General chatter - Am I invisible?




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princess_peach
09-27-2007, 10:36 PM
You know when you watch those news shows where some skinny, hot b!$%h dons a "fat" suit and they videotape the reactions? You know how she always says she feels invisible? That is how I constantly feel.

I am so sick of being ignored by people. Am I really that unattractive? Am I really that boring? Just once I would like a salesperson to look me in the eye and ask if I need help, and then actually help me (and not at Lane Bryant). Just once I'd like to go out with my best friend (who, I know, is beautiful and funny) and have just a fraction of the attention. Just once I want people to care about how I feel.

When I lose all my weight and become the skinny, hot b!$%h, will people treat me differently? Probably and then I'll resent it because I'm the same person I was-at least on the inside. Right now, that thinking just makes me want to stay fat because I'd rather be ignored that be treated as a human being by fake-@$$ people.

I'm sorry for the long rant, but I feel better getting it out. Anyone else feel invisible?


EZMONEY
09-27-2007, 10:43 PM
I can see you there! :hug:

I hope things get better for you RIGHT AWAY!!

techwife
09-27-2007, 10:54 PM
Yes! Especially at the store when I'm standing in the aisle looking at the teas, for instance, trying to decide which flavor to get and someone walks right in front of me and stops right in front of what I'm looking at. I'm like, "Hello? Am I freakin invisible?" That happens ALL the time. When I walk in front of someone that is looking at a shelf in the same way, I excuse myself as I'm walking in their way and get out of the way as fast as possible. It's called respect, in my world.

It also happens at school when I'm talking to the teacher at open house or some other function. I'll be mid-sentence, and some <insert expletive> parent walks right up to the teacher and starts blabbing away as if I weren't even in existence. Sometimes standing right in front of me. DRIVES ME NUTS!!

So, no, you are not alone. Think of it in a good way. My husband and I have a really nice boat and we like to go to boat shows to see what's new, etc. Well, we ARE boat owners...Searay boat owners. And we almost always spend money at boat shows. BUT, since we are extremely average looking people, wearing Tshirts and jeans, no make up on me, no trendy jackets or anything, we get TOTALLY ignored at boat shows. Totally. So, we can browse and browse to our hearts content without being pestered by high pressured salesmen.

In short, I've learned to look at the bright side of being very average looking. Nobody bothers me and I can browse without being pestered. But I know what you mean and how you feel. Trust me.


GatorgalstuckinGA
09-27-2007, 10:54 PM
i think sometimes ppl do "ignore" fat people. But i also think sometimes ppl who have weight have low self esteem so they give off bad vibes. I'm overweight, but i don't have a problem getting ppl's attention...but maybe that's because i'm loud and obnoxious LMAO. Also, i think sometimes its the way we come across. One time i went to the mall to look for shoes and i went in in an old t-shirt and sweats (because i was working out)...the sales lady totally ignored me because of my attire (sort of a pretty woman scene)...so i walked out. I figured if she assumed i couldn't afford their shoes (which btw...i could have)..i would go else where...i went across to the department store and dropped $200 on a few pairs of shoes...hmmm i guess she must not have been working on commision. But so to answer you rant. Yes some ppl do ignore overwt ppl, but i also think sometimes its the image or additude we display? But i can see how you would be frustrated.

newFannie07
09-27-2007, 11:09 PM
I feel this way all of the time. I always attributed it to the fact that I am short. I see you are not. Hmmm...was I wrong? Is it because I am fat? Is it both? Or is it that the world has become a me...me...me place?

kerri

CHUNKEY_MUNKEY
09-27-2007, 11:26 PM
i feel the same way when I was thin and i used to go out with my friends i used to get loads of attention ..... now that ive gained the weight when ever i go out with my friends ive become known as " wheres your chunky friend " even though im right there ! its so annoying people dont notice me at all theres a whole lot more of me now than there was before how can they miss it? in any case i look at it this way the few guys who do give me the time of day .... are worth my time because at least they saw something in me that was special and they gave a damn to get to know me better ... the guys who talked to me b4 didnt give a damn about me they probably wanted me for all the wrong reasons ... and i dont want that ... but still sometimes i do miss the extra attention .... but i know i will get there .... scince ive found this website i feel alot better to know that im not on my plight alone

lizziness
09-28-2007, 01:17 AM
This always happens to me. My husband accuses me of just being sensitive about it - but I swear it happens to me.

I wanted a nice pair of sandals for my birthday this year. That is all I wanted. I went to one store that had the exact pair I wanted - tried to get help and was completely snubbed.

I went to another store that had a pair I would have considered - and was completely ignored. Seriously - in this one the girl went out of her way to ask every single person in the area if they needed help - looked directly at me as I was standing there with the sample in my hand looking directly at her - and then turned and walked away.

I wound up getting 2 pairs of $2.00 flip flips at Old Navy. At least there when I'm ignored it's because they are busy and teenagers who aren't paying attention.

I have had people cut in front of me in lines, shove me out of their way in the store, etc.

mom2fivesweeties
09-28-2007, 01:23 AM
Hi,
I know what you all mean. A couple of years ago I filled up our van at a gas station and went in to pay. They probably had 6 cashiers as it is a large food mart also. Well I stood and stood and stood and stood and the clerks literally looked BEHIND me to take their money. Well, my mama didn't raise a dummy and I'm NOT going to BEG someone to take my money! It's just not much in our household. So I swear I have never stolen a thing in 52 years but they refused to wait on me - we got free gas that day. My conscience killed me though because I worried for weeks I was on a camera and the cops were going to put me in jail! :rofl:
Lori

CHUNKEY_MUNKEY
09-28-2007, 02:42 AM
Hi,
I know what you all mean. A couple of years ago I filled up our van at a gas station and went in to pay. They probably had 6 cashiers as it is a large food mart also. Well I stood and stood and stood and stood and the clerks literally looked BEHIND me to take their money. Well, my mama didn't raise a dummy and I'm NOT going to BEG someone to take my money! It's just not much in our household. So I swear I have never stolen a thing in 52 years but they refused to wait on me - we got free gas that day. My conscience killed me though because I worried for weeks I was on a camera and the cops were going to put me in jail! :rofl:
Lori



LOL THATS HILARIOUS ! lol i dont blame you though


you know not to be a complainer ... but sometimes i feel like im not taken seriously at job interviews beacause of my weight .... im in school right now so you know obviously im not looking for awsome jobs ! im just looking for a regular retail position , but no one wants to hire me , i dress very neatly im far from a slob! i dont understand why they wouldent want to hire me most of the jobs im applying for im over qualified for them ... i attribute it to my weight my friends think thats ridiculous ... i dont know though .... is it ?

JayEll
09-28-2007, 08:07 AM
Hey, I've had those experiences from time to time--but I also have a thin friend who is often ignored because she is older, not because of her weight.

I once got some "free" gas, too--but at the time I was normal weight. They just wouldn't wait on me and take my money.

I think that unfortunately it's up to us to make sure we get waited on in situations like that. The world isn't going to change, sad to say.

As for the job interviews and such--many years ago, companies actually could turn someone down because they were too heavy. JCPenney did it to a friend of mine--told her to her face that they couldn't hire her because of her weight. So, these days things are somewhat different, if only because they don't tell you flat out.

Job interviews are harder when one is overweight. But if you are well dressed and well qualified, and you make a positive impression, you still have a good chance of getting hired. Never give up! You'll get a job!

Jay

princess_peach
09-28-2007, 11:07 AM
but sometimes i feel like im not taken seriously at job interviews beacause of my weight posted by CHUNKEY_MUNKEY

I graduated college last summer (July '06) and it took me 4 months to find a job. I went on countless interviews, and I definitely felt that my weight hindered the application process. I never got callbacks or second interviews, and the first interview usually didn't last more than 5 minutes.

I understand it could have been other factors but I had a 3.2 GPA, excellent references, and experience. So, how could they decide if I wasn't right within 5 minutes of looking at me?

I am also constantly ignored by cashiers, and though I haven't received free gas, I have received other things due to their lack of attention :o

misschris531
09-28-2007, 12:00 PM
I feel this way at times, mostly around attractive men. I guess I have a weird way of dealing with it, I just always try to crack jokes or start a conversation. Once in a while I will be way too shy, but most of the time I get over it and try to "talk my way out of" my embarassment. I have actually made lots of friends and acquantinces this way and after the first couple of times striking up a conversation with someone, they tend to know my name and start conversations with me. I also occassionally make jokes about my weight, because I feel like some people look at me and think, "Doesn't she realize she's really overweight?" I figure I will beat them to the punch, before they can make a joke, I will... then they won't feel the need to make fun of me if I'm already making fun of myself. It's probably some sort of unhealthy defense mechanism but I find that I seem to have a lot of casual friends who think I'm funny and fun to talk to, which helps boost my self-esteem.

dcapulet
09-28-2007, 12:24 PM
i feel the opposite. I feel that people pay too much attention to what I look like. I don't mean all the time, or that the whole world is staring at me, but when i go shopping i get the: "Who are you shopping for?" in the non-plus size stores and "I'm not sure that will fit you." Or, I get strange looks when I ask to try something on. I would rather just be ignored. Not to say that ignoring people is justifiable in any way; it's just my personal preference.

I hope things get better for you.

rakel
09-28-2007, 09:02 PM
I feel this way at times, mostly around attractive men. I guess I have a weird way of dealing with it, I just always try to crack jokes or start a conversation. Once in a while I will be way too shy, but most of the time I get over it and try to "talk my way out of" my embarassment. I have actually made lots of friends and acquantinces this way and after the first couple of times striking up a conversation with someone, they tend to know my name and start conversations with me. I also occassionally make jokes about my weight, because I feel like some people look at me and think, "Doesn't she realize she's really overweight?" I figure I will beat them to the punch, before they can make a joke, I will... then they won't feel the need to make fun of me if I'm already making fun of myself. It's probably some sort of unhealthy defense mechanism but I find that I seem to have a lot of casual friends who think I'm funny and fun to talk to, which helps boost my self-esteem.

Ugh, I know what you mean, I do that too -- beat people to the punch, and for the same reasoning. I'd rather make fun of myself so they don't :P But I also find it makes a lot of people uncomfortable, lol, so I try not to talk about it that much.

kaplods
09-28-2007, 09:42 PM
My sister has this problem all of the time. She's thin and very cute, but very shy and passive and doesn't want to "bother" anyone. I think the vibe does come across. I rarely have the problem, and I'm humoungous, but far from shy (so very hard to ignore). I nearly always make eye contact and usually address people before they address me, so they have to go out of their way to ignore me (it's happened a time or two, but not often).

I think when you avoid eye contact it sends a message that you don't want any interaction. When you stare into someone's eyes, they have to consciously decide not to deal with you. I've made alot of people uncomfortable, but I've rarely gotten the "you are not here," reaction. Besides, if they try to - I say "excuse me" louder and louder until they respond.

With men I've been interested in, that's another matter though. Of course, it's the one situation where I was likely to avoid eye contact. I met my husband through a personal ad, and we talked on the phone for hours before we met, so I'd lost a lot of my shyness, but in-person dates were still a little awkward at first. On the phone we'd yak for hours, and then meet for a date, and we'd both make lame conversation and stare at our shoes. We'd get home from the date and call each other and jump right back into an uninhibited conversation. I'd say it took more than 5 dates before our in-person relationship was as natural as our phone and email relationship.

misschris531
09-28-2007, 09:43 PM
I know what you mean, when I make a joke around certain friends, they will automatically go, "aww, you're not fat!" or something like that. Other people will just laugh, and a few people just pause for a second and then chenge the subject. I guess I make them uncomfortable. Oh well!

almostheaven
09-28-2007, 10:45 PM
i think sometimes ppl do "ignore" fat people. But i also think sometimes ppl who have weight have low self esteem so they give off bad vibes.
I think that's it precisely. I've had my weight off for several years now and I actually think I don't look half bad. :D But those people who walk right in front of you in the stores, blocking your path or your view? They're not ignoring you. They're simply rude as all get out and need smacked upside the back of their heads until they get the point. :devil: I've met these morons when I was 250, and I meet them everyday now. My consolation to losing the weight however is that those same rude people don't mow me over with their buggies when they're soaring down the center of an aisle and not looking at who's standing their, banging your ankles or whatever, cause now I can squeeze in further and get out of their way. :D

You just hafta write off rudeness I guess. Though it seems to be getting worse every year. I dread what my son will have to endure when he's older if things are this bad now. People just have no manners anymore.

princess_peach
09-29-2007, 03:23 PM
I don't have low self-esteem, I'm not shy or insecure. I'm very friendly, always make eye contact and smile constantly.

I personally feel that there's a big difference between just rude people and people who avoid/ignore you because of your size. Sometimes I wonder if it makes people feel uncomfortable because they don't want to be that size.

Hey, it could also be my height. I'm a six-foot tall woman and you don't see that often :D