Weight Loss Support - Skinny? What others say to you about your weight lose..
01-05-2008, 03:46 PM
Yesterday I was sitting at my desk when one of the ladies who works upstairs but not in my area popped into my office and asked “How much more weight are you going to loose?” I responded with a shrug and said “I just want to be at a healthy weight”, then she said I was already starting to look “skinny” and basically she thought I didn’t need to loose anymore. I just smiled at her and said that I was seeing my doctor in February and we’d discuss it. As you can see by my ticker I’m 178 lbs and 5’7” tall, I carry most of my weight in my hips/thighs/booty area. My BMI is still in the overweight category, according to the chart I’ll need to be in the 150’s to be considered a healthy weight. It took me by surprise that someone would consider a person who is at least 20-30 pounds overweight as skinny. I told my husband about the encounter and we laughed together over it. It’s just seems absurd that someone would see me as being skinny at my height and weight. I guess society is becoming more accepting of larger people and the truly skinny people are becoming pretty rare. It makes me wonder what people will say/think when I finally reach my goal weight range between 140 and 150. Once I reach my goal I plan to continue to tone up, hoping to get a pretty firm body. Anyways, do you have any suggestions as to how I can reply to people who ask similar questions regarding how much more weight I plan to loose? Or who imply that I’ve already lost enough weight?
01-05-2008, 04:08 PM
I think you handled it wonderfully. Telling her you plan to discuss it with your dr. Part of her response to the new you is that she's comparing the new you to the old you. In my experience, people are very uncomfortable with change. They want you to stay the same- whether that's good or bad for you.
01-05-2008, 04:10 PM
Congratulations on your weight loss! :cp: :cp:
I don't think that society is more accepting at all. Rather, I think that once someone who has been overweight loses weight, people somehow get the idea that it's their business to tell them when they should stop. This is why I rarely discuss my weight loss with anyone--and yet I still get the comments now and then.
You'd think that any second now, those of us who have successfully lost weight are about to be "struck anorexic" and dwindle to nothing! :dunno:
I try not to be rude to people who make those comments, but I do try to let them know kindly that it's not their concern. I think your comment about talking with your doctor is a good way to deflect that sort of discussion.
01-05-2008, 06:27 PM
Oh, I get this too.
I think that someone losing weight (lots of weight, especially!) opens them up to discussion, for whatever reason, from everyone around them. Everyone thinks they have the right to comment, whether to say your goal is too high or two low. Also, the changes in your body are usually bigger than you can actually see yourself, so to these people, you are SO much smaller that they can't fathom you actually shrinking further.
Give them time to adjust, indicate that the topic is not up for debate, and keep moving ahead. They'll adjust eventually.
01-05-2008, 07:09 PM
Yeah....i get this alot too. And sometimes when I look in the mirror i see what they are talkin about. But then...sometimes i dont. Also...they see me in figure flattering clothes but they don't see me in a bathing suit. And that is my ultimate goal. And even at 136 and 5'6"...i'm not bathing suit ready. I don't know if 130 and toning is going to get me where i want to be. But as long as i'm losing weight the healthy way and i "feel" good...and i mean physically (not emotionally or whatever) but as long as i have a good amount of energy, no blackout spells...that sort of thing....i will keep losing weight until i am satisified with my body. And i agree with mandalline...people who have seen you overweight for so long and then you lose a good chunk...they start to percieve you are getting too skinny. But there are plenty of girls in my office my height who are "thinner" than me.
I think you handled that comment very well. It shows that you are seeking a professionals opinion about your health. Congrats on the loss.
01-05-2008, 07:43 PM
Just take it as a compliment. Smile and nod your head and compliment them back on something. A compliment is just a compliment think of it that way. I can't wait until I get compliments flying my way. You must have been uber happy though!! I know I would be!!:D:carrot::D
01-05-2008, 08:35 PM
I get this all the time. And I got it all the time as I was heading down in the numbers, yet nowhere near a "healthy" weight. I think people were just used to seeing me soooo heavy, that when I started to shrink, they couldn't imagine me shrinking either further.
I'm not sure why though people think it's okay to comment on how much weight others should or shouldn't lose. But I guess you should take it as a compliment. I usually just say something like, "I'm not really sure about anything right now. I guess I'll just see how it goes" and leave it at that.
Congratulations on your weight loss. And don't listen to any one but YOU. Afterall you and you alone are the best judge of what's right for you.
01-06-2008, 12:01 AM
What cracks me up is my MIL is "concerned" I am getting too thin, but she still bought me XL clothes for Xmas. :dizzy:
01-06-2008, 12:20 AM
Congrats on your weight loss! :carrot:
One thing to keep in mind is that BMI is a bunch of :censored: . It's just of badly crunched numbers, that have very little to do with anything at all. And it's got even less to do with what you look like. Listening to your own body is probably a much better method than trying to get yourself into a one size fits all "healthy" range.
BMI Project (http://flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/)
Cool flickr thing about BMI.
When people ask me how much I plan on loosing I just pretend I don't know. :lol:
01-06-2008, 02:04 AM
I'm similar to you...we're the same height and almost the same weight...which I also carry mainly in the thighs, hips, belly and caboose. I've received similar remarks but without the negative overtone which, btw, I think you handled just fine! :) One gentleman, the owner of a local store I pass on my way to work every day, made several remarks to me. The first time he thought I was sick because I'd lost, in his perception, a lot of weight in a short time. (He happens to have a heavyset daughter.) A few months ago he told me that every time he saw me, I looked like I was wasting away to nothing....mind you, I lost most of my weight in the first half of 2007 and plateaued the second half. His son told one of my co-workers "that girl you work with got so skinny." Women at work asked me if I was sure I wasn't losing during the fall because to them it looked like I was getting smaller. And a number of women at my work are interested/are trying weight loss themselves so we exchange ideas and such. People know that I've worked/am working on losing weight but only you guys and my mother know the figures. My mother was a little worried when I told her I'd like to be 140--I was 139 in my early 20s (I'm 42 now) and I still had a round butt (heck, I had the butt when I was a teenager) and meat on my bones so I know I'm not going to look bony. But, like you, I need to tone up as well...I've always been soft and flabby. :p
But I think the height (both of us being 5'7", for example) is also a factor in people's perception of how much you weigh. Admittedly, it's been a double-edged sword for me. The good thing was that it helped me to camouflage my real weight. The bad thing was, well, that it helped me to camouflage my real weight! :o Obviously, 200 pounds would look different on a 5-foot person than on me. I mean, I could make myself look smaller than I was but the flip side was that, while I was busy trying to hide it, I wasn't doing anything about actually losing it.
Also, the changes in your body are usually bigger than you can actually see yourself, so to these people, you are SO much smaller that they can't fathom you actually shrinking further.
They must be...I feel like I don't look like that much different yet my clothes and the scale tell another story. If it weren't for those I might guess I've lost maybe 10 pounds cuz I feel like I'm pinching the same rolls I was before. :p This whole distorted perception (theirs and ours) is so wacky. :o I think maybe I didn't realize how big I had gotten, that I'm halfway to goal and it appears less.
Also...they see me in figure flattering clothes but they don't see me in a bathing suit.
Exactly. I can see the difference in appearance when I wear clothes that are a little baggy/loose on me vs. wearing those that are more snug. It's ironic, actually. We, or at least I, tend to think the looser clothes hide more sins, therefore, making me look smaller but I'm realizing that sometimes those clothes you think are camouflaging are making you appear bigger. Here I was getting these "you're getting smaller" remarks during those plateau months when I was just wearing clothes that flattered me more. :D
What cracks me up is my MIL is "concerned" I am getting too thin, but she still bought me XL clothes for Xmas.
I got 2 pairs of XL pajamas for Christmas...one from my sister, who lives in another state so we hadn't seen each other for 2 years until Christmas and I had never said anything to her about my weight loss, and the other pair from a co-worker who sees me several times a week. :p Still, they are pjs so I'll wear 'em. :p BTW, the same co-worker gave me a full-size bag of M & M's also. :dizzy:
01-06-2008, 04:56 AM
I get a lot of this as well. I've had one person go as far as to tell me that I'll be anorexic if I lose any more (at 155 and 5'2" I'm hardly anorexic). I mostly get that from larger people, and from those in my family. My entire family is big, so I think they've lost perspective on what being physically fit really means.
As far as a response goes, I think the one you gave is perfect. It lets them know that you're doing things in a healthy manner with the help of your doctor, so upon hearing that they should be less likely to discuss it much further. I think I'm going to use that one the next time I get those kind of comments.
01-06-2008, 05:26 AM
BMI Project (http://flickr.com/photos/77367764@N00/sets/72157602199008819/)
Cool flickr thing about BMI.
Thanks for posting this. :) It puts it all into perspective.
01-06-2008, 08:03 AM
I think your response was great. I get this ALLLL the time. But as someone else said, people see us in figure flattering clothes, or photos that are deceiving, or with our bellies sucked in or something. They don't see what we see in the mirror. Nor, do they know our BMI or body fat % stats, etc. When I was still trying to lose weight I'd just quickly explain that because I'm so short I still wasn't at a healthy weight. Now, I tell people that I'm working on gaining muscle, body recomp basically, (which I am) and that tends to shut them up (except the one woman that told me not to bother b/c I'm too old). I think you handled a frustrating situation very well...get used to it though, b/c it's likely going to keep happening.
I also personally think that most people who say something like that are jealous because they are not doing anything about their weight and know they should be...or b/c they feel threatened by someone else's success. I've seen this happen all the time with my mother too. Several years ago she got to 116lbs. I thought, as did she, that she looked incredible. She's not tall so certainly wasn't under weight or anything. Every single woman she met anywhere she went told her how sickly she looked...yet all the men were telling her how amazing she looked, and I agreed. Jealousy. Now it's happening to me. All my friends are telling me the same thing...though my Mom is telling me I could stand to drop a few more...of fat of course. :)
Enjoy your success!! :)
01-06-2008, 08:15 AM
except the one woman that told me not to bother b/c I'm too old
Now that almost justifies a punch in the nose! :mad:
01-06-2008, 08:18 AM
LOL, I'll wait until I have more muscle before I do that. :D
01-06-2008, 09:44 AM
Well when I'd reached 140 prior to my pregnancy, I ran into an old friend who's remark was "Girl! You're too skinny!" And this from the same guy who saw me a few years after high school, when I was like 160 pounds, said "Damn girl! What happened to you!?!" He started back peddling after that comment. LOL
So I guess that for me, somewhere between 160 and 140 is where I thinks I need to be. I'd hate to tell him I'm shooting for 135 or 130. Hehe