100 lb. Club - What is Wrong with Me?
02-10-2008, 04:39 PM
I was on such a high yesterday morning having lost my first 20lbs! I went to the gym first thing in the AM and had an awesome workout and when I got home my hubby said that his parents wanted to take us for lunch at Whitespot and would that be okay. I mentally went through the menu and new I could find something to work for me, and hey, never turn down a free lunch right? So when we get there my MIL starts asking me about my working out and I immediately get defensive with her. I sort of shrug and start down playing it. I don't want to discuss this with her at all. She has been trying to bring this up with me every time we talk and for some reason I am just not wanting to go there with her. She keeps saying how much better I must be feeling, how great it is that I am doing this! How often do I go? What do I do?
I would rather stick pins in my eyes than tell her that I am dieting! I don't tell her that I have lost weight (I'm sure at some point she will notice). She is uber skinny and always has been. I guess part of it is that I don't want her asking how my diet is going? How much have I lost? How much do I want to lose? Have I seen the latest diet food at Costco? Aahhh! She is really a super nice lady and we don't have a bad relationship at all! I just don't feel comfortable discussing my diet and exercise with her and I don't know why!!!! Can anyone relate to this? Am I just a bad daughter-in-law? PS - it is only with her. I have told strangers that I am dieting! Anyone feel like analyzing this? Let me just lay down on the couch...;)
02-10-2008, 04:48 PM
She's probably just trying to be encouraging of your efforts and maybe worries you think she doesn't care etc if she doesn't ask? (I dunno I'm just throwing thoughts out here)
I'd say don't get defensive if you can possibly help it - just KISS your answers. Tell her yes thanks you're enjoying it, you're feeling better and just making some healthier changes to your life. No need to even mention weight loss :)
02-10-2008, 04:54 PM
Congrats on the 20 pounds!! I don't know if I can analyze this, but I can definitely relate!! I hate talking about dieting with my boyfriends mom, she's a larger lady, but she always interrupts me and talks about how she's going to start the next day. *rolls eyes* She also talks about Costco's diet food, LOL.
02-10-2008, 05:10 PM
It's 'cause you don't want to talk about your diet. Can you talk to her about exercise without talking about your food? You don't have to discuss everything just because she asks.
02-10-2008, 05:28 PM
If you're trying to lose a 100 pounds then the subject of your weight loss and working out is going to come out. Over and over again. Get used to it or come up with ready answers to her questions but it's only going to get more intensive the thinner you get.
Basically you have a nice, supportive MIL who treats you well, is interested in you and buys the occasional free lunch. Assuming you don't have to see her everyday, have a friendly discussion about the gym or healthy eating and thank your lucky stars that you don't have the MIL from **** that a lot of us have. So you're a little uncomfortable. Trust me, it could be so much worse.
02-10-2008, 05:48 PM
Ditto everything Robin said above.
I guess I don't understand the problem here. It sounds like your MIL is trying to be supportive and ask questions about what you're doing in your life and you're getting defensive for no real good reason.
With all due respect and not any intent to be a big meanie here - I'd say you need to get over this. You're really lucky to have an MIL who cares enough to ask you about what you're doing and take an interest in your life without putting you down, much less just not giving a rip at all.
She's your MIL .. your husband's mom ... let her into your life a little.
Get n healthy
02-10-2008, 07:50 PM
I do the same thing with my MIL. I have concluded that what i dread is the accountability to her. I dont want to see her and feel like i have to watch every bite i put in my mouth. I dont want to have her thinking "oh, looks like that dieting isnt working out anymore for her"...i dont want any of that. If she doesnt know i am "dieting" then i cant see disappointment. Not that she would even be disappointed, but that is the best way i can explain. I like the answer someone else gave. Just tell her you are working on getting healthy...no details needed.
02-10-2008, 08:34 PM
My aunt gave this advice to her kids about talking to our grandmother. Whenever you're talking to her, just be (1) positive, and if necessary to (1), (2) vague. It's nice that she's trying to be supportive, and maybe you just don't want to get into specifics or reveal that it's more challenging for you to get into shape than it is for her, who has always been thin. So if she asks how things are going, you can always just throw out lines like:
"Oh, it's going really well. I'm really enjoying it!"
"Oh, I don't have any specific goals, I'm just trying to be healthier"
"Oh no I haven't heard about ___, I'll be sure to keep an eye out for it next time"
02-10-2008, 08:46 PM
You think she asks a lot of questions now ? Just wait until you tell her you are dieting, then the questions and comments will multiply. If I were you I would not tell her you are dieting, eventually she will comment on your weight loss, then you can say "yes I am trying to lose weight". She will be full of questions , just be as polite as you can and change the subject.
02-10-2008, 08:56 PM
I would feel funny discussing these things with my MIL as well, but for me it's because she is very critical of me behind my back. She's the smile to your face and cut you to the ground when you walk away type, and her daughter is the same so anything I do is just something for them yack to each other about. SIL lost over 100 lb. and has put it all back on...and now that my loss is noticeable they don't say anything, they just stare at me up and down like I'm grotesque or something. It makes me extremely self-conscious and uncomfortable, but soon as I make eye contact they smile and chit chat, then back to staring me up and down and whispering as I leave the room.
Oh, and hubby told MIL the other day I was going to buy new pants this weekend because mine were too big and she said "oh, I have some 20s that are too small for me now, she can just have them." He said this to me and I said no, 20s are what I was falling out of, so she offered she has some 18s that don't fit her anymore...I went to the store today and I am in a 16 now, so he told her this on the phone today that I wn't need her 18s and he said she got real quiet then said "I doubt she's in a 16, but don't tell her that." :lol: I have 2 brand new pair hanging in the closet to prove it, and they fit me perfect. This is just to say that you should count your lucky stars...they are going to talk no matter what, better it be to your face than behind it.
Honestly, it's worse to be gawked at while they refuse to acknowledge my weight loss, than it would be for them to say something! I am uncomfortable either way, but being stared at like that is really awkward for me.
02-10-2008, 09:17 PM
I have this sort of issue with my future MIL, only it's for a bit of a different reason.
Basically, my boyfriend's mom is a wannabe health nut, even though she goes about it the wrong way. She eats whatever she wants with no regard to how many calories she's taking in and then just works out like a mad woman.
But, God forbid her fat future DIL eat healthier than her, so she's gone on this whole pseudo-vegetarian organic diet thing, just to spite me pretty much. She's constantly making petty little comments about me wherever she can find them, and the ones she's made about my weight are particularly vicious. And this is all while she's sitting in another state! I don't even want to think about how it's going to be when I get there!
But I have learned over time to just ignore her. I've got enough negativity in my life, I don't need her bull added on top of it. Most of the time, I just pretend like she doesn't exist until I absolutely have to be civil towards her, and then I limit the conversation. When she asks diet or exercise questions, I just politely tell her that I'm making progress (even when I'm not!), and that I'm grateful for her interest.
I'm far from grateful for it, because I know it's for all the wrong reasons, but sometimes, it's just better to bite your tongue.
02-10-2008, 11:22 PM
Thanks everyone for all your comments. I think I probably am defensive with her because like Get n Healthy said, I don't want to feel accountable to her. Not that I would be, it's all my perception. She is just a very enthusiastic person who tends to ask a million questions and that kind of irks me at the best of times. I guess I'll just need to figure out some quick polite answers. Like Robin said, I am going to have to get used to people commenting on my weight loss.
02-10-2008, 11:25 PM
Purple Firefly - your MIL sounds charming.
"I doubt she's in a 16, but don't tell her that." WTH!!
02-11-2008, 06:06 AM
I can relate to how you are feeling. I never tell people that I am "dieting" for many reasons..two being - I don't want people watching what I eat and another is that I often lose and gain back.
Tell her as much as feel comfortable. Sounds like she's trying to be supportive..but, only you know if she is or isn't.
02-11-2008, 08:27 AM
I too don't tell my mil, because I don't want to feel accountable to her. I don't feel comfortable.
I also am worried what if I gain the weight back.