General chatter - Relationship help asap please!!
12-10-2007, 12:56 PM
Help! I've been dating this wonderful guy for over one year now and I managed to drive him away. I have depression and suffered from anger outbursts for as long as I can remember. Around about September everything went to crap after I yelled that he was only with me for my car. Unfortunately he was desperately in love with me and I hurt his feelings badly. We tried to stay together, but found out about two weeks ago that we would have to move from the apartment we shared. He was going to move in with his brother and me with my parents. Throughout the months since September I had *****ed out and pissed off two females he works with that were paying him too much personal attention. Saturday morning I lost it and got into a physical altercation when he threatened to leave me permanently. Police were involved and the report went down with him as a battery suspect because I had injuries and he did not. We are now talking on the phone but he is overwhelmingly angry with me and keeps insisting in two days he has a new girlfriend. Of course he claims its one of the females from work. I know he loves me but can't get over the betrayal of his trust and me scaring him by acting out.
How can I put this relationship back together?? I am seeing a therapist and finding the right dose of medicine after finally admitting I couldn't do it on my own. Help me figure out what to do, I really do love him and he loves me but can't stop being angry.
12-10-2007, 01:02 PM
Just my opinion (which isn't worth too much :dizzy:) but I think you need to work on "you" and maybe put "we" on hold. Until you (and your therapist) can help you work out your issues, I think it might be too much on you to try to carry on a relationship as well. Who knows, if you tell him this, he may appreciate/respect that more than anything. Damage is done, which I'm sure could be forgiven, but not until there is some guarantee it shouldn't happen again. Good luck whatever road your take.
12-10-2007, 01:05 PM
You have a problem. I'm so glad you are seeing someone and getting some meds. As to how to get him back, I don't know. He may be too afraid to come back to you. If you got physical and the police were involved, he may not want to come back. As someone who left home for the joys of a battered women's shelter, I have to tell you that the thought of going back to someone who may hit you again isn't very appealing. The fact that he got blamed when the police showed up may not help either.
Perhaps some time apart may soften him. I'd definitely find the right meds and stick to them. When he sees the difference in you, maybe that will change his mind.
This is a tough one and a little prayer has just gone up for you.
12-10-2007, 01:09 PM
It sounds to me like you really need some time apart from one another. You seem to have a lot going on emotionally, and that's really hard to deal with, especially with a relationship. Tell him you're going to take some time to figure things out and get yourself situated. Then when you're feeling more up to a relationship in the future, try the relationship again. If he truly love you, he'll be willing to give you some space and time to yourself. And of course, good luck!
12-10-2007, 01:47 PM
i'm in the same opinions as already posted...i think you need some time to work on you. You need some help...and i'm glad you have seeked it out. But it will take some time to fix some of these problems. And truthfully, I have a feeling that the damage is done..and you may not be able to get him back..therefor. First work on you...if down the road he does forgive your GREAT...if not...make a fresh start with someone new. Good luck and i hope everything goes well.
12-10-2007, 05:20 PM
I'm also glad to see you are getting help, and would ask you to consider something. You may love him, but is it really worth putting yourself through **** for someone who may love you but is not ready to be with you in the relationship that you want? If he was, he wouldn't be telling you he has another girlfriend. I would take that as a clear message that you can do better...after getting the help to work through whatever pushed you into the violence and jealousy issues you mentioned above. Good luck.
12-11-2007, 08:54 PM
Well, things have turned for the better. We have continued to keep in touch by phone and have had three conversations with no anger from him. I am keeping things light, only talking about his day at work or how the moving process is going. We have not been in the same room, but with both of us having to move out of our apartment it is bound to happen. It will be difficult not to run up and hug him and be very emotional, but I know I must be strong or I will push him away again. I know for sure that he is the love of my life and I will do anything I can with any help I need to restore myself to the healthy person he fell in love with.
Ps he is young and this may be his first heartbreaking relationship, which I think is part of our struggle. He has had a few relationships but none serious until me. Obviously this has been a serious breach of trust for him and will take time, but it seems to be going in a positive direction.
Any advice/thoughts/hopes will be greatly appreciated as this is my first relationship that did not end by my choice.
12-11-2007, 09:11 PM
I was in the same position as you, I was severly depressed and after an incident where he had to pull a knife from my hands to keep me from hurting myself, he left the relationship. We were on and off again for about 6 months after that but things didn't work out in the end. I thought that he was perfect and the love of my life as well.
Something that you said in your most recent post really bothered me, you said, "I know for sure that he is the love of my life and I will do anything I can with any help I need to restore myself to the healthy person he fell in love with."
You shouldn't be doing this to restore your relationship, you should be doing this for yourself. You need to start looking at yourself as an independant person, separate from him. What if things don't work out? Where will that leave you? Focus on you, and not on you FOR him, you for yourself.
If you guys are broken up, then you need to look at it that way and don't convince yourself that you're going to get back together as soon as you get better. That's not healthy for you or for your potential relationship with him.
12-12-2007, 11:36 AM
Very well said, Melissa
12-12-2007, 12:14 PM
Just to update, didn't mean I was seeking help to get back with him, I am seeking help for myself. I want to return to the relationship with him, but not til I am in good health all around. Keep the good ideas coming, I am getting a lot out of your feedback :) :hug: