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Old 10-03-2007, 04:04 PM   #1  
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Default Sister!!! Argh!!!

This is a vent. I am having problems with my sisters.

My younger sister wants to lose weight and has asked me for suggestions. When I tell her something, such as to eat a more filling breakfast like oatmeal or an omelette she invariably comes up for an excuse of how she just can't do that. Yes, she is very busy, working 40 hours a week and going to school. I understand that she doesn't really have time to add in exercise. I told her to concentrate on getting good, filling foods such as broccoli or green beans. She says it takes too long, she doesn't like it, she would have to go shopping at another place. I told her to give up her daily hershey bar for maybe a 2 times a week hershey bar. She can't live without her hershey bar, it's what gives her energy before class. Sugar substitutes give her a headache, coffee with no sugar is gross. On and on with each of my suggestions.

I told her to stay fat then, since she obviously wasn't willing to change. You can guess how she took it.

My older sister has always struggled with her weight. Up and down, up and down, I think she weighs over 250 pounds now. She yo-yoed her way up, I remember as a kid she would always have one weird diet or another. Orange and cabbage soup kinda stuff. I told her that I was looking forward to looking great at my wedding. Few of my family has seen me since I lost almost 50 pounds (it will be over 50 by then), so even if I have some problem spots, I will look awesome.

She told me to enjoy it while it lasts, since I'll gain it back twice as fast. No, I told her. I'm not on a diet. I'm not depriving myself. I can eat an ice-cream bar (50 cals) right now and not blow my week, day, or even afternoon.

No, she says, once I have kids (like 2-3 years from now) I'll gain weight and won't be able to bring it down. It's impossible to keep it off, especially if I plan on having kids after. You'll see, she says. And she is the right type of person to say I told you so.

These conversations were last night and this morning. I swear I feel like a dump truck of pressure has been added, in addition to other pressures such as planning a 150 person wedding, or finishing my dissertation research, and even attempting to keep my sanity, which would be the icing on the cake. Now I have to be this super-weight-loss genius that can gain and get back down. I can't just do it my way without having one say 'I told you so' and the other say 'I think you just lost weight like you always do in Peru'.

I don't even know what I can say to them. Either one.

What kind of support am I looking for? Camaraderie, empathy, any suggestions, or frustrating family fables. OR maybe the thread gets hijacked but this time by bird people!

Last edited by Eves; 10-03-2007 at 04:08 PM.
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:13 PM   #2  
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I don't know much about birds, except that a friend has a pet bird that scares me, but I do know about women. There is a dynamic that can express itself on occasion (maybe men have it, too, don't want to be sexist), but that dynamic is to push someone down to make themselves feel better. I'm not sure why we can't all be kind and supportive all the time. It is very sad.

I am proud of your weight loss and your chipper attitude and the incredible work you are doing on your dissertation. Find joy in these achievements. Some women gain weight after birth and don't lose it, but weight and birth responds to the same behaviors as weight and anything else. Surround yourself with the successes on this website. Long term weight loss (& maintenance) is possible. There may be speedbumps along the way, but it IS possible. And when something is possible, those with stout hearts and determination will press on for a worthwhile goal.

Last edited by midwife; 10-03-2007 at 04:14 PM.
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:16 PM   #3  
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I LAUGHED when I read that you told your sister to stay fat! Way to go! Haha! That is the kind of person who isn't ready to lose weight-- DAILY Hershey bar that she just can't give up? Whatever! She has to want it bad enough to work for it, and she doesn't sound like she's willing to.

And as for your older sister, she's probably a little (or a lot) jealous of your success and wants to make excuses for her own weight problems rather than just being proud of you for losing.

I've got two sisters, too, so I know it's tough. Hang in there and just be proud of yourself and know that they're not trying to hurt you, they're probably just wishing they were in your shoes (or skinny body?).
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:19 PM   #4  
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Archy I know how you feel about family and dieting. My mother is the one that is always trying to sabotage any success I have. Every time I loose enough more so that it is noticeable there she is trying to get me to eat everything under the sun that isn't good for me.

I've come to the conclusion that she is jealous because she wants to lose weight and can’t because she won’t use her won’t power (her will power works just fine-I will have a candy bar, cookie, whatever) and work at loosing weight.

After a session with her it can drive me to eat!! But I have discovered that all it does is make me feel more miserable so I’ve decided that if they ask for my advice I give it and if they don’t like it then it’s their life and they don’t have to like it. Hard to do sometimes but I decided I have to take care of my health first.

Good luck with your sisters, your wedding and your dissertation.

Last edited by Sheba's Mom; 10-03-2007 at 04:21 PM.
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:22 PM   #5  
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It's apparent that they're just trying to bring you down in order to excuse their weight issues.

Just keep your head high and once you prove to them that you CAN keep the weight off after you have children and whether you're in Peru or not, maybe they'll start to understand.

Just give it time and until then don't let them bring you down or feel pressured... you're doing this for you, and on your time.
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:25 PM   #6  
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Ok, *deep breath*

I gained the chunk of my weight after I got pregnant and had 2 children in 4 years. On my small frame 50 extra pounds was a huge amount of weight...and at times it seemed to me like I was never going to be at a healthy weight ever. And it would have been impossible if I hadn't really stuck to it.

What has this taught me? We are amazing creatures, capable of far more than we ever try to do. You may gain weight, a lot of weight when you decide to have babies, but then you may not. If you do gain weight....being on this sight and never losing track of the bigger picture is how you can make that gain an impermanent part of your life.
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:29 PM   #7  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by midwife View Post
I don't know much about birds
You make me laugh!

Archy~younger sister: "I guess you don't really want any of my suggestions, so please refrain from asking me again (unless you are ready to listen rather than nix everything I offer)."

older sister: "I can't wait to say I told you so." It IS possible to lose weight and keep it off--regardless of the fact that you've had children, you're older, etc.

You are an incredible person doing an incredible job. Look how far you've come! Don't let your siblings make a mess of it!
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:39 PM   #8  
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Wow, everyone has had such good things to say!

I just wanted to say, there is only one thing more annoying than a younger sister, and that's an older sister.

I'm the oldest in my family, and I'm also the heaviest--or rather, I was. I was even heavier than my brother for awhile. But no more.

Still, my younger sister the athlete tried for awhile to subtlely help me to lose weight by saying how such-and-such program had helped her. Like she has ever been more than 10 pounds overweight in her life! Ha! My youngest sister is more like me--not highly active, gains easily. We help each other quite a bit. My brother never talks about weight--but at one time he was becoming overweight, and he reversed it. I don't know what he did--I expect the same thing that works for everyone! But now he looks so buff for an old dude.

My only suggestion, I think, is--don't talk with them about your weight. If they press the point, tell them it's off limits as a topic. If they say "Why?" just repeat "Because I choose not to discuss it" until they give up.

As for your younger sister--our dear Meg on 3FC once said (and I'm paraphrasing):

"If you really want it, you'll find a way. If you don't really want it, you'll find an excuse."

Hang in there, archy!

Jay

Last edited by JayEll; 10-03-2007 at 04:40 PM.
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Old 10-03-2007, 04:40 PM   #9  
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archy - hang in there...obviously you sister has some jealousy of the fact you are doing so great..and even more obvious...she is not ready to lose weight!! with all those excuse, she'll never lose weight. my recommendations to you is just to tell your sister that you have too much going on right now that needs you attention...and you want to help her lose weight however everytime you suggest something, ds shoots it down. and that at this point...you don't need the added stress

you're doing great archy...just hang in there...and ignore her silliness at this time. .good luck with the wedding planning.
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Old 10-03-2007, 05:10 PM   #10  
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Wow, a lot of great responses and so quick! Thank you guys for the support (and even the attempted hijacking, it made me laugh!) You guys have made me feel a million times better.

I just called my Mom at work and she laughed at me. "Oh, you know that Les [younger one] is stressed and Sil [older one] is nuts!"

Yes, I do think Silvia is a bit jealous. This is my first real, give it my all try at losing weight. Before my attempts were private and lasted for a day, and when I failed, no biggie. No one knew, and I was still proud of myself because I hadn't really tried. I should ignore her, but she knows my buttons!

And for Leslie, now that I have really tried it makes me feel angry that she sees it as another "Eva goes to Peru and loses 20 pounds, like she does every year". Yes, I always lose weight here, but never this much. And never with this much effort! I should ignore her, but she knows my buttons!

About kids, I shouldn't worry about it! I'm 2-3 years away, I should be more concerned on keeping the weight off once I'm within 500 miles of a Taco Bell!

I will lose the weight after I give birth (in like 3-4 years).

I will keep it off because I like being healthier, I like spending less for food and clothes, I like running, I like jumping on my bed and not worrying that I will break it!

Thanks everyone, I just went from about to cry to laughing at myself!
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Old 10-03-2007, 05:43 PM   #11  
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My middle sister tends to yo-yo a bit with her weight - she's only ever occasionally tried to lose it intentionally though. Most of time if she is losing its because she's stressed...she's one of those people who loses their appetite when they're under pressure. Most of the time she's a good 10-15 kilos (20 - 30 pounds there abouts)over where she probably should be for her frame.

My youngest sister is a rake - but then she IS only 18 lol. She has this annoying switch in her brain that tells her "I'm full" and she can't eat a bite past it. It's the most uncanny thing to watch. It's frustrating for her - she'll be eating the most delicious meal and have to stop and watch it go cold on her plate because the mere thought of one more bite makes her sick.

How I wish I had that! I missed it somewhere in the gene pool methinks.

Me...I lost a bucket load and had one very jealous middle sister - so much so she ignored me for a year and told everyone she could I was a whore. Nice hey? Oh well...she got over it eventually. Family!

As for having babies - that doesn't mean you'll gain weight. My mum gained NOTHING when she had me - she gained half a kilo with my middle sister and a kilo with the last. Thats a whopping total of 3 pounds between three babies over 5 years.

*hugs* You're doing so well!
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Old 10-03-2007, 06:47 PM   #12  
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I SO feel you. My younger sister has been pretty supportive all in all, but it's her habits to try to lose weight that annoy me. Like the week she turned 21, she did NOTHING but drink booze heavily for the ENTIRE week and then (knowing how hard I've been working to lose weight) told me: "Yeah...I lost 10 pounds this week--I guess the answer to losing weight is just drinking a lot". Or when I was downstairs in her room talking to our cousin, Ashley (who practically lived with us this summer) and I see a bottle of Xantrex 3 on her dresser.

I was just WAITING for my sister to gloat about her weight loss drug working SO WELL for her. When she came up and we got into a conversation about weight loss, she said that it hadn't worked, so she ordered ephedrine off the internet. She talks about how it makes her heart race if she takes too much and I express to her OVER and OVER how it's dangerous and unhealthy, and she doesn't listen.

My younger brother's a natural-born twig and his answer is: "Eat less. Exercise." Great advice coming from a kid who eats bags of oreos for a snack and lives on pizza and boxed macaroni and cheese without gaining a pound. He's pretty active, though...but he's also got a GREAT natural metabolism. What I'd GIVE to be able to eat whatever I wanted and stay lean...ah well.

I'm sorry your sisters are psycho. Use older sis' pronouncement of doom as inspiration! Sometime when you're feeling like not going to the gym, use your sister's snide remark as fuel to get you there! You'll show HER!
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Old 10-03-2007, 07:42 PM   #13  
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archy, I almost laughed out loud because this problem you're having with the sisters is almost EXACTLY how my two friends are.

Your first sister sounds like my former roommate! She wouldn't give up anything, find healthier alternatives, or skimp back on portions. I hear her say "I'll just have one" and then later catch her filling herself up to a balloon! Unfortunately, because's she's not as close to me as a sister is, I can't say to her anything rude, so I just let her make her own decisions. She pays a lot for a gym membership that she never uses, she KEEPS on telling me that she wants to lose weight but never changes anything in her lifetsyle plan (I'm not being bitter- she really DOESN'T do anything differently) and expects to lose more than 50 lbs. She weighed around 160 when she lived with me and now she's around 175 ish and keeps on packing it. What a lovely girl, what i can't say anything rude to her about her almost non-existent efforts. She's asked me for advice and never takes it, and she complains to me when she fails at her plan even though there's no real way I could help her or comfort her. I guess that's what friends are for?

My other friend blames her genetics. She tries and then completely stops dead in her tracks. She's taken my advice before but then for no reason, stops. I'm guessing that its just hard for her to change her lifestyle!
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Old 10-03-2007, 07:56 PM   #14  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Azure View Post
I see a bottle of Xantrex 3 on her dresser.

I was just WAITING for my sister to gloat about her weight loss drug working SO WELL for her. When she came up and we got into a conversation about weight loss, she said that it hadn't worked, so she ordered ephedrine off the internet. She talks about how it makes her heart race if she takes too much and I express to her OVER and OVER how it's dangerous and unhealthy, and she doesn't listen.

1) I tried ephedrine based products 9when they were legal) when I was younger and we didn't need to be 18 then to purchase it. (I was... 15? around there.) It gave me heart palpitations that made to collapse on the floor, I now have a strange cardiac arrythmia when starved (wich is why I never starve myself anymore), like how I used to be when i took the drug 7 years ago. It made me feel full ALL the time even when I didn't eat a THING, and my heart cried night and day. Stupid dumb teenage mind. I really should've seen myself in my perspective now, but we do get wiser with age, don't we?

2) Right after I stopped taking ephedrine drugs and they were outlawed, I got Xantrex 3. I think I was around 17-18 years of age then. All it is, is a extremely uncomfortable laxative. Again, stupid dumb teenage mind working at that time. It never worked.

Azure, as a person who really regrets taking this stuff, I'm sure your sister will regret it after college and realizes that it'll never work this way. From the way i see it now, all it was becomes a waste of money and time and lost hope with added low self esteem. I hate fake diet products mainly because I was a dummy who didn't understand that diet was a lifestyle choice, not a temporary weight loss drug...
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Old 10-03-2007, 08:04 PM   #15  
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FWIW you can tell your older sister that I weigh LESS than I did before I had children so there. And I gained 46 lbs with my second pregnancy which is a bit more than I was hoping for, but I lost it and about 20 more so nyah nyah nyah.
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