Alternachicks - I'm back again and desperate for support




PinkyPie
02-10-2008, 08:16 AM
Hi Alterna's :)

I fell off the wagon once again back in September and I'm up to 220 again. :( I am so, so tired of myself. I do not know why my laziness seems to be more important than doing something about my weight. I'm so very irritated right now.

I really need support. I really, really need someone to kick my ***. Just even every once in a while. I am pretty much all alone in this IRL. My boyfriend loves me the way I am, he is not affected by my weight, but *I* am. I don't have a lot of friends... in fact I have none - I work very far away from home and socialise only with my colleagues. I travel 20 hours a week just to get to and from work so I have no time for a social life. I tried to go back to WW and joined a gym but that even was only brief in August and September of last year. I just don't seem to leave work on time to do these things AND get dinner AND get home before 10pm (only to rise again at 5am...).

I'm whinging, I know. I'm full of excuses. That's why I'm asking for your help and support. Is there anyone who can support me?


DeliciousBoo
02-10-2008, 08:47 AM
Helllooooooooooo & Welcome back Velveteen :hug:

"Are you named after the Transvision Vamp album? Fab group!"

Anyway back to business, try not to feel down...it is so easy to get depressed when you're overweight and it can be an awfully lonely journey when your losing weight. I too am battling on with dieting alone...all my girlfriends are skinny (that sucks :dizzy:) and my O/H would like me to lose weight but still tends to munch junk food in front of me and the temptation is awful.

I have found this forum fabulous support, all the lovely folk around the world working as hard as us at either losing weight, maintaining weight or the emotional battle of getting started again. If I need to ask a question, get support or advice...I come here...everytime. ;)

Why don't you start by deciding which diet plan you are going to follow, decide what form of exercise you want to do and finally pick a start date...get it in your diary and make that date the last time you will ever be 220 pounds and the start of a whole new you.
It won't take much effort to just plan and once you have done those things you have started on your way to becoming slimmer and even more fabulous than you already are...It maybe the starting jolt you need.

Regarding friends: you could maybe make that one of your goals for the next year, finding new friends and establishing old relationships.
Joining new clubs,a gym near where you live, night classes, local websites where they have meets may all be ways of finding new friendships.
How about a local Weightwatchers type class that willl have lots of potential friends there.
Personally if work was having such a negative effect on my weight and my life I would seek alternative employment...maybe closer to home/better hours etc.

Whatever you do...DON'T GIVE UP. We have all been in your position hundreds of time, low motivation, fed up, annoyed, a little depressed, jaded etc But you can do this.
If you can lose 1lb ...you can lose the rest to get to your goal...it's a long journey and sometimes a frustrating one...but getting to goal is the most wonderful feeling and worth the weightloss journey 100 times over.

Good luck,

Love n hugs :hug:

Boo x

PinkyPie
02-10-2008, 09:45 AM
Wow, Boo, thanks so much for answering my post so quickly!

And no, not named after the Transvision Vamp song, :lol: but if I was that wouldn't be a bad thing :D

I'm a lifetime Weight Watcher actually. I lost 62lbs and kept it off for about 3 years and then my whole life took a nose dive. It wasn't pretty and what you see now is a direct result of that. My weight reflects a really bad time in my life and that's another reason why I hate being this way. Part of it was meds (Effexor) and the other part was trying to drink myself to death. I just didn't care anymore. But I care now.

So, WW is pretty much what I do, and since it's ingrained in me it's fairly easy to start over again. WHEN I plan and weigh and measure and control portions that is...

Exercise or rather finding the time for it is a huge struggle for me.

And when to start, well NOW is a good time (just made a spinach salad for lunch...); I don't want to wait any longer.

The thing about work.. well I happen to LOVE my job and the company I work for. AND...on top of that, I recently became the "Ambassador" of our office so I have some extra duties now and will start transitioning my regular job to one of my colleagues so that I'm not run completely ragged. The biggest problem is that I live more than 130km from work... and that's where things get complicated - I live with my boyfriend and we want to move closer to both of our jobs, but first we have to sell this apartment AND I have some financial issues with my ex that keep us from getting a decent mortgage. It sucks. That's why I travel to and from work 4 hours a day. So, even if I get off work at 5pm, I'm not home until 7pm.

My WW group is actually in the same town I work in. What I need to do is just *go* - leave work on time and go to the meeting. So, I'm going to look at my finances and get myself back to meetings. My gym is also in the town I work in and I need to again leave at 5pm if I'm going to get home at a decent hour (because if I leave the gym at 7pm, I'm home at 9pm). And the biggest issue there... when/how/why/what do I do for dinner???

So. There it is. More excuses but some good valid ones. At least I can start by eating right. I just tend to do really well for a while and the crash and burn and gain the weight I've lost back again. And I don't want to do that this time!!!


broadabroad
02-10-2008, 11:25 AM
Awesome advice from Boo (and you're from Yorkshire! Fantastic! Me too! Although far from home these days) and I quite agree that you need to plan. It sounds like it's the getting-your-***-out-the-door-at-5pm thing that you need to concentrate on - whether it's stopping yourself from procrastinating or stopping other people from delaying you. Recognise that YOU are the number one priority - that giving yourself this time to exercise, and to plan your food is the most important thing you can be doing right now. You deserve this, and you CAN make it happen.

mauvaisroux
02-10-2008, 09:37 PM
Welcome back Velveteen. sorry to hear that you are having a rough time. :(

ollie27
02-15-2008, 10:45 PM
Welcome back, Velveteen. I, too, am back again and I know what you mean about time being an issue (and excuses!). I also am with someone perfectly happy about how I look, and thus perfectly happy to bring me home chocolate. I need a good swift kick in the arse myself as I have been off the wagon since December. I'll kick your arse, if you kick mine ;)

magicalstasia
02-16-2008, 09:13 PM
So I all all in on the arse kicking as well...I need it too :) Welcome back velveteen!!! Every time I have a good few weeks I tend to gain it back....so here's to butt kicking!

PinkyPie
03-15-2008, 01:09 PM
So now I have exactly 6 months before I get married and I still have made no further steps to working on MYSELF. I'm so incredibly annoyed. I just don't know how to get myself in the right frame of mind to do this!! And I don't have time!!!

I don't want to lose weight just to be slimmer when I get married. Sure, I don't want to look like a large cow either, but it's not the reason to lose weight. I want to be healthy, to feel and look good and to stop having this body be the reason why I have lower confidence. :(

SugarSpunSister
03-19-2008, 09:00 AM
Hi Velveteen, well I might suggest rather than losing weight because you are getting married, you might think of it as a nice goal. Something pushing you forward. When I started losing weight I had a trip to the UK in my future, a year ahead. It was always in my mind when I was working out and eating and it really helped motivate me - wanting to look good, and like myself, my true self, when I was there. I have found that after I got back it has been harder to work as hard, although I have managed to arrange my life and change my lifestyles as such that even so I have still lost weight since I came home.
Anyway, don't knock the wedding, you have a great opportunity here in terms of a goal and something to drive you. I cannot stress enough how important that is. And a partner as well - is your fiancee involved? He may love you either way, but let me tell you if he wants a pizza and you want to want a salad but actually want a pizza, the pizza will win. I don't know how he eats or acts, but I would say a healthier diet can help everyone!
You don't have to tell me about making time, I am so stressed and freaked out for time it kills me, and I must say that I DO really lose time to my weight loss. One day I looked back at my day and thought, oh my god, I spent a good 3 hours of it devoted solely to weight loss (when you include the prep time of healthy food). Basically, you just have to prioritize. Your life is not about working, it is important, obviously, but what is the point of working so hard if you cannot get the things you care about and make you happy? And trust me, a more beautiful you will make you feel just that.
Another thing is to stop being annoyed with yourself, accept that this is where you are, and every day is a chance to move forward. A 5 minute walk around the block every day is a huge step. 20-30 sit ups on the floor of your bedroom/living room at night. Not overeating, taking a smaller portion, watching what you are snacking on (apples are great!). There are small steps you can take until you can take the big ones (gym, ww meetings, etc.).
But remember: the most important thing is your mind. Even coming here is a big step. I would suggest something that really helped me when I was about 20 lbs into my weight loss. I saw an episode of Oprah which was overall fairly unhelpful to me, but there was one thing which really worked. Ask yourself: why am I fat? Not excuses, not the reality and logisitics of everyday life. But really really super deep down, why? Why did I become fat in the first place? When I first heard this question I scoffed and thought, how silly, because I ate because I did not exercise because I am busy and poor and lazy. But the more I looked at my life and my reasons, the more I realised there were much deeper psychological reasons, involving self-image, esteem, control, vanity, rejection and on and on, stemming from of course, problems in childhood and young adulthood, as always. It really helped me to work through some things, and realise why I might be putting up mental blocks to what I wanted to be.
Good luck!

havoc
03-21-2008, 02:23 PM
Hi Alterna's :)

I fell off the wagon once again back in September and I'm up to 220 again. :( I am so, so tired of myself. I do not know why my laziness seems to be more important than doing something about my weight. I'm so very irritated right now.

I really need support. I really, really need someone to kick my ***. Just even every once in a while. I am pretty much all alone in this IRL. My boyfriend loves me the way I am, he is not affected by my weight, but *I* am. I don't have a lot of friends... in fact I have none - I work very far away from home and socialise only with my colleagues. I travel 20 hours a week just to get to and from work so I have no time for a social life. I tried to go back to WW and joined a gym but that even was only brief in August and September of last year. I just don't seem to leave work on time to do these things AND get dinner AND get home before 10pm (only to rise again at 5am...).

I'm whinging, I know. I'm full of excuses. That's why I'm asking for your help and support. Is there anyone who can support me?
OMG - are you me? I feel like I'm reading something I wrote! If you have a kid in the mix, then I'm going to be very, VERY suspicious that I'm not sleep posting.

1) You are NOT in this alone, and 2) I totally get it. If you have a kid in the mix, I'll get it even more. I have a very, very similar commute, and all the problems that come with it. I'm up at 4:45 AM, get home by 6:00 PM (if I'm lucky). And then the family fun starts with making/eating/cleaning up dinner, school work, and the obligatory bed time routine.

BTW, I accused myself of laziness too many times until I looked my schedule straight in the eye. A lot of what you're feeling as "laziness" is probably the same as me - the very short time in the evening when you're not trying to take care of someone else. Everyone needs time to mentally decompress and wind down so that you can sleep. It's part of keeping up this schedule.

Some people decompress by jumping on a treadmill, or going out for a brisk walk, but you and I both know that you're just too danged tired for that at day's end. I don't know about you, but I don't get the option of just taking an hour in the middle of the evening to work out, and excersizing right before bed only keeps me awake.

I'd like to offer you an easy solution. When I find it, I promise that you'll be the first to know. What I can tell you is to stick with what you're doing and add what you can, where you can. I'm lucky to have a WW group that meets during my lunch break, and that's one less thing to fit into my schedule. I've also keep a pair of sneakers under my desk and try to use them at least once a day, even if it's only for a ten minute brisk walk down to Starbucks for my caffeine fix. Next week, I've vowed to start taking the stairs down to the parking garage (I work on the 12th floor!) Ten minutes of exersize is better than no minutes. And do what you can on the weekends.

Don't get discouraged. You can do this. If I can, you can. We're in this together, girl!

motomom2
03-21-2008, 10:11 PM
You can do this. I had to get thisclose to the screen to see your pic (bad eyes), and I see that you are starting with an amazingly beautiful pallete. You are so pretty!

You only have to go up from here, babe! Keep it going! Time constraints are not something I have to deal with, as I have had a crazy amount of time to be better for myself, but laziness kept me from it.

Just get creatitve.

For me, I have been into that thought that I had to change clothes to work out. Heck no! Now, I am squatting while on the phone and walking around the block while waiting for the water to boil!

Best thoughts your way!

guynna
03-24-2008, 11:22 AM
welcome back -- I second the poster below who said you have to look at your schedule honestly, not just accuse yourself of "laziness." You really DO have a crazy, demanding schedule now! But putting yourself higher on the priority list and getting to they gym and WW meetings will help. You mention your long travel time -- are you on a train? If so, you could use ankle/hand weights while sitting, and do a little weight training en route! Also, you could use some of that time for meditation and thinking good things about yourself.

I'm really new to the site and especially to alternachicks, but you folks sound cool : )
anita

guynna
03-25-2008, 09:01 PM
ps, I had another thought about your crazy schedule: would it be possible for you to stay over in your work/gym town on, say, every Wed night? You could go to a WW mtg, work out, get some sleep, get to work early (and leave early!) on Th ---- plus have a fab reunion with your honey on Th night! It could be a little expensive, depending on where you can find to stay, but you are worth it! Best wishes,
anita

PinkyPie
03-30-2008, 07:03 AM
I want to thank you guys for replying further to my thread but I can't respond right now to everything. I'm about to burst into tears. I just can't do this :cry:

broadabroad
03-31-2008, 06:58 AM
Oh, honey!

You need to destress yourself, and not beat yourself up!

Sometimes stuff just all piles up and seems hellish and unmanageable, and we totally freak out and feel helpless and awful.

Make a list. Figure out what all the things are that you want to change, whether it's weight or whether it's other stuff in your life. Then look at what you CAN change. Think about things one at a time, and break it up into babysteps.

Good luck, love!

guynna
03-31-2008, 11:48 AM
hi, Velveteen / Renee -- (I love both of your "names") --
I looked at your 3FC blog, and it looks like you have been eating really healthy stuff -- lots of fruit and veggies. You are right about needing to get sleep; cuddle up and nurture yourself. Take care, and hope you feel better. (hugs)
anita

BelleinAsia
04-01-2008, 06:02 AM
Hi -

I can only imagine how overwhelmed you feel with your schedule! The commute alone!! My husband's commute was similar for 3 years and it really upped his stress level. You mention that you need to sell your home to buy another one - could you rent out your current one to cover the mortgage and rent a place closer to work?

Perhaps if you make one small change at a time, rather than focusing on changing everything at once. My change this week is to only drink water (no juice, no wine). This will save a few calories per day...not much of a goal, but it is about all I can commit to today!!

I wish you peace of mind! Keep us posted.

PinkyPie
04-05-2008, 03:48 PM
OMG - are you me? I feel like I'm reading something I wrote! If you have a kid in the mix, then I'm going to be very, VERY suspicious that I'm not sleep posting.

1) You are NOT in this alone, and 2) I totally get it. If you have a kid in the mix, I'll get it even more. I have a very, very similar commute, and all the problems that come with it. I'm up at 4:45 AM, get home by 6:00 PM (if I'm lucky). And then the family fun starts with making/eating/cleaning up dinner, school work, and the obligatory bed time routine.

BTW, I accused myself of laziness too many times until I looked my schedule straight in the eye. A lot of what you're feeling as "laziness" is probably the same as me - the very short time in the evening when you're not trying to take care of someone else. Everyone needs time to mentally decompress and wind down so that you can sleep. It's part of keeping up this schedule.

Some people decompress by jumping on a treadmill, or going out for a brisk walk, but you and I both know that you're just too danged tired for that at day's end. I don't know about you, but I don't get the option of just taking an hour in the middle of the evening to work out, and excersizing right before bed only keeps me awake.

I'd like to offer you an easy solution. When I find it, I promise that you'll be the first to know. What I can tell you is to stick with what you're doing and add what you can, where you can. I'm lucky to have a WW group that meets during my lunch break, and that's one less thing to fit into my schedule. I've also keep a pair of sneakers under my desk and try to use them at least once a day, even if it's only for a ten minute brisk walk down to Starbucks for my caffeine fix. Next week, I've vowed to start taking the stairs down to the parking garage (I work on the 12th floor!) Ten minutes of exersize is better than no minutes. And do what you can on the weekends.

Don't get discouraged. You can do this. If I can, you can. We're in this together, girl!


Hey - thank you so much for this post. And all of your PM's :) I really appreciate it. I think negative self-talk is probably my BIGGEST downfall. I am so much harder on myself than ANYONE. In fact, no one is hard on me BUT me. I'm working on that.

I do have a pair of trainers in my desk (but walking to Starbucks to get my caffiene fix probably wouldn't help me since I WORK there! LOL). I had my gym clothes in my desk for the longest time. I finally used them this week ;) More on that in a bit.

You can do this. I had to get thisclose to the screen to see your pic (bad eyes), and I see that you are starting with an amazingly beautiful pallete. You are so pretty!

You only have to go up from here, babe! Keep it going! Time constraints are not something I have to deal with, as I have had a crazy amount of time to be better for myself, but laziness kept me from it.

Just get creative.

For me, I have been into that thought that I had to change clothes to work out. Heck no! Now, I am squatting while on the phone and walking around the block while waiting for the water to boil!

Best thoughts your way!


Thank you so much for the compliment. I know that I really am pretty ok, most of the time I feel just ugly and fat but it's not true. My boyfriend absolutely hates it when I say how "ugly" I am... so, as from now, I'm just not going there anymore. I don't need to beat myself up right?

I still don't do stairs at work when I could... but I will get there.

welcome back -- I second the poster below who said you have to look at your schedule honestly, not just accuse yourself of "laziness." You really DO have a crazy, demanding schedule now! But putting yourself higher on the priority list and getting to they gym and WW meetings will help. You mention your long travel time -- are you on a train? If so, you could use ankle/hand weights while sitting, and do a little weight training en route! Also, you could use some of that time for meditation and thinking good things about yourself.

I'm really new to the site and especially to alternachicks, but you folks sound cool : )
anita

ps, I had another thought about your crazy schedule: would it be possible for you to stay over in your work/gym town on, say, every Wed night? You could go to a WW mtg, work out, get some sleep, get to work early (and leave early!) on Th ---- plus have a fab reunion with your honey on Th night! It could be a little expensive, depending on where you can find to stay, but you are worth it! Best wishes,
anita

Hi Anita
I never thought about actually doing weights on the train :) I will look into that. I would have to mentally get past what people would be thinking :lol: but I've seen and heard weirder stuff on the train so why not?

Also, you mentioned staying over in town - I did just that this week. What a huge difference!!! I have a colleague who also wants to go to the gym and lose weight (she's also American, married to a Dutch guy) and she sent me a text message last Sunday asking me if I wanted to go to the gym and stay over! what timing!

Oh, honey!

You need to destress yourself, and not beat yourself up!

Sometimes stuff just all piles up and seems hellish and unmanageable, and we totally freak out and feel helpless and awful.

Make a list. Figure out what all the things are that you want to change, whether it's weight or whether it's other stuff in your life. Then look at what you CAN change. Think about things one at a time, and break it up into babysteps.

Good luck, love!

Thank you so much. I will definitely make a list as you suggest and put it on my blog.


hi, Velveteen / Renee -- (I love both of your "names") --
I looked at your 3FC blog, and it looks like you have been eating really healthy stuff -- lots of fruit and veggies. You are right about needing to get sleep; cuddle up and nurture yourself. Take care, and hope you feel better. (hugs)
anita

Thanks! I do actually eat quite well when I focus on stuff. It's when I'm not journalling that you know I haven't eaten so well that day. I'm now keeping track every day, though I haven't posted everything on my blog this week as I've been doing other things.

Hi -

I can only imagine how overwhelmed you feel with your schedule! The commute alone!! My husband's commute was similar for 3 years and it really upped his stress level. You mention that you need to sell your home to buy another one - could you rent out your current one to cover the mortgage and rent a place closer to work?

Perhaps if you make one small change at a time, rather than focusing on changing everything at once. My change this week is to only drink water (no juice, no wine). This will save a few calories per day...not much of a goal, but it is about all I can commit to today!!

I wish you peace of mind! Keep us posted.

It's tricky. I live with my boyfriend who works about 40 km from home. I work 130 km from home. So we would still have to find something in between and not exactly where *I* work, as it would become a nightmare commute for him. We are almost at the point where we are sure we won't be able to sell this place or get a new one for some time (I got an update from my ex who has to sort something out with a loan both our names are on... his latest loan app got denied... this pretty much means I am stuck). My colleague in Amsterdam will be leaving her place soon (she and her husband bought a house somewhere else) and there is a possibility I can take over her rent... but it's 475 a month... just for a room, a shared kitchen and bathroom and not the nicest area of town (but very close to work!!). I daren't even mention it yet to my boyfriend... we are still smarting from the fact that we can not leave where we live now... plus the idea of being away from him EVERY week night doesn't exactly excite me :( Anyway, I will probably bring it up soon and keep you all posted.

Small changes are always better than trying to change everything in one go. How did your water drinking go this week?




So - after my little freakout last Sunday, I had a good cry and my boyfriend said to me "Listen, I want to help you and I don't know how... just tell me and I'll do it" We talked about it and he said he would cook dinner every evening but I HAD to go on my elliptical while he was cooking. Even if I didn't "feel" like it, that's the agreement.

So, Monday I went on my elliptical, Tuesday I went to the gym with my colleague, Wednesday on the elliptical, Thursday gym... Friday and today I haven't exercised but I've stayed completely on plan. This week has been really good. I would like to see a change on the scale tomorrow morning, but even if not, I feel good knowing I did a lot this week to be proud of.

I want to thank you all again for "listening" and being here. With support coming from all sides, it's bound to be THIS time that I will be successful again.

:hug: to you all!!

guynna
04-05-2008, 10:03 PM
hi Renee -- that's so wonderful! I'm glad you and your boyfriend have worked out this plan, and it's cool that your friend wants to stay over and work out too. It's hard to work on "yourself" and on financial stuff, too, but hang in there.

And you really ARE beautiful! After I read that post I went back and looked at your photo again (I don't usually pay much attention, maybe I should), and you have killer eyes and hair and smile and skin, girl!

take care,
anita

broadabroad
04-06-2008, 11:30 PM
Superb! Oh, well done - you're really making excellent and sensible changes! And well done with cutting out all this 'ugly' bullsh*t! And your boyfriend sounds lovely too, bless him. It's great that he's being so supportive!

Go Team!