100 lb. Club - I need HELP!




View Full Version : I need HELP!


kehb
12-30-2007, 08:13 PM
Hi all,

I'm not a newbie, however most of you probably don't remember me. I can't even remember the last time I posted here, but I can tell you this.....I'm just as heavy, if not heavier than I was then. I have NO self-discipline, no willpower, no stick-to-it-tiveness, and I'm probably the laziest person alive. I currently have over 120 pounds to lose, and I don't have the first clue where to start. I've been on just about every diet there is, short term though it may be. I've lost about 50 pounds twice in my life only to gain it right back again. So I know I CAN do it. It's just a matter of doing it. The thing about it is, I have SO much weight to lose, it's hard to see any difference when only 5 or 10 pounds is lost (not that I ever make it long enough to see 5-10 pounds lost, but anyway). It's really hard for me to stick with anything when I don't ever see any results. But I guess I need to be honest.....that's only a small portion of the problem. The real problem lies in the fact that I love to eat and I love to eat all the wrong things. Combine that with not having any willpower and....well, there you have it. If I were single, I'd join Nutrisystem or Jenny Craig, but the prices of their food is as much as a month's worth of groceries. I've got a husband and a little boy. I just can't afford those programs. That goes for WW and LA Weight Loss too.

So I don't know what to do anymore. Is there even any help for me since I'm as weak as I am? I really don't know why I can't do it. I have the intrinsic motivation. I want to be healthier and be a better/more active mom for Austin. But I'm just weak.

I guess I want to know what's the best method out there. I've tried so many, I'm confused now as to what's best. I'd like to hear that there's something easy to follow that actually works. But any help would be very much appreciated. I just don't want to be like the way I am any more, but when you've had 32 years experience of being this way, it's REALLY hard to change. (I'm beginning to wonder if it's impossible.)

Thanks in advance!


fiberlover
12-30-2007, 08:36 PM
Well - the best method out there is one that you can stick to and live with.
If you love to eat, you might want to consider something like Volumetrics. That is more food for less calories - basically.

Or, take a look at calorie counting.

I don't know if there really is any easy diet. Dieting is hard, it is so hard. However, discipline is a skill, and like any skill you get better with practice. You need to cut yourself a bit of slack and let yourself make mistakes and keep going, instead of giving up because you slip up.

JayEll
12-30-2007, 08:36 PM
Hey. Sorry to hear you are feeling hopeless! But I think you can see from all the stories of success on 3FC that there is hope for everyone.

I wish I had a magic answer for how to have motivation, but it's something you have to come up with yourself. What I am hearing is all the obstacles you have. You have to be willing to look at what you CAN do instead of at all the things that you can't do. :yes:

Our 3FC member Meg once said, "If you want it, you'll find a way. If you don't, you'll find an excuse." So, which will it be?

For example, you CAN join Weight Watchers. You can find the money to do it! It's not that expensive, and you sound like you need the support of a regular program, a group, a food plan, weigh-ins, etc. You can find a way to afford this--many, many people have managed to do so! Seriously--how much money do you spend every week on foods that you shouldn't be eating? Cutting out that expense alone could help pay for WW.

Also, you need to be willing to change. Let go of the idea that you can "go on a diet" and lose weight, then go back to your "usual" way of eating. You'll always regain the weight that way! Instead, you need to learn how to eat to lose weight AND how to eat to maintain weight. Many people (myself included) have failed that second part, only to have to start over.

You can do this... Give it another try... :cheer2:

Jay


sockmonkey70
12-30-2007, 08:40 PM
I have NO self-discipline, no willpower, no stick-to-it-tiveness, and I'm probably the laziest person alive.

No...that would be me :D

I know it's hard, and I could have written that post a few months ago. We all want to see instant results. But it just doesn't work like that. Try making little changes every week. Cut out soda one week. Cut down your fast food another week. Get outside and walk 5-10 minutes...You just might like it :p

I remember feeling like I would never have the willpower to get the weight off...I love food. I loved junk food especially. I just had to take it one day at a time...Each day is a new challenge, and I am STILL struggling. But I am not giving up. I have lost weight. I feel so much better. I know I am not "there" yet...But I have a good start!!

Best of luck to you!!
:hug:
Mary

jillybean720
12-30-2007, 08:59 PM
First of all, big :hug: Second of all, been there, done that, felt that way, lived to tell the tale ;) There have been MANY times I've written similar posts or thought the same thoughts as you. Here are my suggestions:

Keep junk food out of the house. I know you said you have a husband and son, but even if they are not overweight, junk food is not good for ANYone to eat regularly. It's just as bad to be of normal weight and have other future health risks due to poor diet (heart disease, high cholesterol, diabetes, high blood pressure, etc.). So if you normally have junk food in your house, stop buying it.
Don't force yourself to eat foods you don't like just because they are healthy or fit into your weight loss plan better. If you force yourself to eat foods you really don't like, you'll be much more likely to throw in the towel sooner. Instead, try finding healthier versions of the foods you eat now. For example, I am helpless when it comes to a good bacon cheeseburger. Today, though, I made burgers using lean turkey burger patties, whole wheat burger buns, center-cut bacon, thin-sliced cheese (still covers the entire burger but for about half the calories), reduced-fat mayo, and honey mustard (would have added some lettuce and sliced onion, too, if I had any handy). It was absolutely delicious, and even my fiance loves them.
Try finding ways to work activity into your schedule that isn't necessarily forced exercise. I have puppies, so I'm working on walking them more. It doesn't feel like such a chore when you're doing something more fun than, say, going to the gym (I know a lot of people enjoy the gym--it's just not for me). Maybe you could take your son to the park more often, play catch with him, take him out on a bike ride...I'm not sure how old he is, but I'm sure there are active things you could all do as a family that are fun :)
Don't say you have no willpower. Who cares? You need to make your healthier choices into habits. Know what? I hate brushing my teeth. I even hate taking a shower--for some reason, it's always felt like WORK to me. But I do these things every day despite how I feel about doing them. That's how your new healthier habits have to become to you--things you do whether you want to do them or not simply because you know you have to. Even though I hate showering and procrastinate doing it every morning, I always feel better afterwards. Same with brushing my teeth. Same with eating healthy and exercising--you'll feel better when you do them even if you don't want to do them at first.
If you need in-person support, I highly suggest looking into TOPS. I've never done WW or LAWL or any of those because of the expense. But TOPS is a non-profit weight loss support group. They don't force you to follow any particular plan (though if you're at a loss for ideas, they do offer a book with an exchange program), and they're full of support and information. Since they are non-profit, they are much more affordable (each chapter is a little different, but most are less than $30 for the year and then about $5 per month, which goes to pay for chapter activities, programs, and recognition of those who are doing well and reaching milestones). You can find out more and find a chapter near you at www.tops.org (http://www.tops.org).What are some specific issues you face? Are you a soda junkie, fast food addict, chocoholic, couch potato...Do you have problems with eating veggies, portion control, eating out, snacking at work...I'm sure lots of people here face the same challenges as you and will have lots of other suggestions to help you get past those first few difficult days :^:

Trazey34
12-30-2007, 09:36 PM
I think we can all relate, Kim - sometimes it doesn't matter so much WHAT you do as WHEN, you just have to be mentally ready for the change, and know full well what you're getting into I guess.

Personally I have a hard time with "organized" weight loss programs - don't get me wrong, they work for a lot of people - but almost everyone I know has gained it all back again. I guess the cynic in me can't 100% trust a business that will financially benefit from my failure.

Over the years I've read countless books and diets, and basically weeded out what I thought would work best for ME, what I could LIVE with forever, and what would be FUN! I can't live in diet drudgery that's for sure, I've gotta have something to look forward to and get excited about :D

I wish you good luck & success in 2008, if your mind is ready for it you're more than half way there! I hope whatever way you decide to go is successful

Sheila53
12-30-2007, 11:41 PM
Please don't feel hopeless! Most of us have been where you're at--I know I have. When I started losing weight for the last time, it was because I was finally at the point where I wanted to lose weight more than I wanted to eat. I also knew that I had to change my lifestyle because I'd tried dieting and always gained the weight back. Exercising regularly had to become a habit, and eating right had to become something I just did. And 32 years of experience doesn't come close to my 50+ years, BTW. :)

I wasn't perfect at losing weight nor am I perfect at maintaining the weight loss, and I'm betting that you won't be either. Sometimes losing weight is a matter of going two steps forward and one back. Unhealthy food calls to me, and I have to choose every day to answer that call or ignore it. You don't need willpower, IMHO. You need to make a commitment, just like you make a commitment to going to work or school every day (and work includes being a SAHM, of course), to showering regularly (I'm making an assumption here, I guess. :) ), paying your bills, etc.

One of the first things I would suggest is to give yourself more positive statements. Remind yourself that you really do stick to things, be it something like brushing your teeth daily. Give yourself some credit for the stuff that you do in life that gets you through! You wouldn't tell your best friend that she is lazy, has no self-discipline, etc., so please be as good to yourself as you are to your friends.

After you've given yourself some positive self-talk, then maybe start taking some baby steps. Walk around the block one day, then the next, and keep on doing that. Get the junk food out of your house--nobody in your house needs it. Start researching what you can live with in terms of diet for the rest of your life. I liked the support of Weight Watcher meetings, and I loved getting gold stars and having people clap when I lost weight. Although I still weigh in at Weight Watchers monthly, now I count calories, try to eat balanced (protein, carb, good fat), and I eat every three hours whether or not I'm hungry because my hunger sensors don't work well. However you decide to eat, just make sure you choose something that works for your lifestyle, now and forever.

Wishing you much success! Please let us know how you're doing, okay?

tingirl
12-31-2007, 12:21 AM
I've been there done that as well. You have gotten some great advice and there is really not much that I can add. First and foremost you MUST believe in yourself. You can do this, but you must give up the negative self talk. Start now! Tell yourself you are STRONG and you are Worth it. Even if you don't believe it - say it anyway. Several of us around here just fake it till we make it :) Don't look at the total amount you need to lose if that is too overwhelming - take it 5 or 10 pounds at a time. Once you lose that 10 pounds then go for the next 10.

Best of luck to you! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!!!

Supersub
12-31-2007, 11:56 AM
I also have about 120 pounds to lose. The only difference is that I've already lost 43! I got lazy the last two months.(only lost about 7lbs) I was doing great for the two before that.(lost about 36lbs) I know I can do this. I've done it. I just need to refocus and start doing it again.

I didn't use any groups, books, advisors, plans or anything other than pencil, paper and my own brain. I kept a food journal and wrote down what I ate and the calorie count. I tried not to go too high on the calories on any given day. Some were higher than others but you can't eat to a set number every single day. It would get mind numbing trying to control down to the exact calorie. I also drank more water. Then more water still. It took some getting used to but I made it. I was also walking on my treadmill every day for about 30 mins. I think I'm going to change that from every day to just the days that I'm not working. I sub so my days change all the time. I just can't always squeeze it in on a busy day without being exhausted. I'm still fine tuning my plans for the new year.

Mostly it's just about thinking. You just have to STOP and think about what you are doing BEFORE you do it. It's easy to just eat as a reflex. I ate stuff all the time and didn't even remember it. Now I really think about my choices and if it's the best choice for me. You can even still do the fast food places. You just have to REALLY plan what you are going to get and not just get your usual.

You just need to sit down and write out a plan. Any plan. Even just changing one thing at a time will help. Start with anything. JUST START!

I'm always looking for buddies to do this with me. If you want someone to report/whine/gloat with let me know!

kehb
01-02-2008, 12:25 AM
Thank you all so very much for all of your support and advice. I appreciate it all! For those of you that offered to be buddies, I appreciate that too. Jen, I know you pm'd me, but I don't have enough posts to pm you back. I hope it's ok, but I'm going to post my reply to you here. I hope you get it. My reply to Jen actually applies to all of you that offered. Anyone who is still interested after reading my reply to Jen, just let me know.

Again, thank you ALL again, so very much!!! I'll keep you updated on how I'm doing. I'm going to go with your advice and take baby steps. I think my problem in the past is that I've tried to tackle too much too fast. So little at a time for me this time.

Ok, I gotta go to bed. Gotta get up early tomorrow. Thanks again!!!!

--------------------

Hey Jen,

First of all, thank you for pm'ing me. Second of all, I'm not really sure how to answer you. I love the idea of having a buddy. I DO think it would probably help. But I'm really afraid that I would end up being the kind of buddy you've ended up with in the past. The brutal truth was in my post. I start with the best of intentions, but end up sticking to nothing.

If you'd be willing, I'd like to TRY to be your buddy. But I warn you.... I work Monday-Thursday, 7:00 am - 7:00 pm. So most times, on those nights, I won't be on the computer. I'm just too tired, by the time I get supper finished and Austin in bed. When I DO get on the computer, it's usually brief and on weekend nights.

It's completely up to you and if you'd rather not, and try to find someone who will be a little more available, it's ok. You won't hurt my feelings. I just don't want to let you down.

Let me know what you want to do. Either way will be ok. :) I just appreciate your offer and your offer of support.

Hope the rest of your week is good. :) Chat w/ ya later!!!

txangelgirl
01-02-2008, 12:41 AM
Kim!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What worked (and works) for me, is I basically induced boot camp for myself LOL! I got a big black trash bag a few months ago, and made a clean sweep of my kitchen - condiments, foods, drinks, you name it. It all went in the trash. James was like, "you're wasting all that food???" And I said "well it either gets wasted in the trash where it is harmless, or it changes residence to our fat cells - what's it gonna be?" then I went to the store, and replenished my kitchen with all healthy snacks and foods (frozen mangoes...ahhh, my new love), to where even if I did binge, I couldn't gain weight on it cause it's all healthy! No processed foods either, btw. I'm talking fresh, negative or very low cal stuff, fresh veggies, fruits, frozen fruits, the yoplait thick and creamy light yogurt is sooooo filling and yummy with Cracklin Oat Bran cereal (don't make a face, trust me you will love love love it :D ) and secondly, before I shopped I planned all my snacks and meals and drinks, and that's how I made my list. basically stick to the exterior of the grocery store and that's where you should hang out.

Drastic? Yes. Was I desperate? Yes. So I took action, and made my kitchen un-fat friendly. and it is working. I have no willpower lol, so for me to succeed I have take big measures to make it happen. It's important to know your limits, and if you can't handle the boundaries then change them :D My family just has to deal with it lol. I told them I am doing this for me, and that was that.

Lastly, just take it one day at a time. don't look at the big picture!!! That's a surefire way to get depressed. Take it ten lbs at a time, or 5 or two - whatever it takes!!! Or one week at a time, and reward yourself for sticking to it every week. It's all about you and no one else :D

But first of all, you have to get mad. You have to get mad at yourself, and get to the very bottom before you will find that determination you need to make it happen. And Kim...it really sounds like you have!!!! So believe it or not, you are right where you need to be to do this!!!! Good for you!!!! Now where are those Hefty bags.... ;)

Holli