100 lb. Club - Depressed.........................




txangelgirl
01-12-2008, 03:26 PM
Okay I am admitting it, right here right now. I am quickly becoming even more depressed. I was already depressed due to all the miscarriages last year and all, so this is not helping. This past week I showed a 3-1/2 lb loss. I swear, if I hadn't written that down I'd think as of today it was just a dream. Cause every single day afterwards, it's been higher... first up 3 lbs again, then down 2, then up 1, then down 1....all numbers staying above the one weigh-in showing a loss. I have stayed on plan precisely. Cheated? Not even once. Skipped exercise? Not a chance. 2 miles faithfully every single day. And I just don't get it!!! I'm so depressed right now, it's not even funny. I'm starting to think none of this is doing any good. I mean, I'm not talking miracles here...even a couple of ounces' loss, and I'd be happy. Cause I know it doesn't happen overnight and I'm fine with that. I'm so hopeful the rest of the time, and I'm working so very hard; you girls know how hard it is to say no, and not to cheat, when you're first starting and all, so I know you understand. I'm just wondering if I am doomed. i mean, I will keep going cause my body doesn't need to get any bigger, but the problem is, it's not getting smaller. I even had James take my measurements just to see if maybe I'm losing inches even though I'm not losing lbs; here they are:


Wed nite: 28 7/8 (r thigh) 29 1/2 (L thigh) 52 1/4 (hips)
46 (stomach) 15 1/2 (R arm) 15 1/4 (L arm)

Today: 28 3/4 (r thigh) 30 1/16 (L thigh) 51 5/8 (hips)
45 1/2 (stomach) 15 7/8 (R arm) 15 1/4 (L arm)

And I am changing my ticker, I'm so mad about all of this. Why reflect a loss when it doesn't even stick. Why oh why is this happening...I'm getting bigger! And yes for the record I am sitting pretty at between 1600-1800 a day, and eating plenty of veggies and fruits, no white flour stuff yadayadayada. :( Please pull me out of this sinking hole....


midwife
01-12-2008, 03:54 PM
I don't know which wise member of 3FC I am stealing this from but: You are not immune to physics.

Keep on your plan and you WILL see a loss. It takes time, and it is so important (and oh so hard!) to not link our moods to the scale. The scale is a tool, one of many tools. Keep on your plan and the scale will reflect that....it is impossible that it won't if you are truly doing the things you know you need to. Those lifestyle changes are important for health, no matter what the scale says.

I am a daily weigher and I believe in that for me.....but maybe for you, try not weighing for a week or two. You will lose...you are a biological being and your body is ruled by the principles of calories in and calories out.

Feel good about MAKING the changes, not about the results of the changes. You can control your actions, not the scale. Find victory in your choices, and the scale will simply be a side effect.

I also wanted to add that you may want to have your depression evaluated by someone. There is help out there. Depression can be treated in many effective ways.

missy3gal
01-13-2008, 12:34 AM
I only weigh once a month for that reason. I've fallen off of my plan too many times after weighing in only to see a stall or a gain. I decided not to repeat history this time, since I'm so easily discouraged and give up quickly. I'm sorry about the miscarriages :hug: That's a very, very hard thing to go through. Did you have people to talk with about it? :hug:


txangelgirl
01-13-2008, 12:54 AM
Well I have had the depression "looked at" by both doctors and a counselor. the doctor suggested the counselor, and I gave the counselor the boot, for two reasons: (a) it really wasn't helping me, and (2) on the day we got robbed, I had a session scheduled with her that obviously I could not make; she gave me $20 off the cost, but I still had to pay her $45 for mot giving her 24 hour notice for missing the session. As if I knew ahead of time I would be robbed. Anyway, best I stop right there LOL.

Yes especially losing Gracie was the toughest...I was 13 weeks along. I knew I would lose her though, cause God told me I would way before it happened. I also saw my daughter with Him in a vision, so even though I had all of that to give me peace, I wanted her here with me right... I posted at justmommies.com under user name follesurtoi, so I won't post all the gory details here; I'm sure you can find the posts there, as I posted all throughout the experience, and after her funeral too. the ladies there were extremely supportive and really helped me through it. I also had my family, and James also, but truth be told that was his first child right, and it was just as hard on him as it was me, so I avoided talking to him whenever possible. the most recent one was an early m/c - right before christmas; i was about 2 weeks along. The other ones were before Gracie's birth/passing in June...one in Feb, one in April, and one December 2006. this last one actually made 5....Of course Gracie hit me the worst, and to this day I can't talk in detail about it much. It's been 7 months but not a day passed that I don't long for her. I would not wish that on anyone. I am grateful I got to hold her and give her a proper burial though; it gave closure, as hard as it was to endure.

So needless to say I wear a lot of hats LOL... I'm this happy happy girl sometimes, and I'm down in the dumps other times where ya have to mop me up off the floor, and somewhere in between. All truly me, but I fluctuate so much and am very emotional still. I pray that will subside with time, as they say time is the best healer. I appreciate your concern very much, I really do. I might take your advice if this next week is the same; I try not to place so much emphasis on numbers, but I'm not very good at it. ;)

JayEll
01-13-2008, 08:11 AM
Hey. :hug: What a difficult time you have had! :(

There are usually support groups available for those grieving a miscarriage. Often these are low cost or no charge. You and your husband would probably benefit greatly from attending such a group together. Your thought that you can't talk to him about it because he's suffering, too, is off the mark. If you and your husband can't talk about this, then you are both in a bad place. But you both also need to know that you are not alone in what you're going through.

Your doctor or hospital probably have information about groups and services for those who are grieving--please contact them.

Also, I hear you about the difficulties with the therapist, but even though that particular therapist didn't work out, it still sounds to me as though you probably need therapy on your own as well. Don't give up on the process because you had a run-in with one person.

Now--about weight loss--what program are you following? Can you give us the detail of what you eat in a typical day? How much exercise and what kind and how often? Maybe people can make some suggestions, but we need more information.

Hang in there, and get some help!

Jay

txangelgirl
01-13-2008, 01:38 PM
Thanks Jay...well James and I talk about it sure and we did, I'm just saying that basically I was crying all the time, and wanted to spare him; I would love to know men's secret for handling things like this better LOL! I guess I'm not sure if I'm ready to open up to someone about Gracie again, it was very painful with the last counselor, but you're right...I haven't totally tossed out the counselor idea and will likely revisit it in the future, I think it was too soon really cause talking about it just made me worse instead of better.

Weight loss....on to better things!!!! :D Well this morning I weighed in exactly one lb away from my lowest this last week, but I do think it might be AF coming too, cause I was cramping a little last night. So that's weight wise how things are going. And no I do not eat before I exercise at night; I am still full from lunch so I wait to eat til after I exercise. Food wise, we are doing Lean Cuisine's or soups for dinner, cause I was starting the exercise thing and wanted to be sure I had plenty of time to meet that every day (and I have). With every lunch and dinner I have 2-4 cups of steamed veggies...zucchini, broccoli, sugar snap peas, etc. I also drink a ton of water - 24 oz with each main meal, and then 24-36 oz between breakfast and lunch, and then between lunch and dinner. At night I sip on green tea unsweetened. snacks include yogurt, fresh fruit, my homemade snack mix, popcorn on occasion (no preservatives, air popped, no butter), and cottage cheese. Not really a snack person, but when I am hungry that's usually what I will grab. Exercise wise - I am doing 2 miles with Leslie every day, last night my leg cramped up so bad I fell, so I did floor work then, but all the other nights I made my goal = 10 miles so far this week. I am seriously thinking about adding another dvd to my reportoir; I have biggest loser, latin dance, fun stuff like that. So that would equal an hour and a half of exercise every day, instead of an hour. Calorie wise, according to fitday, my highest day if I have snacks inbetween every meal, comes to 1782 cals a day (this includes drinks, which is water, skim milk with breakfast or soy milk, and little 30 cal pack drink on the go crystal light things). Without a morning snack (which is usually the case), and minus a yogurt in the afternoon, I'm around 1600-1650 cals.

I wonder if my body is just rejecting me cause I've shocked it. I was eating nothing but junk food for a week or so, so that equals..I dunno, around 4000 cals or more a day. then last Sunday, I drastically drop it to under 1800 minimum and have maintained that. So I wonder if it's thinking it's in starvation mode or something, and just won't release the fat cause i've slashed my cals over half....

PS I forgot to mention breakfast LOL....yes I am eating breakfast. Lean ff turkey with ff cheese on two slices of double fiber whole grain bread (Nature's Own) sprayed with Olive Oil, and either light soy milk or skim milk, and a piece of fruit. Also my fat % a day avg, according to fitday is 27%, so that is under the recommended 30%.

Trazey34
01-13-2008, 01:49 PM
awww that sux :(

i change my ticker only 1 x per month, just because of those little fluxuations. I weigh once a week at the same time, because seeing up/down is too psychologically damaging for me LOL

hang in there -- you're not immune to physics!! this WILL work because Newton's Laws of Physics says so!!

midwife
01-13-2008, 01:50 PM
.

Also, I hear you about the difficulties with the therapist, but even though that particular therapist didn't work out, it still sounds to me as though you probably need therapy on your own as well. Don't give up on the process because you had a run-in with one person.


Jay

I agree. Just because you had a bad experience doesn't mean that you wouldn't benefit from counseling. Is there a counselor or psychologist available through your church? Taking care of depression can have a trickle down effect and benefit on everything else.

txangelgirl
01-13-2008, 01:56 PM
hey Trazey, yeah I think I'm gonna do that this week...I had weighed myself on Tuesday I think, so that's when I will switch to the once a week thing. I just get scale addiction hahaha...terrible.

Yeah there is a counselor at the church, but like I said earlier I think it was too soon, because talking about Gracie just made me fall deeper, so I think I will have to wait before I continue that. Its just that counselors make you dig deep to deal with things, and it did way more harm than good. but I will likely revisit that option later.

midwife
01-13-2008, 02:36 PM
:hug: Prayers and blessings to you. I'm so sorry about your little girl. You know yourself best, and I know the Lord will see you through this time.

txangelgirl
01-13-2008, 02:39 PM
awww thank you midwife, hug much needed :)

math puppy
01-13-2008, 03:25 PM
me and my girl have been trying to have kids too txangelgirl. with very much the same results. it can be so hard! and emotionaly taxing! have you thought about seeing a specialist?

about the wieght loss: the human body is a strange thing, maybe you are not drinking enought water? i have been the same weight for a week now...but i have a problem with losing control and jumping of the band wagon (eek) its a fresh new week, just dont give up!! eventualy you are going to see the results you want!! go go go! we can do it!

:)

txangelgirl
01-13-2008, 03:28 PM
thanks math! No specialist yet; I am still in mourning so I decided just to focus on weight loss for right now, don't want to burden myself down with too many things. As for water intake, I drink a minimum of 150 oz a day, on average, so I think i'm pretty much waterlogged. :D I am going to up my exercise this week, and do 2 miles with WATP like I've been doing, and then add in some other dvds I have, like Biggest Loser, Extreme Makeover, and Latin dance. Hopefully shake up my system a little! :D