100 lb. Club - Will this fix Everything?




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Marseille
09-20-2007, 03:51 PM
I read an article a few weeks back about women who became seriously depressed after losing a significant amount of weight. I don't know why I was reading it because it wasn't particularly happy reading but now I am thinking about it again.
Most of the women indicated that while they were overweight, they tended to attribute EVERYTHING that was wrong with their lives to their weight. If they had a bad marriage, or a crummy job, or a hard time making friends, it was blamed on the weight. After the major weight loss, they assumed that all the other problems in their lives would automatically be fixed too. Surprise surprise, losing weight isn't the magic wand that makes our jobs fabulous, our friends numerous and our husbands turn into Mr. Romantic.
After that article, I got curious. What DOES change? What doesn't? How do we keep our expectations reasonable? Is there one thing (non health related) that you are just positive that weight loss will fix?


Sheila53
09-20-2007, 04:01 PM
Losing weight helped me be somewhat more relaxed in social situations and less fearful to try new things.

As to the question in your subject line, absolutely not.

GirlyGirlSebas
09-20-2007, 04:05 PM
From losing weight in the past, I know that I feel more confident and less self concious. I'm looking forward to feeling this way again.....its already starting, just a teensy bit!


LaurieDawn
09-20-2007, 04:09 PM
Actually, the weight loss journey has made an impact on several things with which I struggled. The most significant one is that I almost always allowed the needs of my husband and children to take precedence over my needs. So, for example, I would plan to go for a walk after dinner, but my husband wanted me to help him with a work project. So, I would push the walk back and help my husband. Then, one of my children might need help with homework. Anyway, you get the picture. Now I'm learning to balance my needs with those of my family and force them to plan better. I tell them when I will be available and when I will not be available. It was a tough transition for us all - I felt guilty, they resented it. But now, things are much better. I feel much more appreciated, they tend to be better organized with their needs, and forcing my needs into the equation helped me feel better about myself. I also feel more confident about taking on challenges.

Trazey34
09-20-2007, 04:20 PM
the notion that being "thin" or at least "thinner" will all of a sudden make a person HAPPY is a recipe for disaster! It might make situations more bearable, give a bit more self-esteem, but if you can't be happy at whatever size shape fitness level, etc., being thinner won't do it either.

that's why i say BE HAPPY :D yay!!!

One thing I know being thinner will fix: Not being taller than 6'2 MEN when I sit down because of the giant caboose! hahahahah

Jen
09-20-2007, 04:24 PM
This is a very good topic! I have never really been at a healthy weight. I've always been chubby and self conscious about it. I'm hoping that once I have lost a significant amount of weight I will gain some self confidence about the way I look. I would like to play more sports, I did more as a teen that I just haven't been willing to try in years since my weight has increased.

Flutterby873
09-20-2007, 04:36 PM
I've always thought things would be better after losting weight because like Jen, I've always been overweight and self conscious about it. I don't expect it to change things like getting a better job or something, but I do feel like I'll feel better about myself and have more confidence with myself. Mostly that's what I want from losing weight. This is a great topic though!

dek6
09-20-2007, 04:51 PM
I always think that if I lose weight things will get better but they wont unless I work on them. There is a reason I am over weight. I had a screwed up childhood and it made me very insecure and have alot of anxiety issues. So that is something that isnt going to "be fixed" with weight loss because those issues are still gonna be there.

But I hope that it makes me less insecure and less fearful to speak my mind and put my opinion out there are try new things because even if I look stupid people wont think that I look stupid because I am fat.

Mrs Quadcrew
09-20-2007, 05:05 PM
I could have written LaurieDawn's post. EVERYTHING else used to come first, even the dog's needs. Loosing the weight brought a whole lot of new issues into my life, but facing them head-on (which I NEVER would have had the confidence to do when I was huge) has been a catalyst for me. I have new found importance and respect that I never had before. I am important, and I am loved.....and I really didn't know that or care to "push" any of those issues before. I just quietly sank to the bottom of whatever barrel was open that particular day. I am 110% better now than I was 9 months ago.

phantastica
09-20-2007, 05:12 PM
I wonder if it's kind of like post-partum depression, or the post-wedding blues ... you work up so much for this one activity, and then bam, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

LaurieDawn and Quadcrew, I totally think you hit the nail on the head - setting aside that whole martyr-mother role and putting your own needs first. I had to do that too, I've referred to it before as making sure all my duckies are in a row.

Bouncing
09-20-2007, 05:32 PM
What a great topic! You all do know that Nice Girls Don't Get Angry, don't you? I've realized that a lot of my fears came from guilt over (unacknowledged) anger, and the subconscious conviction that I would be punished for not being "a Nice Girl." You know, karmic justice and all that. Nice girls put everybody and everything else first, ya know. Then there's all that buried-alive anger that burns, out of sight, just below the surface. I have always been great at denying anger, especially to myself. And of course, since I always put myself last, I had lots of anger. Not only that, even though I would never admit it, I blamed all "those people" for my own self-deprecating behavior! Then I ate over it. Very logical. A friend of mine expresses it as "setting yourself on fire, and hoping the other guy dies of smoke inhalation." Well, I don't always speak up for myself yet, but at least I know this is what I am choosing, not what somebody else is doing to me. Remarkably freeing!

Then there's the ability to reach my own feet. Still a novelty! And fit in more places. I'm a lot more flexible/mobile. I guess the real payoff for these things is that my weight idoesn't slap me iin the face as often, making life harder and making me more self conscious. Probably the most important change is that, now that I'm not using food to numb my feelings, I am finding out what they really are, and what personal weaknesses I need to address, instead of burying them in fat. Each one that I confront, lessens its power and its ability to hurt me. I am getting more functional and psychologically healthy day by day. That is the most important change, and certainly the most far-reaching one.

deedee10
09-20-2007, 06:08 PM
Well for me it's about being naked and I hope I'm not being inappropriate and if I am, please accept my apologies. The main thing I remember about being smaller because I've never been skinny, is feeling so free when I was nude. I had a confidence that I just don't have right now.

rockinrobin
09-20-2007, 06:21 PM
Losing the weight has made a dent, and a big one at that, in every single area of my life. Everything has changed for me. Everything. So therefore, I have changed as well. It can't help but affect you. Yes, I've still got the same values, morals and beliefs, but oddly enough, even those got stronger. Losing the weight freed me up to voice my opinions more strongly, to not be so meek. It even made me think clearer. It's as if this huge weight, (haha) has been lifted from my heart AND my head.

Is my life perfect now? No, of course not, not even close. I still struggle with the monthly bills, a household to run, a job that I don't adore, a stubborn husband, 3 teenaged daughters (no need to elobarate there, I'm sure :crazy:), one of whom has been diagnosed with a chronic illness 4 months ago, and so on and so on. But everything is better and easier to deal with having lost the weight. I don't know how I managed to handle things with all the anxieties that my weight brought on for me. I don't know how I managed to get ANYthing done. I was so lethargic and inactive and just down right unproductive. I have so much more energy now, our household runs much smoother. I'm much more on top of things.

Social situations are a breeze now, compared to what they used to be. I hid behind the weight for so long (unbeknowest to me), losing it allowed the real me to come through. I have so much more confidence now. I always felt as if I were being judged for my weight and nothing I said mattered.

Just knowing that I can go anywhere and "fit" anywhere is a huge, huge relief for me. Knowing that I dress just as well as anyone else in any given place is a huge boon for me as well. I always felt so dowdy and unattractive. I felt such shame. I no longer feel that way. My eating habits and inactivity also held so much shame for me. Having those things gone from my day in and day out thoughts can't help but affect my overall mood and the way I deal with my daily life.

I've still got lots to contend with, things that I have ZERO control over, but given the choice of dealing with them being morbidly obese or dealing with them while being a healthy weight - there's just no comparison.

LisaMarie71
09-20-2007, 08:52 PM
Same here. Losing the weight didn't make me "happy." Honestly, in most ways I was already happy. The difference is that now I'm far happier because I don't have that one huge thing weighing on my mind. I feel comfortable everywhere, I feel strong and athletic, I'm not ashamed of the way I look anymore, and I've been able to inspire other people to make positive changes. Those things are a VERY big deal, but they certainly don't erase the other problems I have in my life. They just make me better able to handle those problems.

kaplods
09-20-2007, 09:31 PM
When I was working in a youth home, we had a girl who was a little more than chubby, but not so overweight as to be obese. She was very cute, and so sweet, but had some major behavioral and emotional issues from the neglect and abuse at home. She was extremely depressed and shy.

I was so surprised that most of the staff focused so much on her weight as being the cause of her problems (not her psycho-mom and having no social support system that could be called "normal") and suggested that we encourage her to lose weight in order to increase her self-esteem. The rest of the staff looked at me like I was crazy (and obviously didn't know what I was talking about since I was fat) when I suggested that maybe we should help her increase her self-esteem so she would have the confidence and drive to lose weight and accomplish other things in her life that she found important.

Aren't we almost actively taught that being or getting fat MAKES us unhappy and crazy? Not that being unhappy or having emotional problems might have at least played a role in why some people gain weight or at least why they may have additional trouble losing it.

As someone who is relatively well-adjusted and happy despite being overweight and even having health problems resulting from it, I don't see losing weight as making anything happen in my life, besides improving my health and expanding my world and ability to explore it.

I think losing weight can improve a person's outlook on life, only if it's at least relatively positive to begin with. If you're one to wallow in self-pity, you'll find some other reason to feel sorry for yourself in my opinion.

puboochu99
09-21-2007, 12:51 AM
My wardrobe!! I know that seems kind of material, but I think that most cute clothes out there are for thin women.

Marseille
09-21-2007, 01:01 AM
[QUOTE=kaplods;1862663] most of the staff focused so much on her weight as being the cause of her problems QUOTE]

Isn't it weird how schools keep shifting their focus of whats important? A few years back it was all about praising and rewarding kids for every scribble and fart and eliminating competition from sports to raise self-esteem. Now its all about weight. I got a note home from school that said my son is in the normal weight range for his age and height but that he is "In danger of becoming overweight" and that I should consult with his pediatrician to determine how best to treat his "condition". What the heck is that supposed to mean? I have to take him to the doctor because he has the potential of becoming overweight at some point? Doesn't EVERYONE, technically, have some danger of becoming overweight if they don't eat right and exercise? He's 9 years old and weighs 89 pounds at 4 feet 11. He is not overweight and doesn't even look chubby. I checked him out and couldn't find a soft spot anywhere. I am so mad... I actually have to have my doctor sign this note and return it to school to show that I consulted with him!!

rakel
09-21-2007, 03:44 AM
[QUOTE=kaplods;1862663] most of the staff focused so much on her weight as being the cause of her problems QUOTE]

Isn't it weird how schools keep shifting their focus of whats important? A few years back it was all about praising and rewarding kids for every scribble and fart and eliminating competition from sports to raise self-esteem. Now its all about weight. I got a note home from school that said my son is in the normal weight range for his age and height but that he is "In danger of becoming overweight" and that I should consult with his pediatrician to determine how best to treat his "condition". What the heck is that supposed to mean? I have to take him to the doctor because he has the potential of becoming overweight at some point? Doesn't EVERYONE, technically, have some danger of becoming overweight if they don't eat right and exercise? He's 9 years old and weighs 89 pounds at 4 feet 11. He is not overweight and doesn't even look chubby. I checked him out and couldn't find a soft spot anywhere. I am so mad... I actually have to have my doctor sign this note and return it to school to show that I consulted with him!!

WTF???? I hope I can afford private school when I have kids!!! Assuming that he's going to a public school that is. IF he's going to a private school then that is even more nuts! I would definitely go in and talk to that teacher.

rakel
09-21-2007, 03:48 AM
I don't think of losing weight as an easy fix to my problems, but I do hope that losing the weight will, as many of you have already said, give me confidence that I'm not constantly thinking about what others think of me. For example, every trip to the GROCERY store. Whenever I step into the EXERCISE room at our apartment complex and other (fit) people are running on the treadmill & so on... not to mention how many times I am ignored in group social situations and torn as to whether I like or dislike it.

And even if I lose weight, I know these things won't even fix themselves, so I'm already trying to feel more positive about myself. It's just hard to change a line of thought you've had since you were a kid... ah, and then, I wasn't even that fat. I guess that's always how it goes huh? You think you're _so_fat, and hindsight makes you oh-so-aware of how good you had it.

sharonrr1
09-21-2007, 04:35 PM
I wonder if it's kind of like post-partum depression, or the post-wedding blues ... you work up so much for this one activity, and then bam, it's not all it's cracked up to be.

LaurieDawn and Quadcrew, I totally think you hit the nail on the head - setting aside that whole martyr-mother role and putting your own needs first. I had to do that too, I've referred to it before as making sure all my duckies are in a row.

I totally agree. For the first time in 22 years of being with my husband I come first in my life. I love him and my children dearly but if he wants to go out I pick the restaurant that has something I can eat too. I go workout when it is good for me not when it is good for everyone else. I no longer feel guilty about it and they seem to be more independent because of the change.
I am much more confident and I have become a shameless flirt. I think my husband enjoys all the attention I am getting. He is very proud of what I have accomplished. It definitely has changed our sex lives. Can't get enough.

Daimere
09-21-2007, 08:10 PM
I read an article a few weeks back about women who became seriously depressed after losing a significant amount of weight. I don't know why I was reading it because it wasn't particularly happy reading but now I am thinking about it again.
Most of the women indicated that while they were overweight, they tended to attribute EVERYTHING that was wrong with their lives to their weight. If they had a bad marriage, or a crummy job, or a hard time making friends, it was blamed on the weight. After the major weight loss, they assumed that all the other problems in their lives would automatically be fixed too. Surprise surprise, losing weight isn't the magic wand that makes our jobs fabulous, our friends numerous and our husbands turn into Mr. Romantic.
After that article, I got curious. What DOES change? What doesn't? How do we keep our expectations reasonable? Is there one thing (non health related) that you are just positive that weight loss will fix?

I'm one of those people who think all their problems will be fixed. I've always thought it since I was in 2nd grade. I know it won't. But I think it's something with how I've guarded my personality to protect myself from the taunting. I think it will help me open up more to people and not be on the edges of life as much. I know I feel so much more relaxed now that I am loosing. I know no one else can see my weight loss but I know it and it's making me feel a little more comfortable and don't care to act crazy.

royalsfan1
09-22-2007, 08:39 AM
I wonder if she became so depressed because she lost the weight, what's wrong was still there, and now she had NOTHING to blame except herself. When your marriage is rocky, you have no friends, you don't like your job, whatever...it's so easy to say the weight is the issue. If the weight isn't the issue then you have to face the fact that some part of you is the issue. That's depressing! I think the only way to avoid this is to realize that what's wrong in our lives, marriages, jobs, families, etc...really doesn't revolve around our weight. Those are things that need to be fixed all by themselves.

nicolen
09-22-2007, 02:56 PM
I'm in agreement with Tricia - perhaps she did think that her problems will be solved if she lost the weight. The reality is that while she may be thinner, she's not necessarily going to be happier. If she's got some major issues that she has to deal with aside from her weight, then...yeah.

The thing is, it's impossible for us to know what someone else is thinking or feeling unless we're standing in their shoes. We don't know what else is happening in her life - she could have had a relationship break up, a sick child, lost a parent; all completely independent of her weight loss.

Being honest, getting to goal scares me a bit. I don't know what I'll look like and at this stage, whether I've chosen a goal that's achievable. But I'm going to enjoy the ride and I know that my personality is going to be the same as it is now.