100 lb. Club - Live and Learn




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Trazey34
10-05-2007, 10:28 AM
Live and Learn!

You may or may not remember me ranting a while back on a “lunch friend’ I have that I used to work with – I supported ALL her efforts at weight loss and was her biggest cheerleader over every pound she lost. However, when it’s MY turn, even 35 lbs. down, she’s “oh so you’re really going to do it this time, eh?” in a snotty snotty voice! I did NOT think that was cool. And then proceeded to talk about HER life, HER hubby, etc., and completely cut me off. PS I’m not the ‘wallflower’ type, I have a strong personality and like to talk so that took SOME doing!

So yesterday, another woman I used to work with and got along with really really well, came into the office after not seeing us all for about 2 months -- She’s tall and thin and gorgeous and worked with a trainer last year to get super sculpted and fit, she’s amazing looking – she takes me aside and says “you’ve been losing weight girile, what have you been doing?” and she talked to me about weight and food and exercise for OVER an hour and said if I needed any tips on exercise form, or a walk buddy, I could always call her! She said I was looking great and that I’m on the right track. It was very motivational and inspiring!

SO, my lesson learned is that sometimes the people you least expect can disappoint you, but at the same time, sometimes the people you least suspect can be awesome!


hellokitty81668
10-05-2007, 10:47 AM
That is a great story and you are right a great lesson!!!
cheryl

Lifeguard
10-05-2007, 10:54 AM
That's awesome!


Shy Moment
10-05-2007, 11:04 AM
Trazey
You are so right. I am glad you found someone to give your the pat on the back and the encouragement you need.

I have to say I found support in the last place I thought I would find it, my sister. She has been a big girl, 200 to 300lbs all her grown up life. Except when she decided she was tired of being fat and got down to 105 or something like that was was finaly smaller than I was. I was very saddened when she went right back to her old eating habits after reaching her goal and gained all the weight back. I have always been the small one in the family. Never over 120 while she and my mom were between 200 and 300 our whole lives. Even as a kid she was slightly over weight and in her early teens the weight really started coming on.

We hadn't seen each other in a very long time, and while she knew I had been very sick for a very long time and the lbs were getting pack on because of meds she couldn't believe how big I was, 198 when she saw me.

She kind of teased me and said I was a rolly poly or something. I thought she would be happy I was finaly big. SHE WASN'T I never put up with kids teasing her and sure never ate a candy bar in front of her when she was trying to lose weight. I was always her biggest supporter but deep down I felt she resented me because I could eat anything I wanted and never gain a lb. She looked at a cookie and wham 5lbs were gained it seemed.

She told me she remembers all the years thru school and how I stood up for her even thou I didn't like her much. Yes, in some ways she did resent that I never put on weight but she sure didn't want me to feel the way I felt about myself and to heck with what the doc said " I could TRY to lose weight" I never put my mind to anything and didn't accomplish it, she saw no reason I couldn't do this too.

I called her when I had lost 22lbs. You would have thought she lost it herself. She was so excited for me, so happy and said it had to be killing me being this big. You are right, support comes from the last place you expect it sometimes.

While we still don't talk much, we are such different people and live such different lives. We are still there for each other on a very basic level.

rockinrobin
10-05-2007, 11:22 AM
Aw, Trazey, that IS a nice story. It's a great feeling when someone who is very fit recognizes all your hard work and efforts. I really found this to be an incredible thing as I went along on my journey. I found perfectly thin people asking ME, of all people, for advice. It was mindblowing to me.

As long as I've got you here, I have to tell you something. This is the strangest thing. I had a dream just this past night and YOU were in it. In the dream I was watching TV and an advertisement came on for Oprah and it was about people who have lost a lot of weight - and there you were. Your smiling signature photo was staring back at me on the tube. I was so excited, I had to get on the computer and start a thread telling everyone here that Trazey was gonna be on Oprah, only I couldn't log on. I was so frustrated. I hope you don't think I'm a stalker or anything, but gosh - it was indeed strange. :fr::fr::fr:

MugCanDoIt
10-05-2007, 11:26 AM
I'm glad to know she wasn't all upedy and conceited about herself. You may have found you a buddy there!

Jen415
10-05-2007, 11:42 AM
Yep, you can't judge a book by its cover....

I related something similar about my Jenny Craig consultant on this thread:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/showthread.php?t=106160&page=16

Trazey34
10-05-2007, 12:07 PM
Aw, Trazey, that IS a nice story. It's a great feeling when someone who is very fit recognizes all your hard work and efforts. I really found this to be an incredible thing as I went along on my journey. I found perfectly thin people asking ME, of all people, for advice. It was mindblowing to me.

As long as I've got you here, I have to tell you something. This is the strangest thing. I had a dream just this past night and YOU were in it. In the dream I was watching TV and an advertisement came on for Oprah and it was about people who have lost a lot of weight - and there you were. Your smiling signature photo was staring back at me on the tube. I was so excited, I had to get on the computer and start a thread telling everyone here that Trazey was gonna be on Oprah, only I couldn't log on. I was so frustrated. I hope you don't think I'm a stalker or anything, but gosh - it was indeed strange. :fr::fr::fr:

hahah that made me laugh! if anyone's going on oprah my friend, it'll be YOU! LOL

I better get my hair done soon...can't go on Oprah lookin' shaggy ;)

rockinrobin
10-05-2007, 12:18 PM
Trazey, please don't take this the wrong way. You are absolutely gorgeous now, I mean it's that gorgeous smile of yours that apparently has stuck in my head that I was actually dreaming about you, but on the advertisement for Oprah, you looked your same exact beautiful self, (here comes the don't take this the wrong way part) only thinner. And so incredibly (not that you're not now) drop dead gorgeous. My mouth was hanging open. You most certainly deserved to be on Oprah. And ya know what, there's no reason on earth that you can't. How about we go together? Deal? Surely sounds good to me. ;)

Trazey34
10-05-2007, 12:37 PM
heheh it's a date! we'll be on Oprah together ;)

let's have a 3FC Oprah show! whooot!

Shy Moment
10-05-2007, 12:38 PM
I will be in the front row clapping for all of you.

Lovely
10-05-2007, 01:16 PM
Trazey - It's really a shame you couldn't find support from your friend, but GREAT that support found you! I'm happy for you ^^

This may sound weird, but in some way maybe the friend who shot you down is somehow jealous. Is all her weight still off? Does she fear people will be paying more attention to you instead of her?

Not that those are good reasons to be unsupportive, but it might better explain her behavior. She might be one of those people that you will just have to wait for her to ask about your weight loss in order to talk about it. (Or as soon as you've reached your goal go ahead and casually mention it to make her jealous again :devil: Hee hee I'm so bad! ^^)

Shy Moment
10-05-2007, 01:24 PM
Faerie

You made some very good points. Could even be as simple as she thinks you are a very pretty woman. Doesn't want you to look better than you already do. Woman can be so catty.

Lovely
10-05-2007, 01:27 PM
Faerie

You made some very good points. Could even be as simple as she thinks you are a very pretty woman. Doesn't want you to look better than you already do. Woman can be so catty.

I know... It's so sad! ;_; Petty jealousy gets in the way of so much.

But this forum is in no way like that :D Everyone is always telling eachother how great they look & how good they're doing. And how much they should be on Oprah! I <3 it!!!

mandalinn82
10-05-2007, 01:41 PM
You know, it IS weird. My weight-obsessed mom is on/off with the support, although she seems to be adjusting now that I'm more or less at goal. But the most supportive comments came from really fit people at my gym...including the sometimes-professional-bodybuilder woman who has competition-level bodyfat and trains people/teaches her aerobics classes in a sports bra and shortshorts. She ended up talking to me in the locker room about how much weight I had lost.

Its heartening to know that support can be found in weird places, even if that support can't be found in the places we expect it.

Shy Moment
10-05-2007, 01:47 PM
That is one of the reasons I love this place. No one wants to see anyone go back wards. When a person does, we all rally together and tell them we are right behind them and they will keep going forward. No one is happy when someone else is unhappy. We have such a great group of people here.

OptimistK
10-05-2007, 04:30 PM
That is so true. I don't see why be negative towards someone trying to better their LIFE! That makes absolutely no sense to me. I support anyone in any effort to better their life, especially weightloss. Universally it's something lots of people take on, but few people succeed at long-term, so I'd applaud anyone who would even attempt to lose weight.

I'm so happy because I have a new workout buddy, which is one of my guy friends. He's lost 32 lbs. so far which is awesome and I'm so supportive of him as he is of me. It's awesome because I know he won't ditch me after 2 weeks or try to sabotage my efforts. Unlike the women i've tried as workout buddies in the past.

Yay!!!

Shy Moment
10-05-2007, 05:00 PM
It is such a shame that so many woman like to keep other women from doing better than they do. If you do better than I do, kick me in the butt and get me going lol.

xJox
10-05-2007, 05:12 PM
Great lesson!!! Thanks for sharing!

LaurieDawn
10-05-2007, 07:01 PM
I know I'm very sensitive about this, but I really hate it when women (or men, actually) trash women in general. In the original post, Trazey talked about one woman who undermined her efforts, but also talked about another woman who was unexpectedly very supportive. I think that insecurity is common in both men and women, and this is what causes some people to allow jealousy to prevent them from being supportive when others make changes for the best. It is NOT a characteristic unique to women, and I have found that more women than not are very supportive - witness this forum as the epitome of that.

Edit: This came out a bit harsher than I intended. I don't think that anyone was specifically trashing women in general, but some of the posts were suggestive that women were more guilty of being jealous and petty than men. It just reminds me of how people call women "catty," an expression that I detest because I think that it contains so much venom toward our gender.

Shy Moment
10-05-2007, 07:16 PM
There are a great many wonderful woman here but we have to remember most of us came here looking for answers and support. I have found from what I see, hear and read, not really personally to myself. Woman are not as supportive to other woman as men are, or at least men aren't as nasty to woman as other woman can be. The term " catty " fits sometimes.

LaurieDawn
10-05-2007, 07:26 PM
There are a great many wonderful woman here but we have to remember most of us came here looking for answers and support. I have found from what I see, hear and read, not really personally to myself. Woman are not as supportive to other woman as men are, or at least men aren't as nasty to woman as other woman can be. The term " catty " fits sometimes.

I wish to very respectfully and vehemently disagree with you. As a group, women are incredibly wonderful. Not to take anything away from men, whom I also adore as a group, but I have always found most women to be very caring. Just as an example - I write grant applications for a living, so I have worked with many domestic violence agencies. Most violators are men, and most of the staff in the agencies are women. Again, I'm not suggesting that most men are violent or abusive, just making a point that in this specific instance, it is clearly women (with the help of many good men) who protect and support other women.

Shy Moment
10-05-2007, 07:37 PM
I do greatly agree with you on most of those points. I was only talking about weight. I see it a lot and have read it here many many times. Woman just don't seem to get the support they need from the woman who are suppose to be the closest to them.

I could be wrong and will sure say that is a possibility.

Miss Lili
10-05-2007, 10:01 PM
I think our society has just about driven women crazy with anxiety about our looks, especially our weight, and unless a woman is very secure about herself when another woman loses weight it reminds us of our own shortcomings, and for some women that anxiety comes out as cattiness, jealousy, etc. A few years ago I lost 80 pounds (unfortunately I gained it back , plus some). I still had nearly a hundred pounds to lose, yet I had many conversations with women who were nearly half my size who anxiously wanted to know how I'd lost weight and get pointers. thye irony that they were asking a much larger woman to help them lose weight was lost on them!

Anyay, I'm glad you found support from another source when your friend let you down.

MarinePrincess
10-05-2007, 10:14 PM
let's have a 3FC Oprah show! whooot!

*does a little shimmy 'n shake for The 3FC Oprah Show*
Let's do it!