Weight Loss Support - Do you think it's denial?

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Hermit Girl
12-03-2007, 09:49 PM
I just did something I kind of think is a good idea, but not sure. Tell me what you think..? First off, I'm about to turn 46, and middle age plays into this a bit. I have felt my ideal weight for many years to be 120, and thought I'd bargain at 125, but at this point, as I focus on that, I just can't get serious about losing even a pound. I changed my signature ticker from 125 to 130, thinking that's a better goal at this point (I would be pleasantly plump, but not FAT). I also changed my birthday goal from 145 to 159... because it's getting closer but I'm not losing any weight (I lost 23 pounds a year and a half ago, and am slowly gaining back). I have to renew my drivers' license before my birthday, and I am not sure what weight to put on there (it reads 120 now). I'm thinking 130 would be a good weight for driver's licence.

I've been posting on this forum for several months now, perhaps with a bit of a grandiose attitude I guess, because though I'm walking every morning, (sometimes twice a day) I literally binge during the day, almost everyday. In fact, I've had an awful binge weekend while my DH was away on a business trip (very rare, I wasn't really emotionally braced for it). I am way out of control. Please, can we talk about this?

Are there any women out there, middle-aged, in the same predicament that I am in, who could kind of 'buddy system' with me? We could PM or email?

12-03-2007, 11:46 PM
Hey Hermit Girl,

What food plan are you following? For some folks it seems to be just really necessary to do a set program--makes it harder to just decide to binge. Overeating is a decision--even though it may feel out of control, there are some things you can do to stop it. Get the junk food out of the house and don't buy more, for one thing. You've probably heard a lot of ideas!

Maybe you'd do better if you set a smaller goal, since you say you can't get serious about losing even a pound... Say, 1 week without binging--or even just 1 day! Whatever it takes, some sort of smaller step to get you started.

It could be denial, but on a minute to minute basis. You know you're overweight, and you know you've got to lose--so that's not denial. I think the denial, if it's happening, is on a more subtle level--and it may be just the "inner child" saying NO I WON'T.


Hermit Girl
12-03-2007, 11:57 PM
Thanks Jay. Yes, I think at this point, I have to stop the ostrich game, and rationalizing... and take things one day at a time. I'm not following any program, but am honestly just trying to incorporate incremental changes, through my middleaged years, that I can carry for life. I have serious doubts about PROGRAMS and me... so I'm trying the baby step lifestyle changes. But then again, that is obviously not working, as i am still obese.

I totally get the 'choice about overeating'. Yes, that is true.

Shy Moment
12-04-2007, 12:00 AM
First I just turned 46 less than a month ago. We can't let middle age be an excuse for anything lol. Second what ever you weigh on the day you get your license renewed is the weight you should use lol. I would love to chat with you. Might even be able to make you laugh from time to time.

I think the first thing you need is to feel responsible for what you are eating. Maybe you don't realize what you are eating at the moment or that you have eaten as much as you have.

Fit day is a great tool for watching what you eat. You see right in front of you what you are putting into your mouth. Maybe set some limits for yourself. Talk to your doc about this. Calories, fat, carbs, protein. I happen to allow myself ( these are very general I can be under or over ) 1200 to 1400 calories, 30 to 35 fat, 180 to 210 carbs, like I said these are very general amounts. As long as I stay in these ranges on an average over a week I am happy.

You can keep track of what you eat very easily using fit day. It becomes second hand not work at all to decide what you are going to eat to get the required amounts of the four basic food groups in and still have enough left for something you really want as a snack. I make sure I get a can of mountain dew a week. Have a snack every other night. Use to have one every night but don't want one anymore that often.

I don't include in that snack groups fruits, low fat cookies like vanilla wafers ( those are just part of the bread and cereal group right lol ), or anything that is good for me that fits into a food group. To me a snack is pop, candy, cakes things like that. My snacks tend to me weight watchers fudge bars or chocolate snack cakes, oh my gosh are they good and low in fat and carbs too or sugar free jello ( who would have thought, I thought jello was sugar and coloring lol ). You will find after awhile you don't even think much about it.

Planning your next day is just something you do each night. Might not be the thing for you but it is an idea.

12-04-2007, 12:57 AM
I am 5'2 and I don't think I would set my goal weight any lower than 135 right now, just because I know how hard I am struggling to lose right now. So I think that by upping your goal weight you are fine! I wouldn't change it anymore on yourself, but maybe set mini-goals instead so that you just don't end up increasing it again!

Congrats on your weightloss so far and don't gain it back it is so much harder to lose it again!

12-04-2007, 03:46 AM
Hey! I don't meet your age-criteria as I just turned thirty, but here's what has worked for me in the past.

Set one goal a week. Reward yourself with a non-food prize when you reach that goal (get a pedicure, buy that pair of shoes you've been wanting, purchase a movie you really like, plan a hiking trip that you've been meaning to take, etc.). Here are some of my goals:

80 ounces of water a day
Kitchen is "closed" after 8:00 p.m.
Snacks must consist of fruits or vegetables
All meals will be planned at least the day before they're scheduled
Stick to the meal plan and don't add anything extra in
Only eat sitting down at the table (this cut out the standing at the counter eating and the eating at the computer, which was mindless and often consisted of stuffing my face instead of enjoying what I was eating)
No finishing the kids' plates
Exercise goals (so many miles run in a week or month, so many exercise sessions at the gym per week, etc.)

That's all I can think of for now, but focusing on just one goal a week and then adding in a new one the next week made it easier for me. I didn't feel so overwhelmed by trying to do a major overhaul all at once, and if I slipped one week, it was just one goal that suffered and I could get back on track the next week by "repeating" that goal.

Hope that helps!


12-04-2007, 06:40 PM
First of all - I don't think its denial or cheating or anything like that to change your goals as you go along. Its important to keep realistic and flexible. I think you should consider changing your goals to behaviour rather than weight.
If you come up with a plan you like, and do your utmost to stick to it, you will undoubtably get to your goal weight, even if that is a weight you didn't originally plan.
Best of luck :)

Shy Moment
12-04-2007, 08:04 PM
I think each of us are comfortable at different weights. I myself have no desire to be skin and bones lol. I like having curves and a little softness to my body. Others like to be more muscular and have ab muscles that show. It just depends on what we want our body's to look like. I don't really have any idea if my goal weight is the right weight for me now or not. I picked that weight because it is what I weighted all the years after having my children before illness and meds put on all this weight. I may find I am happy weighting a bit more. I may find I want to weigh a bit less. Goal weights are very general things for most people. I would pick a goal weight and stick with it if I were you. You might find when you get near it you want to change it but don't change it until then. To easy to keep adding lbs to the goal weight so that we feel it is easier to reach.

12-04-2007, 08:49 PM
Why not just stop worrying about a goal weight at all? If you feel like worrying about what you want to weigh 3 or 4 or 5 months from now is holding you back from focusing right now, then just give up the idea of an eventual goal. Make your goal eating healthier and less binging and just worry about losing the next pound. Don't worry about 120 vs. 130. Worry about getting to 164. Then worry about 163.

12-05-2007, 08:22 AM
"Don't worry about 120 vs. 130. Worry about getting to 164. Then worry about 163."

This is quite honestly the best advice I have read on this thread, and it is absolutely TRUE.

I agree that whatever you weigh on the day you renew your license is what you should use-not your dream weight. Your weight on your license is used for identification purposes at times, so it should reflect what truly is. :^:

I agree that when you are still far from goal, that it is more important to focus on the now, and small losses, rather than the big picture. Someone who has to lose 30, 50, or 100 pounds might feel overwhelmed looking at the big picture. It is much better to focus on the next pound, or next 5 pounds, than the entire loss at one time.

Hermit Girl
12-05-2007, 11:14 AM
First of all - I don't think its denial or cheating or anything like that to change your goals as you go along. Its important to keep realistic and flexible. I think you should consider changing your goals to behaviour rather than weight.This post says it perfectly for me, thank you!

I am having to reframe goal time periods to one week at a time, instead of the grandiose long term projections and declarations. That's all bogus. I've been humbled. This point on it's OneDayAtATime with staying On Plan, and go no further than a week as far as a baby step in goals.

Since DH has been away on a business trip, I have just spent four solid days overeating, and sitting in front of the computer. A lazy and self indulgent life I couldn't maintain if I had to ! So, needless to say, I gained even more weight , I'm going to alter my mini goal to one week increments, and keep the ongoing Ultimate ticker going as honest as a whip.

I have decided to harness the grandiosity of my previous Diet Non-Plan, which is not much of a plan anyway, apparently , but to focus on one week at a time as far as weight goals. Most important thing is to focus on each day at a time as far as not overeating> and for now that is my program. Staying present in the moment, owning up to my situation of being obese, taking responsibility, and using self control with my eating, and to stop the triggering habits and hobbies which lead to impulsive eating. (yes, the computer!)

I've decided that what I need to do is to incorporate meals on time. That's all a part of a plan, and something I've never done. Peanutbutter spoonfuls at 6 with coffee, breakfast when I return from morning hike at 9 lunch at noon, afternoon protein/fruit at 3, dinner at 6 then close up the kitchen cafe for the day. That's eating every 3 hours. That is a Food Plan worth incorporating, and I'm going to start Now.

Yes, and like it was mentioned in a post above, not to eat at the computer. I think there are all kinds of TRIGGER habits, and the computer is one of them. In fact, I think as of today I will allow only NON CALORIC items at the computer ; black coffee, tea (milk&honey is okay) , sugarless Ricola lemon/mint drops , carrots, cellery. thats about it. Maybe I'll buy some other sugarless hard candy, because although I believe it's not healthy stuff, it may help me get through the day not overeating.

Thank you ALL !

Hermit Girl
12-05-2007, 11:44 AM
I've just adjusted my weight ticker mini goal for next week. It may seem to be too much, but realistically, I've been hovering at 165ish for weeks now, and I think once the binge water retention sheds, I could really see 164. I have to work hard and be diligent though! For now, just eating normal and not binging, I will probably lose weight !

This week, here I come! :carrot:

Hermit Girl
12-05-2007, 11:52 AM
Also, a pretty fun idea, and to stay in self awareness and out of denial, is to put a shortcut on my computer desktop to my 3fc ticker edit , so I have to first edit the weight in before I read/post anywhere on the forum. Cool, huh? It's all about keeping my head out of the sand.