Weight Loss Support - A little scared to lose

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Venus Envy
01-23-2002, 02:19 PM
I've been on WW for two years and have lost 70 pounds (still another 80 to goal) ... though most important is that I've become so much healthier. I started training in July to walk a marathon, and I completed my first marathon (that's 26.2 miles!) three weeks ago. During marathon training, paring numbers from the scale was less important that eating healthfully and increasing strength and endurance. I did great -- and it FELT great! -- though I didn't lose much weight during training.

Now it's time for more weight loss. The problem I'm running into is that I'm scared to death! Now that I've lost a little weight, moved into a more active lifestyle, and become so much happier about what I can do ... well, ok, this is about boys. Can we talk about boys? *laughing*

I'm in my 40s and feeling very shy about dating. I get so panicky whenever someone asks me out. And then I freak out about wanting to be thinner, and instead of continuing on the path that's worked so well, I eat. So I'm having one of those days -- date on the horizon, and all I can see is chocolate and cookies. HELP!

01-23-2002, 04:24 PM
There are several sayings that you can repeat to yourself...

Don't put the cart before the horse.
Take it one step at a time.
Face the thing you fear and that will be the end of fear.

I want to congratulate you on your success. That is SUPER!!!!
During your training you were building muscles. They replaced the fat... so that is why you didn't lose a lot. That is a GOOD thing. Instead of 10 lbs of fat .. you now have 10lbs of muscle. :D

AS far as the "boys" ...LOL ... I would stick to the MEN. :lol:
I guess what I am trying to say here.... have a sense of humor about the whole thing. RELAX ... and enjoy it.

FEAR is False Events Appearing Real.
A little fear is natural. Just don't let it rule you.
You are probably more anxious than fearful.
Take it one step at a time. Just like you took it one pound at a time.

There is another saying.... Practice makes Perfect.
I change that to Practice makes Progress. ;)
Just keep facing your fears and you will get more relaxed with dating.
And the chocolate ..... DON'T EAT IT !!!!!!
Now you only have one problem... the fear of dating.
But if you eat that chocolate you will then have two.

You know you can pass up that chocolate... you have been doing it to lose 70lbs.... don't forget that.

Good luck... RELAX ... and have FUN.

(If you wanted to talk about sex :eek: I don't do that on the first post. :lol: )
A little more humor there. ;)

01-23-2002, 04:32 PM
I know exactly where you are at! I was raped when I was 33, and have been yo-yo-ing with my weight since!
I finally put 2 and 2 together lately, and understood that my padding was a good hide-a-way!
When I am fat, I do not attract sex.
When I am fat, I become invisible. Sounds funny?
Funny but True!
Beginning of 2002, I realized that this is over!
I am starting my new life, thin and happy and .. let's say it: SEXY!!!
Take care!

Venus Envy
01-23-2002, 05:12 PM
Thank you, Cute and Chickadee! It helps alot to speak the anxiety. In my head, I know, I know, I know ... the feelings just take a little more prodding in the right direction (as opposed to toward the cupboard).

Chickadee, you are AWESOME! I replied by PM, but wanted to thank you again and again and again for sharing your strength and making it all stronger.

Cute, LOVE your humor, girlfriend! I've released the Oreos back to their natural habitat in your honor. May they live free forever.

01-23-2002, 05:17 PM
Glad to help :dizzy:

I have to leave, but will be back, either later this evening or tomorrow.
If you need to talk private, you know how:)

Stay away from these Oreos!


01-23-2002, 06:04 PM
chickadee4ever.. rape is NOT about sex, it is about control and power. What happened to you was horrible! You are one strong woman.. (((hugs)))

Venus Envy.. First of all, good for you regarding the weight loss! You are doing great! The fear you speak of is something that I can so relate to. My weight has been a "crutch" for me for a very long time and the closer I get to goal (27 lbs to go) the harder it is for me to not be scared.. if THAT makes any sense. I don't always know how to handle the attention I get and it tends to make me uncomfortable. Something else that set me back a little bit was having to file a sexual harassment complaint against one of my supervisors at work (the company did nothing more than suspend him for 2 day). In some weird way, I felt like he would not have been bothering me so much if I was heavier. I still have issues with that, but it is getting better.

As you can see, I don't have a lot of good advice on how to move past the fear, but, maybe we can draw strength from each other and things won't seem so scarey?

Venus Envy
01-24-2002, 10:28 AM
Mishakal, what you're saying about sex and rape makes so much sense. I know that being fat makes me feel much more in control over who gets close enough to me to hurt me. And I'm mad as **** about your supervisor and the process that you must've had to go through to report it, only for him to get suspended for TWO LOUSY DAYS. ARGH!!

Last night I met up with a group of friends, and we talked about that relationship between fat and invisibility and control. Being fat has always been a way for me to be funny and smart and sassy without also getting singled out for individual attention. Makes it very easy to control the situation. I mean, nobody's gonna get to close to The Fat Chick! Which means that I can't REALLY get hurt.

Which is an odd thing to believe, right? But there's another paradox for us, Chickadee -- not only are we more invisible when we're fat, we're also less vulnerable even though we're looked down upon and made jokes of. Cuz they're not making fun of ME as an individual but for me as The Generic Fat Chick.

Now things are changing. Slowly, like a sentence that changes one letter at a time. All the content is shifting along with the letters, and it's tougher to keep up with that than I imagined it would be. Right here where I'm at right now, it's like being at Mile 19 of the marathon ... a long way from the start line, but suddenly what seems like a looooooooooooong way from the finish line, too. I guess all I can do is just keep moving -- not looking back and not getting too ahead of myself -- and hope that the emotional stuff catches up with me after I get my medal!

Anyway, thanks for helping me frame some of the anxiety and fear. I wouldn't have put these things together without y'all's input.

01-25-2002, 02:05 PM
Hi all,

Yes, I hide behind my weight, too, only recently I met a man who LIKES larger women! He even broke up with his last relationship because she wouldn't stop obsessing about being a size 2. So that proves that this thinking is SERIOUSLY flawed - men CAN and DO get attached to us big gals...

You get to pick who you like. Simple as that. You also get to be who you are - you don't have to change yourself to be sexy.

Have fun on those dates!!!

01-25-2002, 03:17 PM
You all have got me crying...and I thank you for it.

Your words really helped bring out what I think has been going sour with me all along, and why I could never get to goal and not be scared to death. I could never get closer to 30 pounds above goal. I'd be doing fine, then get scared for exactly the reasons you all mentioned -- I'd begin eating until all the weight came back (and then some) and I'd feel safe again.

I am so tired of feeling like I have to amuse everyone in order to be liked and accepted. Tired of hiding under this mountain of fat -- too scared and too empty of self-esteem.

One reason I come to this website is for encouragement, but this thread speaks to me at a deeper level. You have each put into words my fears and my sadness too.

yes, some guys do like larger women, just like some gals prefer larger guys. I have all the respect in the world for people who are comfortable with themselves. I simply don't like being an obese woman, and 285 pounds and 47% bodyfat on a 5' 5" frame is obese. It's physically uncomfortable; yet I use my "fat armor" every day to be "invisible."

Thanks so much for this thread and letting me post here. Your words will help me a lot.

01-25-2002, 03:35 PM
Isn't it funny how the fat person seeks "invisibility" behind what is so completely and utterly visible? And the whole "funny" thing. What's up with that? We "hide" and yet we seek the spotlight by being the "clown."

I want to be a normal weight more than ANYTHING in the world, and yet, I CONSISTENTLY undermine my own efforts.


01-25-2002, 03:52 PM
If I'm funny, no one will notice how fat I am. And no one can hurt me if I insult myself first.

You're right; it makes no sense. Which explains the difficulty in reaching our goals...

Venus Envy
01-28-2002, 09:26 AM
Alright. So this time around, we know a little more about what's frightening about what's keeping us from accomplishing our goals. What do we do differently that's going to allow our hands to keep hold of what we desire ... and get so close to achieving?

My pledge for today is my motto -- to let what's extraordinary about myself shine through. My fears can wear that mask for a change.

What about y'all?


BTW ..... the date went great this weekend!! We saw the movie ''Amelie'' (I heartily recommend it for all those playful at heart!) and went to hear bluegrass music at my favorite coffeehouse. We gabbed for hours. *sigh*

01-28-2002, 10:57 AM
It sounds like you had a marvelous time. :D
Thank you for sharing it with us.
Congratulations for facing your fear and moving forward.
I will have to think on the rest of your post.

01-28-2002, 12:55 PM
I am so glad to see that you are moving forward. It takes courage!

01-28-2002, 01:48 PM
Hi, all! :wave:

Venus Envy -- way to go. Really like the quote. I used to think of myself as being put under a bushel basket so my light wouldn't shine through. But a bushel basket has cracks in it, so my light shone somewhat. :D

I've not made any jokes today -- it feels SO good!!! Just decided to come to work and not entertain anyone. It's okay for me to be me. The guys that are shallow and fat-phobic -- I turned my nose up at one like HE wasn't good enough -- and his fragile little ego didn't know what to make of it. It felt good, too. I am not my fat!

I'm taking hold of my life and doing things for me, and not other people. Started my Body-for-Life challenge and have vowed to see it through for the entire 12 weeks, no matter what.

I was stumbling blindly around in the dark, found a match and lit it. The monsters that have kept me afraid -- abandonment, self-acceptance -- are much smaller in the light.

Again, thanks to everyone for their posts! It is really helping.

Venus Envy
01-30-2002, 12:16 PM
Claire -- tell me about Body for Life. I looked at the Body for Life thread here, but of course people who are already working the program don't need explanations. Anyway, how does it work for you?

Chickadee, you sexy thang, you! How's your week been?

Today I'm feeling VERY good about where I'm at OP. Been journaling consistently for the past two weeks -- ESPECIALLY during that time last week when I was feeling waaaaaaaaaaaaaay out of control. I'm back to daily training for my next marathon. Lost two pounds this week. (( (( whoo hoo! )) ))

And two pounds, two dates!! The guy I saw last weekend would like to take me up on my World's Best Tour of Eastern Wake County this weekend. And a fellow writer I met a couple weeks ago called last night to ask if I'd like to go out and hear some bluegrass music Friday night. AND GUESS WHAT?!?!?! I haven't eaten a single cookie about either invitation!!! (It feels great to tell that to people who understand how significant it is.)


01-30-2002, 01:48 PM
You go, girl!!!

I remember my first dates after I became single. Scary, unnerving, exciting....:dizzy:

I'm 49 and Body For Life is the way to go for me. This is my second try at it and this time I'm doing it for the right reasons, so it is easy.

Basically, six meals a day. each meal includes high-quality protein, high-quality carb. Twice a day you are to include veggies (though you can eat them more often if you like).

Work out six days per week doing drop sets. 3 days resistance training (45 minutes each), 3 days of cardio (20 minutes each). You do not do your cardio and weights on the same days and every four weeks the exercises change so your body will change.

The ladies on the Body for Life thread are approachable and extremely knowledgeable.

You might check out the Body For Life website at http://www.bodyforlife.com . I will be more than happy to answer questions (as would the ladies on the Body for Life thread). The program is not scary, although it looked pretty daunting to me the first time I looked it over. You might also check the book out of the library -- "Body for Life" by Bill Phillips. You don't have to take supplements or use EAS products if you don't want to.

thanks for the interest! I didn't mean to write a novel :o

01-30-2002, 08:57 PM
Kim... It put a huge smile on my face seeing you "glow".
You are doing so well. Congratualations !!! And enjoy both dates.

Waterbaby... Your body for life sounds pretty good.
I especially like the term "high quality". High quality protein and high quality carb. That is a very important description.
I am going to check it out myself.

Venus Envy
01-31-2002, 01:59 PM
Hey there, 2Cute! How're you feeling? I hope your burns are healing and that you're doing well. What does your doc say about scarring -- or is it too soon to tell yet?

Claire, the Body for Life site inspired me to try something like that. I mean, my daughter (the one who said she couldn't wash dishes because she might break a nail) made it through navy boot camp, so I can handle 12 weeks of weight training, right? I know I need lots of reassurance, though, to persevere through the tribulations of being The Fat Chick at the Gym, and decided to join a special program at our local gym that seems to be like the 12-week Body for Life program. I have my orientation session tonight!

Can you tell me more about what you hope to accomplish with your Body for Life challenge?

I'm having one of those rough, self-doubting days, and I'm glad I made the appointment at the gym and put in my registration for the Rock & Roll Marathon today. I've stayed OP, walked 4 miles this morning, and do have WW points banked from the past few days ... but I wish the WANTING to eat would go away. It takes up far too much of my time and just feels crappy.

I trust that in the past couple of years, I've learned that I'm not incredibly strong and not incredibly weak but RESILIENT, and that these moments of fragility will give way. Right? *sigh*

NEWSFLASH! Since I first posted this, the makers of GU Sports Gel called me to ask if I would do a testimonial for their next round of marketing pieces!! So I'm not only an athlete now but a celebrity spokesmodel! Move over, Kate Moss -- the Fat Chick's gonna get glossy, too.

01-31-2002, 03:19 PM
Hi all!

2Cute, I'm finding that the better quality food I eat, the better I feel. Even my substituting something as simple as eating leaf lettuce or Romaine instead of iceberg has made a difference. Fresh fruit instead of canned. It does add up.

Kim, I hope to lose two sizes and about 30 pounds of fat, while gaining 5 pounds of muscle. I got on the scale at the gym on my first day, and won't weigh again until the challenge is over. Then I have "Free Week" where I can eat pretty much what I want and not have to work out. After that, the next challenge begins and I'm off and running for another 12 weeks. I think it will take me 4-5 12-week "challenges" to get to my goal of 15% bodyfat.

In spite of the hype from EAS, you do not have to use their supplements. The only ones I use are Udo's Oils for my skin and organs, good quality protein powder and glutamine.

Anyone interested can look at either the EAS website or the Body For Life website for more details, including the food plan and exercise logs. http://www.leanandstrong.com (where I also post) has fabulous support and they are kind and nurturing to newbies.

You are NOT the fat chick at the gym!! You are someone who cares enough about herself to make an honest effort to feel better. I got snickered at recently by some idiots at the gym and after I got over my bruised vanity, realized that their crappy behavior made me stronger and more determined than ever! I'm not doing this for them. I'm doing this for me. It's taken me four tries, and I'm going over the top this time! :D

I'm in your corner and on your side. Trust me, guys have mucho respect for women who are trying to better themselves. And women who weight train are held in great esteem! Besides, with the rest of the "new you" emerging, it may be that someone you decide to date could be a potential workout partner.... ;)

You can do this. The planning meals is the toughest part, and all it requires is some commitment until it becomes habit. Then it's easy and you won't want junk food anymore. I'll give you all the support you can stand...go for it!!

01-31-2002, 05:46 PM
Claire... what an inspiration you are.
I just sit here reading and soaking it up. :D

Then... I stopped and realized... I was just as committed !!!!!
It made me feel good about myself.
I am just as committed...but I am NOT as proactive as you.
That is going to change.!!!!
Watch out... here I come.!!!!! LOL

01-31-2002, 09:52 PM

2CUTE, you go for it! What are your plans and goals? In the Body for Life book, there is a section called "Crossing the Abyss." It talks about goals and how the promises your make to yourself are the most important ones. How to look past "what I want right now" to "what I want for the rest of my life."

There are specific questions to answer. For instance, one is "List 5 things you want to accomplish in the next 12 weeks." If you can think of 5 well-defined things, you're on the right track.

For me, the decision to make Body For Life MY lifestyle was like the difference between affiliation and total commitment, or, eggs and bacon.

With eggs and bacon, the chicken has affiliation, but the hog is totally committed :D I decided to not be a chicken but go "whole hog!" :lol:

I also offer you all the support you want.

02-01-2002, 08:25 AM

Your posts are SO inspiring! :angel: Keep up the good work! I need to check out Body for Life website...thanks for the info!


Venus Envy
02-01-2002, 09:53 AM
2Cute -- (( (( WHOO HOO! )) )) You sound REALLY in charge. And I loved the pic of the charging moose! You always have THE picture to match your moods and posts. I admire that talent for impeccable accessorizing (it's very rare, you know).

Claire, sounds like you have a good grasp on what your goals are and how you want to nab 'em. The idea of measurable benchmarks beyond the numbers on the scale seems very empowering. I like your idea of having a relatively short-term fitness challenge that's renewable, and the egg-and-bacon analogy sheds a lot of light on motivation to achieve those goals. Let's all go hog-wild in our commitment to be fit and healthy!

Last night, I did my first gym session EVER. Learned some of the machines and made choices on a couple classes I want to take. I asked my 14-year-old daughter, Sibel, if she'd be willing to wake up an hour early on Fridays so we can take a spin class together, and she wasn't TOO cranky about it. Tonight I want to have her take my ''before'' photo. I love when she gets involved; helps a lot to have her support and her ability to keep me honest and real about what I'm doing.

Tonight my date and I are going to a music cafe. The performers are in my social circle, so I expect to see other folks I know there, and that makes the prospect of the evening less nerve-wracking. Even so ... in addition to my lite turkey sandwich and yogurt for lunch, I packed my lunchbag with grapes, carrots, tomato juice, a banana, an orange, a WW Just Two Points bar, and a can of diet tangerine soda to deal with the nervous snacking urges. I'd rather not have those urges at all. But I guess if they're determined to have tantrums about it, I'll have to make sure my inner grownup maintains some semblance of sanity through the ordeal.

Have a luscious Friday!

02-01-2002, 10:12 AM

It sounds like you are one PREPARED woman! Have a good time on your date. Your numbers are very impressive! I had lost 40 lbs on WW a few years ago, about 20 have creeped back on, so I joined again. I KNOW the diet works and I love the freedom, perhaps I love that freedom a little TOO MUCH! I'm struggling with staying motivated. Any tips would be greatly appreciated. How long have you been a WWer?

I have a 16 year old daughter...I love when she comes to the gym with me. We have taken a few Yoga classes together. She's not over weight, but I can see the potential is there. I'm hoping to impress upon her the need for good habits starting NOW and sticking with them...Instead of waiting til 100 lbs overweight like her mother!

Good luck in your efforts and don't worry about being the "fat chick" at the gym. I am a fat chick at my gym, but I am not the only one. I refuse to be intimidated by the teeny ones in sports bras and spandex! You are there for the same reason as everyone else...to improve your body and your health! Hold your head up high! Go for it!

Gotta go. have a great day all!


Venus Envy
02-02-2002, 05:13 PM
My father died yesterday -- peacefully and in his sleep. He was a man of charming eccentricities, a hermit of many years who was a voracious reader and had a quiet love of his family and a fierce love for his quirky set of friends.

I'm heading back home to the Midwest for a week or so to take care of things. My brother inherited our father's schizophrenia, so it's going to be a task to keep things going smoothly. We're about it for family, and I have so much to do.

Slept finally for a bit last night but woke at 3 a.m. Even with a whole notebook filled with lists, there's really nothing you can do at 3 a.m. when you're a thousand miles away from where so many of them need to get done. So I did a little workout on my elliptical exerciser, wrote in my journal, and, when dawn came, went for a 7-mile walk. By that time, it was a normal hour in the Midwest, and I was able to make some more phone calls. I felt much more clear-headed than I would if I'd eaten instead.

Though there are no dad-and-daughter moments to cherish, I owe my father the dignity of my own grief. And to that I commit a week of abstinent and lucid sorrow.

02-02-2002, 05:28 PM
Kim... I am soooo sorry for your loss. Please know that we are with you in spirit.
It sounds like you have come to terms with his way of life and how it has effected you. Someone taught me long ago that you do not come to terms with the past to help "them" ... you come to terms to help yourself.

Just remember that you DO have the strength to make it through this.
And you are using the tools to help you. (Exercise, healthy foods, journaling, sharing, and acceptance)

Take it one day at a time.
Remember there is only so much you can do.
And take time for yourself.
Our love and prayers are with you.

02-04-2002, 01:36 PM
Venus, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know that words can't express, and I also know that nobody else knows how you feel. Hang in there, girl! Take care of yourself as much as you can.

If you feel you need some completely fluffy cuteness, check out the kitten generator at

It might make you smile when you need it.

02-04-2002, 01:42 PM
Venus, I am so sorry for your loss. My heart goes out to you!

02-04-2002, 02:05 PM

I look forward to seeing you here again, and completely understand the need for solitude and reflection following your loss.

Thoughts and prayers are with you; we miss you!

02-04-2002, 06:21 PM

I'm so sorry for your loss. Whenever you are ready, come back to us. Love and prayers to you.