General chatter - little rant




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Rhighlan86
11-03-2007, 12:39 PM
All of this might be due to the fact that I haven't eaten yet this morning and that tends to make me very crabby (hypoglycemia), but it is just really aggrivating me today and I wanted to get it off my chest....

It's about my dbf, we live together and when it comes to food he makes me nuts. I don't like to deprive myself of anything that I want I just plan for it, so that means I bring stuff like chips or bags of individual sized candy and I portion it out and work it in when i want it. Well he is terrible about it, he will eat the entire bag in one sitting and then yell at me for bringing it in the house, even if it's stuff he doesn't necessarily like. I've tried switching to stuff I know he doesn't like, but he eats it just because. It's like this with everything though...last night I wanted chinese food so I went to the mall since that is the only place that I actually like it from and I did well with it, when I was going I asked him what he wanted he got a pretzel with cheese, 2 corn dogs, 45 oz of pepsi and a big fry. Then he says I'm the reason he's big.....

One time though I nearly strung him up he told me I need to lose weight and he's like well you need to have self control :mad: I shot him that back one day and he yelled at me that said he wouldn't need to have self control if the stuff wasn't in the house.....grrrrrr.....

Also, I realize that he either needs to or just wants to eat more than me, but I can't eat like him and he tells me I need to eat more and gets frustrated that it seems like I don't eat enough.

I dunno, I just get frustrated with this, it sounds terrible but I will be happy that he is going to be gone for a couple of months only because I can eat how I want to. I love him to death, but sometimes I just want to bonk him in the head like on the v8 commercials


Spinymouse
11-03-2007, 01:24 PM
So, he wants you to have more self control, he wants you to lose weight, he wants you to eat more, possibly as much as he does, he doesn't want you to bring certain things home, but if you do, he wants to eat it. Yep, I bet you do want to bonk him on the head! Have you tried spelling out the ludicrosity of all this to him??
Ultimately you are two separate individuals with two separate digestive systems so you are each responsible for your own thing there. It's not right for him to blame his choices on you. He's got to be able to realize that much, no?

pamatga
11-03-2007, 01:27 PM
It sounds like both of you share a love of junk food and both of you feel bad about wanting to lose weight besides blaming the other one. No one here is going to say what you should or shouldn't eat, that is up to you and you alone! Whatever you eat is going to affect your body, your self-esteem and the scales, that's all!

If this were me, I would set down some guidelines (I hate the word rules) and then I would stick to them no matter what.

First, you need to be honest with yourself. How badly do you want to lose weight? Forget about what he needs or wants. Your weight is your issue alone. His weight is his issue. IF you really want to lose weight you will start from that point and then move forward.

Second, if your plan includes certain trigger foods of his, you can do a couple of different things: A, remove them entirely from your home so it doesn't sabotage his efforts to lose weight; B, have those away from the home when he isn't around, again so as not to sabotage his desire to lose weight. You are respecting his needs/wants and you are also setting some boundaries on your needs/wants.

Third, I used to think the world had to change before I could lose my weight. NOPE, I am the one who has to change first. If the world changes, well, that would be nice to but I can't wait until that happens.

Fourth, you can do this in spite of what seems like some efforts on both of your parts to run it a foul. Desire is important. Motivation is important. However, changing behavior so you can succeed is the most important. We always have choices. We make choices every day in every thing we do, think or say. What this really boils down to is what choices do you want or need to make?

Do whatever it takes to reach the goals you want. You will know what to do if you ask yourself these questions and a few others.

I began to lose weight when it became more important to me than any thing else in the world. How important is that to you?

Good luck , hope to see you around here some more.:carrot:


Rhighlan86
11-03-2007, 01:40 PM
Well that's the thing everything is basically a trigger food, trail mix, fruit, bread, he just eats a lot of everything. I'll ask him if he is eating because he's bored or actually hungry and it will always be because he's bored.

He just doesn't seem to understand that for me a sandwich is sometimes all i need to feel full. And I don't understand how he could need to eat so much.

I've tried to clear stuff out, but he then gets it and brings it in too. I've asked im let's stock up on healthy and lose weight together, but he says he doesn't want to lose weight. He said he's always been concerned about his weight through football, baseball, soccer, and wrestling and he said now he just doesn't care. He just seems like he hates that sometimes he can't stop eating.

We have come to a compromize though with some things, I like to keep smarties in my purse so if there is ever a time that my blood sugar drops way low and I'm not at home I can pop one of those rolls and bring me up so I can get food. When I got them he said he was fine with them, but yesterday he said hes not so I agreed to hide them in my room.

Today though I am going to go to Walmart and stock up on fruits and veggies, I have been craving grapefruit like no-ones business.

My big problem too is that I haven't learned to say no as well as I should, he sometimes eats 4 meals a day and I won't need to and he says that he feels bad that he's the only one eating and gets upset and won't eat even though I can hear his stomach growling so I give in.

I think you are right though pamatga we both need to work on these things

Spiny yes I have tried to and he rolls his eyes at me, he really needs a bonk sometimes

Spinymouse
11-03-2007, 01:48 PM
Smarties? I thought if you are hypoglycemic that it is recommended to choose slow-release types of carbs, like whole grains so you don't crash soon? Or maybe fruit would be a better choice?

Rhighlan86
11-03-2007, 02:34 PM
If I do crash sugar brings it up really quick....for eating they do recommend the carbs, but sometimes I just it sounds bad, but forget about eating, I do 5 million other things first and sometimes push it a little too much and I start crashing and need to stop that. When my dad went into shock from it they had him drink oj with a bunch of sugar in it. I have to retrain myself to eat every few hours instead of when I get hungry. Sometimes it's just overwhelming to me to keep snacks on hand that are OP for me as well as being good to keep my sugar up.

midwife
11-04-2007, 08:42 AM
He's blaming you for his poor choices and yelling about it?

Any other abusive behaviors?

Adults take responsibility for their own actions. Proceed with caution.

firehorse66
11-04-2007, 09:03 AM
It sounds to me like he is in denial about the fact that he has an eating problem, and wants to blame everyone but himself, and it is himself who is really to blame.
I would just ignore him and eat the way that works for you. Make sure he goes grocery shopping with you and picks out whatever he wants, or at least gives you a list before you go so any foods you bring back for him is stuff he requested. I also think there`s a tad of jealousy going on that you are taking control and losing weight and he`s not.

firehorse66
11-04-2007, 09:13 AM
[QUOTE=Rhighlan86;1916776]

We have come to a compromize though with some things, I like to keep smarties in my purse so if there is ever a time that my blood sugar drops way low and I'm not at home I can pop one of those rolls and bring me up so I can get food. When I got them he said he was fine with them, but yesterday he said hes not so I agreed to hide them in my room.

Today though I am going to go to Walmart and stock up on fruits and veggies, I have been craving grapefruit like no-ones business.

My big problem too is that I haven't learned to say no as well as I should, he sometimes eats 4 meals a day and I won't need to and he says that he feels bad that he's the only one eating and gets upset and won't eat even though I can hear his stomach growling so I give in.



It also sounds like he is trying to sabotage your efforts. DON`T LET HIM!!!
He`s an adult, if he`s going to throw a mini-tantrum and not eat just because you`re not eating, that`s HIS problem not yours! He`s acting like a 5 year old, and you`re rewarding his behavior by giving in to him.

I think alot of men feel threatened by their wives/girlfriends losing weight. They think that somehow we won`t love them anymore because we`re better looking and healthier than we were, and we`re going to go off with the first guy who winks or whistles at us, lol!

ennay
11-04-2007, 11:09 AM
I'm with midwife...something about his reaction seems very wrong to me.

To summarize, this is what I heard...

"I dont care about my weight, I dont want to do anything about it, I will bring any kind of food I want in to the house, but I will yell at you if you bring food you want into the house including emergency bloodsugar food. If I binge on THOSE foods it is your fault. Oh and by the way while I care nothing at all about MY weight and will not stop bringing tempting food into the house, you need to lose weight, but I will try to make you eat more than you want if you try"

Rhighlan86
11-04-2007, 05:30 PM
Thanks for all of your responses, I should tell you my definition of yelling is not everyone elses, I grew up in a house where raising your voice is yelling and actual yelling never occured. He grew up in a house where raising your voice is the way you get heard and yelling is screaming. So when I say yelling he is actually just raising his voice a bit, but in his world he's just doing it to be heard. His mom would cut him off a lot when he would try to talk so he started raising his voice like she would. Please don't think he is abusive because he's definately not. Stubborn, yes, childish sometimes ;) , but he is very good to me

Sometimes I wonder about what you all were saying about him being worried about me losing weight. I know he doesn't feel attractive about himself and he's worried about me losing weight. He's been there when guys have said stuff about me and I think it bothers him. I can understand though because if he lost weight and looked amazing I'd feel a little jealous too.

He has been helping me though with exercising, I don't know much about strength training and he helps me with that so that I can become stronger. I want to be an animal trainer and all of the jobs say I have to be able to lift 50+ lbs and I can barely lift 20. So he helps me with that and motivates me when I feel blah. It's just the eating.

I also think he gets on to me about eating due to the hypoglycemia, he knows how I become when I don't eat.

I sat down and had a talk with him though and he understood what I was saying and we've decided to both start eating healthier and getting on a more scheduled way of eating. We both would eat at different times, I would get hungry earlier and make dinner at 4 and he would eat and then by the time 11 came around (we stay up late to get everything done hw wise) he was starving. So I agreed to eat a snack at 4 and make dinner at 6 and he said he would stop asking for food late and wanting me to eat too. He said he just didn't understand how if we both ate at the same time how I wasn't hungry but he was.

For both of us I think it's just a learning thing, this is the first time either of us have lived with anyone.

Once again thank you all for your responses I appreciate them

Also, firehorse....yay WV ;)

EZMONEY
11-04-2007, 06:04 PM
Hey SWEETIE ~ I don't think the comments on yelling was really about the decibel level. I think the ladies were trying to express to you what was said and when/how it was.

If it wasn't a concern you probably wouldn't have brought it up. This does not mean is is a bad guy!!

If I remember correctly you are young? It could just be a maturity thing but I would suggest you get couple counseling and go forward together.

Rhighlan86
11-04-2007, 06:10 PM
Yes I am young, I'm 21. And he's 22. We've been together for almost two years (tuesday), and we just moved in together in May.

I feel he is overall very defensive about his weight because his family is kind of mean about it, they "joke" but it's really mean in my eyes and I can see that it hurts him. They make a really big deal about it and honestly he's only about 20 lbs over where he should be. I feel if he just cuts back on soda and tea he could lose it.

I think it will help that we talked about it, he said he wants to make sure that I am eating enough because he knows if I get absorbed in my schoolwork I won't

EZ~ I understand what you are saying about when and how I just wanted to make sure that no one thought he was yelling and screaming at me and I was taking it or anything like that.

Thanks again everyone :)

EZMONEY
11-04-2007, 06:16 PM
Well then KIDDO ~ that explains a lot of things. Whatever you do, figure out a way to go through this journey together finding a way to support each other in the trip. It will be a wonderful journey if you do...if you don't go together...let's just say there will be a lot of repair costs along the way.

You have my prayers! Gary

Rhighlan86
11-04-2007, 06:42 PM
Thanks Gary I appreciate that, we have decided to go through it together, it's just a bit complicated because he does need more to eat than me so it's just figuring out a plan that works for him too. Calorie wise I stick to around 1600, but for him he needs around 2300 calories. What's good though is he likes more veggies than I do and knows how to make them in a way that I will like them....for example taking the big mushrooms (****aki maybe) and grilling them in garlic and I like more fruits so I can do the same for him. He's been trying for two years though to get me to like raw tomatoes, but I think he's gonna have to give up on that.

We had our first healthy meal together last night, I got us grilled chicken salads and added chickpeas and other veggies and for dessert we had choc fat free pudding with cut up bananas. He loved it and was full for a while.

I think it is definately going to be a learning process for both of us, but he even suggested earlier that we get a WW cookbook. So here's hoping this works well!

EZMONEY
11-04-2007, 09:23 PM
Sounds like you both are on the right track KIDDO! Have a great time doing something good for you both together! Awesome!

firehorse66
11-05-2007, 07:07 AM
That`s great! Glad to see you are working it out and agreeing to do this together!
And about the soda and tea thing, **** yes, if he just switches to diet instead of full sugar, he will lose weight, guaranteed! I am a hopeless Coke addict (soda, not the drug, lol!) and sometimes I go on Coke binges for a month or 2. There are times I would rather have a Coke than a cookie or candy bar. For me, that`s saying alot! Anyway, when I finally decide I better quit the regular and switch to diet (or water, which is so much better) I can lose 10 lbs. without changing anything else! I`ve done it several times, so I know the Coke is the culprit. Actually, I guess I am the culprit for drinking it in the first place, but you get the drift....

firehorse66
11-05-2007, 07:08 AM
BTW, where are you in WV? I didn`t even notice you were in WV until you mentioned it!