General chatter - Hotter When I'm Grosser?

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09-30-2007, 04:22 AM
Hello everyone, haven't posted in a while but that's because college has been crazy! I'm in hibernation mode now...sleep, eat, go to class, so on so forth. But I'm starting to get used to it and get my healthy lifestyle back.

First let me say this...I've come to find out that us really fat girls don't always see things as they truly are, or perceive them as they are. This could be for lot's of reasons...maybe because society has shunned us so badly. But I feel as though I'm a little out of touch with how normal weighted folk interact.

Now let me say this...I gauge how much attention I receive from men to be an indicator of how attractive I am. I know this is wrong! It's wrong and it's against my morals. I will teach my daughters to neeever be like that...but it's how I am and I can't change that right now.

Whenever I go out and look nice (nicely fitted clothes, hair done, nails done) I receive almost no attention from men. Even if I small and attempt to flirt, I just get blank stares or just get plain ignored. This is a constant, I promise you. That's how it is for me!

But when I go out with my hair in messy not washed in a day waves, in my tattered old shirt that needs a wash, and no makeup...I tons of attention!

Tonight for example. I feel a cold coming on but I stumbled out of bed long enough to go to a convenience store. I was sneezing and my eyes were bloodshot, and I was wearing my BF's shirt. The clerk at the store commented my eyes, and said I reminded him of this beautiful girl he knows.

I've been to this store lots of times...bought my food from him...and he never said anything to me. But the night I know I look like crap he gives me attention? :dizzy:

In fact almost every time I recall being flirted with, I wasn't looking my best. I get more smiles and conversations when I'm not trying to look cute. This has happed tooo many times for it to be a coincedence.

Am I giving off a better vibe when I'm in comfy clothes?

Is there a new fetish for big girls who look sick and wear shirts from the 90's?

09-30-2007, 08:54 AM
I gauge how much attention I receive from men to be an indicator of how attractive I am.

I am the EXACT same way. I haven't gotten any attention in probably close to 10 years, I used to get it all the time. ALL the time. Now, I'm lighter than I've been since high school (when I got all the attention) and I'm still getting NONE. I still feel fat and unattractive b/c I'm getting NO attention. How sick is that?

Am I giving off a better vibe when I'm in comfy clothes? Maybe you just seem more approachable? Remember that depending on the image we chose to portray we attract different types of people. Maybe when you're comfy you're more confident and attracting more guys who are confident.

Is there a new fetish for big girls who look sick and wear shirts from the 90's?:rofl::rofl:
None that I know of. Though I'm not exactly in the loop on newest and coolest fetishs. :rofl: Seriously though, with men, absolutely NOTHING would surprise me. :rofl:

Enjoy your attention whenever you get it. You're lucky!

09-30-2007, 09:33 AM
I know this is not exactly along the line you were asking for, but my husband and several other men I have polled find women who are all hot and sweaty from working hard HOT.

09-30-2007, 10:57 AM
I had similar thoughts last weekend. I had been working in the yard, no makeup and DH asked me to pick him up a 6 pack when I went to get more gas for the mower, and I got carded for beer. I'm 36, and while I don't look bad for 36, but I didn't think that without some makeup I looked that young either. Maybe the cashier couldn't see my wrinkles for the sweat?

I hope your cold is better!

09-30-2007, 11:16 AM
Great job returning to your healthy lifestyle after the start of the semester! I'm going back in the spring for night, internet and Saturday/Sunday classes and am almost dreading the temptations/lack of time.

As far as the men thing goes, I would say it's because you're more approachable. A lot of men (save the arrogant few) will not talk to you when you're dressed to the nines because you're out of their league. Nothing is worse than being rejected by a girl that's (in their mind), too good for them. At least if they ignore you, they can still have the dream that you may one day say yes to them! :lol: Of course, most women would like to just shake them and say, "Ask me out, I'll say yes!" But, a proper lady would never be that direct, right? ;) :rofl:

The other thing, and this is actually something that scared DH about me when we first started dating, is that they're afraid a done-up girl is going to be a high-maintenance headache. Of course, I am high-maintenance, but DH learned very quickly that I am fully capable of maintaining myself.

Well, those are just my thoughts on the issue and DH agreed with them. Of course, just one man's opinion, so I could be WAY off!

Have a great semester!


09-30-2007, 11:27 AM
Could it be that when you get all done up, you're going to places people traditionally go to flirt and meet people (bars, concerts, parties)? When everybody else is doing the same thing, and there are 75 other women in the room, it's easy to get lost in the shuffle. On the other hand, when it's just fabulous you and guy your age in a convenience store, it's unexpected and your natural beauty shines. :)

09-30-2007, 12:29 PM
I agree natural beauty may be the culprit here. A lot of guys do not care for the made-up look. Even when it's done well, make-up looks artificial to them. My husband and his friends were talking about ths recently (there's two still-single guys in his buddy group that are stubbornly single, and the married guys are trying to noodge them into relationships - apparently not only women meddle). "Done up," seems to mean unavailable. It means the woman has got someplace to go (and by implication, dressed up for a special and specific someone ). I think it's because for many guys themselves, dressed up means "not single" (at least in their world, where a clean t-shirt on a Saturday is dressing up). They also mentioned hair - hating super short or done up hair. Any "do" that looked like it even might have styling product in it or hairspray apparently is a huge turn-off. Hair has to look "touchable".

My husband once explained that "perfect" isn't all that attractive. It might be nice to look at like a museum piece, but not something you really want to interact with or take home.

09-30-2007, 12:33 PM
Send me to the grocery store with done up hair and make-up, a low-cut blouse, and well-fitted jeans and I may as well be a box of oatmeal for the attention I call...

Send me there unshowered, right from the gym with toothpaste stains on my shirt and I am the hottest woman there.

What a bizarre phenomenon.

09-30-2007, 12:53 PM
Oh wow, this reminds me of a conversation I had with my husband in the Barnes and Noble on a Saturday night. He was pointing out all of the singles "on the hunt." He said the people wearing the baggy sweats, were there looking to find a book, but the men and women in "corporate casual" attire were looking to find a mate.

I'm thinking dressed up might imply "on the prowl."

09-30-2007, 01:17 PM
This made me laugh! My soon-to-be husband found me intimidating at first but thinks I look adorable when my hair is all messed up and I'm stumbling around the kitchen in my jammies trying to make coffee.

In college, I wore jeans and whatever t-shirt was handy to go out to the bars. I stood out in the sea of women dressed up for the hunt and made many male friends. (I was also SOOO not interested in looking for the love of my life in a bar.) Guys would joke/compliment that I looked easy-going, not easy. I think there's something to that!

09-30-2007, 01:51 PM
My daughter and I recently had this conversation too. Her theory is that when you are not all fixed up, you are more approachable.

09-30-2007, 02:07 PM
I can't say I find that true! I only get attention when I'm a bit fixed up, although I think when I'm not I'm sort of "hiding" in a way, like "don't look at me."

I do think that men only like make-up when it's not obvious though. My hub is like that -- he doesn't like dark lipstick or sticky mascara or acryllic nails or hairspray or any of that.

09-30-2007, 04:36 PM
Wow, I'm glad others have had this experience too.

Sigghh...and to think. A group of my female friends got together with me the beginning of my junior year in high school and gave me a beauty "intervention." My nails were plain and short, so they gave me acrylics. My face was bare so they gave me gloss and mascara. My hair was a mess so I got leave in conditioner and a straight iron.

So apparently all that stuff was to attract to women and not men? I could be saving a lot of money then!!! :D Jk, I don't even know who I was trying to look good for.

And you far as the being approachable thing. I always thought since my body wasn't good men wouldn't be intimidated by me at all. Most guys I know say they look at body first then face so I just assumed no guys would ever think I was beautiful.

09-30-2007, 05:38 PM
Okay...I just want to whine because I get no attention at all...lmfao. Might be good news to my husband though.:^:

09-30-2007, 05:43 PM
hahah Cassie, i am sure this is good news for your husband! My bf always looks a little jealous when I put on a particular pair of jeans and simple t-shirt to go to the grocery store and pouts like I am trying to attract attention in my slobby clothes! He always jokes that the produce men are going to try and carry me away haha.

10-02-2007, 01:32 PM
Two words...high maintenance! I think when you look too made up they think that and run in the other direction. I don't think all men are that way though. There are some who like it.

My problem was a little different...when I was married the first time guys always flirted with me. Funny I thought because I was wearing a wedding ring. But...when I was widowed and wanting the attenion, lol ,nothing! The ring was gone and so was the flirting. My kids always say I flirt but I don't...I am friendly...when people talk to me I talk to them, men or women. Just happens to be more men than women, lol.

10-02-2007, 01:48 PM
I've gotten a few men hitting on me when I'm looking a mess, though most of them are the kinds of guys I wouldn't be caught dead dating to begin with. Honestly, the kinds of guys I would date usually only hit on me at the typical "meeting people" places: clubs and bars. Most of the very hot guys in the general populus happen to be taken... or man whores.

10-02-2007, 05:13 PM
I think women dress up and do the makeup thing for other woman - not for men. I'm talking about mature men now - not high school or even early college types - but men don't seem to care about looks as much as I thought they did. I have MAJOR self esteem issues and have since I was a teenager and tiny. Being overweight has only made it worse but I have noticed that when I'm feeling good I get hit on. I think men look for someone aproachable who has a good attitude and a good sense of self - confidence. I see tons of women who are beautifully made up and dressed and they look nasty and unapproachable as ****. Maybe you're feeling way more comfortable when you are just being "you". Men feel that and are drawn to it.