Weight Loss Support - My husband is an idiot!




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MangoKitty
01-03-2008, 06:19 PM
So my husband was joking around and teasing me about my passionate dislike for fish, it was all fun and games, no harm done. Then he goes and tells me, "You're a wale shark!". A FREAKING WALE SHARK! THE BIGGEST ANIMAL ON EARTH! I gave him "the look" (you know the one i'm talking about) and he goes, "oh... i probably shouldn't have said that" and starts laughing and oppologising. I laugh it off at first, but the more i think about it the more it pisses me off.

I know he didnt mean that i was fat by it, and he does have a history of not thinking before he speaks, but the thing is he NEVER makes fun of my weight, because he knows i'm realy sensative about it. So I think that's what made it hurt even more. I've spent alot of time crying tonight, and he's spent alot of oppologising and calling himself a jackass.

at this point i figure I have one of three options.
1.) eat everything in the fridge
2.) eat nothing ever again
3.) take his ******* comment and use it as fuel to my weight loss fire

I know which one i SHOULD pick... but i havent commited to it yet.

I want chocolate cake. and a husband that's not an idiot.


JamieY
01-03-2008, 06:31 PM
I know your feelings are hurt, but he probably didn't mean it the way you took it. Maybe he just thought it sounded funny? I dunno, men are dumb. My husband says stupid stuff all the time. Anyway, whatever you do, don't eat! Do some sit-ups or push ups, or maybe even meditate and clear your head. If that stuff doesn't sound good then go give yourself a facial or paint your nails, anything to make yourself feel better. Food is only going to make you feel worse.

Botzz
01-03-2008, 06:32 PM
Don't eat everything in the fridge! stick to your routine and let it roll off your back. sticks and stones ya know. I know it can be a terrible feeling when someone you trust and love says something hurtful whether it was meant or not,some things should just never be said and obviously you are sensitive to your weight hence the ooops reaction by him after he said it, but don't let it throw you off of your game, besides we men say dumb things a lot at times :^: some of it is honest slips and some is on purpose, you don't seem to think he meant anything by it so leave it at that would be my advice. but don't eat because of it.

New guy out


mandalinn82
01-03-2008, 06:36 PM
:hug: to you.

Have you ever said something that you'd normally say, but to the wrong person, and felt horrible about it? I mean, REALLY horrible? Say, for example, you're joking around with a friend and you say, like you might say to any friend you were joking around with, "why don't you run and tell your mama", only to remember 2 seconds later that her mom died three weeks ago? I bet that is right where your husband is right now. Feeling like a foot in mouth idiot.

But if that WERE you, would you have meant anything insidious by the "tell your mama" comment? Would you be intentionally trying to rub your friend's face in the fact that her mother had passed away? Of course not. It just slips, and you feel terrible, and feelings are sometimes hurt. It is a fact of being imperfect humans - sometimes we say the wrong things.

Ideally, no one would jokingly insult another person, especially around sensitive subjects like weight. But the world isn't ideal! And he wasn't even commenting in relation to your weight - he was commenting in relation to the fact that whale sharks eat plankton, and only rarely eat fish. It was non-weight-related, except in your head (and his, once you gave him "the look").

I'm sorry that your husband hurt your feelings. I am sure he meant nothing by it. And look at what you've done! Lost near to 90 lbs! Surely you can't believe that a man who DIDN'T (presumably) call you fat at 275 lbs has decided that you are at 186!

No diving into cake! Take this for what it is - an offhanded, non-weight-related comment by your husband, on a topic you are sensitive about...and let it go.

Another :hug: to you

kaplods
01-03-2008, 06:38 PM
Actually, you have a fourth option, forgive him and move on with your life.

It was an insensitive comment, but you say this isn't characteristic of him (other than he tends to speak without thinking), and he not only realized it, he's apologized (over and over, from what you've said).

The fact is all human beings are idiots. There isn't a person on the planet who hasn't said something that unintentionally hurt someone else. Most of us have even occasionally said things to intentionally hurt someone else (even if they DID start it).

I don't think we have to punish ourselves to lose weight. I think taking care of our health by exercising and eating healthy should be done as a reward for how great we are, not starving ourselves as a punishment for not being good enough.

aksuzyq
01-03-2008, 06:44 PM
His comment was in jest, you know in your heart he would never say anything that hurtful. Take it as him just being a man. Thinking he's funny. Men can be idiots. But if he feels this bad over hurting your feelings, even unintentionally, he really didn't mean it the way it came out. Let him apologize, buy you something REALLY nice, and you regain control over your emotions concerning your weight. YOU are in control over that now, you've proven it with the weight loss.

Be strong, be forgiving, stay focused.

kaplods
01-03-2008, 06:49 PM
I think it is important to realize men do not have a monopoly on idiocy. My husband and I had a recent argument basically about this recently, and I realized how much I have hurt him in the past by things I have said. The thing is he didn't ever bring them up to me until I called him an idiot for speaking without thinking and hurting me with things he said. In anger, he started listing all of the things I had said that had hurt HIS feelings, and I was sort of dumbfounded. I really thought that because he had never said anything, that he was the idiot and I was the sensitive one. Guess we're both idiots.

zenor77
01-03-2008, 07:06 PM
I think we all say things that do not come across the way we thought they would. I have a severe case of foot-in-mouth-syndrome myself. It always arises in very public social situations too. Good thing DH and my friends think it's funny when I do it.

Anyway... what I'm trying to say is that, more then likely, he didn't mean for it to sound the way it did. I agree with kaplods, forgive him and move on. If you really feel the urge to eat something then have something small and healthy and eat it slowly! I understand the urge to eat at times like these, but chocolate cake is not the answer!

:hug:

Altari
01-03-2008, 10:44 PM
I don't understand why he even said it. O_o It doesn't make sense.

Everyone's husbands say (and do) stupid, stupid things. You can't let it get you off track (so no diet modifications). You also can't let it seep into your relationship (so no holding is a fuel for your fire).

Cry it out, and do as others said, take a bath, give yourself a facial, paint your nails...or all of the above. I like to get a quick workout in before I bathe, so maybe you can get most of your aggression out that way.

ennay
01-04-2008, 12:11 AM
My husband called me a whale once...because I like the water and like running in the rain. Men are stupid.

melekalikimaka
01-04-2008, 01:04 AM
It is what it is: Men are stupid. And like Colleen said too, women can be too. I'm sorry he hurt your feelings, but I'm really thinking he didn't realize what and how he said it hurt you so deeply. You are wise to even stop and list your options, it means you are thinking first before losing your grip and doing damage to yourself by eating everything in the fridge. :hug: Let it go and don't let it eat you up. You are awesome for coming so far in your weight loss journey, don't let this bump trip you up. :hug:

MangoKitty
01-04-2008, 06:45 AM
Yea i chock it up to foot in mouth syndrome. He said something dumb, he regrets it, time to move on. i was just so upset last night...
I didnt have that chocolate cake, and although there are chips in the house, i had a nice bean salad for lunch today. Woo for self control! i'm determined to get these last 40 lbs off this year, and i cant let a dumb comment that wasnt meant to be mean ruin that.

tomandkara
01-04-2008, 07:12 AM
My husband called me a whale once...because I like the water and like running in the rain. Men are stupid.

Since when do whales like running in the rain?!?!?!

Mangokitty, way to move on! You rock! :cheer2:

Kara

jiffypop
01-04-2008, 09:20 AM
oh good grief. darlin - after losing 90 pounds, and having a husband with a bout of foot-in-mouth disease, you certainly need some comfort.

i vote for a manicure and pedicure.

and let's hope is foot-in-mouth-disease is temporary!!!

BrandNewJen
01-04-2008, 09:56 AM
oh goodness... Men are STUPID... chalk it up to that. lol You've lost a TON and if you think he thinks you're fat now, you're nuts. :-) Take a little finger of frosting off that cake, realize it's not worth throwing away your diet, close your fridge, and punch him in the arm for me. :-)

lumifan4ever
01-04-2008, 12:30 PM
I'm so glad to hear that you didn't go raid the fridge or eat that chocolate cake. That, unfortunatley, hurts no one but you. And it does sound like he wasn't saying anything to intentionally hurt your feelings. I have foot in mouth disease too. I hurt my best friends feelings once when i was getting married. I was pregnant, getting married in June and another one of my friends were getting married in July. She wanted me to be a bridesmaid. So, i was trying to order a dress that my bridesmaid could wear and then i could wear it the next month in the other wedding. My best friend was on the heavy side....When i told her that i was ordering this particular style of dress for her, i said that it didn't matter how big i got in the next month because i could still wear it. YEAH!!! TAlk about insult!!!! The dress was an empire waist with a billowing skirt. I just meant that there was enough material in the skirt of this dress that is would accomodate for my growing belly. Not that she was sooo big that even pregnant I wouldn't be as big as her. NO WAY was that what i meant. Of course, she didn't tell me how mad she had gotten over the comment until about 2 weeks later. And thankfully, she said that she thought about it and realized i hadn't meant any insult. She knew me well enough to know the wording just didn't come out right. So...yeah....I have a bad case of foot in mouth. So, hang in there. You are doing an amazing job. WOW....losing 90 pounds is so awesome!!! I'm just trying to hit 60 and stay there!!! lol.

Keep your chin up. You are doing wonderful.