to gaining perspective.

doIlookfat?
02-17-2008, 04:31 PM
Dustdiva- Yes, I know I am overweight because of the stress. The year I had a great class I lost the 15 lbs. This year, my class is very, very different. They are a pre-first, highly energetic, very immature class and has taken a lot out of me getting them to meet standards.

I have tried yoga, but I am very unflexable. I can't even touch my toes, at all! I was told I have tight hamstrings, what ever that is!

What does help me is taking a nightly shower. I sit and do nothing but deep breathing for 15 min. I love it. The hard part is balancing the nightly baths/showers with my kids, and having enough hot water for all 3 of us. If I get my daughter to go take her shower early enough, and then her brother right after that, with enough hot water for him too, then I can squeeze one for myself before bedtime! We all go to bed at 8:30 so I can get up a little earlier for somemore "me" time and another shower!

If I don't get my nightly shower, I am sitting in front of the tv watching what I Tivo'd that day and the night before. And what do I do while I am sitting there watching tv? You guessed it....snack! I try to eat less during the day so I can budget in my snack calorie allotment, but sometimes I go over still! I'm trying my hardest to balance it all out and not go over 1500 calories a day. It's tough! I love to eat!

Thanks for responding.:)
Heidi

Heather
02-17-2008, 04:38 PM
It sounds on some level like you just don't want to go below 165. I say that because I think on some level I don't want to go below my weight either! I know there's no physical reason I should stay at this weight. It's very much in my head -- I seem to sabotage myself back at or above 175...

Stress also seems to very much figure into my eating and weight, too...

Should you stay there? Well, I guess that depends on how you feel about it! If you can do the things you want and like how you look and feel, then you're fine. If you really don't feel comfortable at that weight, you will have to find a way around that mental block to move forward.

And if you do figure it out, tell me the solution! :)

JayEll
02-17-2008, 04:40 PM
doIlook, your question is, "Should I just give up and be happy at this weight?"

Well, ARE you happy at that weight? Do you think you can be happy at that weight? If so, then indeed you could quit fighting so hard and try maintaining your weight at that point.

On the other hand, maintenance is not a picnic, either--so to speak. :lol: You may find that maintenance is just like weight loss, but with a few hundred more calories to deal with. If by "normal eating" you mean not paying attention like you have been and going back to your "old ways," then the danger is that you'll start to gain.

You should be able to tell which way it's going after two or three weeks of normal eating. Maybe you'll find that you DO lose if you lighten up a bit--nobody knows! But you can find out.

As for exercise--being physically active seems to be necessary for health, not just for weight loss. Walking is a good exercise and it's also a pleasant activity in itself. I'd encourage you to make regular physical activity a part of your life, whether you continue your weight loss plan or ease up on that.

Good luck! :cheer2: :cheer2:

Jay

rockinrobin
02-17-2008, 04:43 PM
I think you are going back and forth between those couple of pounds, because your eating is going back and forth, like you've stated. I think 165 is your point right now only because you are MAKING it your point right now and if you're okay with that, well that's fine. Really. It sounds like right now you are not willing to do the work needed to get below the 165 and stay there.

I probably don't have to tell you this, but life will ALWAYS have stress, so yes,like dustdiva said, I think finding ways to deal with it other then food is essential. Incoporate some new habits into your life. When you feel stressed, go for a walk, read a book or a magazine, journal, hop on the computer. Go shopping. Cook up a healthy meal.

Leaving my food up to chance, not tracking my calories, just "watching" what I ate and eating normal never worked for me. I didn't know moderate portions and my "normal" was by no means "normal". I need to actually track/count the amount of calories I'm consuming, since I don't do well at leaving things up in the air. I need to plan my food in advance and have good, healthy food in the house and to keep the junk out. I need to pack my meals/snacks and take them with me wherever I go. Leaving it to chance is just too risky for me and leaves the door open to overeating and weight gain. That's me. And yes, I must pencil in exercise into my day, no matter what. It IS work, but IMO it is work that is well worth it. NOT doing these things at this point would actually prove more stressful to me.

Maybe instead of going in all out weight loss mode, start off small, say with eating a healthy breakfast for a week straight, then the next week a healthy lunch, and then the week after dinner. Work on elminating the junk and then adding in some healthy snacks. Decide to not drink anything with calories. Little things. Throw some exercise into the picture. A brisk walk. A new exercise DVD.

We are all different and therefore have to decide what is the best course of action for ourselves. Many people take breaks throughout the weight loss journey. If you need a little break, why not work on just maintaining where you are and hopefully one day soon you will feel the desire to pick up where you left off and try to lose again. Good luck to you. :)

CountingDown
02-17-2008, 04:48 PM
I am the most un-flexible person. Yet, I love yoga. There are good classes/DVDs out there for us. I use all of the props and modifications to the poses. It really does work.

I am also a person that gains weight when stressed. But, I finally realized that I can't change the fact that my life is stressful, but I can change how I respond physically and emotionally to the stress. Exercise has really been the key.

I have always been a person that hated exercise. And - no - that is not too strong of a word. I really hated it.

I keep trying new things to see what I like to do. While I don't like sports of any kind, I do like to walk and hike. So I have added those. I bought yoga, pilates, Tae Bo, aerobic dance, and WATP DVDs. I have found that following a workout routine on a video is really easy - particularly when I am stressed. Even if I feel drained, I strap on my shoes and get started. It feels GREAT when I finish.

And - it has helped me stay OP and lose weight consistently.

One last note. If you keep going off plan, your plan is not working for you. It may be time to look for something that you can do forever. Calorie counting works for me (Fitday is a Godsend), but it isn't right for everyone. Good luck finding a "fit" for you.

You CAN do this. Don't give up!!!!!

PhotoChick
02-18-2008, 03:34 AM
I think it's probably fair to say most of us hate to exercise (or did for most of our lives). We also hate to eat properly (or did for most of our lives).

And you know what I really hate? I hate HATE HATE getting up in the morning. I am not a morning person and I loathe it and moan about it every morning. I HATE it.

But I do it because I have to keep earning money to pay my bills.

That's part of life. You do things you don't really like (even things you hate) because you know you have to do it. It's part of being a responsible adult.

Exercise and eating right is one of those responsibilities you have to accept if you're going to get to and maintain a healthy weight and a healthy life. It's just not possible otherwise. Just as, I could choose to not get up in the morning, but I'd have to accept the consequences of so doing.

It's a choice you make in the long run.

.

jellydisney
02-18-2008, 08:33 AM
I say don't give up. Like the others have mentioned, your weight is yoyo-ing because your diet is yoyo-ing. I would suggest trying to get some more stability into your lifestyle, weight loss aside. Try eating clean and exercising regularly and see how long you can make it work without veering off track. I have a spreadsheet that I update each day with my calories and exercise, because it keeps me accountable. Once you can stick to a plan, then you can alter it for weight loss.


Good luck.

jellybelly06
02-18-2008, 09:01 AM
For the past year, I've been basically the same weight, 165. My eating has gone from "this is it, I'm cutting back once and for all" and I do well for a few weeks, go down to 163, then I eat a nice meal out with the family and I gain the 2 lbs back. Then I say "forget it, I'm eating what I want. Forget this!" and for 2 weeks I eat whatever I want and go up to 167. I freak out and start cutting back again and lose the 2 lbs. It's the same thing over and over again! It's like 165 is my set point or something.


Heidi

Part of this happens to me too! I go out to eat and the next day I am always up 1 - 2 lbs. Even if I watch the portions and eat "healthy" food when I go out, I still gain. BUT, it is not fat! It's just water weight. Usually it is from sodium. I always go back to "eating on plan" the next day. As soon as I have 1 - 2 day's of on plan eating the weight from going out to eat is gone. It is not fat! It would be very difficult to gain 2 lbs of fat in one day, let alone ONE MEAL!

You are sabotaging yourself over water weight. It would be like holding a 2 lb glass of water when you are weighing yourself and saying, I gained 2 lbs! THat's it I can't do this! I give up!

Go out to eat sometimes, enjoy it, then GET BACK ON PLAN and see what happens to your weight then. You can do this. Jelly

Aldebaran
02-18-2008, 10:42 AM
A German TV channel made a documentary about two girls - one fat and one thin (I hope I don't have to use the euphemisms here). They followed them throughout the day. They went shopping to a mall, and to a restaurant afterwards. The fat chick was explaining how she has a slow metabolism, and really does not consume that much food.

At the mall she bought herself two bags of chips and a coke. The thin one was too much into clothes to give a flying for snacks.

At the restaurant the thin chick ordered a salad, the fat one a stake with potatoes, salad and desert afterward (the cheek of some people! or the stupidity?). Slow metabolism my behind! She was INSULTED, when the next day they took them both to a clinic, to measure their metabolism scientifically, and the doctor told her there is nothing wrong with hers!

The moral of the story is that we do not even NOTICE how many calories we eat when eating "normally", which to us is something entirely different than for thin people. Thin people either watch their food severely (like my best friend - she works hard for the body she has, and loves it), or get their endorphin kicks somewhere else than food (music, sports, games, almost everyone is addicted to something...).
People who eat a lot of junk, and still do not gain anything (we all know people like that, and hate them) are, evolutionary speaking, much worse off than we are - they wouldn't last a day in a desert without food. Or they would last a lot shorter than us, who have fat reserves.

My point, actually, is this: everyday food, "normal" food, restaurant food... it's all highly caloric. Restaurants use a lot of butter, because it adds to the taste a lot. You can wipe up to a 100 calories off of a pizza with a paper towel. A can of pringles is 900 calories! That is half of what a thin woman consumes in a whole day!

May I inquire how you managed to loose weight up to this point? Do you use FitDay? It really is a blessing! Just having the amount of calories you eat written down helps with the situation. If nothing else, it shows you how much you actually consume.

You probably already know this, but it helped me a lot, so I'll just write it anyway: not drinking juices really really helps! I mean bought juices, not home made. Water is the ultimate drink! Yesterday I had a sip of some multivitamin juice, and it was so sweet! No wonder all kids today are overweight!

We cannot expect to eat "normally" and not gain, it is just not possible. Like someone here said, it's part of being a responsible adult, because only we are responsible for what we eat.

And you can shed the extra pounds, you just have to allow your body to do it. A year ago I was exactly where you are, after loosing 80 pounds, then I gained 20 pounds. I now figured out that my body is shedding the extra pounds if I take in 1600 calories, which is the basal metabolism requirement for my body. Visit FitDay and calculate your basal needs!

Do not think that you should give up if you do not look the way you wish to! It will work!

Glory87
02-18-2008, 11:54 AM
Should I stop this yo yo type thing and just eat normally? Not restricting what I eat, nor overeating? Just eating normal and contently staying at this weight?

I am so tired of this nonsense. No matter what I do, or how much strength/willpower/planning/whatever you call it I do, the scale always goes back to 165. I checked again this morning. 165.:(

I try so hard!

Heidi

Ack, sorry I don't have time to read all the responses, I'm late to get ready for work. I just wanted to say - there is no GIVING up about it. If you decide to maintain your weight loss at your current weight, the work will be exactly the same. To keep the weight off, you can never give up! What does eating "normally" mean to you? When I ate "normally" I gained weight! You don't have to be restrictive, but you have to be MINDFUL.

In my own personal experience, my "set point" appeared to be 140. I was there for 4-5 months in 2005. I figured my body was done and started maintaining. I slowly increased my calories from 1400 to 1800 (note: 1800 is still below maintenance for someone of my height/weight/age/gender/activity level) and I lost 13 more lbs overy the next 9 months.

I would definitely NOT give up. Carefully track your calories (ever truthful honest bite) and get a real idea of exactly what you're eating, make sure it's not too much or too little. Increase your exercise - yes walking will help a little, but more intensive cardio will definitely help. I don't think it's fair to give up on weight loss when you haven't really added the important component of exercise!!!

kaplods
02-18-2008, 12:14 PM
I think one thing to consider is that "giving up" pretty much for most of us, does not mean maintenance, but only weight gain (not only of all we lost, but some extra for good measure). Even if you decide this is your maintenance weight, you will still have to work very hard just to stay where you are. For many of us, there will never be a "just eat normally," monitoring our eating and our weight will be just as difficult during maintenance, if not more so because there will not the reward of seeing the scale move downward.

If you're at the point where frustration is leading you to feel you just can't make any more changes - then tread water for a while - practice maintenance. Maybe you will decide this is your maintenance weight, or maybe when you see how much work it takes to maintain, you'll decide that it wouldn't take much more to lose a little more.

I think no matter how much weight you still have to lose, this can work. Intentionally or accidentally, weight loss tends to be a step pattern rather than a smooth slide downward. I think that seeing weight plateaus (whether true weight loss stalls, lapses in diligence, or maintaining a weight by choice) as "practicing maintenance" rather than failure can help you stick with this for the long haul.

PhotoChick
02-18-2008, 12:35 PM
I think one thing to consider is that "giving up" pretty much for most of us, does not mean maintenance, but only weight gain (not only of all we lost, but some extra for good measure). Even if you decide this is your maintenance weight, you will still have to work very hard just to stay where you are. For many of us, there will never be a "just eat normally," monitoring our eating and our weight will be just as difficult during maintenance, if not more so because there will not the reward of seeing the scale move downward.
That is such an excellent point! It's true that "giving up" for me will never mean staying at the weight I am. Giving up means going back to bad habits and gaining weight.

I'm at 172 and have been in this range (175 - 169) for a couple of months now. I know it's because I'm slacking off a bit and I need to get my act together ... but I also have proven to myself that I can maintain a weight in a 5-ish lb range for a period of time. And it's no easier than the dieting to lose/

.