General chatter - I this a result of jealousy?

View Full Version : I this a result of jealousy?

10-06-2007, 08:02 PM
If it is, it makes no sense. Im not jealous of my boyfriends friends.

Ok, Im sure many of you are familiar with Myspace. I do have a Myspace page and I love love love it! I love it because I have found so many of my old friends that I have lost contact with. I am so very pleased to have found my old friends!!!!!

I list my high school and as a result i am often found by others who search my school and graduation year by others who graduated then also.

I was found recently by an a guy who can barely be called an ex-boyfriend. We did remain friends but like so many others I lost touch with after graduation. He sent me a friends request and I added him after I saw his pic and the fact that his URL confirmed my suspision that it was him (his pic was a side view) The URL was his first and last name. I was very surprised but pleased to be hearing from him. He said that he had only signed of about a week prior. I sent him a message back - typical small talk - how is life, where you living and telling him about me a little bit. He had no comments on his page so l left him a comment. It read

" Look, I'm the first to leave you a comment! So here is my comment: HI! Brillilliant huh?"

Well I go to check my inbox because I had sent a few people messages and hoped that I would be hearing back from them. Well I took a look at his page and I was no longer on his friends list (he only had 4 friends) and my comment had been deleted. The page also was now he and his wife's. Instead of Joe it was now Joe and Sarah.(pretend names) Cool. I think that is awesome. But I just feel so bummed that I got in contact with a freind and his wife vetod it. Im not a threat - I dont want her man (they live in Missouri for gosh sake and have a guy of my own who I love very much)- she does not even know me! I just hate when people thing terrible things about me that are not true. Am I being dumb by letting my feelings be hurt.

Maybe I need to change my page, it may send the wrong impression - ut I never worried about it becuase I only add people to my friends list who I know and know me.
If you want to take a look and give me feedback please do - but I guess I'm looking for a response from married women and how they would feel if they were presented with the what I just told you about
We used to be such good friends ant that is why I am upset.

Either he has turned into a person that can not be trusted (which would surprise me) or he married a VERY controlling and insecure woman.

10-06-2007, 08:17 PM
Don't take it personally, you don't know their history. His girlfriend may be overly jealous, or maybe he has given her reason to be jealous in the past. Either way, it has nothing to do with you.

10-06-2007, 08:25 PM
I know I just felt like i have lost a friend, found him, then lost him again.

I have found so much happiness in my life lately by reconnectiong with quite a few people.

10-06-2007, 08:26 PM
You need to not let this get to you! You said you lost touch with this guy so he's not exactly your best mate is he? It's not worth getting upset over, and you said he's only just made a myspace account, maybe his wife just found out and didn't like the idea of him showing himself off. I don't know, it might not even be nethin to do with u! So chillax :)

10-06-2007, 09:19 PM
Don't take it personal, Like one of the earlier post stated it could be that he's caused her to be insecure, and if that's the case then he's not someone you want to be friends with anyway. By the way I love your page, I wish I had some interesting pics to post of myself!!!

Optical Goddess
10-06-2007, 10:07 PM
Ok--PLEASE don't take this personally!! I checked out your myspace page, trying to look at it from this other chicks point of view. The first thing I saw was boobs and stripper stuff...consider if he thinks of you more fondly than you of him, if he described you in great she checks you out.who could this girl be??

You are very pretty- especially as a red head-- but I can see where your page may be intimidating to someone else.. she could be comparing herself to you, and vetoed you out of that insecurity and yeah, jealousy.

I'm not saying that what she did was ok or anything, but I can kind of understand where she may be coming from..kind of playing the devil's advocate.

Granted, you meant nothing by getting back in touch with him, and if she took the time to read what you wrote, she'd understand that, but i doubt she did...

What you may want to consider is putting an open letter to him in your blog. She may be able to veto comments and the friends list, but she can't stop him from looking at your page and reading your blogs...

Again, please don't take this personally, I'm just looking at it from a different point of view.... you are so NOT FAT!! You're very beautiful... if you don't mind me asking, what caused you to go blonde and get a boob job? You look beautiful as you are now and as you were then.

10-06-2007, 10:33 PM
Wow!! Your myspace is very sexual! So that probably had something to do with it....

I'm so embarrassed I'm going to look at my feet for awhile. I actually thought "pole princess" had something to do with being Polish....

gawd, I am so out of touch with modern reality!!

10-06-2007, 11:10 PM
it does suck..however there are alot of ppl out there who are very very insecure...and not that i agree with that...but your myspace page could be a bit intimidating for a jealous gf/wife. Even though you make note about your may have scared her thinking you were "wanting her man". I totally understand why you're bummed...but some girls just dont' really understand. And you don't really know what his history is...and maybe she has aright to be worried (about him...not you). Trust me....i know you are happy and not looking for someone else's man...but some girls just really don't understand it.

10-06-2007, 11:44 PM
Hey ladies thanx for the input. I am glad you all checked out the page and came back with complete honesty. As for the stuff on there - it really is not about being a stripper - I teach pole dancing and strip aerobics classes - although I only do private lessons at the moment. A myspace page for most people - it reflects who you are and that stuff is a big part of my life and I love teaching women about this side of themselves - it is incredibly empowering and so much fun. But like I said - everyone on my friends list is someone I know personally - I dont use myspace to meet people I use it to keep in touch with my friends - it is great for that.

I do want to stress that I did not get not contact with him - it was vice versa.

Goddess - I did the breast augmentation after I had my daughter and they just kind of......deflated I guess would be the best way to describe it. I had strech marks that would go away when I would wear a push up bra, and I figured that by getting them done - it would take care of the problem. I was 22 and wanted the body of a 22 year old, not the breasts of a 50 year old. So I have had them for quite awhile. I went blonde kind of slowly when I died my hair brown and added subtle blonde highlights, but over a year and a half I kept adding more and more blonde to my hair and then before I knew it I was blonde blonde :)

Optical Goddess
10-06-2007, 11:50 PM
One thing I like about your page and what you just mentioned is about empowering women. I can be insecure myself, and I can honestly say that I am more envious of your attitude and confidence than your physical appearance. You are doing a great thing....

10-07-2007, 12:26 AM
bluey...of corse i know alot about you..since you post in the 30somethings..and i know you're not a stripper and not looking to "hook up on myspace"...however, what i meant is just that someone who doesn't know you and takes a brief look at your page and doesn't know you, would think otherwise and may be very jealous over that's what i meant there. And i know what you mean about myspace pages..however, once again..a jealous person may not see your page as such. I think it does suck that you don't get to communicate with an old friend...but there isn't a whole lot you can do about.

and i like goddess do think its a good looking sight however, not everyone might understand. but then again..i'm not a jealous person, so i can't really understand "freaking" out like she did. But you just got back into communications with this who knows whats going on????? you have a right to be hurt..however there isn't a lot you can do about it.

10-07-2007, 12:28 AM
Thanks Goddess - it seriously is empowering! I teach women of all ages shapes and sizes and they all find that they love it. In my last class I had a woman come up to me with the biggest grin on her face and say - "I absolutly hate going to the gym and working out, but this was fun and I was sweating!! I would do this every chance I got! I never thought I could do this" It felt so good to hear that I helped her find that in herself. Everytime I get comments like that I am reminded why I love it so much.

GG - i know what you ment - I love the advice you give and you always make sense to me and i love hearing back from you on all things needing advice ;)

10-07-2007, 12:31 AM
Just wanted to add too that I was hoping to get the married woman's point of view - being never maried myself and like GG not a jealous type person I thought it might provide insight.

10-07-2007, 12:44 AM
i would love to take a stripper class..i've always been a pretty good dancer and honestly have always felt sexually conforatable with myself. I've stripped (without a pole) for dh before. I think its great. I'm glad you make people feel good about themselves.

i don't really understand women who are jealous. I think alot of it falls down to women who aren't secure with themselves. I do believe a lot of it falls down to that. It may also be those who've been cheated on (i don't fall into that categor). But i think if you are self confident with yourself and know how to be confident in your partner....than you shouldn't worry. Dh has a lot of friends who are girls...never been jealous of them. In fact, most of them have become my best friends. So i cant give good advice on the jealousy part...since as you can see..not jealouse LMAO hopefully he'll catch up to you at some point. But there isn't anything you can do until then.

10-07-2007, 01:35 AM
I'm engaged, and under MOST circumstances I am not a jealous person...Except when it comes to one of my fiance's exes..who conveniently tries to bring herself back into his life everytime she breaks up with her boyfriend, and cites her reasons as "we went to church together :blah:"..Yeah but you also saw each other naked. And you also cheated on him..I am sure she wouldn't be opposed to making a move on an already taken man. I am sorry I don't want her and my fiance going places together alone..And he understands that. I don't have a problem with his other ex..She's a sweetheart. I don't mind him hanging out with girls. Just that one LOL.

In honesty, she probably just felt threatend because you ARE so gorgeous and very confident. Most every woman is insecure...And maybe the fact he contacted you made her nervous...

10-07-2007, 02:06 AM
Mary - you know I get what you are saying. My bf has one person from his past that I would like him to keep in his past (and they never even saw each other naked!) It was just a bond that they had that he admittedy never had with anyone else - and I dont even feel we have. Sad - I know.

You know me and this guy never saw each other saw each other naked either - LOL. We were teenagers. We even went to grad night together after we broke up, we were able to stay friends. I have to wonder if she was the same person he was with straight out after HS - I called him once and a female voice answered the phone and yelled at me "He has a girlfriend!" I always though it was wierd cause I was not "going after" him. It was funny to me at the time and I just left him alone thinking if I persisted to try and remain friends with him it would cause him trouble and it was his decision to be in a relationship like that if he chose - even though I was concerned.I figured when he gor sick of that kind of crap and left her, he would get back in contact with his friends. OMG - I think he married that girl!!! Now I feel bad for him - well, he made his own bed on that one didnt he.

10-07-2007, 03:48 AM
LOL Yes he did! I wouldn't be able to stand that kind of overbearing person in my life! Poor guy.

And I didn't want to make it sound like I have forbidden my guy from talking/ seeing that ex. I don't believe in that, all people should have freedom of choice. I just think he understands as well as I do it is something that should remain in the past. I am still dealing with his issues from her cheating on him LOL.

Doesn't that nag at you, that maybe your man had this special bond with someone else? But if you are happy together, that's all that matters.

10-07-2007, 11:07 AM
Another thing, you don't know the history. She may be jealous with good reason. He may have done or hid things in the past from her. But that's THEIR issue to deal with. I'd see no need to change your own page based on what one old friend, or his possibly jealous wife, feels. Who knows, he may even have had the changes to his page in the works but hadn't implemented them or read the comments, maybe accidentally wiped them out. There are all kinds of possibilities and I wouldn't sweat it. If you hear back from him, great. If not, it's not worth worrying about.

10-07-2007, 03:20 PM
Hey just noticed you are in Cali too! Don't worry about what other people think.
Maybe she is insecure.

Optical Goddess
10-07-2007, 03:35 PM
I could never strip in front of anyone! I don't even dance!! I need your class!! :)

10-07-2007, 05:42 PM
Goddess - my class is fun, but there is no nudity involved - we save that for the hubbies and the boyfriends ;) But we do wear layers and take those off.
I have had a lot of women who take this class for themselves only and never dance for anyone. That is fine - it makes them feel good for themselves.

Mary - yes it bothers and nags at me alot. It is the one reason I may never marry him regardless of being together for 3 years. I feel I deserve that connection with someone- i have so much to give and want the same back.

Heaven - Im not going to worry about it anymore. Now I just feel sorry for that relationship. I have trust in my relationship and dont think i could be in it without it. If he ever wants to get back in touch - he knows where I am. I have other friends I have found through myspace and that has made me very happy.

Jasmine - I love Cali - i could not live anywhere else!

Thanks for the input ladies!

10-07-2007, 08:57 PM
I'm a married woman and would have a real problem with my husband hanging out on your site and getting in touch with you. A stranger looking at your site sees a hot blond pole dancer with big boobs. Whether that's the reality or not, that's what you'd see. Not really the woman I'm looking for my husband to chat with. Your site is pretty sexually suggestive for someone just looking for friends. I'm not saying that's what you intend; just that it could appear that way to an outsider who doesn't know you.

I'm not particularly jealous. Primarily because my husband wouldn't cheat and because he's one of those oblivious guys that never even realizes when women flirt with him. He has stayed very close to his ex-wife and that doesn't bother me a bit. I understand what their relationship is; your relationship with this guy is not that clear. He tells his wife you're an old friend, what she hears is old girlfriend. Ambiguity makes wives nervous.

I hope you aren't offended by what I said; I certainly didn't mean it to be. But as a wife I can tell you that I'm not going to be that pleased with my husband chatting with hot blonds.