South Beach Diet - Barb's Day in Court....I survived

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02-01-2008, 11:52 PM
What a stressful day! Today was the hearing for the temporary orders and restraining order and for everything to be decided until the divorce is final. My lawyer was asking that Robert be kept away from me due to his assault of me. Apparently his lawyer decided to get nasty and accuse me of assaulting Robert first. The hearing went more than 3 hours long with one lawyer questioning and then the other cross examining and then back and forth with lots of objections. Robert's friend, Maria, testified how great he was and how she couldn't believe he would assault me and how she would trust her kids to him. He actually asked that he be given the house, I have to pay alimony to him so he could afford the house, that he get Brian and that I have to pay for everything and he wanted a restraining order against me. So much of it was his word against mine but I think it helped that the police report showed that he committed the assault.

In the end, the judge found that he committed physical violence and I didn't. I get the house, he pays child support and for his insurance and Brian's insurance, he cannot go near the house or my work and he gets Brian on every Wed from 5-7PM and first, third, fifth Sat and Sun from noon to 5PM. I'm assuming that if he gets a job and an apartment rather than living with Maria, her husband and their 3 kids, that he will get some overnight visitation which is fine. He is a good dad but just not good to me.

Brian is glad he is going to see his Dad this weekend. I didn't tell him what his Dad tried to do in court. He doesn't need to know that. I don't want to poison his picture of his Dad any more than it already is given that he saw the assault. At least he isn't scared of him and I trust his Dad not to hurt him.

I will probably have to testify at the misdemeanor criminal assault trial whenever that is and there is still the final divorce hearing after the family study and all the work that has to be done first, but I honestly think I am past the worst of it.

We will meet at the fire station to exchange Brian on the weekends so we are not in private and on Wed he will pick Brian up at day care and I will get him from gymnastics at 7.

Thanks to all of you for your prayers and best wishes. I have so little support that you all mean so much to me. :hug:

02-02-2008, 12:25 AM
Gosh, Barb, I had no idea you've been having to deal with all of that! {{{hugs}}} I'm glad everything turned out pretty well, and I hope that your ex stops being such a jerk!

02-02-2008, 05:13 AM
Oh, Barbara, I'm so glad to hear everything panned out in your favor! I don't know how he could possibly have thought that the judge would rule any differently. I think you're doing the perfect thing for Brian. Keep your head high and feel free to vent any time. We're here for you!


02-02-2008, 06:05 AM
Barb I'm sorry to hear that you've had so much going on and so little support. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your boy. Be proud of yourself for having the strength to say what's right for you and firmly believing in yourself. You're one tough cookie (south beach compatible of course! ;)). Stay strong chick! :hug:

02-02-2008, 07:17 AM
What a stressful day!!! And you did the right thing all the way around.

02-02-2008, 08:13 AM
:grouphug: Barb:grouphug:

I'm so glad that part is over and that it came out in your favor.

02-02-2008, 09:23 AM
:hug: Glad your getting it all taken care of my thoughts & prayers are still with you & brian

little chick
02-02-2008, 09:50 AM
Barb, I am glad that part is over for you. Take care, vent here anytime you need to, we are all here to lend an ear. Stay strong you are doing great.

02-02-2008, 10:22 AM
Barb :hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug::hug:

02-02-2008, 10:52 AM
Sorry to hear you're going through so much. I'm glad it's working out in your favor. :hug:

02-02-2008, 11:03 AM
I'm so relieved for you that that part is over now Barb. I'm glad you're keeping us posted because I have been thinking about you and Brian. I think you're an awesome parent and it must be so hard to keep your feelings about Robert hidden from Brian but you're right, it's the right thing to do. I'm sorry you don't have more support there, but you know we're always happy to be here for you!:hug:

02-02-2008, 01:08 PM
Thanks so much, you guys! This morning went well and he got Brian early today so that he could take him to the Ranger's players clinic that I was going to have to take him out of early in order to go teach. Robert was glad to take him since it meant he got more time with him and Brian got to stay for more of the clinic so he is happy. He'll take him to the birthday party afterwards and I'll pick him up there. But every variation has to be done legally so this could end up being a pain.

I did take a look at the campouts for the two troops Brian likes. Every campout for one troop falls on a weekend his Dad has him and 4 out of 6 campouts for the other are on weekends that his Dad has him. I guess it will all depend on how hardnosed his Dad is. Robert knows how much scouting means to Brian. I might wait until next weekend to discuss it with him to let the emotions of yesterday die down a little.

02-02-2008, 02:18 PM
Barb: I somehow missed this thread this morning. :hug: to you and Brian. I'm glad this phase of everything is over. I know you and Brian have a lot more to go through, but at least you can rest easy for a while. We're always here for you!!

02-02-2008, 04:43 PM
Wow, I can't imagine what you were going through. I'm sure you do feel a sense of relief that you got through it and the judge confirmed things in your favor. I wish you all the strength and positive energy I possibly can in this process..... :sunny:

02-03-2008, 01:15 AM
Big hugs headed your way, stay strong...our prayers will be with you

02-13-2008, 12:23 PM
Barb, I'm so sorry I missed this post! :hug: I'm so glad things worked out. I didn't hear about the assault...did this happen over the holidays? :fr: I'm so sorry...what a mess! I'm glad Robert is good to Brian...but I don't know why he can't be good to the woman who brought Brian into the world. :(

How are things going now?

02-13-2008, 05:14 PM
Things are better now. The assault happened January 6th. I asked him for the credit card back since I had taken him off as an authorized user due to him using it for stuff we couldn't afford. Even after I removed him as an authorized user, he kept using the card. When I asked for it back and tried to reach for it, he lost his temper. I ended up with bruises on my arms and a broken blood vessel in my hand. Robert ended up arrested. He just wouldn't accept that I wanted out of the marriage.

Brian has visited with his dad some and will see him tonight for a couple of hours. Robert and I are carefully polite to each other. It seems like he will be okay about trading for Brian's camping trips when necessary so hopefully that won't be a problem.

As far as I know the assault trial has not be held.

02-13-2008, 05:23 PM
Stand your ground for both yourself and your son. I would also consider some family counseling at some point in the future. I would be concerned that your ex might be mean to your boy. Right now, he sounds like he is on his best behavior but what I have found out is that this abusers will slip eventually unless they are willing to work with an anger management counselor.

One step at a time, one day at a time.;)

We're proud of you. I am sure that there must be some local support groups as well, aren't there? I hope you can connect with them as well.:hug:

i ate my skinny me
02-13-2008, 09:59 PM
It takes real courage to draw a line and stand by it. Know that you are doing what is best for you and your child and gain strength from that. Hold your head high.

Remember if God brings you to it he will bring you through it.

02-15-2008, 06:51 AM
From one survivor to another (((hugs barb))). It does get easier. As time goes on he may try to convince you to meet at his place or yours... DON'T DO IT... Keep it public! After 18 years of being away from my sons father he still tries to "hit on me" and have sex... LOL, I've told him over and over, I claimed temporary insanity during the four years (from 15 to 19) that I was with him!

AND, my son knew what his father had done and wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt of the "he said she said". Until this past Christmas when his father and uncle were discussing something and Joe made it clear not only did he abuse me, but he was proud for doing so. My son came home and never wants to talk with him again! At 18 I can not force him, but I do try to get him to talk with him.

Mind you, I do NOT talk bad of Joe to Joey. I believe that to be VERY important not to belittle a child's parent. Children are very perceptive, they'll know ... trust me, they'll know. My ex used to bad mouth me to my son and my son would say "mom doesn't talk bad of you, why can't you be nice?"

I don't regret having my son know his father. For me, it turned out best, as my son got to see exactly how his father is, as opposed to growing up imagining him this great guy!

Best wishes to you and Brian!

02-18-2008, 04:21 PM
:grouphug: to all of you dealing with situations like this. I wonder why I do all my emotional eating, but you ladies have legitimate reasons. I think you're even more awesome for focusing on your health while dealing with this stuff! :bravo:

I'm so glad things are better, Barb. :hug: I know you are an amazing mom and am sure, like Loriann noted, that Brian will come to see the truth of things, eventually--though it's good that Robert is much better as a father than as a husband. Hope things continue to be cordial. :)