Hi All, I am new to the site... loving it! so many supportive people and great info!
Just wanted to ask if anyone experiences negative people/comments and how you handle it...
It seems that after I have lost about 28lbs (it took 9 months), I get very hurtful comments from coworkers or people whispering about me while I walk by... In passing I've heard comments like "There is something definitely wrong with her"... "She didn't need to lose weight to begin with"... "I don't really like her after she lost weight"... "Why do you do this to yourself?"
I'm 5'1'' and 139 lbs right now (23% body fat)... I began three years ago at 204lbs :) I look great in my opinion, and i am just working to gain some more muscle mass... so I am not sure why people say things like that, it's hard not to be hurt by the comments...
so i just wanted to hear other people's experiences if they have dealt with this... thank you!
02-06-2008, 05:08 PM
You know, maybe they're just jealous? It makes them feel insecure that you have so much self-discipline. I'm the type to get jealous, too.
I guess I would suggest making sure to be friendly with them, and then maybe confronting this behavior - not aggressively, but straight-forward. Have I been acting differently? Have I offended you?
meanwhile, congrats. Dropping that weight, at your height, is wonderful for your health. Cheers!
02-06-2008, 05:47 PM
I always hear comments like that when I lose weight. Mainly from my family, who are all larger than I am. They don't support me in this realm, and feel it better for their self esteems if they just pick on me. But success is the best! :)
02-06-2008, 05:49 PM
These are people at work, right? So... what I would do is (A) Not talk at all about weight loss with them any more. (B) If they ask questions or say things like "Why do you do this to yourself?" I would just ignore the comment--I wouldn't say anything at all in answer, I'd just ask them a work-related question. This is an office, not a counseling center, and these are just coworkers. (C) Ignore the comments made to someone else that are loud enough that you can hear.
If you do not respond long enough, they will get tired of it.
At your current height and weight, your BMI is still "overweight." You'd need to be at 132 to be at "normal." But, BMI is not as important, and is way too general, to use except as a rough guideline. Your body fat % is far more relevant.
Another thought might be--look for other job opportunities, in the same company or elsewhere, and if you change jobs and are in a new office with new coworkers, don't say anything about your weight loss. You'll be amazed at how they will just accept you the way you are.
02-06-2008, 05:50 PM
Congrats on a wonderful job!
I think they are jealous. I like what souv suggested. Throw it back at them with those questions? Perhaps you have changed. I know I have and I have a long way to go. I don't go out to lunch with everyone any longer. I will meet someone once in a while and I watch what I eat. Many of the people around here love Italian food. I don't. When I do go with them, I have a spinach salad with the dressing on the side. It's a huge salad and I feel sated after eating it. One of them complained that I eat the same thing every time I go there. I remarked that I will be happy to not join them next time if my salad offends her. That shut her up.
She is complaining that she can't lose weight and that my loss is upsetting her. Can you believe that one? Look at my ticker. I started this journey a year ago! I haven't lost by leaps and bounds. I also told her that a lot of my loss has been possible because I stopped going out for cheeseburgers and Italian food. I will go out for Mexican and have fajitas now. But I won't go everyday or even once a week any more.
OH! That little rant felt good! Thanks for the thread!
02-06-2008, 06:07 PM
I agree with the others, it's probably mostly jealousy. Even if the ones saying it aren't fat themselves, they could still be jealous of any type of success they see others achieving.
I lost 60 pounds a few years ago (okay, 16 years ago) and endured similar comments. One person who I thought was a friend was spreading the word that I was anorexic and saying stuff like "just look how her clothes hang on her."
Even my dad said "Why?" when I proudly told him how much I had lost, and unfortunately, I allowed that to be the turning point where I started heading in the wrong direction again and gained a lot of it back. Thing is, he was probably trying to be supportive by making it sound as though I had been just fine at my former weight. Sometimes we read more into things than are really there. I'm not saying that's what you're doing, because those comments you mentioned do sound pretty hurtful.
Anyway, I'm a different person now and no longer let other people's perceptions influence my goals. I mean, if I truly were anorexic, then hopefully I would accept others' desire to help, but I never have been, and it doesn't sound like it's the case with you, either.
So, you go, girl - and ignore what they say!
02-06-2008, 08:29 PM
Ask yourself -- do these people's opinions matter in my life -- are they important, do I care about them? If not, then ignore, ignore, ignore -- or challenge yourself to come up with whitty comebacks -- it's a real brain exercise!! When I was younger, after years of comments from people that "you really should lose weight", I did and then I heard "you're too skinny, are you sick, etc." -- some people just need to hear themselves talk!!
02-06-2008, 08:35 PM
It says a lot more about them than it does about you. Ignore 'em. You know you are doing the right things.
Welcome to 3FC!
02-06-2008, 08:47 PM
Very good point from midwife :) Keep up the good work!
02-07-2008, 12:55 PM
I forget to NOT chat about my weight with others. I did that the other day, with someone who was REALLY overweight not under 10 lbs. So the moral is once you get down in weight and you are, you CAN'T talk with others who are overweight and NOT doing anything about it, IT doesn't work. They don't like US. Remember it's loneliest ON TOP, the saying... There's very FEW people who really work at being thin, eating healthy, exercising in our society! And if you are able to live a healthy life you are one of the few. You may or may not ENLIGHTEN others, but they might feel you are rubbing it in their faces even though you are likely just sharing. When I was super thin in my 20s I remember GLARES especially from older women. I still wore cute clothes, felt good about myself and ignored them. I was also successful in business. And I felt lonely. Find others who share your goals, it sounds like it won't be at work. Likes attract likes, and you'll have to find some positive people - church, health clubs, whatever that share your zest for health and life. Remember, others don't always want to succeed, many DON'T. A sad lesson in life isn't it?
02-07-2008, 03:42 PM
I must have been one fat :censored: because I have not received a single negative word from anyone regarding my weight. Several people have called me skinny, most people say I am either "thin" or "in shape" and a few have told me that I shouldn't lose any more weight/am getting "too" thin, but I have never experienced any negativity regarding my weight loss. Some people who have not seen me for awhile drop their jaws and tell me how great I look now, while a surprising number never even noticed that I was fat to begin with :eek:
Strangely enough, women rarely even glare at me. I get a lot of compliments on my look and style, but no one gives me "UGH you're SO BEAUTIFUL I WANNA KILL YOU!" type looks. Either I'm just not that attractive, or I'm simply too friendly and charismatic for them to hate me... I prefer to think the latter ;)
I am thinking the people around you are probably just insanely jealous. Losing weight is difficult. It takes an amount of dedication, determination, and passion that many people do not have in them. As others have mentioned, perhaps you should look into switching jobs and going to a place where no one is aware that you were ever overweight.
02-07-2008, 10:38 PM
congrats on the weight loss. im sorry your getting such a cold shoulder. id just let it be, and figure it to be jealousy. any time you hear something like that id think to myself how envious are they that they have to be rude?
for them to say "what are you doing to yourself" is rude, what are they doing to themselves that is preventing them from finding a weight that makes them happy.
remember, its not about them, its about you, what has made you happy, and how its still making you happy.
02-08-2008, 07:37 AM
I would say that a lot of it is probably jealousy.
On the other hand, I watched a Rachael Ray show recently about a woman who was having the same problem-her co-workers, friends, and even mother were giving her the cold shoulder after her large weight loss.
When Rachael and a counselor asked everyone why they stopped talking with the woman-their answers were astounding. The woman apparently had bragged about the weight loss much more than she realized...announcing to everyone every time she dropped a clothing size (from OVER size 20 to a 2/4), etc. and after a while, they were sick and tired of hearing about it. They said her weight loss was all she ever talked about anymore.
Just be sure that you aren't being one of those... ;) I also make a point to still go to lunch now and then with a friend or co-worker-I just am sure to suggest somewhere that I know I can partake. (Applebees has a Weight Watchers menu with low cal/low fat items...or I will go to Starbucks and get a nonfat latte, Panera has fresh fruit cups, etc.) I don't mention why I am choosing what I am choosing off the menu...I just don't make a point of it at all, unless it is brought up. Same with extended family...
People are going to be jealous when you are successful and they are not-especially if they want the same thing. All you can do, is try and rise above it, but at the same time, be sure that your actions/attitudes about your weight are not part of the problem.
02-08-2008, 12:34 PM
thank you everyone... this is all very good advice and i will do a self assessment of my own actions...