12 step protection from what lurks beneath the food.
Since my letting go of food has deepened, I have known a lot of fear around what lurks beneath the food. Low level depression always rears up when I let go, and I begin to see why I am so addictive around food. I have immersed myself in OA this past month more deeply than ever. My food plan is great but the feelings are rearing up. Members tell me ‘this too shall pass’. I get these bouts of lowness, but with help I can turn my day around. I do service in OA as much as I can – the connection alleviates the low feelings a bit. I am now willing to start writing my steps, 1-12, with a sponsor, and deepening my recovery. I pray to my HP and some intuitive thought seems to come in telling me it’s going to be alright. I am blest not to have to take any medication for depression. I have excellent health, maybe because I have at least been TRYING for years to apply the 12 steps to my eating disorder. Now it feels I have turned a corner and good abstinence is a reality for me.
For about 4 months, I have been on a waiting list to see a food addiction therapist. My first appointment is tomorrow, and while I’m a bit nervous, it can’t come quick enough for me. I need a lot of help for this disease that would wipe me out if it goes unchecked.
Good things are happening me since I joined OA. I am immersed joyfully in the study of poetry and literature and am writing more than I have ever written, and that despite the difficulties of getting well. I don’t know how that is happening, but it is! So surrender works. Just for today, it feels right to keep letting go a food I still miss because the benefits far far outweigh the longing for the ‘pretend few seconds of comfort’. The members on this great forum continue to inspire me. Thank you for being there.
Hi Everybody. Bumbeebee asked how did it go with the long awaited session with the food therapist. Well, it really tested my abstinence, which probably sounds weird. Basically, it just did not go well. I went along with a lot of hope and an open heart. I began to have misgivings almost right away. The lady seemed very far away – did not seem ‘present’. Then when she did begin to talk, I found her very patronizing about 12 step programs. I felt very shaky. I kept turning it over, and at least I was able to speak my truth and express my wish to continue my commitment to OA and AA even though I knew I needed some therapy. I stuck it out for the hour, but felt very upset afterwards. I wondered was I being negative, or trying to sabotage something good, but when I spoke to another OA member, I was encouraged to go with my gut. That’s what recovery means to me today. Before this, I would have either ignored my intuition, and ploughed on with something that was not good for me. And more to the point – I would have absolutely binged for Ireland on that situation. Instead I called up the organization, and told them I would not be proceeding as my trust in their treatment centre had been badly eroded. Trust is the absolute basic ingredient in the whole business of seeking professional help. It felt good to speak up. I kept it polite but firm. But that was not the end of the story. That very same day, I got a recommendation from a friend for an excellent therapist. I called up straight away, really liked this woman’s tone and demeanour, and I had my first session three days later. This was a whole different ballgame, and I feel so confident in going forward. I’m scared, but at least I feel I am putting my trust in a person with integrity. I'm up and down with the depression thing. Trying to keep it simple, trying not to get stressed. But I'm so grateful that I am hanging onto my abstinence, one day at a time. I love to log on here and read all the new inspirational posts. Keep on keeping on!
Searsha, way to go! So proud of you! I'm told that intuition is our Higher Power speaking to us and sounds like yours was speaking loud and clear in both cases. Keep us posted on how you doing.
It's a painful shock when we find that someone who is supposed to be a professional doesn't value or encourage our recovery. There is A LOT of ignorance out there. It's really not their fault-- they just haven't been exposed to 12 step. There is also a lot of fear, shame, and stigma attached to 12 step by people who aren't actually in it and don't know a thing about it.
There are a lot of nutritionists, doctors, and therapists who don't understand compulsive overeating. They don't see it as the life threatening addiction and disease that it is. They are under the impression that moderation and will power are enough for everyone. They just don't know.
You put yourself out there, and you got stung. The good thing is that you won't be so surprised if it happens again. The other good thing is that you were open to a new suggestion which turned out to be great.
12 step protection from what lurks beneath the food.
