LA Weight Loss - Why are you choosing my goal weight?!




sweetlovin
12-08-2007, 08:02 PM
I cannot tell you how annoyed I am when I casually mention how I am trying to get down to 125-130.

Just recently I made a thread asking about how to buy healthy foods, and once again, instead of giving me healthful useful advice on my original question, people comment on how I don't need to lose weight and how my weight is fine.

That's great and everything but I never asked your personal opinion on what weight you thought would best "suit" me and you telling me I'm at a perfect weight doesn't do anything for me. I still want to lose 20 pounds regardless.

My BMI states that a perfect weight for me would be up to like 175. It also states that 125 is a healthy weight for my age and height. So you telling me I am fine could mean the same thing if I were 175 or 125. I would still be "fine".

So what is your point? Are you trying to say I should gain 25 pounds while I am at it. What is, you telling me that i don't NEED to lose weight, doing. Is it helping me? No. I still want to lose the weight. Is it annoying me? Yes.

You guys get to choose YOUR weight and what weight YOU want to be. Just because your actually overweight (the majority on here) doesn't make it any better. Some people can CHOOSE to lose weight to make themselves feel better about themselves. It's not always because they are 100 pounds over weight and have to because of health reasons.

That's my prerogative, not yours. I'm not telling you how much YOU need to lose, I may think some of you need to lose more or less, or that you are perfect, but I am not going to share that opinion with you because I consider that rude.

Ugh, it's been happening so much lately. In real life and not in real life.

/rant


Lafayette
12-08-2007, 08:18 PM
Been there!

You are the only one who knows what's right for you and at which weight you feel best!

At the exact same weight on a scale, I can be a size 4-6 if I'm really active or a size 10-12 if I decide to "let it ride." It's amazing how many people honestly think they can judge your weight visually (or off some chart)... must be a lot more carnies out there than I thought ;) I find it's usually the people who haven't been at a healthy weight for a long time (or ever) that chime in with their unwanted two cents.

If I had ever thought of anything nice to say to these people, I'd share it... I ALWAYS end up being mad, too!

jordan
12-08-2007, 08:24 PM
Perhaps it is because the people on this board really care. Perhaps it is because some of these people are truly wise (ya know, 15 isn't exactly the age of wisdom). Perhaps it is becuase people read your posts in the context of your other posts which cause some concern. Take this experience for what it is, you are receiving comments on an online message board from people with whom you have no real relationship...if you don't like what they say, move on, keep reading. If it really bothers you remove your stats, people will still give you advice and nobody will know what you weigh. Most of all, and I am NOT being mean, but just get over it. Somebody commenting on your goal is really not a big thing, certainly nothing worthy of stressing yourself about.


Robin41
12-08-2007, 08:29 PM
Many people see posters who purposely choose goal weights that fall within the underweight category of the the BMI, like 125 would be for you, as an area of concern. Some people actually care that others may be falling into a disordered eating pattern.

Since we certainly don't want you to be annoyed by the actions of others, might I suggest that you remove your stats. It would probably cure others of the need to care. On the other hand, don't bother. I should think your post alone would cure most people.

lointhecity
12-08-2007, 08:35 PM
I agree with Robin and Jordan, if you dont wanna be bothered, remove your stats.

sweetlovin
12-08-2007, 08:36 PM
Perhaps it is because the people on this board really care. Perhaps it is because some of these people are truly wise (ya know, 15 isn't exactly the age of wisdom). Perhaps it is becuase people read your posts in the context of your other posts which cause some concern. Take this experience for what it is, you are receiving comments on an online message board from people with whom you have no real relationship...if you don't like what they say, move on, keep reading. If it really bothers you remove your stats, people will still give you advice and nobody will know what you weigh. Most of all, and I am NOT being mean, but just get over it. Somebody commenting on your goal is really not a big thing, certainly nothing worthy of stressing yourself about.
Good idea on removing the stats. I guess I never realized.

I am not stressing out about it. i was just a little let-down that posters were not giving me legiimate advice due to not agreeing with my personal weight decisions.

CountingDown
12-08-2007, 08:38 PM
I have read both posts, and I think that you may be over-reacting to the comments of others. They were trying to tell you that your dissatisfaction with your body may not actually be that you need to lose weight, but that you need to tone the body that you have. You said that you are flabby, you have no muscle tone. Thus, those posting tried to explain that losing weight will not change that situation. Exercise will.

These are wise people with a lot of experience. They are just trying to share their wisdom and experience with you. Their wisdom holds true for my life. I look very different at the exact same weight if it is all "flab" or if it is toned muscle. Like Lafayette - I can wear several different sizes while weighing the same.

I hope that you will calm down, and consider that the chicks that took the time to read your post, and then compose an answer did so, not to aggravate you, but to help you think of other options besides aiming for a 17.9 BMI which is considered in the "underweight" category.

sweetlovin
12-08-2007, 09:04 PM
Been there!

You are the only one who knows what's right for you and at which weight you feel best!

exactly!

sweetlovin
12-08-2007, 09:12 PM
I have read both posts, and I think that you may be over-reacting to the comments of others. They were trying to tell you that your dissatisfaction with your body may not actually be that you need to lose weight, but that you need to tone the body that you have. You said that you are flabby, you have no muscle tone. Thus, those posting tried to explain that losing weight will not change that situation. Exercise will.

These are wise people with a lot of experience. They are just trying to share their wisdom and experience with you. Their wisdom holds true for my life. I look very different at the exact same weight if it is all "flab" or if it is toned muscle. Like Lafayette - I can wear several different sizes while weighing the same.

I hope that you will calm down, and consider that the chicks that took the time to read your post, and then compose an answer did so, not to aggravate you, but to help you think of other options besides aiming for a 17.9 BMI which is considered in the "underweight" category.

I don't have a problem with those two posters at all. It just bought up back days and days of people telling me i don't need to lose weight and that I need to shut up when I really don't like my body and feel that I do need to.

Also, you're wrong. My goal on my BMI is considered healthy. You obviously did not take the time to actually choose a bmi scale that takes into factor age, height and weight together. Not like it matters, I think BMI scales are a load of crap but here are some pretty accurate scales that do show that my weight goal IS healthy.

http://www.kidshealth.org/teen/food_fitness/dieting/weight_height.html
http://www.seventeen.com/health-sex-fitness/bmi-calculator/

I put in my date of birth, age, and height and this bmi chart, and so do many others, states that at 125, I am at a healthy weight.

A person at my age and height is healthy at 116 to 171 pounds.

sweetlovin
12-08-2007, 09:18 PM
I mean I really don't want to be rude and 90 percent of the time, I am a nice person. But I end up coming here when I am really frustrated with my weight and p.oed.

i really needed advice on how to eat healthy for less so I was, at first, disappointed when people ignored the original questions. Thankfully, I did recieve a thorough response from a member.

Tammy
12-08-2007, 09:23 PM
I'll pray for you that this message board is the biggest hastle or problem that you ever have to deal with in your life.

Lafayette
12-08-2007, 09:30 PM
You're not being rude, sweetlovin. Don't worry about it! Every woman I know, including myself, wishes she could start over with a 15-year-old body ;)

I am so proud of you for deciding to make healthy choices without your family's support! Too many members are struggling to conquer the eating habits we learned as kids. Kudos to you for recognizing the need to develop and maintain healthy habits! I didn't figure that out until I was 30 years old and 40 pounds overweight!

Lafayette
12-08-2007, 09:35 PM
To everyone else besides sweetlovin, STOP! GROW UP!!! This is a 15 year old girl! She has a healthy weight loss goal and asked a legitimate question!

Letting yourself get over 200 pounds doesn't give you wisdom and it certainly doesn't give you the right to ganag up on and try to make a girl feel like crap just to make yourselves feel better! The media does enough damage already!

jordan
12-08-2007, 10:32 PM
WOW Lafayette, what thread are YOU reading? This thread has been nothing but supportive of Sweetlovin. People have empathized, tried to explain where others are coming from, offered suggestions...and SHE seems to be content with the suggestions and comments she has received. Now, as far as YOUR insult, let me throw the "grow up" right back at ya! And the "wise" was clearly meant to be correlated with age, nobody ever even came close to implying that by getting fat one grows wise. For as long as you have been a member here I'm thinking you probably know that most posters who are "large" recognize that getting to our size was not "wise". Perhaps you should re-read the thread.

kaplods
12-08-2007, 11:00 PM
I think there's a humongous difference between voicing an opinion or "disagreeing" with a person and attacking them. I haven't seen any attacks in this thread at all. It sort of goes with the territory that people on a message board site will disagree with each other. I've been to alot of the other boards, and this site has been by far, the most polite. Any more polite, in fact, and opinions wouldn't be expressed at all.

I think we all have to remember that it is very difficult for nearly all of us to truly "step in the shoes" of someone with a very different set of experiences and goals. The more different a person is from me, the less I can help them, and the less they can help me, in essense we don't speak the same language. People with a lot of weight to lose, do have a hard time understanding already thin people stressing over a few "vanity pounds." And the reverse is true as well. A person who has never had more than 10 lbs to lose, is unlikely to really understand what having 200 to lose would be like. Seeing someone whose starting weight is far under my goal weight, is likely to color my judgement (and it's going to come out in my opinions and advice). And while being fat, even very, very, very fat, doesn't make a person wise or smart, it doesn't eliminate the possibility either. Every one of us has wisdom to share, and every one of us will probably say something at one time or another that somebody here thinks is "stupid," or "rude" as well.

We all have to remember that disagreements and even unwelcome advice are not only unpreventable, they're usually a GOOD thing. Without them this wouldn't be a discussion group at all.

shoupfamily
12-08-2007, 11:00 PM
LOL at Tammy!!! Yes, that is true. Although, that's probably not the case. hehe

:carrot:

Keep on truckin' sweetlovin'! I do think that it's rather common for a teenager to have more brains than an adult! Some young people have far more life experience/common sense than a grown adult that is 50! Best to you!

Tammy
12-09-2007, 05:47 AM
shoupfamily, I know that sweetlovin will have many more problems in life. I am not sure she totally realizes that the problems here are pretty minor compared to the big picture.

I too wish her well, but I think she is going to have to take the bull by the horns and make some commitments on her own to do what she thinks is best. Knowing that there is a portion control problem has to be dealt with by the person, not by those asked for advice. Knowing that she has to kick up the exercise is also another commitment that could be made. Being so young, now is the time to get it under control, but only she can do that.

Lafayette
12-09-2007, 01:37 PM
I'll pray for you that this message board is the biggest hastle or problem that you ever have to deal with in your life.

Snarky... clearly snarky...

zenor77
12-09-2007, 02:00 PM
First of all, I would like to say, that emotional content should not be read into people's posts. They (more than likely) did not mean it the way some people are taking it. I read the other thread and I do believe that people were just posting out of concern not out of spite or jealousy.

I think it is wonderful that you want to eat healthier! I would focus on fruits, veggies, whole grains, and lean proteins as much as you can. It might be beneficial for you to cook things up on the weekends (or when you have time) and then portion them out for the week. Whole foods can sometimes take longer to cook. I would also suggest going to your local library and checking out some books on eating whole foods and general books on nutrition. Maybe they'll have a book on nutrition for teens?

My main concern for you would be to make sure that you eat enough. Teenagers need more calories then adults do. Your body is still developing. Fun fact, did you know that your brain doesn't stop development until your mid-20's? And, yes, this is just a fact, I'm not trying to imply anything.

You may even find that you body fat shifts in places as you finish reaching adulthood. I know I was pretty flabby in places at your age (I was not heavy until later in adulthood) until things "shifted" into a more proper placement.

On the subject of that, I agree with the other posters that have mentioned exercise. If you want to look toned, you'll need to exercise along with eating healthy. Why not? Getting used to exercising now will set you up for healthy lifestyle for the future.

As far as your goal weight is concerned. Have you discussed it with your family doctor? Does your insurance cover a nutritionist? I personally thing BMI is bunk because it doesn't take into account frame size or muscle structure. Your goal weight may very well be in a healthy range, but I would talk to your doctor. I don't put much trust in online calculators.

Meemo
12-09-2007, 02:01 PM
Ugh, it's been happening so much lately. In real life and not in real life.


If it's happening a lot, including in real life, then maybe life is trying to tell you something.
Most of us here are older than you are. I wish someone had told me when I was your age that I didn't need to diet because I was flabby, I needed to exercise. - because I did! My weight was fine, I just needed to work out. But back then most people weren't thinking about "working out".
"Dieting" now will just mess with your metabolism in the long run.
Now, if you want to eat healthy, eat lots of green veggies (fresh or frozen), fruits, leaner proteins (eggs & tuna & chicken breasts can be good sources), healthy fats & some whole grains (like bread & brown rice). Drink lots of water, not soda.
One last thing - it's a rare, rare person who doesn't have a little flab - those that don't have it are that way because of their exercise more than their diet.
By the way, BMI means very little because it doesn't take into account your bone structure or muscle mass, it's just an average. So at your height, a BMI up to 175 COULD be good, depending on your bone structure and muscle mass.