I don't understand why I feel so sad...??? - 3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community

FlourGirl · 01-31-2008, 10:40 AM

I am very excited about my surgery and very excited about the energy that I wll be gaining from my weightloss BUT.......Can anyone else relate when I say that I also feel a sence of loss???? I don't know how to explain it....I just feel sad for "me". I have always had weight problems and I don't know what its like to be thin for more then one year. Maybe that's it.....Fear of the Unknown?????

Did anyone else feel sad before thier surgery????? Or am I just silly???

missangelaks · 01-31-2008, 11:11 AM

Oh yes love, I understand. Having surgery is like losing a longtime friend...we don't realize that, even though it was a crappy friend that kept us from doing what we wanted and robbed us of our self esteem and health, it was the only friend that we had in the darkest part of our hearts and lives.

I have taken the last few months to say goodbye. This surgery is a process that will set us free but it's only natural to feel sad, even guilty, for leaving this "friend".

One thing that helps is to realize that at one point in our lives we NEEDED excess food, to help us through some harder times, now we have out grown it...like a tricycle in our youth...and we can let it go. A grown person would look silly on a tricycle but it's still hard to give it away because of fond memories.

We are replacing such need for comfort with other things now that we are grown...like this board.

for you my friend,

Angela

FlourGirl · 01-31-2008, 11:30 AM

MissAngelCakes this is SOOOOO TRUE!!

One thing that helps is to realize that at one point in our lives we NEEDED excess food, to help us through some harder times, now we have out grown it...like a tricycle in our youth...and we can let it go. A grown person would like silly on a tricycle but it's still hard to give it away because of fond memories

Thanks you so much for those words of wisdom. While I do have a relative that has had WLS I don't know if he really shares the same emotions that I do right now. I hate to ask him...I can just see him now...raises eyebrows and a funny look on his face....

So, I come here to you gals and to another message board that I post at for help and words of wosdom. You really gave me what I needed and it helps me ALOT!!

Thank you very much

Chrissy

missangelaks · 01-31-2008, 12:54 PM

Your relative might respond like that, some people handle uncomfortable feelings with sarcasm, but don't count on it. Even if he doesn 't show it, he felt it in some way. We humans are a lot alike.

Now... Wacky people, we are few and far between!

I'm glad I could help lift your mood a bit.

Angelcakes

FlourGirl · 01-31-2008, 02:28 PM

I think hiding your feeling also comes into play with overeating. We hide the feeling that we don't want to express and then gobble them down with food to make us feel better. At least that's what I have done.

missangelaks · 01-31-2008, 08:49 PM

You're right...It seems easier to go find the junk food night after night then to take courage and look in the heart's window to see why we eat or ask for what we want and need...to take the time to give each feeling, each reason a once over and then set it aside...to learn the skills to deal with life "emotionally rather then nutritionally" as Dr. Phil would say...to finally realize that the pain of being unhealthy now out weighs the pain of changing.

HUG

Angela

jiffypop · 02-01-2008, 09:28 AM

you've hit on some key points here. change is scary. and when we have the old familiar shoes, realizing that we're about to put on fancy new ones that require some breaking in is HARD. especially since we're gonna have to change the way we walk and how we live.

one step at a time, darlins.

nitengal42in · 02-02-2008, 08:23 PM

Yes, sadness is normal. I was so sad for a very long time. I went through a period of mourning....I mourned my food. I missed my cakes and candy and regular sodas. I do understand. Before I had surgery, I NEVER had a day that I was thin and not ridiculed for my weight.

I am now six years out from surgery. I lost all my weight and had reconstructive surgery. I can honestly say that my body is thin...I wear a size 6. But, the fat girl still lives inside of me. Everyday I go outside, I worry that people are looking at me and talking about me behind my back. I understand how you feel.

I would never go back to that life though. It is nice to be able to buy clothes off of the rack. It is nice that people look in my eyes and not at my huge body. It is nice to not have to deal with all the stigmas that go with being heavy.

Its normal to be scared. It will all be ok. You will be much happier when it is all over and the weight falls off. Just remember, this is a tool, not an answer to a prayer. As long as you always remember that, you will be successful. Good luck to you hon

FlourGirl · 02-02-2008, 10:00 PM

See that's the funny part. I'm not sad giving up the food. I really don't care about that. It's the food that I chose to eat that got me here in the first place. So, the food is no biggie. Will I miss some of it ...yes? Is it better for me to give up these foods? YES!!

I guess this feeling of sadness comes from me giving up "me"...the person that I've know all of my life. I am sure that with the weighloss I will have a new "me" that I have to learn to look at and realize that it's "me".....do you understand what I'm trying to say???? I know this might sound silly.....

Tomorrow I'm going to be seeing a fellow family member that has also had gastric surgery and I"m going to ask him about some of these feelings. Like I said in an above post I don't know if he'll be willing to share his feelings with me but I'm willing to ask....I let you all know what I find out...LOL!!! I feel like a detective......

merryterry · 02-02-2008, 10:50 PM

I think that maybe missing that person I was is why I gained back all the weight and more that I'd lost a long time ago. I got down to 180 after college which I started at about 250 lbs. I didn't know how to deal with a new appearance and more attention and everything that came along with a new body. I still thought of myself as fat because I still wasn't really skinny. It was really easy to gain back weight to be the me I always was.

So far it's looking good for surgery-the surgeon's office doesn't foresee a problem with insurance approval. I hoping to say a fond farewell to the me I've been all my life and celebrate the me that I've never known.

FlourGirl · 02-03-2008, 11:17 AM

I can honestly say that I hate the "emotional rollercoaster" this is definately not something that I am enjoying BUT...it's real emotions and they have to be delt with.

I live a few miles from Hershey Park and somehow I think their rollercoaster is more fun!!! DARN IT!!

missangelaks · 02-03-2008, 05:09 PM

Me too!!! I want the nice, soft, little up and down and round and round of the merry-go-round! And not the horsie ride either, I want to sit in the benchs! Actually, can I just go home and watch Judge Judy? I tired of the fair all together!

Angela

mistymed · 02-04-2008, 04:10 PM

i am 1 week out of being banded and i am sad also. i am in mouning for my lifestyle of eating out and having get togethers. superbowl sunday sucked cause my mom layed out a big spread and i couldnt have any of it. then we were at sams wholesale and they were giving out samples and the lady asked me if i wanted one and before i could say anything my sister said she cant have that. it really made me mad. i am not sure why. i want to eat a bag of cheetos. ha ha . i am 368 post surgery. i need this. reading ya'lls posts make me feel better.