100 lb. Club - Why does this have to be so HARD?!?!?!




Purplefirefly
12-01-2007, 09:23 PM
Two days into going off sugar, and I feel like an addict in withdrawl! There are some stressful things going on right now and hubby got in late, everyone was starving, I was fighting really hard not to just run out for pizza and woof down all the cinnamon breadsticks possible...I let hubby choose and he said he'd make steak, baked potatoes, and a salad. I told myself that's great, I can have a big salad and cut up some of the steak on top (not cooked in grease or anything), and be on plan.

BUT, in the back of my head I was dying for the ice cream out in the deep freeze. We didn't have foil to bake the taters, and the lettuce had gone bad, so off I go to the store...alone, and thinking of a dozen donuts, which in this mood I would normally eat half the box on my way home!

the drive there, my thoughts were nonstop insanity! I was first on a high, so happy that I was going alone and could buy donuts, eat them on the way home, and no one would know. Then I reminded myself I am not eating sugar, and I felt sad almost. Okay, so I'd have those sugar free cookies then...but I knew I would eat the entire package and it would be just as bad. I thought maybe I'd stop at McDs and just get something, but the line was very long and I knew it would be WAY off plan.

Got to the store telling myself I could do this, I could make it out without the sugar fix. I went straight toward the candy aisle, turned away and went to the produce section instead, taking deep breaths and saying "I can do this." Looked at the bagged lettuce, found one that didn't look half rotten, and saw the deli made mexican bean dip that I have always loved. Put it in the buggy, thinking I would have that with chips. Back of my head screaming to read the ingredients, but I didn't want to do that, I walked away telling myself it's just beans and cheese, it's fine.

Went for the foil, guilted myself into looking at the bean dip label...second ingredient was hydrogenized lard :eek: no longer even looked appetizing, walked it back to the produce section, put it down. Stood there like an idiot wondering where I could go, what could I get...I felt like a cocaine addict standing on a corner waiting for the dealer to show! It was like a panicky feeling that I could not leave without something sugary, something sweet.

Then I remembered fresh blueberries were BOGO this week, picked up two little pints, and set my mind to walk straight to the register. Had to pass a large display of donuts on the way, literally turned my head away so I didn't look. Stared at donuts on the next aisle over as I checked out, all the while screaming that I want them! All of them!

I got out of the store with just the blueberries, but felt very frustrated and tense...and I had a headache coming on, literally!

Final dinner: large salad with really good lite vinegar dressing and half a small package blueberries for that sweet taste.

I realize now that I didn't want the donuts, it was like I felt I NEEDED them, they were what I always turned to on stressful nights. Someone please tell me this gets easier at some point...or am I just insane???


Charbar
12-01-2007, 09:32 PM
oh Purple - we have been there. I have done and felt exactly what you do! Sometimes I feel like a grocery store is a video game good guys (fruits and veggies) vs the bad guys (donuts)- I love going to the grocery store - it is an actual high for me. Just being there makes me feel naughty! I'm so sick, I swear.

I can't tell you it's going to get easier b/c my journey begins - again. However, I do know many people on this board that will tell you it gets better.

Hugs to you sweaty! :hug: You said you walked out with just the blueberries - but did you get the tinfoil?! :lol:

Purplefirefly
12-01-2007, 09:50 PM
:lol: yes, I did get the foil, some spinach/lettuce mix for the salad, two big tomatoes, and a loaf of WG bread. Just meant with only the blueberries, no donuts! I am feeling better now, but still intensely craving sugar, it's like my mind keeps drifting through all these horrible foods and screaming "GIMME NOW." I am going to exercise, take a hot bath, and go to bed!!!

Oh, and my kids both decided they wanted what I was having! 5 yo daughter had a salad just like mine...and she usually will only eat ranch dressing, but she took a bite of my salad while I fixed hers and said "what did you put on it? I like that" so she ate my healthier dressing as well, I was so proud in that moment. My 3 yo would only eat tomatoes and cucumbers...about normal for him...I wonder where he got his appetite!!!

This was my mental state in that store though....:tantrum: :tantrum: :tantrum: Pathetic, I know.


CountingDown
12-01-2007, 10:13 PM
Yes, it does get easier. Once you get the simple sugars out of your system, you will stop craving them. In fact, I had no desire to eat cheesecake (my favorite) at Thanksgiving. I went to a funeral luncheon yesterday, and the cake looked very unappetizing. I'm not sure who this person is that has replaced the "old me", but I really like her and hope she hangs around a while. I still eat a bit of dark chocolate once or twice a week, but it doesn't seem to trigger a desire for anything else.

When I first started, I actually put the donut box in the dishwasher at work while I ate my lunch. I couldn't stand smelling them and knowing that I shouldn't eat them. Now, I walk right by the box and I'm not even tempted to lift the lid.

So - yes - hang in there - it DOES get better!

Trazey34
12-01-2007, 10:20 PM
wow you get a medal for only getting blueberries!!! that "mood" is the hardest beast of all to tame

i know a lot of people say it gets easier, and sure it does, just even from habit - but for myself, I know i'm never going to NOT LOVE donuts or cheesecake LOL, I just have to leave them in the "maybe some day" category for now and continue along!

i KNOW you can do this now - if you can struggle through that kind of day/mood, you can do it the next time, and the the time after that, and the 10th time after that !!!1

yay for you!!!

Lovely
12-01-2007, 10:31 PM
Wow. I'm impressed. You did such a GREAT job! :hug: to you!

You are NOT alone in those thoughts, and you are NOT alone in what you did. I too have placed things in my cart only to read the ingredients a few aisles later and put it back... I too have gone in and had to practically crawl past things that I love in order to get away without picking them up...

Be PROUD of yourself for your great choices! You're doing it!!!!

bargoo
12-01-2007, 10:39 PM
Been there, done that!! Sorry I can't give you an answer except to say it really does get better, the more you lose the more encouraged you will be. I know all about sugar before I got my act together I would drive to the store and get 4 donuts and 3 candy bars and they would be gone in half an hour. And that is how I found myself at 206 pounds, maybe more I avoided the scale at that time. You have made a very good start, you CAN do it !

Robin41
12-01-2007, 10:40 PM
I had a bunch of these experiences when I was first starting to eat better. Frankly, it always makes me feel a bit better to know that others used to eat on the way home and dump wrappers so that nobody would ever know.

I found that these episodes became a lot less frequent if I never let myself get to the point of being crazy hungry. I get too hungry and I get a real manic thing going where it is a real battle to make a good decision. Had you eaten enough all day before this happened? If not, that may be a good thing to pay attention to in future.

Great job on the berries. It will get easier.

shelby897
12-01-2007, 10:53 PM
You did an amazing job and should be VERY proud!! Hi, my name is Susan and I'm a sugar addict too :D I've noticed for myself that after probably two weeks the urge goes away but for whatever reason if I eat even a french fry/M&M, I'm right back where I started. You set an excellent example for your kids. The donuts/MCD's would have tasted good for two seconds but tonight you can go to bed without feeling bloated, feeling well and you'll feel great in the morning.

Lyn2007
12-02-2007, 12:47 AM
It's really weird. I used to do the SAME thing. Fight myself not to get sweets. Heck I still do sometimes. And when I stop and think about those days when I used to go in and get the donuts, cookies, candy bars, ice cream and eat them ALL in one night, sometimes I miss it. I don's miss the taste as much as I miss something emotional about it. The feeling of giving myself anything I wanted. The sense that no one could tell me what I couldn't eat. I miss that "freedom" sometimes but then I realise the real freedom is in living a real life, moving, being healthy and well and not centering my existance around junk food.

karen530
12-02-2007, 01:08 AM
I can't say if it gets better (I'm a sugar addict too), but I was nodding and laughing and cringing with everything you wrote because I have so been there. :dizzy: I congratulate you on leaving that store with blueberries. (I've been known to go to 2 different stores for a sugar fix because I didnt' want one checker to see everything that I planned to buy). I know that insane feeling and what it takes to let those moments go by. Good for you.

After about of month of high fiber, whole foods, veggie+fruit eating, I can say that something has changed for me. I do still crave sugar, but it's....... a lot less intense and the cravings don't last very long. I've also found prunes and dried fruit, which I don't eat a lot of but they are better than cookies, cake, or icecream. Thanks for posting your supermarket experience.

Heather
12-02-2007, 01:16 AM
It's really weird. I used to do the SAME thing. Fight myself not to get sweets. Heck I still do sometimes. And when I stop and think about those days when I used to go in and get the donuts, cookies, candy bars, ice cream and eat them ALL in one night, sometimes I miss it. I don's miss the taste as much as I miss something emotional about it. The feeling of giving myself anything I wanted. The sense that no one could tell me what I couldn't eat. I miss that "freedom" sometimes but then I realise the real freedom is in living a real life, moving, being healthy and well and not centering my existance around junk food.

My husband and I were talking about this kind of issue tonight. Sugar is not necessarily our weakness, but we used to have these meals where we just ate and ate and ate! I think you're right that there is something about giving ourselves what we want. Except, I think it's only a substitute for something else. I do miss that "freedom" sometimes, to eat whatever I want. But I sure don't miss the physical feelings afterward, not to mention the obesity! I am much freer now.

Anyway, hang in there, if you stick with it it does get better. But if you're like most of us (all of us?) you'll never be perfect. We live in a world where just too many opportunites present themselves...

timkerbelle
12-02-2007, 05:49 AM
Way to go!! What you did was AWESOME! I know how hard it is when the cookie monster starts screaming, but you just turned your head and walked away! That takes enormous strenght!
I have no doubt that it will get easier, but you should be so proud of yourself for sticking it out when its hard.

kasmin
12-02-2007, 07:01 AM
:bravo:WTG, purple firefly. I too am addicted to sugar, and as everyone else said (but I'll say it again, just so I hear it myself:p) it does get easier. I cut out sugar and white flour based foods, and those first few days were BRUTAL. But really, after even just a week or so, I noticed such a huge difference in my outlook and appetite. I was no longer no "needy." I was way happier. The funniest thing was, I didn't even think I WAS addicted to sugar, until I tried giving it up. One trick is though, when I am really craving something sweet, I eat some green grapes. That does seem to tide me over.;)

rockinrobin
12-02-2007, 07:44 AM
I've had similiar instances like that as well Purplefirefly. Just the other day in fact. I somehow escaped the stores and got home and ate a big salad with balsamic vinegar. A VERY big salad that is.

You should be sooo very proud of yourself. You've done a GREAT thing for yourself. You fought the urge. That's what it's all about. We have urges, but we don't HAVE to give into them. Yes, it's hard. But it will get easier and those urges will become less and less and now you know that you are more then capable of getting through them with no damage done. That can give you confidence that you can do it again and again, if need be. Congratulations and keep it up, just keep it up. :hug:

JayEll
12-02-2007, 08:52 AM
Hello, chickies! I just wanted to add that those behaviors--planning the sugar binge, going out to "pick up a few things," hiding the wrappers, going to different stores--are exactly what alcoholics do. It just shows the addiction for what it truly is--an addiction! The only way to break the pattern is to stop it entirely, IMO. That doesn't mean never a donut, never again--but as Trazey34 said, some foods have to be in the "maybe some day" category for now.

No one ever died because she or he didn't eat a donut...

Jay

Purplefirefly
12-02-2007, 09:37 AM
I am so glad there are other addicts out there like me! I felt I was insane when I left that store, and I had to take Tylenol when I got home. I did an hour and a half of exercise last night because I felt so out of control, like i might devour hubby's ice cream in the middle of the night. Once I got into the workout and a movie on TV it started to ease, and at the end I felt the cravings were gone, it was safe to stop exercising and go to bed.

Today...WOW! I feel so proud of myself. I have never been able to not give into these urges in the past, and this just shows me it is possible, I actually CAN do it! Sugar is a "maybe someday" food...but honestly I don't ever see myself being able to eat just a little of that, it is a serious addiction...I just didn't realize the extent of it until last night. it did feel good to go back into the house and not have to make sure I hid all the packaging, or sneak it deep into the trash can later on. But that angry feeling that I didn't get what I wanted was hard to deal with, I was like a baby who needed to throw a temper tantrum :( but it's been replaced with happy pride today.

Grapes are a really good idea...and the blueberries really did help, they were sweet enough and I know they are good for me. The kids and I finished them off this morning putting them in our yogurt and cereal :T:

Tonia
12-02-2007, 10:45 AM
Wow...you were two days on your program and made it through that like a champ! I hope you are very proud of yourself as you should be....baby steps...

I, too, need to avoid the store when I am stressed & starving...one hint is to try eating a few (very few) nuts or drinking a large glass of water to help with the "starving" family.

best of luck to you, but I don't think you will need it - you are already successful!

GirlyGirlSebas
12-02-2007, 01:17 PM
Congratulations on beating this sugar temptation! I am addicted to sugary starchy foods. Yes, it does get easier. Every time you beat the temptation and as you lose more and more weight, your self confidence and willpower gets stronger and stronger. I have noticed that I tend to crave the sugary starchy foods more when I'm tired and stressed. I've read that these foods do serve as mood enhancers and may be why we tend to gravitate towards them at stressful times. Being aware of my triggers does help me to plan ahead and avoid temptation when I'm feeling weak. Also, I have never lost my taste for these things. The thought of a vanilla milkshake, a piece of cheesecake or a Krispy Kreme doughnut still sounds incredibly yummy to me. One bite and I just might be a goner.

Purplefirefly
12-02-2007, 05:41 PM
I am making dinner and realized we needed something I thought I had...hubby said "run to the store" and I said "no, you go this time." He didn't put up a fight and is off right now. I am not feeling tempted tonight, but didn't want to even walk in the store again. He is good about just getting what he's after and coming right back, so it is just better for him to go.

I weigh in tomorrow morning...instead of dreading it, for once I can't wait!

angeline
12-02-2007, 05:53 PM
wow i just wanted to extend a big BRAVO TO YOU!!! you did great! i, too, have had those "conversations" with myself. they are awful and you do feel like you're going crazy. so many times in the past i've given in and grabbed XYZ and then hurriedly ate it in the car. this sneak eating in the car after grocery shopping is a hard demon to break. but i tell myself, it's a habit. habits can be broken. i won't starve if i don't eat on the way home from the grocery store - sheesh!!!

i will remember your story the next time in a fight with myself. i will also remember that if i have to have something, blueberries would be a really healthy alternative!!!

thanks for sharing your success!!! it's important for me to know that others do succeed at this.