General chatter - The Self Pity Thread!!

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09-25-2007, 12:38 PM
So I'm feeling unusually down today for no particular reason and I need to vent.

SINCE I'M venting, I'm also offering for ALL of you to vent as well! We can give each other support :hug:

Every negative thing anyone has ever said about me rings in my mind forever and comes back to haunt me on some days.

As a kid, I was teased relentlessly. First, it was my clothes. I had no fashion sense. My family was poor and therefore couldn't afford to buy me nice clothes, so in addition to being mismatched, my clothes were dingy. Then, I got fat and became a crater face, which caused kids to pick on me because I was ugly. My teeth were also crooked, and I talked funny. I never had any money growing up and I don't have any money now. It's hard for me to even picture what having a consistant, comfortable income would be like - I've been pseudo rich for spurts, but nothing has lasted. All my bills stretch me so thin (less than $20 in my bank account by the time I'm done), my credit score is in the crapper with no hope for repair, BUT I'm still thankful that I can even pay my bills and that I'm not starving, sick, homeless, or romantically unloved.

I skipped a grade in early elementary school. Instead of people thinking I was intelligent and cool (like I hoped they would), they just thought I was weird and nerdy. Even though I was in the "GT" program, the pretentious GT kids didn't accept me and thought I was stupid because I had a lisp and couldn't properly pronounce my R's. Oh, and I was ugly. And fat. Which MUST equal stupid, RIGHT?!

At the beginning of high school, I got fatter and fatter because I drowned my sadness and lack of a social life in food, video games, and the internet - a place where I could hide behind my computer and stop being hated.

After that, I made a mission of being the most beautiful person on earth. I starved myself from 165 to 105, fake baked, dyed my hair a bottle blonde color, and wore trendy clothes. I continued all this until I pissed myself off at the fake, shallow person I had become. So, I chopped off all my hair, donated my closet to my sister, came out of the closet :lol:, and pretended to love myself.

I haven't changed much since, physically, apart from my weight fluctuations. But I still pretend to love myself. The problem is, I DON'T. I wish I could look in the mirror and be happy, but instead I remember things like:
"She'd have a really nice rack if she lost thirty pounds. Wait, if she lost thirty pounds, she probably wouldn't even HAVE a rack!"
"Stupid hillbilly. She'll never amount to anything."
"You know, Aidyn. That chunky girl who is dating the hot Puerto Rican."
"Jelly rolls! JELLY ROLLS! HAHAHA FATTY!" (from a random car - I haven't gotten it recently but I still hate my body)
"WHAT HAPPENED? HOW did she get so FAT? She was rail thin when I knew her!"

Today, I want to starve myself. And every day after that, until I'm skinny and Hollywood-freaking-gorgeous. But I won't. Because it won't make me happy; I only think it will. I hope that when I get down to my goal of 125-135 that I will somehow find inner peace. I see pieces and tastes of it now, but I know it will be a lot more present once I can lift up my shirt and see abdominal definition. ;) Then, MAYBE, JUST MAYBE I can be at peace with my WEIGHT and focus on other things to hate (or maybe even LOVE) myself for.

*Takes a deep breath*
Damn, that was long.

09-25-2007, 01:07 PM
It sucks when we are feeling "DOWN". I have had that problem a lot lately and it is because of my weight!!! I AM SOOOOO FRUSTERATED! I just cant get it together, and I am GAINING again! I know some of it is water weight and because of my meds being changed, but some of it is ME. I HATE IT!!!

We shall overcome!

09-25-2007, 01:25 PM
:hug: This is such a true topic. I was one of those nerdy GT kids who grew up in the military and so never fit in where we ended up... and then gained weight on top of the zits and glasses and crappy clothes (we were poor, too).

I decided in junior high "I'll never be pretty, so I might as well be smart." Glad I made that decision, because now I'm pretty AND smart, as are you, NightengaleShane!

However, I did deal with a lot of depression, and still do, even though I have everything I've ever wanted-- a handsome, kind, gentle husband and a beautiful daughter.

All I can really do is cling to God (Psalm 63:8). I know that no matter how ugly or fat or imperfect or idiot-like I may seem to others and myself, He loves me just the way I am no matter what, and He's not going anywhere. That's what gets me through the bad days.


09-25-2007, 01:47 PM
mom2mollie - I, too, am very satisfied in the romantic department. I've been in a great relationship for the last 2 1/2 years with someone who loves me, has seen me at 120 pounds and seen me at 175 (144 now) and has STILL loved me and found me sexy through it all. I don't understand it sometimes - I often wonder how someone so attractive, loving, intelligent, AND caring could possibly love ME... but stranger things have happened, right? :D

I, too, have a strong sense of spirituality and pray frequently... it definitely gets me through some of my tough times. I'm usually an optimist and I've always thought that as long as I am alive, things could always be worse. ;)

StillTryin - :hug: back... drink looooooots of water and strictly limit your calories for a couple days while taking the exercise up a notch. That should do the trick. :) I hate scales and their vicious ways, too :mad:

iamfire - interesting point. I do try really hard to be a good person and to treat others with fairness and respect. And ultimately, I know you are right about the naysayers... but sometimes I still can't bring myself to believe it. I thought the emotional scars from my childhood would have been healed by now, and they were starting to disappear until I gained weight all over again. Now, I've lost a good chunk but the wounds are open again, if that makes any sense. I don't know what makes people think they have the right to ridicule others. I'll have to keep that quote in mind, though - it is a good'n <---another southernism. ;)

09-25-2007, 02:09 PM
I can't say I was picked on for being nerdy or poor growing up.. but i was the FAT FUNNY GIRL. Always having to put on a show and make fun of myself to make people like me. I never had a boyfriend til my senior year, never went to prom or any other dances. My Jr. year I got in a fight with my best friends (over a guy, of course) and we stopped being friends after that and that's when things really went down hill for me, I turned into a mean b*tch, a FAT mean b*tch, I felt like I couldn't trust ANYONE. Then I got even fatter.

As of last week, me and my (ex)fiance have been together for 4 YEARS! Long time to me and being happy made me even FATTER!

NOW, as of LAST NIGHT, I'm single again, alone and confused. My ex-fiancee broke the news to me that he was moving in with another girl next week. I'm more hurt and confused than anything, not really mad (other than I have a $1,200.00 wedding dress rotting in my basement). But I decided this time, I'm not going to let the change of life (and depression) make me fatter.

I want more than anything to lose this weight now. I want him to see what he missed out on, I want to flirt with all his friends (who already like me) and I want to finish our apartment that we started and never finish so I can invite his whole family to a housewarming party to show it off and my weight loss.

I kinda bounced around there, I feel better now. Thanks.

09-25-2007, 02:20 PM
ValentineBride-- YOU DESERVE BETTER!!

I waited and waited for a man who told me to just wait a little longer. I lost almost 60 lbs, thinking he would love me then... Nope.:mad:

And then... I realized... Hey! :carrot: I'm GORGEOUS and any one would be lucky to have me! So I went and found the guy all the girls wanted to marry and married HIM! The first guy is STILL single and leading someone else on now.

I repeat, YOU DESERVE BETTER!!!:hug:

So yes, lose that weight and be HAPPY and make him regret losing you and never, ever, ever take him back!:devil:

09-25-2007, 02:33 PM
Thanks Mom.

Everyone has told me I deserve better and can do better, even his mother.

He should have listened to his friends who said he should treat me right. Maybe I'll have to call one of them up this weekend. :devil:

09-25-2007, 04:21 PM
ValentineBride, it feels sooo good to get it all out, doesn't it? :D and yup - everyone is absolutely right - you DO deserve better! You should sell the dress on craigslist... the ring, too.

I know one of those "fat funny girls" - everyone likes her and no one could ever say anything mean about her. She's so sweet, funny, and awesome that no one even TALKS about her weight! She says, "yeah, I'm fat. I know I'm fat. I'm ok with that." Sometimes, I REALLY wonder how she can actually be FAT and HAPPY but I'm not going to ask her that. If she's happy and has no desire to change, more power to her. She seems like she is in good health, and she's not an overeater per se (she just eats the WRONG foods), so I'm not going to press the subject.

09-25-2007, 04:32 PM
Yea, I could always joke about my weight and to an extent it didn't bother me and it never really kept me from having friends or doing anything (except going to dances, cause I didn't want to have to find a dress and NO ONE asked me) But inside I always wanted to be skinny and hated myself.. it was my out I guess. I was a totally different person when I was with my friends and when I was alone. No one knew I was depressed and was on medicine and how unhappy I really was.

But times change and I'm not in High School anymore (even though work is about the same) and I don't have to put on a show anymore to have friends and I know that now, that's why I'm ready to change.

09-25-2007, 04:39 PM
Hee, well, I've always said that if you make fun of yourself first, you stop others from doing it. I've also developed a self-deprecating sense of humor for that reason.

In high school, I started out being the chick who was fat, had acne, and hated herself. Then, I starved myself, fake tanned, got ProActiv and some high quality make-up, and became a cheerleader, so that I could have more friends and finally be beautiful and loved. It was a very shallow existance - yes, I looked like Barbie, but the "friends" I made are people I no longer associate with. It's amazing how the "popular girls" really don't care that much about each other. It's like the movie Mean Girls - they talk lots of smack behind each other's backs, but they'd rather be "IN" than "OUT" of the circle.

After that, I quit high school and got my diploma online through a correspondence program. A year early. I was 16 by the time I finished all my HS bulls**t, and very thankful. Whoever said those are the best four years of one's life are probably the ones who stayed living the small town life forever.

And I, too, am always happy around friends. It's not a fascade, though. Being around people I like just makes me happy and makes me temporarily forget how sad I can be sometimes. I smile all the time around those I love; for me, it's hard not to. :)

09-25-2007, 04:39 PM
:hug: Valentine, you can use this to become even stronger and more kick @$$!!!

Shane, your first post could have been written by me (99% of it). I feel for ya, you stylish, smart, fit, incredible woman, you! ;)

09-25-2007, 04:41 PM
Shane, your first post could have been written by me (99% of it). I feel for ya, you stylish, smart, fit, incredible woman, you! ;)

Awwww - well first off, here's a big hug to you! :hug: :hug: :hug: - anything bothering you in your life right now that you feel the particular need to rant about? feel free. heh heh.

Second, stylish, smart, fit, and incredible? You sure do know how to make a girl smile! :) :D :o

09-25-2007, 04:45 PM
ALSO, isn't it funny how many of us were teased as children? NO WONDER we're fat now! FOOD can SO EASILY be mistaken for HAPPINESS. At least I notice that trend: I was depressed from ages 11-14 and I got fat. Then, after my bout with eating disorders, my life improved and I stayed thin. Thennnn... I got fat again after being stressed and depressed. Now, I'm forcing my life to improve and I'm no longer fat - but I still *feel* like that fat person I used to be. I was initially in FAT DENIAL when I GOT fat because I was used to being what others described as "rail thin" and "perfect" (isn't it sick how the two terms just go hand in hand these days?) without trying much for it - when the pounds DID come on, they came on so suddenly. I denied how much I really gained; I thought I gained only 25-30 pounds when I REALLY gained 50-60 :o I kept saying the scale must be wrong until I finally faced the fact that I was 20 pounds overweight and realized I had to change it.

09-25-2007, 04:48 PM
"Hee, well, I've always said that if you make fun of yourself first, you stop others from doing it. I've also developed a self-deprecating sense of humor for that reason."

That's exactly it. Thanks.

Yea, I got maybe one or two TRUE friends out of high school. They're mostly all fake and mean to each other.

Where have all the decent people gone in this world, other than here on 3FC??? :^:

And thanks Soulbliss! :D

09-25-2007, 04:54 PM
Oh! I really need to post here. I usually am quite on this board even
though I am on it all day long ( I work in a very quite/small office).

On the surface I have what may appear to be something that most
people want however, I WANT OUT! I had a wonderful childhood great
parents, family and friends- went to school, got married, had children,
own a great house and pretty much want for nothing (material wise) but
I am in not really a "bad" marriage but a "boring" marriage! Iam someone who
got "fat" after my kids and now that I got myself together and absolutly
love the way I look Iam now struggling with the "there's more out there"
problem... My parents are still married all my sibling are married and have
been for 10+ and 20+ years- I have been married for 14 and I want to
leave but I am so afriad of what "everyone else" will think if I do. I keep
telling myself that I can't go just for the reason that I am "board". I have
spoken to my husband and he has suggested we try counsling. I am willing
to try it for our kids sake- I just worry that life is to short and I am wasting time being unhappy in this marriage!

WOW-sorry that I just went off like that-Hey this does make you feel
a little better. Sorry if I rambled!

09-25-2007, 05:00 PM
Lovestorun, Thanks for posting. This was one of my fears about getting married. I'm so young and there is so much more out there. I was always afraid I would regret it and be bored and no longer "in-love" and want out.

09-25-2007, 05:09 PM
awwww, lovestorun... I don't know of my opinion is the best opinion on this subject, because ultimately I would say something like, "Follow your heart." but for all it's worth - I'm one of those silly people who believes in "till death do us part" - if you tied the knot, you must have believed in forever once, and therefore it's time to see what will make your marriage work... if nothing really can, then it's time to go... but give it a good, hard, honest try first. ;)

Does your husband know that you're bored? What's boring about your marriage? I have not been married, but I've been in a 2.5 year relationship. At the age of 21, 2.5 years is a long time, you know? There have been times when I've been bored. There have been times when I wanted out. There have been times when I just wanted to be SINGLE again so I could be young and wild and free just like I was before getting seriously involved. But you know what? the good outweighed the bad in my case, I stayed, and we worked our issues out. Now, our relationship is great and all the passion and butterflies are back again - the same feelings we had when we first started seeing each other.

A few things you can try (depending on what area you are bored):
-Go on a vacation. It doesn't have to be elaborate - just a nice little get away to the nearest city and a night or two in a hotel away from the kids would be enough to potentially revive the passion.

-Buy some sex toys/buy a sex book with ideas for new positions/try some sexual things that you either have not tried yet or have not done in awhile. Boring sex is the worst, and I'm sure after 14 years, it's probably all the same - so see if you can spice it up a little! :)

-Go on a nice, romantic date... just to a really good restaurant and then a movie or play... or go out to a nice restaurant and then get ice cream... I know this is not much of a fat friendly idea, but everyone deserves the occasional cheat day, right? Especially you, you goal meister!

I'm thinking that maybe you need to have some time away from the kids. I don't have kids, so I'm not speaking from personal experience, but I have friends with kids and I've observed how much romance children can take away from a previously beautiful marriage.

If you don't have the time or the money for any of these ideas, just start writing down all the things you loved about your husband and have him do the same for you - all the things that attracted you to him initially and made you love him enough to marry him - let him know what they are and ask him to do the same. :) I think that if you remind yourself why you're in it in the first place, that you might become a little less bored and realize there were some great reasons you got involved. :)

09-25-2007, 05:13 PM
Lovestorun, Thanks for posting. This was one of my fears about getting married. I'm so young and there is so much more out there. I was always afraid I would regret it and be bored and no longer "in-love" and want out.

I personally never in a million years thought I would be in this
situation! The last thing I ever want to do is hurt him or our
kids by making a "rash" decision or being "selfish". I was young
(24) when I got married and now I wish I would have waited another 5-6
years or so to get married.

You do deserve better ValentineBride and try to look at it this
way he probably did you a FAVOR!! Good Luck to you! :)

09-25-2007, 05:14 PM
And ValentineBride, I sort of have a fear of marriage, even though I have someone I love very much. I just feel like marriage is... it... you know? Once you tie the knot, there's no going back.

I also have some fears that aren't the common ones, and those are:

well... the person I think I might marry just happens to be female :lol: - that's technically just legal in one state, but we don't need a piece of paper to tell us that we want to be together forever. That's not a problem... the problem is that both our parents are very religious and conservative, and frown highly upon our "lifestyle" (THEIR wording, NOT MINE!) My mom doesn't even want to think about it, or she will burst into tears, so she has kept herself in deep denial and insists that my girlfriend and I are just very close friends.

My girlfriend's parents don't even want to meet me, and I know I'll probably never meet them. I'm ok with that, but my girlfriend WANTS to meet MY parents. I'm SO nervous and SCARED about it that I'm trying to put it off as much as I can. I'm just afraid all **** will break loose.

09-25-2007, 05:23 PM
First of all, I think you totally rock--in a hardcore kind of way.

Second of all, freaking CONGRATULATIONS for being in charge and refusing to let life just happen to you. You've lost SO much weight--the healthy way, this time around--you've overcome so much negativity, and you've been to fakeland and back--ALIVE!--have a parade.

Don't you hate the periods of self-loathing you go through? I'm currently PMSing so insanely hard and could probably tell you a story that would make your initial post sound like a fairytale--seriously.

But just remember, nobody can dictate how you feel about yourself. That is one area where you are in total and complete control. You're awesome. You know you're awesome, people who love you and care about you know you're awesome. The rest? You are rubber and they are glue, sista.

Focus on being healthy, on being positive, and make it a point to remind yourself of all the things that you LOVE about yourself. Nurture those aspects that you aren't too in love with--they deserve TLC too.

Keep up the good work, and way to go on sharing rather than doing something stupidly destructive--I think that's a huge step.


09-25-2007, 05:29 PM
NightengaleShane- Thanks so much for your words. Your one of the
nicest people on 3FC- always encouraging. Your great! :hug:

I guess I can best describe our relationship as a "rut" we have
gotten so routine in our day to day life. He works as a Homicide
Investigator with the FHP and his job is very stressful and time
consuming. Therefore, everything is left for me to do! If I died
tomorrow he would be totally lost! I feel like his room-mate not
his wife!

I really like the "spice up the sex-life" idea that would be great
cause your right on the money it is way way boring and alot of
the time I feel he is in it for himself :( He is so conservitive and
not to willing to "step-out of the box". It is only recently that
it has begun to bother me so.

Since bringing it up more to him we have gone out a couple of
times "just us" and it was great. I really do want to work on it
and as Dr. Phil would say "I need to EARN my way out of this
marrige" by trying to make it work first.

Thanks for your advice- You actually made me tear-up!

09-25-2007, 05:40 PM
Awww LeighAnnBites, thank you for your encouraging words! :) And if you have a raging PMS story, feel free to get it out if it will make you feel better. I know venting kind of goes both ways - it feels good to get it out sometimes, but other times, bringing it all up again just evokes all the emotions you want to avoid, so... I guess you can use your judgment. ;)
Believe it or not, my confidence level has definitely increased since I've lost weight and I smile a lot more... but today I was just having one of those DAYS, you know? :mad:

Lovestorun - aww, really? I'm one of the nicest and most supportive? That means a lot. I think that is what this forum is for - regardless of our past situations, current situations, and/or our reasoning, we're all fierce women on a mission to lose weight and encourage each other to do so - that's the whole point of being a member here, in my opinion. :)

Conservative? Eugh! I'm sorry to hear that. :( - it's really sad how so many men really ARE in it for themselves - like once they get taken care of, it's just over! That's no fun! I meet women who complain about things like that and how they can only have orgasms with their vibrators and I DON'T wonder why. Of course, some men are GREAT in bed - I had an ex boyfriend who had amazing endurance and really enjoyed giving ME pleasure. I won't go into the details, but I'm sure you can figure it out. ;) However, as a whole, I've seen that most guys ARE in it for themselves... but how do THEY not get bored of doing the same thing over and over again? Not to sound sexist... but maybe for some, it doesn't matter as long as they have theirs. :(

So, what is his reasoning for not wanting to step out of the box? Is he overly religious and in belief that non missionary sex is a sin, or does he just not care to cross new boundaries? Have you discussed it with him? If not, you NEED to! There HAS to be SOMETHING he wants to try! Who wants to go on with the rest of their life having BORING SEX? haha

09-25-2007, 06:05 PM

Join the crowd of those who were quite pathetic when younger (which is how I describe myself 'way back when).

My mom gave me one super tool for dealing with it that ended up helping longer after I had said goodbye to my childhood. She said, look at your own personality, how you treat others, how you don't take advantage of people etc.etc.etc....if the only thing wrong with you is your physical appearance, ****, you're leagues ahead of 98% of the people out there! really is on the inside and not without. We all know gorgeous people who would give rabid hyenas a run for the money! Once I really internalized my mom's wisdom, I gave myself permission to grow stronger inside.

You see, I personally believe that when you let people's negative comments hurt you, you're giving people who are lower than a snail's toenails, power over you.

That makes the taunting/name calling 'way more personal to me....and because my mom's words helped me value myself, I can then react, you're not worthy of power over me and your words are rendered worthless!

Hang in there...and learn to internalize the wonder that is you. You truly deserve that blessing.

Best wishes,



You have a very wise mother.

You have to value yourself for what you are not criticize yourself for what you arn't.


09-26-2007, 02:07 AM
Nerdy GT kid checking in LOL. I was fat until 7th grade when I got tired of being made fun of. Kids are ruthless. So I starved. Highlighted my hair...Demanded clothing from my mother that we really couldn't afford...But atleast everyone suddenly liked me :eyeroll:..I had friends..I could sit with the cool kids. Funny how shallow people are. I hate I was so dumb. Got my backbone back senior year of highschool when I had gained some weight back...I stopped being afraid to be me. I hated being fake just to have "friends". But it took awhile before I truly accepted myself, and unfortunately I gained alot of weight in the process. Now that I am more confident with the INSIDE me I feel good about moving forward with improving the outside. I had to love myself to make this journey work. I accepted me and LOVED me finally....And it has made this so much easier. There are still days when I look in the mirror and want to scream...But it gets better :)

09-26-2007, 11:36 AM
Oh, Mary, our high school careers sound SO ALIKE - we both conformed and starved just to have "friends" that ended up not being true friends afterall. I was done with HS by 16, so my self discovery process happened *after* that BS was over.

I wonder why kids love to pick on fatties so much. I wonder why they're so mean, in general - it makes me wonder how their parents are raising them! If I said anything mean about anyone growing up, my parents would reprimand me and make me do "time out." If I was really mean to another kid, I'd get grounded. I know if I ever have children, one thing I will NEVER tolerate from them is being rude, impolite, and disrespectful towards others.

As I've said before, the outside you is very pretty, and if you're pretty now, you'll be sooo stunning when you lose all your weight! :)

Shy Moment
09-26-2007, 12:07 PM
Thanks Nightengale I need to rant today.

Edited for length since it is an old post.
First, I want to say I am taking nothing away from working woman. There was a time I worked 10 hours a day and 8 hours on Saturday. Working while the kids were in school or still sleeping so as not to take time away from them. I understand busy. ( I was lucky a friend got them off to school because I went to work long before they got up so I could be home when they got home from school )


Where is it written woman who stay home don't WORK. My house is so clean the family joke that no self respecting piece of dirt would come into my home. I am involved in very school activity my children decide they want to join and do double time because most of the mothers work and the WORKING mothers just don't have time to bake a pan of cookies or cut out name tags. How was it I still found time to do all these things when I worked but these woman can't seem to find time.

Please don't get me wrong, I am not better than anyone else. I don't want to sound that way. I am just sick and tired of hearing yet another WORKING woman say how wonderfully it must be to stay at home and do nothing all day.

We don't own a million things, we don't keep up with the Jones' and we don't take vacations, except to go to the camp grounds with the hubby's family. That is why we can afford for me to stay at home. We made that choice BUT WORKING woman don't have the right to go off to carpet land ( yes I do understand some work very very hard and have no choice they have to work to pay the basic bills of life ) and think they have it so much harder than a woman that does all their work because they are to BUSY AT WORK to do what they should be doing at home.

There is my rant. Thank you I feel better. Will be able to deal with these woman a lot better now without blowing up.

09-26-2007, 12:26 PM
Awww, Shy Moment, I found it kind of sad that you kept feeling like you had to clarify and justify yourself. That reminds me of something else I dislike: people who judge others and flame others just for having opinions. I remember one time, I posted something on my livejournal saying that I was upset that Kim Stolz changed her look (she used to look just like me, now she looks like some random preppy blonde, despite saying over and over again in Top Model that she had her own look that was "kind of (her) thing"), and suddenly, I got flamed by all these strangers telling me that she could change her look to anything she wanted and that it wasn't selling out or not being true to herself. "Celebrities change their styles, you know." They missed the entire point! :mad:

Anyway, back to you - I know stay-at-home moms do PLENTY - my mother was a stay-at-home mom. She worked for a little while, but due to having MS, she couldn't work full time or keep a job very long without getting sick. She did so much around the house for me and my sister, though; she always made sure the house was tidy and neat, she prepared meals, did our laundry AND she was incredibly attentive to both of us! :) I'm GLAD she was at home, and she was the best mother I could have ever asked for. She was very involved in our lives. As I got older, it started becoming a bit of a pain, but now that I no longer live with her, I'm grateful. I was spoiled, but not in the bratty sort of way.

Shy Moment
09-26-2007, 12:31 PM
Thank you
My daughter is almost 17. This has to be the hardest time in our lives lol. One day she wants me right there, the next she wants me in another state lol. I kind of let her call the shots. Tonight she has a tennis game, this morning I asked her if she wanted me to come. She gave me a look like I was stupid and said MOTHER of course I want you to come. Well you never know lol.

09-26-2007, 12:37 PM
LOL, teenagers are so moody and dramatic! I think I was **** on my parents as an adolescent. For some reason, during that time, all emotions seem to be enhanced. My relationship with my parents wasn't the best during my teen years, but now that I'm older, I appreciate them so very much. :) They're a **** of a lot more awesome when you don't have to LIVE with them!

I say rock on for having the courage and the patience to be a stay-at-home mom. So many mothers are so into working (and so are their husbands) that they never have time for their family. WHY RAISE A FAMILY if you don't have TIME for it? I'm not knocking working mothers, either - some of them need to work to make ends' meet, others didn't expect kids to happen, and others just want that high quality of life that two separate middle class incomes can provide (say, $50,000 + $50,000 a year = NICE FAT SALARY;)) - nothing wrong with that, I don't judge anyone's life and say to each their own, whatever makes them happy... but I don't understand people who purposely plan a family, have the financial means to do so, and then are still never there for their kids - no wonder the kids are growing into loudmouthed, rude little misfits - they don't have much parental guidance present to keep their asses in line!

09-26-2007, 12:50 PM
Shy Moment, I could have written your first post! AND Lovestorun!

I've only been married 2.5 yrs, and I work/stay at home so I can be here with my baby. The other day I got an e-mail from a single friend (a teacher-- I was also a teacher before I got married). She said "I hope when I get married my husband wants a stay-at-home wife" like all I did was sit and eat bonbons all day and watch oprah and check my e-mail.
AAAAAHHHHH! The poor thing just finished with summer vacation and started teaching again, so life is hard now. waawaawaa. Guess what?! My baby woke me up every 3 hours last night and my husband is working 80 hours a week right now. If I were gone, he would be totally clueless, too! When baby cries and he goes to check on her, he just brings her to me 99% of the time.
Whatever. I'm tired right now and I still have work to do. I just love this thread and wanted to wallow a little bit more.

Shane, what great advice you gave to Lovestorun! We have found that having a baby has taken a lot of the romance and spontanaiety out of our previously idyllic marriage. Even though they can be critical and sometimes overwhelming, I'm glad we have parents in town to watch baby on a Saturday night so we can occasionally go out on a date.

I'm also postpartum hormonal right now, so my poor husband doesn't know if I'm coming or going when he gets home, so I"m also feeling guilty on top of all my frustrations!

By the way, Shy Moment, I am so proud of you for (gently) telling that woman what you did about the concession stand. WTG! I'm learning to set boundaries gently with people in my life who also want to run rampant all over my time! I keep telling myself (1) I'm not perfect and IT'S OKAY, and (2) It's okay if people's feelings get hurt sometimes. I'm not their keeper and I don't have to fulfill all their needs!

Shy Moment
09-26-2007, 12:56 PM
I am a horror to my children most of the time I am sure. lol. My way or the highway. We do not live at the Holiday Inn. We do not have: room service, maids, nor a free taxi service. We do not live in our own little world. Each person in the family is responsible for the house, yard and cars. They may not thank me now but someday when they know how to clean their house, prepair good meals and enjoy clean clothes. They will be glad mom taught them how to do it instead of doing it for them all their lives.

When my daughter turned about 10 I said ok my first job is done, doing almost everything. I now have a new job, making you help me do things and do it right. When she turned about 15, my son would have been about 19 I said ok my second job is done now I move on to my third job. Making you do things. I am not the one that leaves things lay around. I am not the one that doesn't brush the cat so on and so on. I have gotten a promotion I am the supervisor, from time to time I will be a working supervisor but for day to day chores I will make sure you do what needs done and it is done as it should be. We are not talking hard stuff just sweeping and dusting and such.

The other day we were chatting and joking and she said ok Mom. I will be 17 does your job change again lol. I said YUP you and your brother think you are grown up, you don't need old mom to tell you what to do. Thats fine. There will be a list of things for each of you to do each day. Sorry if there isn't time for fun after you are done with what is on the list. That is the world of being a grown up. She looked at me smiled and said, ummm Mom I am not quite grown up yet. Have to love her.

09-26-2007, 01:04 PM
haha Shy Moment, I helped my mom clean on the weekends and I had the chore of cleaning the bathroom (in addition to making sure my room was clean, but that's a given). I did my laundry occasionally as I got older. The rest? My mom did it for us. Your kids WILL thank you later, because they will actually KNOW how to do the dishes when they're out on their own :lol: ; I didn't! I squawked and gawked at dirty dishes and it took me FOREVER to get through them because I was grossed out; I'm a hygeine freak... and instead of sucking it up and doing them, I had to make a big fuss. Your kids won't. And you can feel free to tell them about what I just told you! ;)

daaaaang, mom2mollie - 80 hours? No wonder some of the romance might be disappearing; if he has to work that much, he's probably EXHAUSTED! Work might also be all he thinks about because it takes up so much of his time. Just a thought.

09-26-2007, 01:10 PM
Yep shane. That's totally true. He's at the end of the fiscal year this month, so this week is especially hard. Next week/month should be better. And we've decided I'm quitting my at-home job, too. My stress is not worth the little money I'm making.
So really, I have no reason to whine. But sometimes it just feels good... :o

Shy Moment
09-26-2007, 01:27 PM
I want to thank you all for making me feel better.
I feel guilty when I tell people no, I feel guilty when my sons girl friend breaks up with him, I feel guilty when my daughters hair doesn't bounce like the girls on tv lol. I am good at feeling guilty. Doesn't keep me from being Attila The Hun around here but I still feel guilty lol. My daughter read one of my Erma Bombeck books one time, she said oh my gosh Mom you could have written this book, you sound just like her. How could I tell her the woman is my hero. lol

I was lucky the kids father changed just about as many diapers as I did and he was great with the kids when they were little.

This is the first year I have left the kids with their father while I went to the camp grounds for the weekend. Keep in mind my 20 year old is only about 13-16 most of the time. This year is the first time I have thought about myself before them once in awhile. Guess you can't have this or that I am getting lean cuisines for myself.

you know when I tell my daughter what you said she will tell me to tell you. You are more than welcome to come do her chores lol. AND what do you mean keeping your room clean is a gimme, HA I am always worried the health department is going to come and put a quarantined sign on my front door because of their rooms. I swear I have seen crawl out of their rooms at night as I am going to my side of the upstairs. I don't dare go to their side when the sun goes down.

I have changed things around here. I am no longer a door matt. I no longer am going to scream until A. I have no voice or B the sound police are at my door complaing about the noise. I now make sure each night their rooms are clean or they are grounded the next day, no exceptions I don't care what they have planned.

09-26-2007, 02:17 PM
Ewww, Shy Moment, I don't blame you for threatening to ground them if their rooms are not clean! I am very much a clean freak by nature - I can be messy, but hygeine is CRUCIAL for me and always has been. I've never had a disgusting room - maybe that's why my mom didn't feel the need to intervene and I never got yelled at for it. My SISTER, on the other hand... :lol:... but she was the obedient one, so as soon as my mom told my sister to clean her room, she just went and did it. I was the :devil: rebel :devil:!

It sounds like you have an awesome current husband, then. :) And feel to complain here any time - that's what this thread is FOR :D :devil:

mom2mollie - what IS your at home job?

Shy Moment
09-26-2007, 03:09 PM
My children are like night and day in some ways. My son, Mr. Slobola. Will complain and moan and groan about doing something. Do it half way and be made to do it over and over again until it is done right BUT he will do it. My loving daughter will say she did it and then I find out it wasn't done. I would rather they say they didn't do it or not do it right and be made to do it again. Than to say they did it when they didn't. She never understands why she is in more trouble than he is lol. " But Mom he didn't do it right and you made him do it 1,346 times before he got it right." " Yes, but he didn't LIE and say he did, it did he."

How do you get to quit your " at home job " lol in my state they call that desertion lol. I have been trying to figure out how to quit my " at home job " for years lol.

09-27-2007, 07:58 PM
Haha! Not quitting the "at home job" of mommyhood! lol

I do medical transcription at home (type dictations of doctors for patient reports). It was GREAT when I was pregnant and on bedrest. But now that there is a fun little munchkin to play with, I can't get it all done!! I want to focus on her... and she is what I call a "high energy" baby... one day soon I'm going to turn around and she'll be gone, crawling all over! She's drooling on me as I type...:dizzy:

Shy Moment
09-27-2007, 08:49 PM
Oh there are some " at home jobs " I love and always have. Cleaning the toilet is not one of them lol.

Our doc doesn't even have anyone that does that anymore. They all have a lap top that they take to each patient. You pay for them to sit there and enter everything in while you are there. Now from the min you see them until they min your file is updated you pay for. One less person they have to pay and they now charge more.

09-28-2007, 08:41 AM
Some of this technological age B.S. is really sad. What you mentioned, Shy Moment, is an example. Laughably bad.

Since this is the self pity thread, I have some b-itching to do today!

Sometimes, I just want to give up on losing weight. I want to pig out on fast food, then go to Sonic and get a cookie dough blast, then go to Dairy Queen and get a blizzard, then go to Cold Stone and get lots of ice cream! I know, I'm craving ice cream hardcore. I'm also craving Munchies. Some chicken nuggets and french fries would be pretty nice, too. Or a Whataburger! Damn it. I want BAD FOOD :devil:

Anyway, I've been busting my *** exercising just like I always have done since beginning my weight loss journey. I'm eating an average of 1,251 calories a day. According to fitday, I should have lost three pounds last week. Did I? NO! :mad: I LOST NOTHING!!! I sometimes just want to say SCREW THIS, especially being I'm trying sooo hard and the stall just won't end! I have 10-20 pounds to lose, still! If it was just 5, maybe I wouldn't be so MAD!

I'm going to hit the gym hard this weekend and do some strenuous power lifting even if it starts to hurt and I get sore. I'm going to make sure I spend an hour on the elliptical without stopping. AND I'm going to ride my bike to the gym.

I HATE LOSING WEIGHT. I see skinny people eating fattening foods and a part of me gets mad. THEY get to eat CRAP while I'm trying to make HEALTHY FOOD CHOICES but their bodies are LEAN and MINE IS NOT when I'm probably in much better physical shape? No friggin' fair! :mad:

09-28-2007, 12:24 PM
Shane, don't get frustrated. Weight loss slows down towards the end, and we all have plateaus. Hang in there! You're doing great, so keep with it. :hug:

A few suggestions (forgive me if this is uninvited, or you already know this stuff - and I know the purpose of this thread is to rant, and we all love to rant sometimes): Your body gets used to the exercises you do, and gets "more efficient" at doing those exercises (read: burns fewer calories), so you need to make sure you're changing it up. Instead of increasing your time on the elliptical, try to change your pace, or hop over to the treadmill or the stairmaster. Pedal as fast as you can for 5 minutes, then slow down for 5, repeat - get your heart rate up. You may want to try to change your type of workouts and intensity to jumpstart your body burning those calories. You say you're averaging 1251 cal/day. How long has this been your average? If you're working out that much, that hard, is it possible that you aren't eating enough? Even when trying to lost you need to fuel your workouts. Also, are you eating a good balance of healthy fats, protein, and carbs? Have you tried calorie cycling? Eat 1 or 2 days of higher calories days, averaged with lower calorie days the rest of the week. This might help keep your body guessing and burning calories.

I think when I got to my lowest weight 2+ years ago, it took me about 6 months to lose the last 7 pounds. It was frustrating. I was always hungry, not eating enough fat, and eating ~1200 cal a day + intensive workout. My hair and nails stopped growing, and I was exhausted constantly. I remedied the fat, but the rest was just not healthy for my body. I swore I'd never eat so little again (at least when working out that intensively). I believe I had depressed my metabolism and sent my body into starvation mode. Just a cautionary tale.

And it stinks, but life is just not fair. Nope, not fair that those skinny people can eat junk stay so thin. Some of them probably work out or eat healthier than we realize...but still, not fair. Not fair my roommate can eat nothing but junk, not work out, and be a size 4. Not fair my office mate is 5'11" so she definitely gets to eat more calories than me, just to maintain her size. But... I've spent a lot of energy in my life thinking about how "not fair" it all is. I'd rather spend that energy doing something more positive.

You are doing a GREAT job!!! Focus on how much healthier you feel, how hot you look in those skinny clothes (and the leather pants ;)). Keep it up!!! :carrot:

09-28-2007, 12:26 PM

I feel fat. That is all.

09-28-2007, 12:40 PM
I HATE LOSING WEIGHT. I see skinny people eating fattening foods and a part of me gets mad. THEY get to eat CRAP while I'm trying to make HEALTHY FOOD CHOICES but their bodies are LEAN and MINE IS NOT when I'm probably in much better physical shape? No friggin' fair! :mad:

Also, don't forget, health is not always visible on the outside... maybe a skinny person has a high matebolism, which keeps their weight down. But they could also be clogging their arteries with saturated and trans fats. They could be developing diabetes, or even suffering from malnutrition. In the end, it's just as bad for them as obesity is for us (health-wise).

09-28-2007, 12:43 PM
Megan1982, I greatly appreciate your reply! I do need to switch up my workouts. On the weekdays, I work 10 hours a day, so I jog on at least one of my 15-minute breaks, then I usually jog when I get home. I ride my bike to work every day, nearly ten miles each way. I do so much running and biking that I have no doubt in my mind that my body is used to it :( So you are right - I need to kick up the intensity. I love that I can run for a long time without getting winded though I also know that means I'm not burning nearly as many calories as I did initially.

My average has been between 1,200 and 1,400 ever since I weighed around 160 and hit my first weight loss stall. So, this has been going on since the end of July. I know I really can't get much lower than 1,200 - and perhaps I DO just need to eat more, or... several tiny meals a day. My fat/carbs/protein balance could be better; I probably need more protein. I eat a lot of carbs... more than I should... they aren't always "bad" carbs but they're still carbs and I stay under 30% fat almost always. Usually I'm around 20% fat, 60% carbs and 20% protein. Not the healthiest thing, I know, I know.

My girlfriend is just like your roommate: size 4, eats all the time, and never exercises. She thinks exercise is boring torture. My sister is a size 4-6 and looks on the thin side of "average" to me, but she also never, ever exercises and eats tons of junk. She doesn't see the point of exercise: "I have a great figure already, why should I bother?"

I have another friend who just "can't gain weight." She DOES exercise... 30 minutes once or twice a week and considers it working out often! :lol: She eats anything and everything, though people assume she never eats because she's so slim. Her entire family is skinny... not weight obsessed or thin obsessed, either, just skinny! :mad: She takes full advantage of this and eats everything, dismissing whether it's healthy or not with, "yeah, well, I'm not FAT so who CARES, right? :D!"

That "we all have the same metabolism" theory is a LOAD OF CRAP!

misschris531: yeah, true... I read an article in a magazine once about how some people just store fat between their internal organs (how some skinny people get away with eating so much) whereas obviously fat people store it more externally.

I also read that internal fat is actually more dangerous. :D HAHAHA, skinny b-itches!!

Shy Moment
09-28-2007, 02:03 PM
Oh Night
I do have those days. A big mac and fries and a milk shake sounds soooooooooooo good. This is very strange since I have never thought a big mac and fires and a milk shake sounded good lol.

09-28-2007, 02:22 PM
Yeah, I hardly even LIKED fast food when I was fat... just every now and then.

Now that I've sworn off everything greasy like that, I ALWAYS want BAD FOOD! I don't even like Big Macs but if you put one in front of my face right now, I would GOBBLE it down with DELIGHT! :mad:

We always want what we can't have...

09-28-2007, 02:39 PM
You guys are making me hungry!

09-28-2007, 02:42 PM
ANOTHER THING that makes me mad:
my job is soooooo boring and requires sitting at a desk all day with very minimal social interaction. This makes me want to eat to entertain myself.

Sometimes I even think about starting smoking again so I can be thin. I used to smoke sometimes when I was younger, though my life was a constant party back then and I also drank all the time. Alcohol, nicotine, and red bull were food groups as far as I was concerned. :D It was an unhealthy life, but at least I was THIN. Oh well... I'm medium/average sized and *healthy* now. I guess that's better. *rams this fact into my head that it IS better!*

I definitely have an oral fixation.

Shy Moment
09-28-2007, 03:11 PM
Hate to burst your rant bubble because I guess I understand but be thankful you aren't working at a plant. Working hard and getting dirty and making minimum wage.

09-28-2007, 03:30 PM
You work at a plant? Or you did? Or does your husband? Or someone you know?

I'm glad I don't work hard and get dirty for minimum wage. My job doesn't pay that wonderfully, but it's way above minimum wage.

I'd like to work a physical job, though. I wouldn't mind getting a whole lot more dirty for some extra physical activity as long as I was making around the same amount as I'm making right now. I just don't want to deal with snakes and ticks.

Shy Moment
09-28-2007, 03:58 PM
I have always ran warehouses for a living. Lots of hard work sure not sitting behind a desk. Now those jobs are few and far between. I would go back to work if I could find something close to home that didn't want to half kill me lol, I am just to darn old for that anymore. Always liked the work. A lot of resonsibility and always something to do. Would really like to find a desk job now, just getting to old and beat up from the work to be able to toss around 35lb boxes and such. Wish I could find a job sitting behind a desk lol

09-28-2007, 04:13 PM
I admit it, I smoke. Probably 1/3 pack a day. When I feel a hunger pang coming on sometimes I smoke to postpone it a bit, but thats not why I do it really. It's just a bad habit/addiction. I will quit soon, but I figured I would tackle one thing at a time-- first the weight loss/overeating problems, then the smoking.

Shy Moment
09-28-2007, 07:41 PM
Made a deal with my daughter. When I get down to 120 I will stop smokeing. She will hold me to this deal too.

01-20-2008, 12:55 PM
I feel like I am in almost the same situation as lovestorun
Just don't know what to do

01-20-2008, 02:01 PM
I feel just like that but don't know what I want to do

01-20-2008, 02:02 PM
I feel just like lovestorun but can't decide what to do

01-20-2008, 05:03 PM
I also have days where my weight gets me down , then I have a ton of negative thoughts and want to eat.My whole family is over weight and they have health problems and they complain about their weight I have finally realized that I am the only one who can make it happen .
Shane I look up to you because you started some where close to where I am now (with your weight) and I think if she can do it so can I, you are more of an inspiration then you know . I can certainly understand your frustration, hang in there you can do it .

I also was picked on as a child we did not have much money my step dad and mom drank it up so we had very little and it is hard to have a sense of fashion when your clothes come from the second hand store and your shoes are used.Kids called me the second hand poor kid. I hated school. things got a little better in High school.Kids can be so mean.

We are beautiful and special no matter what .:hug: to you all I hope you have a wonderful week . Rena

01-21-2008, 01:19 AM
oh man, this thread somehow got resurrected!

lostinit07 - your childhood situation sounds almost identical to mine! I got made fun of for not having money as a kid, too. I was VERY ashamed of it, so I always saved my lunch money and then pretended to be rich. I gave money to anyone who asked me for it, so they wouldn't know I was not wealthy.

My family was homeless for around a month when I was 10 years old. That's how we originally got into Virginia. I started going to school there and was MORTIFIED to know this girl in my class rode my bus home! I even contemplated WALKING home so that I would not have to deal with the humiliation. This girl told everyone in my class, and I said it wasn't true and that my family just lived in a hotel. I knew there was a hotel by TGI Friday's. IT looked nice. The problem is, I thought it was called "Staples" because there was a sign near it saying "Staples." I said I lived at Staples, until a kid in my class told me that was impossible. Bah!

Thankfully, things DID improve for my family financially, but I had already become so uncool that I couldn't create status with money. I was still overweight, had a bad case of acne, an accent (we lived in the south for awhile, and southern accents = hick in the second richest county in America), and just fueled the fire when the kids made fun of me. If they mocked me, I mocked them right back, when I should have just ignored them. I never fit in with any particular clique, ended up making shallow friendships during my one "cool" year, and was absolutely miserable, so I ended up quitting high school... and graduating at the age of 16 through an online corrospondance program! :)

I hated my childhood. I'm glad I'm a grown woman with a great body(well, on days that I like myself), great skin(I never wear make-up besides eye stuff and people are floored by that), a pleasant sounding voice, and a job that makes end's meet (with being about to start a GREAT job in a couple weeks!!:D)

Oh, and if anyone was wondering, I never started smoking again to lose the rest of my weight. ;)

01-21-2008, 08:53 AM
We came close to being homeless I don't know how many times because no one worked , but my step dads parents usually paid the bills , there was times we did not have food or heat or water or lights.Back then the teachers overlooked every thing they seemed, at least to me not to care as if it was none of there business is how I think they felt.I look back and think how well I've done despite how things were I am a stronger person today.I spent a year when I was 10 in California that was a rough place right in the city the kids were so mean and because they thought Maine was overseas they taunted me told me I was not from the united states , come on I know Maine is about 3,000 miles away but did any one teach them geography. So not only did Ireceive the abuse at school I also got it at home . Even when I did get new clothes they were not the right brand and the kids knew.

Shane thats funny (sorry for laughing) about Staples :rofl:, you know despite all you went through you are wonderful person you are loved , smart and have overcome a weight issue sounds like you have a lot of friends ,I know that it is hard to leave things behind since you went so much those thoughts have a way of creeping in.Keep your head up and show the world the beautiful woman you are .

01-21-2008, 01:03 PM
Oh, lostinit07, *I* laugh at the Staples thing! Don't apologize for laughing - it's one of the events that makes me who I am now... it isn't a painful recollection... just a childhood memory ;)

DAMN, our childhoods were SO similar! I observed the brands the kids were into, but by the time I bought them, they were no longer cool. In 6th grade, I got picked on (or worse, beaten up) nearly every day. I told my teacher, but there was only so much he could do about it, and in hindsight, he probably thought I was the most pathetic kid ever and took insane amounts of pity on me :lol:

Most of the kids in my 6th grade class were the tough bully types (I tried too hard to fit in when I was in 5th grade and ended up doing stupid things to hurt others' feelings, which landed me in that class:() and I was too afraid to fight back. I learned self defense later and now have a black belt, though!

You know... we never got our electricity shut off, but I definitely remember being hungry. On my 9th birthday, I remember having to choose between rice, ramen noodles, or mashed potatoes. I was livid and couldn't stop crying and yelling about how everyone else had a birthday party. A week later, I did have a party with cake, ice cream, and a new bike, but I remember being a little ticked off that I didn't get this stuff ON my birthday.

It blows my mind to think I VOLUNTARILY starved myself years later! :lol: (ironically, my family no longer had financial problems then)

It also blows my mind that kids ARE so mean, though adults can be just as bad. Thankfully, my stories all have happy endings and I haven't had to undergo any sort of verbal abuse in my adult life, BUT being in a college town, I see these rich, snobby, bratty kids making fun of those who choose to appear different, making fun of those who do not have money, and making fun of those who don't drive nice cars.

I'm sorry that you not only had to deal with abuse at school but also with alcoholic parents :( I am blessed to have parents who really did try their best to take care of me and my sister. I didn't realize how blessed I was at the time, because I was too busy thinking about how everyone else seemed to hate me. It was almost as if my parents' love didn't "count" because "well, uh, they're MOM AND DAD, they can't hate me because they HAD me..."

:hug: it seems like you have also come out a strong person... and going through stuff like this (and I can only imagine it was ten times worse for you) makes us appreicate life's little blessings much more than someone who has been handed everything. :hug: lots of hugs to you.

01-21-2008, 01:40 PM
Hey y'all, was just perusing this thread - I was at home for a while with my baby, but but we couldn't afford it so I went back to work, and honestly I'm glad I did because I love my job and being a SAHM was REALLY HARD, I felt isolated and it was exhausting. Was just thinking though, how come no one ever asks fathers why they don't stay home to raise their kids? For some reason it's selfish for a woman to do it (stay at home or go back to work, take your pick, we're selfish either way) but not a man.

And I just checked the dates and realized that this conversation happened quite a while ago, so my apologies since everyone's moved on!!!

01-21-2008, 06:36 PM
hello khuljeanie glad you popped in come back often , this is a great site with wonderful people.

Shane I have forgiven my mom and step dad although they could of done better ,they did what they thought was right in their own sick way , they were sick (both alcoholics).My mom and I are closer now then ever, I have a very loving husband and beautiful children and grand children I have a wonderful job and a great boss , not to say I don't struggle I look at food different then others I have a fear of not having enough to eat a childhood thing.I don't ever make fun of people and I don't judge because I was always on the receiving end ,today I figure if some does not like me they are the ones missing out. We go though things for a reason now because of what you experienced you are probably more attentive to others feeling and provide a safe loving home for your girl friend , you care and that is what makes you special. I don't know you well but if I was a betting person (I'm not ) I would bet you would make a great friend , reflect on those qualities when you are down .:hug: to you

01-21-2008, 10:16 PM
Nightingale Shane You seem to be one of the best listeners on here Would you read my thread under "affairs" I am trying to get it togethor and would like and respect your opinion I think I am on the right track


01-21-2008, 11:25 PM
Ooooooh a venting thread! YAY

I had one HECK of a day! I supervise exams at a local college, and right now is a big time for "Challenge Exams". For $100 a student can challenge the course that they are in (during the first few weeks of classes). The students are given a registration form, sent to Customer services to pay, and if they have a receipt, I'll give the test... as I've always done!.
If they pass this test, they can be dropped from the course and given a refund for the actual course and the grade from the exam.

Well... Over the past month and a half, I've been giving out tests as usual. (No tests unless I see a receipt from Customer services).

I always supervised the exam then sent it in for marking.

Well as policy states, grades should be entered no later than 1 week after writing. And NO grades were being entered for the past month and a half!

After a MANY complaints from students who were not getting their grades, a couple of coordinators came flying at me accusing me of giving the tests for free or stealing the money!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT?!?! For some reason, none of the payments were being recorded under their payment records by customer services.

So I've been asking the students to get TWO receipts, one for me to KEEP WITH THE EXAM and one for them to keep themselves.

Today I ended up freaking out on one of the chairs and threw the piles of forms with receipts attached and told him "Tell me again I'm stealing the money!!". I have no access to any kind of register to provide receipts (I was applauded by my supervisor after the jerk walked away)

I had my own supervisor and dean verify I was in the right and the coordinators were in the wrong (heck I've had this job for 5 years, the new coordinators only been tracking the grades for a few months!!). Anyway, now there's solid proof that the money is going into the tests... but Customer Services is entering the payments totally wrong, I have NO clue where they're putting the payments...and somehow it's still ending up being MY fault.

Oooh now I know why I'm applying for another job!! As soon as tests are written, they should be completely out of my hands (It is NOT my responsiblity to do research into the database to see where the payment was made and then drag them to customer services if the payment was made under the wrong foapal), but for the past month and a half, I've been crapped on by both angry students screaming for their results and the coordinators.