Jenniffer
02-01-2002, 10:03 AM
Some ppl who go through hard times such as a divorce, will lose weight. My ex husband dropped about 60 lbs when we seperated. I finally weighed myself this morning. Weighing in at a nice steady 220 lbs. How did I let this happen? I want to cry. I want to scream. I want to go to my ex and shove a twinkie down his throat! That's a 30 lb gain since I seperated. First it was 10, then 15 and now am up to a 30 lbs gain. Only 30 more lbs and I will be at my all time high.
Why oh why did I do this? It took me forever to get down to 188 and I was feeling wonderful. And then everythine fell apart in my life, and I let the 1 thing that I didn't want or need...and I gained back so much! And I kept telling myself that I must be shrinking my jeans in the dryer! hahaha How crazy is that? I could sit here and cry, right at my desk. I can see it in my face, my stomach and my back. I did this to me. I cannot blame it on my divorce. I cannot blame it on stress. ME. I did this.
I took all that time I worked so hard, all the compliments, all the good feelings of being too small and giving away all my bigger clothes. Now...I wish I had those clothes..I took all those amazing things that came with my weightloss and I threw them away. Right into the dumpster! Right out the window.
Not only am I dealing with all of the things that come along with a divorce, but now, I want to cry when I look in the mirror.
Hahhaa And I thought I had gained maybe 10-12 lbs!
I can sit here and feel bad, beat myself up. And that is exactly what I want to do.
But with whatever trace of determination and willpower have left in my soul..I will not. I will throw myself right back into this journey. I will be proud for what I have accomplished and pick right back up where I left off. I retain water, and am sure that at least 7 lbs could be dropped quickly. With that said, I am setting a high goal for myself. 199 by March 13th. When I land in California and see my sister, I want to be weighing 199. High goal. But I need to set it. I need to throw myself into this. I need to get back to where I was. That will be a 21 lb loss in almost 6 weeks. A bit extreme, but I know my body well. And I know that I am more than capable, as long as all of the words I post here are true. That I am ready and that I am putting myself first.
What Jennifer needs. Not what will make Jennifer feel better for the moment. Not what will heal her heart for the moment. What I need to do. For me.
No more messing around. No more taking my sweet time. I began this journey too long ago. Let the last year and a half of **** get in the way of MY goals. It's been a rough time for me, but now it's time to stand up and make the life that I want and need. I am not worrying about John anymore. Or my marriage. Or getting pregnant. Or building a house. Or my in-laws. Or my family. Me. Jennifer. #1 priority. And if I continue to gain weight, the depression that I've been feeling will only get worse. I will not be healthy. I will not feel good. I will isolate myself. And I want to live. I want to find the path that I know is waiting for me.
I always said the real challenge is to maintain your weightloss. I never realized how much truth was in that statement. As you can see, it can come back on quicker than it came off.
But one thing is for sure. I may have gained some back. But I know that I CAN do it. I know that it is POSSIBLE. And I will do it again!!!
I am worth it.
California Trip, March 13th: Goal: 199 lbs
250/188/220/165
Why oh why did I do this? It took me forever to get down to 188 and I was feeling wonderful. And then everythine fell apart in my life, and I let the 1 thing that I didn't want or need...and I gained back so much! And I kept telling myself that I must be shrinking my jeans in the dryer! hahaha How crazy is that? I could sit here and cry, right at my desk. I can see it in my face, my stomach and my back. I did this to me. I cannot blame it on my divorce. I cannot blame it on stress. ME. I did this.
I took all that time I worked so hard, all the compliments, all the good feelings of being too small and giving away all my bigger clothes. Now...I wish I had those clothes..I took all those amazing things that came with my weightloss and I threw them away. Right into the dumpster! Right out the window.
Not only am I dealing with all of the things that come along with a divorce, but now, I want to cry when I look in the mirror.
Hahhaa And I thought I had gained maybe 10-12 lbs!
I can sit here and feel bad, beat myself up. And that is exactly what I want to do.
But with whatever trace of determination and willpower have left in my soul..I will not. I will throw myself right back into this journey. I will be proud for what I have accomplished and pick right back up where I left off. I retain water, and am sure that at least 7 lbs could be dropped quickly. With that said, I am setting a high goal for myself. 199 by March 13th. When I land in California and see my sister, I want to be weighing 199. High goal. But I need to set it. I need to throw myself into this. I need to get back to where I was. That will be a 21 lb loss in almost 6 weeks. A bit extreme, but I know my body well. And I know that I am more than capable, as long as all of the words I post here are true. That I am ready and that I am putting myself first.
What Jennifer needs. Not what will make Jennifer feel better for the moment. Not what will heal her heart for the moment. What I need to do. For me.
No more messing around. No more taking my sweet time. I began this journey too long ago. Let the last year and a half of **** get in the way of MY goals. It's been a rough time for me, but now it's time to stand up and make the life that I want and need. I am not worrying about John anymore. Or my marriage. Or getting pregnant. Or building a house. Or my in-laws. Or my family. Me. Jennifer. #1 priority. And if I continue to gain weight, the depression that I've been feeling will only get worse. I will not be healthy. I will not feel good. I will isolate myself. And I want to live. I want to find the path that I know is waiting for me.
I always said the real challenge is to maintain your weightloss. I never realized how much truth was in that statement. As you can see, it can come back on quicker than it came off.
But one thing is for sure. I may have gained some back. But I know that I CAN do it. I know that it is POSSIBLE. And I will do it again!!!
I am worth it.
California Trip, March 13th: Goal: 199 lbs
250/188/220/165