Weight Loss Support - How do I make him understand?
12-23-2007, 07:09 AM
I am married to a wonderful man, who is incredobly supportive and all that good stuff. It's not that he isnt supportive of me loosing weight, it's that he's scared i'm going to turn into some crazy dieter.
I've used some unsafe methods before, but i stopped, got help, and am doing it the right way this time. I just started calorie counting, and am at 1600 calories a day, exorcising 3-5 times a week.
I try to keep my husband involved, show him my fitday account, cook meals with him, ect so that he doesnt have to worry about me. but he (possibly teasingly) constantly calls me obsessive. How do i make him understand that i'm not being obsessive, i'm just taking the steps i need to be a healthier person?
12-23-2007, 07:44 AM
Hey MangoKitty! :wave:
I think you're doing what you can to reassure him--by sharing your FitDay and so forth. He probably is teasing with the obsessive label, but when he says it, just come back with "No, honey, I'm just trying to pay attention." <smile>
To others, it can look like obsession--especially to those who don't have to think about what they eat. Just stay with your healthy, nutritious plan.
12-23-2007, 09:44 AM
Constantly reassure him that you are doing this for reasons if health, remind him that obesity contributes to many health problems , including high blood pressure and diabetes, just to name two. I have been on two high blood pressure medications, since losing weight my doctor has taken me off one of them. My diabetic son has lost a lot of weight thru diet and exercise and his doctor has taken him off his diabetes medications.
You might also tell your husband that your goal weight is perfectly reasonable for your height.
12-23-2007, 09:46 AM
Congratulations for making the decision to lose the weight - in a healthy manner. I'm not sure what you've done in the past, but it sounds as if now you're headed in the right direction with the "right" methods. As time goes on, your husband can't help but see this. He WILL see that you are indeed attempting to get the weight off in the healthiest way possible. Give it time. He'll come around. Good luck to you. :)
12-23-2007, 02:26 PM
thanks guys. i think he is teasing some of the time, but i can see in his eyes that he is serious some of the time too. I know it will take some time for him to understand i finoly have my head on strait, so i guess i'll just keep doing what i'm doing. thanks for the advice!
12-23-2007, 02:32 PM
Keeping him involved as you are doing now by showing him your fitday and stuff is going to help ensure he is comfortable with what you are doing. Also eating healthy meals together will be encouraging as he will know you are being healthy. Just keep him involved as much as he wants to be/is willing to be and that should help both of you.
12-24-2007, 11:28 AM
Maybe try to be open about everything you do, but talk less about it? Sometimes I think we dont realise just how much we talk about our weightloss, because its so big and important to us, and to someone else it might seem obsessive.
Why not try to just act like its a normal thing, cause thats what it is and is going to be, right? :)
12-24-2007, 11:43 AM
that's what i try to do timkerbelle, but every time i go to the computer to log what i eat on fitday or look at the ingredients of something i eat he goes on about it. i guess it will just take time.
12-24-2007, 11:53 AM
LOL - your post reminds me of ME. I tend to be a bit obsessive about whatever I do. This is one of the things that makes me successful - of course. DH finally made a comment that my "new healthy lifestyle" was all I talked about. It was true - I showed him my Fitday, read descriptions of workout videos and asked him his advice. I planned menus, bought only healthy food, and talked about my successes during the day - pretty much to the exclusion of everything esle. To someone who isn't on the same journey - it sounds pretty obsessive.
A couple things that worked for me - I started to share more selectively. I didn't share every detail, although they were things that excited me. I tried to balance my interaction with him to include other topics. Slowly, I asked for his help with my journey. "Will you do yoga with me this week? Will you walk with me this week? Can you help me pick out a healthy cheese this week when we go shopping?" You get the idea. Bringing him into the process as an active participant helps him have ownership and an interest.
An added benefit for me is that DH has lost 40 lbs and is exercising with me regularly now. :)
12-24-2007, 12:40 PM
CountingDown, it sounds like you are finding a balance that will work for you and for him. Just one (unasked for) comment--he does not have to have any "ownership" of your weight loss. I'd be really careful there of getting him too involved.
The reason is that if the going gets rough for you or you slip up from time to time (not that you will--I'm just saying "in case"), he might get really disappointed or even angry with you if he's become too involved. I don't know how you are, but speaking for myself, I don't need anyone else looking after my food habits in that way, and I sure don't need to feel like I've "failed" someone else. (It's enough to cope with wanting to kick myself in the butt sometimes! :lol:)
12-24-2007, 08:13 PM
Jay - your comments are always welcome! And your council is wise. I understand your concern -- it can be a slippery slope if you are not careful. It also depends on the personality of your spouse. He is not the controlling sort at all - and, after 29 years of marriage - I'm not thinking that he will change. In fact, he has been far more accepting of my weight fluctuations over the years than I have - LOL.
I have many obese members in my family, and this has been a life-long struggle. I think having him involved really helps me with accountability - especially when it comes to exercise. If I don't feel like it, sometimes it is hard to get moving. If I know that he is planning to walk with me - I am far more likely to "just do it".
We have both noticed that it is much easier to lose weight, take up a new hobby, change a bad habit -etc. if both of us commit to the same goal. It is very hard to change when the other person has not made the same adjustment.