100 lb. Club - NO support at home




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Janis427
02-12-2008, 08:26 PM
As I am typing this my DH is making cookies. I want to scream!!
Does anyone else have this problem with no support at home?


bethbeth
02-12-2008, 08:48 PM
My husband eats whatever he wants and I don't get mad at him. He is not trying to eat healthy and lose weight like I am, and I accept that. I love him so much and do not want food to come between us. Sometimes it is hard to watch him eat something that looks really good, but I remember how I am losing weight and feeling more energetic and proud of myself!

Nori71
02-12-2008, 08:59 PM
All I can say is Thank God that my Dh never bakes anything other than cornbread! That would be very hard for me also. I guess me getting irritated would depend on if this was a nightly thing, or an occasional thing. If it was nightly, it's sabatoge!

Luckily, DH does what he can to help me out. He's been obese in the past (not since we've been married) and is health conscious and exercises regularly, so he understands the journey I'm on.


Lyn2007
02-12-2008, 09:13 PM
I had this problem for a long time. My husband would buy cases of Coke, and he does not even drink Coke (I love it). He would buy cookies and muffins and not eat them... even when I asked him not to. Eventually he said something to me along the lines of, "I am not attracted to skinny women."

AHA! So he had to decide: are you attracted to women whose knees are so bad they can't walk? Are you attracted to a woman in the cardiac unit having surgery because she is so unhealthy? How about a woman lying in a coffin, does that turn you on?

Now he is on track pretty well, helping me by only buying what HE wants (I have no issues with him buying HIMSELF one donut or candy bar, just stop buying dozens.)

Tonia
02-12-2008, 09:28 PM
Janis,
I am sorry you are not feeling supported at home. I know for me my husband tries to be supportive but, honestly, we have been eating a certain way for so long and if he is not on board to change the way we eat then it is as frustrating for him as it is for me....he doesn't want Skinny Cow, he wants Ben & Jerry's!

It sounds like you are going to have to find a happy medium here. Try talking to him - he may not realize how it is really bothering you or that he seems unsupportive.

Best of luck to you!

chunkomommy
02-12-2008, 09:39 PM
Hey Janis!

The support at home is key as this is to be your soft place to land!

I was recently telling my husband (who is fit and can pretty much eat anything he wants!! .. that DRIVES me nuts!) that when people have addiction problems, such as alcohol/drugs etc., not everyone knows that they have a problem BUT, being this overweight shows my addiction (my butt says it all!!)

We have will-power but, it's really hard when there is the smell of fresh baked cookies wafting thru the house! Perhaps a heart-to-heart is in order.

Good luck and stay strong!:hug:

chunkomommy
(Heather)

Noelani
02-12-2008, 09:48 PM
It's really tough when you don't get any support at home I'm sure. I'd agree with chunkomommy that maybe a heart to heart is in order.

If he cares about you and you explain to him how important this is to you then maybe there can at least be some compromise made. Like maybe if he wants the cookies he can bake them when you're not around. Or go pick up some fresh baked ones from the bakery/coffee shop instead of having them in the house around you.

Gosh that would be tough, no way could I smell fresh baked cookies and not have any. :(

Rhighlan86
02-12-2008, 09:59 PM
The only time I really don't find support is when my bf is hungry and I'm not, he feels bad and doesnt want to eat when I'm not. So sometimes I cave and get something. But with stuff like cookies, if he wants fresh cookies I will get ones that I can make 1 or two and store the rest. That way he can have cookies and I don't have to.

twirlandswirl
02-12-2008, 10:14 PM
I'm sitting at the reception desk at work right now with a big plate of sunflower sugar cookies in front of me. And I didn't eat lunch. And it's 9pm.

I ate 6.

THEY'RE SMALL! And it was only 400 calories, which balances out lunch, but I still feel horrible about it... and there are still more staring at me.

sharonrr1
02-12-2008, 10:28 PM
I can relate with the lack of support. It is not that my DH is not happy with what I have accomplished with my weight but he doesnt get it.
He doesn't get that I don't want chips, cakes, ice cream etc. He thinks I'm depriving myself of pizza and all the other garbage. The truth is I really don't want it anymore. I'm over the cravings. As long as I don't have that first bite I won't have any of it. On the other hand my 20 year old son does get it and is very supportive. I love him but I think some people just don't get it when they haven't walked in your shoes. That is why we are here.

aprilcp12344
02-12-2008, 11:16 PM
Oh wow... Can I relate? You bet I can...

He just made Buffalo Chicken Pizza bites... at 10:10 PM!!

Urgh...

It doesn't anger me that he can eat whatever he wants and not gain a pound.

It angers me that he cooks food that I used to love and eats it... while I am working out...

Double wammy...

I can usually resist, but every once in a while I give in and eat a few. It hasn't hurt me soo far.

Luckily I am the baker... not him.

Lol.

Lovely
02-13-2008, 09:13 AM
Oh that is TOUGH!

I have a roommate who doesn't always watch what she puts into recipes. And sometimes I'm thinking "Oh goodness... cornbread, pulled pork and fresh biscuits." Thank goodness we buy our own groceries or I'd be eating half that crap! >_<

Just be sure to keep yourself occupied on 3FC if he bakes cookies again...

Janis427
02-13-2008, 09:23 AM
Thanks for all the support. If it wasnt for this group to log onto when I feel out of sorts or about to do something I wil regret later (eat,eat, eat), I would probaly give up. Thanks everyone.

GirlyGirlSebas
02-13-2008, 09:50 AM
Janis, did you have that heart-to-heart with Hubby and ask for his help? Maybe if you explain the health reasons for losing the weight, he might become more supportive.

May I share my opinion on this? I hear so many women here talk about the fact that their families are not overweight and don't need to lose weight so they have no right to ask that the junk not be around them in the house. But, this is not just about losing weight. This is also about healthy eating. Our children and our Hubby's don't need that junk every day. Its unhealthy! As wives and mothers, we often put ourselves at the bottom of the list....if we even include ourselves on the list at all! For me, I've banned that stuff from the house. This is my safety zone...the one place in life where I'm not being bombarded by temptations at every turn. Willpower doesn't last. Planning and creating a safety zone works wonders for me. Now, we take the children out for an ice cream, we buy them an occasional candy bar as a treat. We occasionally buy one single bag of chips that they consume quickly....nothing sitting around in the pantry for a night time secret munchie session. They get McD's once a week. They aren't deprived, but they are eating a whole lot healthier these days...and that's one of my jobs as a Mom, right?

Slashnl
02-13-2008, 09:56 AM
Wow, very well said, Rhonda. I agree with you and there isn't much for me to add!!

Beverlyjoy
02-13-2008, 12:26 PM
I am so sorry that you aren't getting support. I think Rhonda said it SO well. These days my hubby and I go out for cookie dates at the coffee shop or a scoop of ice cream at the ice cream shop because I just can't stay away from these things being in the house.

Is there a way he can get cookies at lunch time away from home.

Good luck!!!

barbygirl43
02-13-2008, 01:36 PM
Janis, did you have that heart-to-heart with Hubby and ask for his help? Maybe if you explain the health reasons for losing the weight, he might become more supportive.

May I share my opinion on this? I hear so many women here talk about the fact that their families are not overweight and don't need to lose weight so they have no right to ask that the junk not be around them in the house. But, this is not just about losing weight. This is also about healthy eating. Our children and our Hubby's don't need that junk every day. Its unhealthy! As wives and mothers, we often put ourselves at the bottom of the list....if we even include ourselves on the list at all! For me, I've banned that stuff from the house. This is my safety zone...the one place in life where I'm not being bombarded by temptations at every turn. Willpower doesn't last. Planning and creating a safety zone works wonders for me. Now, we take the children out for an ice cream, we buy them an occasional candy bar as a treat. We occasionally buy one single bag of chips that they consume quickly....nothing sitting around in the pantry for a night time secret munchie session. They get McD's once a week. They aren't deprived, but they are eating a whole lot healthier these days...and that's one of my jobs as a Mom, right?

Very well said. This is pretty much the approach we have taken. I make sure and let them know it's not something they CAN'T eat rather it's something to eat every once in a while. I agree with the other that you probably need to talk to him about your intentions. What you hope to accomplish by eating healthier, how you hope to accomplish it and then tell him that you'd like to not have as much of that stuff around to tempt him. Tell him you don't mind him eating the food just not in front of you. Many men may feel helpless if their women start losing weight. They feel that you may leave them if you get skinny or whatnot. He may have fears of you losing weight that really need to be discussed. Communication is key.

BrandNewJen
02-13-2008, 02:41 PM
Thank GOD my husband has to lose a lot of weight as well... I don't know WHAT I would do if I was going this alone and couldn't tell him "that's NOT coming in our house anymore" He's losing at about half my pace, so I know he's cheating during the day (he works 2 jobs) but at least I know when it comes to dinner at night and the snacks around the house, he can't do any more additional damage.

I agree with Rhonda---- my home is the only safe place I can be where I know I can keep the temptations at bay. My husband is able to eat only one or two cookies and put the rest away--- I am NOT able to to it. He gets upset and doesn't understand sometimes, which is why it just doesn't come in the house. That way we avoid the temptations and we avoid the arguments about "why can't you avoid the temptation?"

KrisR
02-13-2008, 02:55 PM
If you're lucky...sometimes over time they start to change. My mister could lose a few kilos - but he refuses to give up any food he loves. Although he's supportive of me, 'stuff' still comes into our home. Luckily, I'm not tempted by his baked junk foods.

This week something new happened.....he actually bought fruit instead of donuts! I nearly fell over! When quizzed, he said he noticed his pants were a bit snug so thought he'd make some different choices. (Is this REALLY my mister talking???!!!)

Lovely
02-13-2008, 02:56 PM
Rhonda, so true! And well said.

I think I also fall into a category where I'll have something on hand "just in case"... but what you've said got me thinking... Just in case what? Just in case I want some? Won't having it around the house be that much more of a temptation? If I was truly craving something I don't eat every day, why not just go out and buy a serving of it as a treat when I'm craving it, and not plan for a craving (and by that process create more cravings) by having it around tempting me!

This is ridiculous that this just dawned on me. >_< Oh boy, I have some work to do! :lol:

missymckibben
02-13-2008, 03:21 PM
My husband used to be that way. "What makes the difference if you are overweight or not, I still love you." Which is great, don't get me wrong, but hearing that I have pre-diabetes and all the aches and pains I have, he is more supportive. He has a problem with the low-carb thing, but he's trying. He does all the cooking and he asks me now, is this going to work for you? There is junk in the house, but fortunately my teenage son eats everything so fast it's not here.

Missy

midwife
02-13-2008, 03:53 PM
I guess I am the odd bird out here. I do understand and hear you that you are tempted by fresh-baked cookies. But, you are the one making this change, not him. If he wants to bake cookies, why shouldn't he? Marriage is a give and take. My dh sometimes does things for himself that I might not always like, but I do not own or control him any more than he owns and controls me. The bottom line is that you are the one who is making a choice to eat healthy. You are the only one who can open your mouth and eat a cookie. It might be hard (I know that it is!) but you are an adult and you are in charge of your life.

This past weekend, dh went to a local hamburger joint and picked up green chile cheeseburgers for himself and the kids. They ate them and enjoyed them. A green chile cheeseburger was not on my plan. I did not have one. Should the fact that I decided I did not want a green chile cheeseburger prevent everyone else from having one?

I doubt he's doing it to sabotage you. My guess is he just wanted to have some cookies. Is there a possibility you send some mixed messages? Do you tell him you don't want cookies and then you eat some when he makes them? If so, he might be confused about your plans. It probably has nothing to do with him not wanting to support you and everything to do with him wanting to eat a cookie.

Our changes are our changes....not everyone else's.

Now, you may have the sort of relationship where he is really making cookies for a nefarious purpose. I sincerely hope not.

Good luck to you!

Sea
02-13-2008, 07:29 PM
My dh pushed me to make chocolate no-bake cookies for my sister the very hour I told him I was getting back on my diet and exercise routine.

kimmieone
02-13-2008, 07:33 PM
My partner eats what she wants when she wants and I'm cool with it. I feel like she supports me and is encouraging, however she has to do her own thing.

Janis427
02-13-2008, 08:21 PM
Well, this morning those cookies were put in a container and I put them in his truck. I told him why and he understood. I am just starting over again with eating healthly and I dont need the temptations right now. And He is the one that told me to lose the weight. My snoring has become so bad, he has to sleep in another room. But that is not the reason I am going to get healthly again, I am doing it for me!

famograham
02-13-2008, 11:10 PM
Good for you Janis :) :cheer2:

I'm so glad that you said something....you deserve his support, and you've definitely got mine!

:hug:
Linda

Havingfaith
02-14-2008, 12:05 AM
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. I'm sure it doesn't help to hear this, but I am very blessed that my dh is completely supportive. I don't know what I would do if he wasn't. I wish you the very best.

barbygirl43
02-14-2008, 11:28 AM
Glad to hear you talked about it and he was okay with taking the cookies to work. :cheer:

GirlyGirlSebas
02-14-2008, 11:32 AM
Well, this morning those cookies were put in a container and I put them in his truck. I told him why and he understood.

:carrot:

pamatga
02-14-2008, 03:47 PM
I like the comments made here about also making changes for the entire family. Why allow our loved ones, they are, aren't they, make bad choices that affect their health while we are working on cleaning up our own? And, we shouldn't have to apologize for doing so.

I struggle with being at cross purposes with myself from time to time too. I just have days where I get sick and tired of being so disciplined and conscious about what I eat. On the other hand, had I done some of this work many years ago maybe it wouldn't be so hard to do today. Why would we want our children to suffer through what we have done? I would explain it to them in a way that they would understand that eating junk is just that ---eating junk.

I agree that we do need to allow our spouses or SO to make their own choices but on the other hand, would you allow your loved one to drink excessively or drive recklessly? I had been saying to my DH for months about his reckless driving and he brushed me off UNTIL he had his first accident, which he caused, and now has to appear in court. He wept about that. He is such a good man otherwise. I was being harpy, I know, but I didn't want something bad to happen. It's the same thing.

Just because your DH is skinny doesn't mean some day he might not have a stroke or heart attack based on what he eats. My Dad was skinny all his life. We used to joke that his four food groups was Cookies, Candy, Caffeine and Cigarettes. Then, he had a stroke. He quit smoking in three days while at the hospital. He now eats 1 c of ice cream instead of 1/2 gallon. He still loves his sweets but he limits them to treats. Well, he had to clean up his act at age 70 but he is now very healthy as a result. Skinny doesn't always mean healthy!

Lots of good comments here. I think we all know that there is no easy answer or solution to this. Hope you and I can both find a way to deal with this tricky situation.

Sandi
02-14-2008, 05:55 PM
Good job putting the cookies in the truck!!