Weight Loss Support - Why would my boyfriend say this???




short1
12-15-2007, 12:34 PM
I guess I just want to complain a little because my boyfriend and I bought a new scale last night because I hadn't been able to weigh myself for a month (Which to my surprise I lost 4 lbs!). So we were talking about my weightloss and the scale says you can put in a goal to track your weight loss and I thought out loud what is my goal, and he said "115, 110, is that where your aiming??" Are you kidding me, I don't remember when I last weighed that! He then said "120-125", and I told him my goal on here is 135, and when I met him (5 years ago) I was around 142. He said "oh, well, lets compromise on this, how about 130". I'm not really upset with this, everything was said nicely, and we were just 'chatting'. He said maybe I should set my goal lower so that I work harder to get there. I told him that 135 is really low for me and I am struggling like crazy to get just to that!

Do people try to tell you how much you should weigh? I think that I just wont let him know what I weigh anymore because I've lost 19 pounds and he is really happy with it and really notices a difference. So I bet if I even lose 10 more I am hoping he will think I am where I need to be! But then this means I can't save my weight and progress in my new scale cuz he can look at it! What to do???! LOL!

BTW, I think I would've been a little upset with him if the scale had said I gained some weight, but the fact that I was down 4 pounds made me a little more upbeat in general!


junebug41
12-15-2007, 12:58 PM
I laugh at my fiance whenever he tries to guess the weight of anything. He still doesn't believe I could ever weigh 145 (my highest since we've met), even though I weighed in the 200's before that. He just has absolutely no concept of weight on women.

I think guys are generally clueless when it comes to that. I think he was saying 115-120 because that sounds like a good weight "for a girl" (to him, at least- i would blow away!), whether that would look good on you or not, he just has no idea. I have a feeling you will get to 135 and he will realize how ridiculous that sounded.

I would get the other angle- people would BEG me to stop losing weight (my original goal was 130 and I'm 5'6.5).

ennay
12-15-2007, 01:13 PM
The first guess of 110-115, I would say clueless male on what women really weigh and laugh it off

The "how bout lets compromise" on 130 would seriously tick me off and I would read him the riot act. You are not losing weight for him, and he has ZERO say in what your goal weight is or should be.

Now I would say to him I dont know what my goal weight is but I will know it when I get there, just because I think about 90% of us end up adjusting our goal one way or the other


sidhe
12-15-2007, 02:19 PM
Eh, I'd say he's just clueless. I've had guys "suppose" that I weigh "about 200" (when I was at ~250) and that my goal weight would be something like "125" (it's 180). Guys have NO idea. There's all this talk around about how Paris Hilton is 98 pounds, Angelina Jolie just lost 20 pounds, models weigh 115 or whatever it is now...there's just NO media talk and no awareness of what is healthy and natural for a woman.

I wouldn't worry about it. He's just clueless. Smile and nod and ignore him. ;)

EZMONEY
12-15-2007, 02:54 PM
EVERYBODY knows you can't compromise with a woman.....;)

Rhighlan86
12-15-2007, 03:47 PM
EZ you're too funny :)

Honestly, you should ask him what you weighed when you met him....He probably thinks that you started out at 115. I asked my boyfriend what he thought I weighed when we started daying and he said I dunno 120 and I said nope 150 and he thought I looked great. THEN I told him I was gonna go to 145. And he said oh ok. He's completely clueless as are most of the guys I have met. They don't realize womens bodies. Anyways, I would've been crabby about the let's compromise thing but thats just me. The rest of it wouldn't have bothered me. I would have a talk with him about the compromising thing because like others have said this is for you not him....you've done great already!

JayEll
12-15-2007, 04:04 PM
He probably was just trying to sound helpful and supportive, but it didn't work out. The "compromise" statement would have had me seriously p*ssed off at him. But, give him the benefit of the doubt. :)

I think the less involved he is in your weight, the better off you both will be. :yes: Weight loss, especially someone else's, is a minefield...

Jay

mom2mollie
12-15-2007, 05:27 PM
I gained 50 lbs with my pregnancy, and when I came home I was only 10 lbs lighter. I was so upset and my husband looked at me and said, "you look about the same to me as when we got married." I gave him a BIG KISS for that one. I still have about 17 lbs to get down to wedding weight, and he always looks at me in amazement and says, "you look beautiful, and I don't really see any difference from when we got married." Every half pound I tell him about losing, he says, "great, sweetie!" and gives me a kiss.

This man of mine has learned the art of women. He's definitely a keeper! ;) Perhaps you should gently educate your boyfriend on exactly how he should respond to your weight loss/gain, and safe responses. hehe! I think my MIL did all that work for me before I met my DH!

Reddalice
12-15-2007, 07:34 PM
He's a dude. Their bodies are built different, and most dudes use themselves or other male role models as a measure. Then add in snip-bits they here on the news about models ands movie stars who weigh 105-125. He's just plugging in informations and hoping it sounds good and makes you feel good.

CousinRockingChair
12-15-2007, 08:07 PM
Eh, most people, UNLESS they diet/have dieted or have/had an eating disorder, dont know a lot about weight in general! I find it hard to believe given myown obsession, but its true. OR..people manage to see it as Just A Number (I kow...mindblowing!)...and dont get how much it can affect someone.

Pita09
12-15-2007, 11:56 PM
My boyfriend says I look like I weigh about 180, God love him, and therefore thinks that my goal of 140 is completely unrealistic and that I will look sickly. He is convinced that because I'm big boned and muscular that I can't possibly have that much fat to lose. We shall see. :)

vixjean
12-16-2007, 12:22 AM
I'd be REALLY hurt by that.
Really can't anwser why he would say that.
Men!?!?!?!?!?!

short1
12-16-2007, 01:53 AM
So it looks like I need to just keep him out of it! I suppose next time he asks me (if he even does) I'll just ask him how he thinks I look because I don't want to obsess too much about getting to a certain number, but rather be comfortable at whatever weight I make it to....whether it be 135, 130, or even 115! I think he did just want to know where I was at with my weight because he weighed himself too and I don't think he's done that for over a year!

Next time he asks maybe I'll just tell him he should set a goal weight to and get to workin out because he needs to lose a few!!!! LOL, I don't think I could be that mean! hehehe!

I wonder if it would be wise to even tell him when I drop a few pounds because then I would be involving him again...I guess I still don't know what to do! Maybe I should have been mad at him? Nahh, u guys must be right, guys are just clueless!

What other things do boyfriends say that they shouldn't...??? Maybe I can avoid those suggestions from him if someone tells me what not to say!

Kery
12-16-2007, 02:37 AM
I don't know. As Emily said, most people who're not dieting/don't have a weight problem seem to be crap at estimating a person's weight or supposed "ideal" weight. Besides (and no offense to the men here, but you have to admit it's very often true...), when it comes to guys in general, I'm yet to meet one who won't end up with his foot in his mouth 99% of the time in terms of weight loss-related talks. :rolleyes:

mokenju
12-16-2007, 03:12 AM
Wow, that thread really hit home!!!. I love my boyfriend (that's obvious because if I didn't, he wouldn't been my bf anymore, wouldn't he :devil:?) and he is really sweet and caring, but he is also the kind of person who wants you to act perfectly at any kind of situation. So he sometimes says to me how I should be more organized, eat healthier, do more exercise, feel more empathy with the others. And I can't say he hasn't a point in that, because of course I make mistakes and have bad habits like anybody else (including him) but... huh! Sometimes I have just to ask him, who does he think he is? If I was that perfect, maybe I would keep searching for Mr.Right too instead of going out with him :D. Not that I don't feel the need to improve myself, (I'm really proud of what I've achieved and how great I feel with my healthy life style and how I'm becoming better in other areas of my life), but he, nor anyone else by the way, hasn't the right to tell me what to do or how to live my life. I know he just wants to be supportive and motivate me, in his weird way, but I'm not in need of that kind of motivation, thanks. I'm pretty confident myself without his "help".

About women's weight, as many people has stated above, he has no clue at all. As a man and a natural skinny person he has no clue about what it means to be on a diet or to make exercise to lose weight. "Eat less, exercise more", it's very simple in his mind. He is just not aware that how difficult, fisically and psycologically, is to lose and control their weight for many people around the world. Or was for me, in the past (one of the reasons I gained a lot of weight when I started to going out with him was precisely that I was unconsciunsly copying he's unhealthy eating habits). Now, he thinks deprivation is to not eat meat (he is trying to be a vegetarian), but I don't think you can feel that deprived if you can stuff yourself with pasta and fried seitan like he does :p . So his empathy for people like us hasn't increased a single bit :dizzy:.

At least, a good thing about him is that he doesn't care about my weight in the scale.For him, numbers are just that, numbers, without any emotional value, and I'm proud to say that the numbers of my scale had also lost their emotional significance for me (and I realized that without his help, take that!). That's the reason I have erased my tracker from my signature and I don't need anymore a goal weight. I only weight myself from time to time as a way to check if I have to change my calorie intake, because I'm still droping some weight. A number is just a number. What really matters is to feel strong and healthy ;).

That was a long rant :o. Now I have to phone him and say "Honey, I have been ranting about you at 3fatchicks. I feel so relaxed now that I can even fake interest in one or two of your today's sensible advices."

Cats tongue
12-16-2007, 12:35 PM
EVERYBODY knows you can't compromise with a woman.....;)

Words of wisdom EZ... ;)

First of all I would say he's just completely clueless as to what a woman should weigh. You just hear about so and so in the media weighing such and such. No one ever gets into big discussions of what's a healthy weight for a woman of this height and this build...

That said, I would have to admit I'm pretty clueless as to what a guy should weigh. I mean if I had a guy friend who wanted to lose weight I'd probably have no idea what he really weighed, or what he should even weigh to be healthy...

Also there are studies out there that say men think women weigh a lot less than they actually do. Or they're attracted to women who are "curvy" and they often think these women weigh less than they really do... And women are attracted to men who weigh less than men think the ideal should be or something. The study basically said there's no understanding between the sexes when it comes to weight in general. ;)

j3nn dot net
12-16-2007, 04:08 PM
I don't know but I wouldn't like it! :mad: I'm so grateful that my husband supports me at any weight, "as long as I'm happy" he says. :hug: I set my lifetime goal weight at 135lbs (I'm 260-ish lbs now down from 319lbs since June!) and he said that 135lbs would be too skinny and that 150-160lb would be ok. He doesn't care if I weigh 80 lbs or 6000 lbs LOL.

Unfortunately, I'm harder on myself than anyone else is :( Which can be just as bad!

You should have a heart to heart talk with your boyfriend and get things like this out in the open -- that's what I would do. It's entirely possible that he has no idea what women should weigh LOL. I was wlel over 300lbs when I first met my husband but he thought I was like 200lbs, he didn't care or give it that much thought I guess. He weighs 185lbs, so I guess he's very sweet or just has a strange image perception of me because even after losing 60 lbs, he says I look the same to him! :dizzy:

short1
12-16-2007, 08:30 PM
Ya know, the more I'm thinkin about this, my Dad did the same thing..sorta! I was talking to him about my weight-the females on his side of the family are all heavy set-and I told him what I really weigh (I think I was 172 at that time). He said "whoa, you must hold your weight good, because I would have never thought you weighed that much!" Maybe he really doesn't know how much I 'should' weigh, but I thought his reaction was interesting...it does suck when your Dad is a 6'1" stick figure!

I hope that he notices a difference when I go home to visit family in January! After all I've lost more than 14 pounds since I've seen everyone!

I think I will talk with my boyfriend more about the situation. Communication is always good. But I'm not sure when I should talk to him...when I lose more, now, when he brings it up again? What ya think?

JayEll
12-16-2007, 08:45 PM
short1, I guess it depends on what you want to say to him. You must have something in mind or you wouldn't be wondering when to do it.

Jay

freiamaya
12-16-2007, 09:21 PM
Why fixate on the number???
Why not just say, you want to get to a healthy weight within a normal BMI, and that since bodies change with time (can't compare a 16yr old physique with a 24 yr old physique...), you want to drop a few until you get to where you are comfortable.
Most people have no idea what the number MEANS - there are alot of unhealthy skinny stickinsects out there, and alot of healthy 150 lbs-ers. So who CARES about the number?
Cut him some slack, and perhaps aim for a dress size/body size rather than a number!
Maya
:)

BillBlueEyes
12-16-2007, 10:19 PM
As a trained male, allow me to suggest that your boyfriend fell into the innocent trap of the male clueless. He thought this was a subject looking for his input in a debate instead of a subject looking for his support.

Been there. Done that.

My take is that you gather your senses, chalk it up to a learning experience about the male's slowness at spotting a good place to a supportive person instead of a problem solver, and prepare yourself for a long life of this happening again and again, until you gently train him to tell when you're asking for support and when you're asking for help in solving a problem.

There's hope.

However, I'm 64 and still in training, so don't expect overnight success.

Good luck.

__________________
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Steelslady
12-17-2007, 12:23 AM
To show you how some men (and even some women) haven't a clue as to healthy weight for individuals on a scale- my husband went around telling people I weighed 120 pounds when he met me. 120 pounds? Oh my goodness, I would look anorexic if I weighed that much at 5 foot 10 and 1/2 inches! I remember when I weighed 145- the lowest in my adult life- people were telling me to gain weight because I looked too gaunt.

For some reason, though, he thought because I was thin, that I must have weighed 120 pounds. Perhaps your boyfriend just doesn't have a clue as to what number is your healthy number like my husband.

I wouldn't worry about it. He's still with you, right? He still loves you for where you are now, so does it really matter if he made an honest mistake simply because he honestly has no clue where you need to be in terms of weight?

Lekhika
12-17-2007, 08:23 AM
I agree with some of the posters here that your boyfriend likely thinks that's a normal weight based on the evil media perception and perpetuation that it's a healthy weight.

Beach Patrol
12-17-2007, 11:34 AM
Men - god bless'm! - are stupid. But women, sometimes, are even STUPIDER.

...lemme splain!

Woman: Honey, do these jeans make my butt look big?
Man: No, you're eating too much makes your butt look big.

Woman: Sweetie, do you love me even tho I'm fat?
Man: Well, of course. Your being fat doesn't matter to me.

Woman: Darlin, I really need to lose weight.
Man: Ok, go ahead then.

See where this is going? We ask a stupid question... they respond with a senseless answer. They don't always say what we need to hear, or what we hope they will say. Men, for all their downfalls, have one thing going for them - they'll answer you when you ask them a question. But most men haven't a clue what TACT is, and most men really don't know how to answer those "body image questions" without sticking their foot in their mouth.

My husband (god bless'm!) is a pretty smart guy. Whenever I am DUMB enough to ask him those questions, or make those remarks about my body, he just smiles & says I LOVE YOU. No extra words, no nothing. Just I LOVE YOU. Kinda puts it in perspective for me. :)

judojediworm
12-17-2007, 09:35 PM
The "how bout lets compromise" on 130 would seriously tick me off and I would read him the riot act. You are not losing weight for him, and he has ZERO say in what your goal weight is or should be.

I agree, the 110-115 crap would have gotten the stink eye from me, but the "let's compromise"???PLEASE! Thems figh-in werds!! (my attempt at a hillbilly accent).

vixjean
12-18-2007, 12:13 AM
i know one difference between men and women;
women want to talk about thier feelings and vent and rant, like we say
but men often think that you are posing a problem for them to solve, and that they need offer advise, and come to a conclusion for you (or anyone that is ranting)
women will often conversate back and forth without telling eachother what to do, just listening and saying 'oh i know what you mean' 'oh that is sad' 'really then what happened'
men will say 'what you need to do is...'

kaplods
12-18-2007, 12:36 AM
I agree that when you're married or living with someone of the opposite sex, for anything close to peace in the house, both parties have to learn a little bit of the other's language, but for the most part, we'll never be fluent.

I will never understand why my husband gets in a panic and want to change the channel if my eyes so much as well up during a movie. He can't understand why I would want to watch something that makes me sad enough to cry. Crying is a sign of something being very, very wrong and he must fix it for me.

He will never understand why I would ask a question with an expectation of a certain response or type of response. He says to me, "if you know what the answer is supposed to be, why not tell me what I'm supposed to think, say or do. He resents these kinds of questions, because he feels that I am "testing" him (to a degree I wonder if there is more truth in that, than I'd want to admit).

Men do not attribute weight to worth, beauty, intelligence.... When asked for advice, they will give an "action-based" not an emotion-based response. They aren't going to "validate our feelings" or "listen compassionately," (at least not unless they've been taught and coached by a female or they are gay - though not all gay men speak woman fluently either). Instead, they are going to suggest action, a fix, a compromise, a solution.

I think the reason we sometimes get very upset with men is that what they are saying means one thing in man-speak and another thing in "woman-speak." If a female friend would make a similar comment, we would assign all sorts of emotion and subtext to what they're saying. "What he really means is I'm a big, fat gigantic cow, and I disgust him." I've been in similar arguments with my husband, and he always says "If I had meant (insert insult here), I would have said (same insult).

baffled111
12-18-2007, 11:45 AM
Hmmm. Something is wrong with me then: I am a problem-solver rather than an emotion-validater. Perhaps I was absent the day they assigned those roles in elementary school.

And I still think the op's bf was way outta line positing a 'compromise-weight' for her. That's not problem solving or advice giving. They have a special category of censored words to describe comments like that.

short1
12-18-2007, 12:28 PM
Wow! Thanks for all the response! I guess the main problem I had with the whole situation is that I never asked for his advice!!! I just thought out loud..."hmm...I can set a goal weight on here"....then he preceded with the 110...blahblahblah...I think that's just what I'll hear from now on! hehehehe.. Obviously weight isn't understood between the sexes, and he doesn't realize how hard I am tryin to lose weight, even when I tell him about my struggle...just likes to hear the numbers!

Anyway, today I told him that if he lost 6 pounds he would be in the 'normal weight' for his height category! He looks fine just has a little extra stomach-maybe could drop 2 inches off of it(he wears a 36" pant), but wow, he did not appreciate that comment! Payback is sweet!...

No i'm not that mean...I told him he looks great and that's just what the chart says, but he then talked about getting some workout equipment when we get a bigger place. It was cute...lol. I think he'll be less quick to comment now about what I need to weigh....or compromise on!

BTW-since I've lost 20 lbs. is tells me a lot more how good I look and that makes me realize that he does notice and I think once I get to where I want to be, he will be happy with that too. I just need to get to where I want and not the 110 that the media wants!

nylisa
12-19-2007, 05:16 PM
I think guys are generally clueless when it comes to that. I think he was saying 115-120 because that sounds like a good weight "for a girl" (to him, at least- i would blow away!), whether that would look good on you or not, he just has no idea. I have a feeling you will get to 135 and he will realize how ridiculous that sounded.



Agreed, they hear about women's weight mostly in the context of supermodels, which isn't a realistic sample. It would sort of be like us thinking all men should weigh the same as football players :)

I've done online dating & I'm very open about my weight and that I'm working on losing it (my current weight is attractive to guys who like plus size women and I don't want to mislead them anymore than guys who prefer more conventional sized women). My goal is 150 & one potential date even had the nerve to tell me it should really be 140 based on the old 100 pounds for five feet and 5 pounds for every inch after that. And the scary thing was he claimed to be a personal trainer. I hope he was lying about that because it's kinda scary that a personal trainer wasn't aware of BMI, etc. Needless to say, it never went beyond the phone call stage with him.

BerkshireGrl
12-20-2007, 07:05 AM
Men do not attribute weight to worth, beauty, intelligence....

Boy, I disagree, no offense. I've definitely run across men that once I was skinny, what I said got listened to more, I was treated more like an equal, or my ideas given more thought in a group setting.

Then there were exes that said I'd be "better" if I lost weight (male and female exes, to be fair) and when I did, I was treated "better" ;) I don't think it had anything to do with my increased confidence, or whatever, because I heard specifically bizarre things like "I really enjoyed taking care of you when you were sick, aww, you were so cute and thin!" (EW?!)

I think a majority of people, men and women, unfortunately do associate weight with all three of worth, beauty and intelligence. Were it not so!

JayEll
12-20-2007, 08:47 AM
I agree with BerkshireGrl about people (both genders) having different, and probably unconscious and conditioned reactions to people who are heavy vs. people who are thinner.

At the same time, I think kaplods is right about the different communication styles. For whatever reason, I have the more "male" communication style, namely, I tend to problem-solve instead of commiserate. I once had a friend say, "I just want you to listen, OK?" and I was puzzled by that. To me it seemed like, "Why would you tell me this if you didn't want me to help?" It's an odd position to be in for both people.

I think it's good to keep in mind that people are usually well intentioned even if off the mark. :) And we can help them with kindness.

Jay

SkiniJeni
12-20-2007, 09:52 AM
I was out the other night with my boyfriend and two of his friends. (My boyfriend has no idea what I weigh and that's the way we're gonna keep it) They were asking me about some of my single friends. They asked about one of my friends in particular, if she weighed more than 150. I said, "Actually she weighs exactly 150." They started freakin' out. "OMG she's so big. No way! She's huge!" I know they would never guess I weighed 158! They are such jerks it's no wonder they don't have girlfriends!

I think what the others are saying is true. Guys hear that the supermodels and actresses weigh about 100 pounds so they think regular gals must be around 115 - 125. I think the average weight for women is about 150. Does anyone know?

As I said before I now weigh 158. People keep telling me I shouldn't lose any more. I'm planning on losing 33 pounds. I stopped telling people that, because they almost get angry at me. I don't know why they care so much about what I weigh. I'll stop losing weight when I feel comfortable.

You should keep your goal what you know is good for you. Tell him you weigh 115! He'll never know the difference.

kaplods
12-20-2007, 03:06 PM
As for female and male communications styles, there are theories that they may be "assigned" genetically not in grammar school. The funny thing is, that I've always thought of myself as having the more "male" style, because I tended to identify more with the male perspectives when single. In fact, I usually was quite confused by the female side of "classic male/female arguments."

Then I got married and started having some of these arguments. Arguments I thought I would never have - and the stuff I heard other women say (that I thought was idiotic) was now coming out of my mouth. All I can say in my defense is that maybe the gene kicked in. Or, as I suspect, communication styles fall on a spectrum, and I'm on the "male side of female" perhaps. Or you might say that I "speak male" but either not fluently and/or with a female accent. My husband on the other hand doesn't fall anywhere near the middle, he is on the far side of the "male style" (I must remove all emotional content and fix problem) and poor thing doesn't speak "female" at all! It's really strange, because he's always bragging to his friends how great I am. When I overhear these conversations, it feels really good - until I realize he is bragging about how "unfeminine" I am. I guess he is very lucky that I do "speak guy" even if with an accent, because in "female" those would be "fightin' words."

short1
12-20-2007, 11:32 PM
I think the average weight for women is about 150. Does anyone know?


I don't know what the average weight is, but I heard on the news over a year ago that the average female size is a 12/14. Not sure if that is still the case?!

kaplods
12-20-2007, 11:49 PM
When I said "Men do not attribute weight to worth, beauty, intelligence," I meant "not in the way that women do" that is that the NUMBER matters, which I still believe.

Most people, men and women, unfortunately do equate "attractiveness" with worth, beauty, and intelligence, and that often does include size. However, the actual number is generally of less concern to men. And most men (except the extremely vain) also in my experience have more generous standards for women they find attractive than the women do of themselves. I've seen a lot of women ignore how they (and sometimes others) look and focus on the scale's number. A woman can look fantastic, and if she doesn't like what she sees on the scale still want to get to the "magic number," regardless of what she sees in the mirror. I don't see men judging themselves or women this way.


My guess would be that (like most people male or female) boyfriend doesn't have any clue what 110, 130 or 180 look like on a body. He is guessing, but by guessing I don't think he's making a statement based on a fact or his own values.

redlight
12-21-2007, 01:32 AM
Many men have no concept of weight, and think that a woman who weighs 150 is hugely fat. :(

vixjean
12-22-2007, 03:51 AM
Hmmm. Something is wrong with me then: I am a problem-solver rather than an emotion-validater. Perhaps I was absent the day they assigned those roles in elementary school.

And I still think the op's bf was way outta line positing a 'compromise-weight' for her. That's not problem solving or advice giving. They have a special category of censored words to describe comments like that.

Actually I didn't learn that in elementary school. It was a psychological study done on gender differences in communication skills, and how they related to academic counslers. (Most female students would prefer a female academic counsler due to these reasons.)
The study was saying that the majority of men had these qualities, and women had these other qualities. Really the details slip my mind as it was around 5 years ago, in a social psychology class that I was presented with that information. Anyway, it doesn't mean that EVERY man and EVERY woman are one way or another. Just that men tend to try to solve problems in conversations, and women tend to use empathy. Things like that.

Also, I totally agree that each person should decide what weight is right for them. As I said earlier, I would be totally hurt by what he said.

Although, if you start a conversation about something personal, you are opening up the table for other people's opinions, suggestions, and even poorly thought out comments.

JayEll
12-22-2007, 09:01 AM
I would just like to add--I believe that men are more likely to problem-solve when talking to women than when talking to other men.

Jay

Kriss
12-22-2007, 04:16 PM
Short1,
I've jus been readin here and maybe butting in but I agree this is pretty much your show. What you want to weigh, what makes you happy , feel strong and confident. This is about you and he is just the lucky one who gets to sit back and watch and cheer you on. Let it slide. I imagine he is pretty clueless about the real weights of alot of women. Just kee on doing what you are doing. Good luck! .... lets make a compromise ???!!! hats cute ! ha ha ha lol! Kriss

vixjean
12-29-2007, 06:22 PM
Why would he say this?
Okay, the BF bought me a size large nike vest thing for christmas.... SUPER CUTE, and it fit, it did fit nicely, however this is the kind of vest I would want to wear over a sweatshirt, so i am trying it on and telling him, oh i like how it fits on the waist and i love the length, and he just blurts out, 'it's too small'
WTF? Men are clueless when it comes to weight, IMO, and fashion too.
I have to remind myself that, my BR, (i guess not all guys) has NO CLUE ABOUT fashion,
I say does this look nice?
yep, he says
or maybe i should wear this other shirt, i say
then there is just DEAD silence,
like WTF!?!?!

Daimere
12-29-2007, 07:03 PM
My mother always tells me that I can't ever hit the suggested weight of someone my height(150-160). She tells me to aim to 170. I will see what happens when I get to 170 and see if I can push myself further. But it does hurt when she says that. According to that fingers around the wrist thing, I have a small-medium frame. *shrug*

Janie Canuck
12-29-2007, 08:40 PM
Going back to something that Kaplods said... I read of a study once in some women's mag that had men rate the attractiveness of different-sized figures, then had women rate the attractiveness of the same figures - based on what they thought the men would find attractive. On the whole, men preferred a figure a full size larger than what the women thought they would prefer. Food for thought for those of us obsessed with those last few pounds, I guess....

suzanne
12-30-2007, 01:41 PM
I think that we often look to others for validation and when we don't get the response we sought or expected we are hurt or angry. It dosn't matter what he thinks your goal weight should be. The number you choose or the achievement of good health is more important. The number is just an easy black and white measure of acheivement. It's hard to 'measure' energy for example so we measure weight. In many ways too, losing weight is a journey in solitude since only you are responsible for your goals, your plan, your choices. People can cheer you on or they can try to get you off track but only you make the cloice to accept their influence. So go ahead and choose your own goal, feel free to keep it to yourself and maybe share your progress if you want but remember that this is your journey, about you, for you ; not about what the man in your life thinks you should be.

Kriss
12-31-2007, 03:27 AM
Heeyyy ;) Short1 was up? Hows the plan? Remember you love yourself more and more as you make the right choices and your confidence grows. Stay focused! I think your guy guy is kinda secondary in this issue! You know how you feel when you are looking good, feeling sexy, energized. Keep your weight to yourself if you want. :cool: My husband { a pilot} is due home is about a week. I am worried cause he likes to eat! :^: It's kinda of a pastime here.... Lets go get kebab or an ice cream. well I am kind of in the hunker down and stay close to home mode. Away from temptations etc. :devil: Take care :hug: Kriss

NaturalStupidit
01-04-2008, 11:13 PM
Sometimes I just don't think guys "get it". I started working out and trying to be really focused on being healthy overall the other day. I started going to the gym and I thought I was doing good. The first day I did 45 mins and 8 miles on the bike (after not exercising really for almost 3 years) and then 45 mins yesterday and did 10 miles on a different kind of bike. I was so proud of myself because to me that seemed like a lot after not working out really in quite a while. I told my boyfriend this. His response? "Well you know, that's not much better than walking and it's not as good for you either. I would run instead. It's better." I knnnnnnooow he didn't mean it in a bad way and I'm pretty sure I just took it the wrong way. But it was kind of a bummer. I was looking more for of a good job or "good, but. . . " but it wasn't. It was straight to what I "should" be doing. He said he said it because he doesn't want me to be disapointed in the end and I know he meant well but sometimes you just want the support! Ya know? But yeah. . . sorry for the rambley-ness! hehe

Jelbb
01-05-2008, 12:37 AM
I think pretty much everything that needs to have been said has been said by these wonderful supportive ladies and gents.

My quick two cents is that my stepfather once guessed that my mother's bra size was a "24C" when she was without a doubt a "38B." To absolutely generalize, most of the men I know can blow me out of the water in guessing temperature and distance, but.. when it comes to things like a woman's weight? Woefully out of their depth, m'dahling.

BerkshireGrl
01-05-2008, 12:47 PM
Yes, the majority of men have no idea of women's weights, I agree!

I once had a great uncle describe a heavier woman to me as "about 180 pounds", definitely not as thin as myself (in his words) when at the time I weighed 230 ;) I should have blown him out of the water with the truth but I confess I did not :lol:

So, I concur that you should totally do what is right for you and your own happiness with your body! :hug:

JayEll
01-05-2008, 01:33 PM
One time at a small family gathering, my father looked at me and said, "How did you get so fat?" :o He was pretty old at that time and was not exactly thin himself. I chalk it up to senility. :lol:

Jay