Weight Loss Support - Were You Treated Differently After Losing A Lot of Weight?




JMav
12-16-2007, 03:37 AM
Just had some questions for you guys...

Did you get more stares? How did the compliments make you feel?

How has your family treated you?

Just needed some motivation, I'm working really hard....it's so incredibly hard but I know the rewards will be amazing!


witchyonadiet
12-16-2007, 07:11 AM
I get TONS of compliments to the point where it has become overwhelming to me. My sister hadn't seen me for a long time and she didn't recognize me - which was fun. I get that a lot - "oh my gosh - I didn't recognize you at first".
It IS fun - I am just having other issues with it as well.
Go for it - do it for how good you'll feel - the other stuff is just bonus.

HeatherAngel
12-16-2007, 08:14 AM
I certainly do get treated differently - in stores, everywhere. But when I asked myself, honestly, why - it became clear to me that *I* had changed how I was interacting with other people - it has very little to do with how I 'look'. Clearly, being a large woman, embarrassed, hating myself, I did not go out of my way to make eye contact with strangers, because hey! Everyone must be looking at me because I am so fat!

Do people treat fat people differently? Possibly. But I can be absolutely sure that what has changed for me is how *I* relate, and thus how they relate to me :)

Heather :D


lointhecity
12-16-2007, 09:37 AM
Not really. I treated MYSELF different, though.

Heather
12-16-2007, 12:14 PM
I may be treated differently, but then, I also act differently. I am more outgoing.

I get lots of compliments, but sometimes it's not so great. Not everybody knows how to gie a compliment that really makes you feel good about yourself! I try to assume people mean well, but it can be odd.

The best part is not comments from others, but how I feel and look. I've literally reclaimed my life and can DO so much more. That's a positive all the way around!! :)

rockinrobin
12-16-2007, 01:14 PM
Just had some questions for you guys...

Did you get more stares? How did the compliments make you feel?

How has your family treated you?

Just needed some motivation, I'm working really hard....it's so incredibly hard but I know the rewards will be amazing!

Hi there!

Yes, I get lots more stares and attention from men. It made me feel really, really vibrant, alive, sexy and feminine - things I hadn't felt in a looooong while. I get more attention from women as well. They are more friendly and open with me. But I'm thinking I'm more friendly and open with them as well. I thought I compensated for my weight by being overlyfriendly, but I now realize that I really did hold back. I've come to the conclusion that it's very hard to be yourself when enveloped in so much excess fat. For me, anyway.

Some acquaintances and distant family have been much friendlier to me as well. Which I do find a bit disturbing, as if when I was so heavy I wasn't worth the effort to speak with them. But I can't let that get to me. Got to take the good - with the not so good.


My immediate family treats me the same, I suppose. They've been very supportive. I treat them a bit differently now though. I am majorly concerned about how and what they eat now. I am much better equipped to deal with all the stress that having 3 teenaged daughters brings about. And I get much more done for them, as well as me each and every day. I am much more active and happy now - which can't help but affect them, in a positive way.

Yes, it IS hard. But like you said, the rewards are simply amazing. Waaaay better then I ever could have imagined. I mean I KNEW it would be rewarding, I just hadn't a clue it would be THIS rewarding. :smug:

gailr42
12-16-2007, 01:27 PM
I have a news flash for you! Don't get old!!! I just turned 65 this year. I have found that people pay much less attention to me because I am old, rather than fat or thin. I have felt ignored and discounted much more in the last five years than ever before. No one has even noticed that I lost 38lbs where when I was younger, everyone noticed when I lost weight.

So, the moral of this story is, that I am learning to value healthy eating/healthy weight absolutely for myself. I am learning to be myself - a la Maxine in the greeting cards:lol:. In many ways, being a little older takes some of the pressure off of me to conform, and that is a good thing. So, everything is relative, I guess.

Kery
12-16-2007, 03:03 PM
I haven't lost a lot of weight, but no matter what, I suddenly found myself getting a new computer, a deck station for said laptop, a second monitor and other stuff. Some of which I hadn't even asked for. I guess a smaller waist and a low neckline worked wonders. :rolleyes:

mandalinn82
12-17-2007, 01:01 AM
Yes. In a lot of ways.

First, my weight has become an open topic for discussion. Previously, people never talked about my weight...and I was nearly 300 lbs, so there was -plenty- to talk about! But they didn't ever bring it up. Now? Its a common topic with anyone who knew me before...no one hesitates to bring it up, discuss it, name my numbers at Thanksgiving (yes...at Thanksgiving), whatever.

Second, I get fewer stares now. I mean, sure, when I'm with people who knew me before, they definitely do double-takes. But people who have never met me just sort of look at me like I'm "normal" - a big change, considering people used to stare at me when I was bigger (and obviously).

Third, I get a lot more male attention. Honestly, it makes me pretty uncomfortable, but I would rather have to deal with a little of that than be the size I was.

Fourth, doctors treat me like a whole different being. Suddenly I am a person who can have problems that AREN'T related to her weight. So many medical problems have been treated effectively now that were ignored when I was heavy, like long-standing knee issues. Before, the first line of reasoning from any doctor was "It'll get better if you lose weight". Now we go past that stage to actually DEALING with the problem - a huge difference.

Lekhika
12-17-2007, 07:14 AM
Hey, not a normal poster here but thought I would jump in. First I want to commend you on beginning this weight loss journey and wish you nothing but ultimate success! Stick to it...the results are so worth it.

My level of "outgoingness" was never affected by my weight because I never let myself really see how fat I'd gotten. And we have our set group of friends so I never got those stares when I was corpulent. Now, like with Mandalinn, esp in my family they'll just bring up my previous weight and it'll be open for discussion. Some days I relish those discussions because most are tinged with amazement that I did it all by myself by eating better and exercising.

I do believe though that my willingness to meet new people and feel comfortablle in new situations has totally been made easier by not being a chunk monster. I feel self contained confidence. I think what the regular exercise does is it makes one feel power, "If I can do this I can deal with anything." kind of feeling. It really rocks. And this is better than any compliment I've EVER gotten. EVER.

JayEll
12-17-2007, 08:13 AM
My situation is a little different because I moved after I had lost the biggest chunk of weight (see ticker), and the people in my new community therefore do not know that I used to be obese. So, they treat me like... a normal person, I guess!

I do have friends who did know me and are still commenting about my weight loss, and that's fine... except when they start with the "now don't lose too much" talk. I assure them that I am still overweight... ;)

Jay

LisaMarie71
12-17-2007, 10:33 AM
I think people are nicer to me in general after the weight loss, which is not something I really WANT to acknowledge but it seems to be true. And yes, that could be because I'm friendlier and more outgoing. But strangers treat me differently as well.

As for male attention, I do certainly get more now but it's not always welcome! I teach teenagers after all, and their attention is not something I ever had to worry about when I was heavy. Then, I was more of a "mother" figure, I suppose, instead of a reasonably attractive woman. So there's been some awkwardness with that. I've seen so many other female teachers handle it (both well and not so well) but I never had to worry about it.

My family treats me a little differently. For one thing, my weight loss is ALWAYS a topic of conversation. I don't live near them, so I only see them every couple of months, and somehow they're shocked all over again every time they see me. Eventually I suppose they'll get used to it.

mj5
12-17-2007, 10:55 AM
I totally get flirted w/ more often now that I have lost some weight, BUT I have to say that I am also making more of an effort to do my hair and makeup regularly....so I can't say that it is all about the weight loss.

I have also re-gained my self confidence--it was never totally lost, just hidden a bit for a while.

nelie
12-17-2007, 10:56 AM
Hmm you know I don't think I am treated too much differently other than...

When I visit my family, they get all excited about seeing my weight loss. They make a fuss and really I wish they wouldn't

Former coworkers get all excited when I see them and again I wish they wouldn't make a fuss.

My current coworkers make somewhat of a fuss but they also didn't know me at my highest weight.

My former best friend and I have a strained relationship and partially it is from my weight loss. She thinks that I am a prima donna or something due to my weight loss. Maybe it is the attention/fuss that my family makes that she doesn't like? I don't know.

My in laws make somewhat of a fuss, my mother in law wishes she could lose weight but she struggles.

Do I notice attraction from men? Not really but I've never noticed attraction from men. I am oblivious to attraction.

I don't really notice people being nicer to me or anything but I don't ever think people were not nice to me? Who knows.

So really I do get some extra attention but I wish I didn't.

Robin41
12-17-2007, 11:13 AM
I would probably have been in the camp that said it was my own attitude that really changed, except that I've noticed a huge difference while I've been out Christmas shopping.

No more "you don't belong in this department" looks from 20 year old cashiers. I used to wander around the shoe department for 20 minutes looking for somebody to help me; now they are all over me. It appears that the smaller I get, the less invisible I become.

There is simply a greater acknowledgment from strangers that I exist since I've lost weight.

Sharkysmachine
12-17-2007, 11:47 AM
This is so hard, but I'm glad this topic is here.

At my highest weight (even with my tWO Masters degrees and oodles of work experience) I was only able to get jobs as secretaries or some other kind of support worker. A job I applied for sixty pounds ago didn't even bother calling to let me know they had filled the position. Flash forward to now. THAT SAME job came back on the market and I applied and got it ON THE SPOT and for 7,500 more than what they planned to offer me before. (keep in mind, same qualifications, education, etc.) I was poised, prepared and positive in the interview sixty pounds ago, but now I appeared to be a "better fit". In fact the same HR person interviewed me.

That was weird and exciting.

Guys chat me up a lot more and women seem super interested in being friends with me. I can't always tell what's just me being more comfotable or the weight being gone. I was always pretty comfortable with myself and felt I deserved to have love, success and all that kind of stuff in my life.

maybe finally the rest of the world agrees with me.

JMav
12-17-2007, 07:49 PM
Awesome and inspiring stories guys, would love to hear more!

Glory87
12-18-2007, 03:42 PM
It's a bit circular - do I get treated differently because I'm thin, or am I treated differently because I feel better about myself? I'm happier, more confident, smile more, dress nicer. Was it the weight loss or the confidence boost that people react to?

luchando
12-18-2007, 06:21 PM
This is so inspiring! Unfortunately, the people I work with and most of my friends are too "professional" to talk about weight--they don't want to seem unintellectual or something. But they've got to notice the weight loss? People I don't see often don't recognize me and people say I look good, then compliment my hair or outfits or something.

But I feel better about myself and that's what matters. I wear dresses that go above my knees again (only with tights, but still). And I feel more inspired to wear make-up and dress up. I no longer feel like hiding when I have to lecture because I "know" the students are only noticing how fat I am...

Heather
12-18-2007, 07:01 PM
I work in an academic setting and have had a surprising number of people comment on my weight loss -- faculty and students alike. But it didn't start until I'd lost a substantial amount of weight! Others have never said a word -- and I've lost 120 pounds! So, it varies, as I'm sure they've all noticed! I have even had to re-introduce to people I knew just briefly when I started this weight loss process because they don't recognize me.

I used to hate turning my 300-pound backside toward the chalkboard to write something down... there's no way I could hide that...

sandman47
12-19-2007, 01:57 AM
I've talked to people who've had gastric-bypass surgery. To a person they talk about how people look at you differently after losing a lot of weight. That part really stuck with me. Part of me, the part with a charitable view of humankind doesn't want to believe that's the case at all. But the realist in me knows those words are true. However, that being looked on more favorably will only justify if not reinforce my cynical view of society and those in it. It's a huge sticking point with me. It wouldn't prevent me from getting the Lap-band. But it would most certainly temper my view of any compliments I might receive afterwards.

JayEll
12-19-2007, 07:00 AM
sandman47, :wel3fc:

Jay

sandman47
12-19-2007, 11:29 AM
Thank you JayEll!


:carrot:

lumifan4ever
12-19-2007, 11:51 AM
The only difference in how i feel like i am being treated after losing alot of weight is the unwanted attention from the guys in the office. Once in a while compliment is fine, but now it's every single day. One likes to kiss my on the head or cheek every single day. I know he doesn't mean anything harrassing by it...but it is still annoying. I find myself some days trying to be really busy or out of reach. (he's an older guy and married and really nice and sweet and so i don't take anything sexual out of it...it's just annoying. And seems like it started with my weightloss).

JayEll
12-19-2007, 01:22 PM
lumifan, would I steer you wrong? And so, let me just say, you need to take Mr. Lips aside and say, seriously but kindly, "I want you to stop that. Enough is enough." Because until you do, he won't stop. And, if he doesn't stop, you'll need to say something to your supervisor. Unwanted physical contact is sexual, whether you think he's happily married or not. This is sexual harrassment.

Jay

baffled111
12-19-2007, 01:36 PM
Jay is right. What makes something sexual harassment is not the harasser's intentions but the harasee's feelings about the behavior. In other words, if it makes you uncomfortable, it is sexual harassment, regardless of whether or not the man thinks he's sexually harassing you.The best thing to do is to politely ask him to stop and to tell him that it makes you uncomfortable.

Heather
12-19-2007, 01:56 PM
I agree. It can be tough asking some one to stop, but if it makes you uncomfortable, then it isn't appropriate.

mandalinn82
12-19-2007, 02:02 PM
As someone who just went through state-mandated sexual harrassment training at work, any activity that a reasonable woman would believe to be sexual in nature, and which makes the person receiving it uncomfortable, is sexual harrassment. Also, if one of your other coworkers saw this man touching you or whatever, and that made THAT person uncomfortable, that would ALSO be harrassment.

In other words, you can tell dirty jokes and grope eachother in the break room if no one in the group is offended by it, and that ISN'T sexual harrassment. But if someone is next door and overhears one of the dirty jokes, and that makes THEM uncomfortable, it is harrassment.

veggielover
12-19-2007, 10:05 PM
I caused a lot of panic attacks, anxiety, and jealousy. It was all a bunch of mixed feelings altogether.

OptimistK
12-19-2007, 10:27 PM
I caused a lot of panic attacks, anxiety, and jealousy. It was all a bunch of mixed feelings altogether.

Haha...panic attacks??? I need more details...lol.

lumifan4ever
12-20-2007, 09:29 AM
awwww....thanks for the support guys. Ya'll always look out for me, even when i don't seem to think i need it. That's why i love this place.

Veggielover...yes...tell us more. You have our curiousity peaked!!! lol.

Ookpik
12-22-2007, 11:06 PM
I'm not at my goal weight yet, but I find I get treated a little better in stores now than I did 83 pounds ago. For instance, I went into a store recently where two male salesmen both came over to see if I needed any help...before I used to go into the same store and no one would even notice me. I find that a lot of male salespeople will go to greater lengths to help..one man put on his coat and went out to the warehouse at a hardware store just to get me one container of wipes I needed.

I get more attention from men than I used to. My attitude is alot more positive now and that could account for it as well, and I am more flirty and bold.

Friends and family don't treat me any differently, but they do give a lot of encouragement. I live in a small town, and work in a bigger (but still small) town where everyone knows everybody else. A lot of people have stopped to tell me they've noticed the weight loss and asked me how I am doing it, and tell me I'm an inspiration, which is nice.

wishes
12-23-2007, 01:29 AM
wow what a huge topic. It makes a huge differentce, the comments people make are insightful at times, and good and bad.

Ive heard things that would have totally made me loose the weight had i heard it when i was larger, like my daughter saying innocently 'i like it now you are skinny, now people dont hassle me about my fat mum at school'.

Another friend said once 'wow now you can see your eyes, before they were just slits and now you have a neck!' *grrr* lol
One workmate suddenly went from hating me and treating me like some fat cow to suddenly being my best mate, then realizing i had lost tons of weight and he was still fat went back to hating me a few months later.
Some friends who tolerated me as i was before, suddenly dont tolerate me and claim that the weight loss has somehow magicly changed my personalty, we are no longer friends (he was an idiot anyway .. kinda glad hes gone now!)
My mother now hates me, and does everything she can to turn the rest of the family against me (shes very controlling, cant stand people doing something she cant or doesnt allow them .. shes also very overweight).

My good friends are still good friends though - and in fact love to boast to their other friends.My husband and kids love it, its made a huge change to our lifestyle.

Overall, im glad i lost it, even with the bad side and saggy skin/no boobs, its worth it 100% and i wish id done it earlier

JayEll
12-23-2007, 06:38 AM
wishes U R Cool!!!! :broc: :cb: :broc: :cb:

Jay