100 lb. Club - What have I done?
01-10-2008, 03:04 AM
I know what I have done. I have eaten 2700 calories worth of emotion. I never labeled myself as an emotional eater, because I have never been able to definitively pinpoint an example of emotional eating in my life. But tonight was a sore spot. I went to one of my 21 year old friends wakes to say goodbye for the last time. It's about to drive me batty. I just can't comprehend losing someone that young...especially to a heart attack. This girl...so beautiful..Always smiling and laughing...remembering our childhood and sleepovers together...Her mother had heart problems and died when we were in the 8th grade..they should have checked her better for heart defects when they knew it ran in the family!! It's not fair. She had a rough life, and she finally was back on track...just got married..had found a good job. Then blammo, she is gone. But I guess that is life. No one ever expects that it is their time.
Before I went to the wake, I stopped in to check in on my mom (Jr. High principal)...only to find out she had lost one of her fifth graders the previous afternoon to heart complications which had been masked for years by his asthma. It was one of the children my mother had grown attached to...she always picks a few favorites..She had asthma as a child, so many times when the boy was having an attack they brought him to my mom because she was able to help him relax and breathe. She had a special bond with him through that. I could tell she had been crying all day. Just a glum day in general. Burying children...
Sorry to dump this on you guys. I don't really have anyone else I feel comfortable expressing this too.
I know this isn't an excuse to overeat the way I have tonight..but I just needed something to take my mind of the depressing realities of life for awhile...And this feeling in my stomach (like it is about to rupture) is helping somewhat...I guess.
Thank you guys for reading if you made it this far.
:hug: your loved ones tight please..You never know when that day will come, and the opportunity is no longer available.
01-10-2008, 04:37 AM
Mary, baby, :hug: I'm sorry. But now I'm a little scared cause my little brother has asthma (we just had to take him to the hospital two nights ago because of a bad attack). :(
01-10-2008, 06:40 AM
Oh Mary, how horrible. I'm so sorry for all of this sorrow in your life right now. What incredible tragedies. Sending your lots of cyber hugs and good wishes. :hug:
01-10-2008, 06:47 AM
Mary, saying good-bye to love one and friends is one of the toughest things to go through in life. Please know that our thoughts and prayers are with you and your Mom.:hug:
01-10-2008, 07:46 AM
:hug: That's a crappy day. Don't beat yourself up about your reaction. Overwhelming grief is hard to handle no matter what.
You've heard before we didn't get fat from one day of bad behavior, so in the grand scheme of things, you haven't done much damage. Do try to get on track today. That may be the best way to honor loved ones and life -- by honoring ourselves.
01-10-2008, 07:48 AM
I'm so sorry you are going through such a sad time in your life :hug:
It is very hard to say goodbye to people that are way too young to die. You will be in my thoughts and prayers.
01-10-2008, 08:33 AM
Mary, I'm so sorry for your loss. Writing your memories of your friend and sending them to her sisters or other family members will be a great comfort to them.
You should pat yourself on the back even being aware that this triggered an eating episode. Imagine how many times that happened in the past and you never noticed or cared. You're moving ahead!
01-10-2008, 08:53 AM
01-10-2008, 09:20 AM
I'm so sorry for your loss.
Don't feel bad dumping this on us, that's what we are here for.
Just get back on track today. This is a reminder of how fragile life is and how important it is for us to get healthy now.
01-10-2008, 09:30 AM
Sock/Mary: I'm sorry for your losses - both so tragic. Please don't beat yourself up over a 2700 calorie day. You have alot of emotion inside of you right now and you've recognized that eating for comfort is one of your challenges. Someone I know used to say "When the times gets tough, the tough get going......out to eat, that is!". LOL - so true, isn't it?? Try to remind yourself that you are 'tough', but the food does not control you.
Lots of wishes and warm thoughts sent your way...
01-10-2008, 09:48 AM
Mary: You needed some relief--and you found it in food. Don't sweat it, it won't last forever.
So sorry for all your losses....
01-10-2008, 10:00 AM
I'm so sorry about your friend and your mother's little student. :hug: It's hard to make sense of people so young being taken from us. If I were in your position, I'd probably have 3700 calories stuff in my mouth, so don't feel bad for your reaction. I'm sure many people would have done the same thing.
01-10-2008, 10:19 AM
Mary, I was in tears just reading that. It is so unfair when lives are cut so short :hug: I wouldn't beat yourself up so much, just try and move on best you can. It will get better as you cycle through different emotions, just lean on your mom and be there for one another and you'll come to a brighter day. Food is a friend to many of us, and you needed it in that moment...can't change it, and it's not the end of the world, so just keep on going.
Oh, and a walk helps that stuffed feeling go away quicker.
01-10-2008, 11:12 AM
Mary - I'm sorry for your loss. Death of someone young is unbelievable and hard to cope with...I know, I lost someone just last year at a young age. There are no answers to the big question...why...take your time to cope with it...I don't know a single person who wouldn't have done what you did...if not more damage. Keep your head up and stay focused on life...as you know, it is all to delicate and important.
01-10-2008, 11:23 AM
Just wanted to add my sympathies and extend my thanks. It's so easy to get frustrated by the minutae in life, so it's good to be reminded that there are more serious things that happen. I'll be hugging my children and husband extra tight tonight.
01-10-2008, 12:31 PM
I'm so sorry for your loss. Take care of yourself.
01-10-2008, 12:46 PM
Mary, :hug: I'm so sorry! It's so painful and frightening when we lose people who are so young! It always makes me face my own mortality.
I think that the main reason for me starting this journey all over again is because I just turned 30, and I'm scared. My dad died when he was 44.
Please take care of your heart, and vent here all you need to...we are here for you. Hearing this makes me feel even more committed to succeeding in this battle.
01-10-2008, 01:11 PM
Oh my...that's so heartbreaking. :(
You and the families of the young people who have passed are all in my prayers. It's terrifies me to hear that young people are having heart attacks like this.
01-10-2008, 01:44 PM
01-10-2008, 04:22 PM
Thank you guys SO MUCH for the overwhleming show of support. I am feeling alot better today..trying to find solace in the fact that I hope she and her mother are togethr now, giggling away.
You guys really mean alot to me...this is a rare sort of community filled with undying positivity and support.
01-10-2008, 04:50 PM
I am sorry you are going through such a painful time, while it is difficult... don't let the negativity consume you and don't dwell on death. Remember life, celebrate it while it's there and then again when it's gone. And always, which is what I do, turn inward and outward to those in your life and remember love.
01-10-2008, 06:15 PM
I'm sorry to hear about this. Now is not the time to beat yourself up over food, there is always tomorrow to get focused again. Take time for your grief.
01-10-2008, 08:17 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about this, Mary.
01-11-2008, 08:09 PM
Grief is one of the hardest emotions to understand, I think.Thank you for reaching out for support, it is a hard time for you right now. My condolences to you and your mother. Grief is hurt at the maximum, and your body/mind demanded comfort.. choosing food for comfort helped, reaching to your mom, helped talking to this board helped. Someone up list suggested writing to your friends family. I agree. You write beautifully and I am sure they would appreciate the memories you could share.
I suggest you also find a candle that represents your friend, light it each day and think of her for as long as you would like. I suggested this to my clients when they were grieving and it usually helped them. If I can help in any other way please feel free to private message me.
01-11-2008, 08:54 PM
:hug:Hang in there Mary!