100 lb. Club - Bad Husband, Very Bad!!




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cara1980
09-14-2007, 10:44 AM
I love Krispy Kreme bavarian cream filled donuts.

Guess what my hubby came home with on Wed!!! He brought 1 doezen of those wonderful, delicious, sweet little donughts completely stuffed with the melt on the tip of your tongue bavarian cream.

Heres the kicker-He got home before I did and left the evil donuts on the stove where I would see them when I got home. I was already stressed out from spending 2 hours at the grocery store trying to healthy shop and I get home and see all those donuts. I really debated for about 30 minutes before I decided 1 wouldnt hurt and I had been to the gym three times already this week and lost 3 lbs so it would be ok to reward myself. Boy was I wrong.

2 days, 5 donuts, and 3 candy bars later- Im up 2lbs and mad at myself for giving in like that. Yesterday I didnt even think about one until he came home and said Oh I have donuts. I felt my mouth juicing up going mmmmmmmmm donuts! I took one and he told me he didnt want to hear anything about me gaining weight, I told him he sure was going to hear it b/c he shouldnt have brought them home!!


slimmingsi
09-14-2007, 10:50 AM
Is DH thin by any chance? i noticed thin people mock others when they try to lose weight. my Ex GF used to do it all the time the current one does too. because they have seen my try and then give up before they assume im going to now and when it looks like i'm going well they get worried that they might be wrong and do anything to derail me.

do you do all the cooking? if so be mean back? throw out all his fav stuff pour his beer down the sink (always gets the back up) and serve him up what you have to eat all day every day, and if he moans about it just say that he was really outta order for tempting you and not being supportive so now because he loves you he's going to do it with you!

Marseille
09-14-2007, 10:57 AM
Why would he have done that to you? Sure, it was you who actually took a donut and ate it, but your comments sounds like he did it specifically to taunt you. Has he been jealous of your success? I think sometimes when you are making positive changes in your life partners fear that they will get left behind. Then they sabotage the efforts you are making to try and keep things the same. Maybe it's time for a heart-to-heart with hubby to tell him how you feel and assure him that you are doing this to make yourself healthy and happy and this was just so unsupportive.


Pita09
09-14-2007, 11:14 AM
I would have been livid! That is completely uncalled for and inexcusable in my book. Make him buy you some expensive bling and do dishes for a month, then maybe you can begin to forgive him. :mad:

QuilterInVA
09-14-2007, 11:33 AM
I would have picked them up and put them in the garbage disposal and gotten rid of them immediately and told him just what I had done when he came home. You are in charge of what you eat, not him. You have to learn to live in a world of unhealthy foods and make wise choices.

Torister
09-14-2007, 11:45 AM
Hmmm....not a great way to keep the love of his life happy. Naughty boy! ;)

My husband is in pretty good shape and with exercise he can eat what he wants. That being said, he knows I am trying to lose weight and be healthy, so he doesn't bring things into the house to eat in front of me. Last night he called me and said he wanted pizza and could I have some of that for dinner. I said that would be fine, but could we get a SMALL instead of our usual LARGE and add a garden salad? SURE! He showed up with just that and he had his craving satisfied and I was able to have my pizza fix and stay OP. :carrot:

Our SUs shouldn't *have* to give up things they like because we are trying to get healthy, but they sure shouldn't be bringing stuff into the house to "set us up" for a binge. Why on earth couldn't he buy ONE donut for himself? That is what my DH does...he brings home his cuppa and a treat. Which is fine by me. He doesn't feel deprived and I am not tempted.

Sounds like he needs to have a sit down heart to heart. Surely a compromise can be reached. Good Luck!

hellokitty81668
09-14-2007, 11:52 AM
Hi,
I can sympathize with you . My husband brings home chips, Krispe kremes, soda, ect.. In the past when I have dieted, I have given into temptation and ate and ate, no more. I usually toss the leftover stuff he leaves around the house. If he doesn't like it to bad, this food is bad for me, and I am not going to allow him to sabatoge me. I am sorry your husband did this, but I know you can have a better day . cheryl

Robin41
09-14-2007, 12:14 PM
Is your husband a Richard in other ways or just this one? Because his actions are totally unacceptable. There seem to be so many husbands around that act this way and while there are a lot of psycho-babble explanations for it, I think it's very possible they are just jerks.

That being said, there are always going to be challenges and I'd have saved one donut for him and thrown the rest away. And I wouldn't have felt the least bit apologetic or guilty about it.

Goldia
09-14-2007, 12:56 PM
Cara, I know just how you feel. :tantrum:
I have told my DH that if he brings that kind of stuff into the house (I am especially vulnerable to Cap'n Crunch) that I will flush any and all junk down the toilet. The toilet, so I can't be tempted to go back to the trash! After two flushing incidents, the junk purchases have stopped. He hated the thought of money being spent on food that was flushed away and he couldn't believe I had really done it. I have told him if he must have junk food that he can keep it in the trunk of his car (he has a perfect BMI). Good luck.

hidingtazz
09-14-2007, 01:20 PM
Is your husband a Richard in other ways or just this one?

Robin, this made me giggle. :)

kaplods
09-14-2007, 01:40 PM
I'm usually a little overly generous in assuming others motives are not deliberately destructive. So much of what we learn from our families and our culture, and so ingrained we often don't even realize it, tells us that food is the way to celebrate, show love, and comfort each other. A few heart-to-hearts often still doesn't sink through, as the offender is likely to keep thinking "just this once won't hurt," or "she's done so well, surely she can have...." yadayadayada

However, a DOZEN? OMG! Of course, the biggest problem here is that he isn't likely to admit (at least out loud, or probably even to himself) that he was out to sabotage your efforts, so you may see more of this in one way or another, so you've got to be prepared until he gets over his insecurity, or you've drilled it through his head that he is not to do this.

kaw
09-14-2007, 02:03 PM
I'll probably get shouted down for saying this, but I'll say it anyway: it takes two to tango. Sure, maybe our DH/SOs could be more sensitive about bringing junk food into the house. But WE have control over what we eat, no one else.

It's next to impossible to isolate ourselves completely from temptation. If it's not DH bringing home doughnuts, it'll be something else: birthday cakes for co-workers, or croissants at morning meetings, or friends who order pizza, or picnics at your kid's school, or what-have-you. That's just life. But the strength to resist temptations is within all of us. Find it, exercise it, nurture it.

Kim

kaplods
09-14-2007, 02:15 PM
I do completely agree, but one would hope to encourage those closest to us to be more considerate. Expecting a non-dieting spouse to never bring home a treat for himself is one thing, but to expect him not to bring home a dozen of our personal favorites, is another.

It doesn't make him responsible for her eating them, but it is something that should be actively discouraged.

Ruthxxx
09-14-2007, 02:15 PM
Right on, Kaw! Nobody pries our mouths open and shoves it in. We do it to ourselves.

LeedaRenee
09-14-2007, 02:20 PM
DH agreed to cut back considerably on the junk food in our house, though he still has the occasional treats, but usually just buys one and eats it quickly.
I agree it's not their responsibility, it's ours, but a little help in the junk food department is always nice ;)

cara1980
09-14-2007, 02:41 PM
IM gonna try to address everything in this post-

DH is 6ft 130lbs, very skinny! He basically lives on junk food. I do all the cooking in the house. He claims he doesnt know how and doesnt even attempt to open a can.

I dont know why he left them on the stove. ANy other time before he brought home junk that I liked he put it up so I didnt know where it was. I Have even filled grocery bags with his stuff and handed it to him to put up away from me. 40lbs ago he didnt like the attention I was getting from other guys. Even though I never acted on any of the comments or offers I was please that men were checking me out b/c I never got that when I was 200+. DH always tells me about girls checking him out and talking to him so I didnt see the problem in telling him about it. Well there was a big problem! Suddenly I kept being accussed of infidelity. So maybe since Im trying to lose the 40lbs that I gained back its a problem with him. I have no idea. I do know that its not like him to bring things inside. He is very bad about not cleaning his car and wont even bring in his lunch bag everyday. So I think he was trying to set me up with those donuts.

It wouldnt serve any purpose to throw the stuff out b/c he would just go get more and tell me not to do that again. He doesnt care about wasting money like i do.

He does have a junk cabinet filled with things he likes but I dont so I dont touch the stuff. Its not like he is being deprived but he wanted donuts he could have at least put them somewhere else so I dont have to see them when I 1st walk in the door.

slimmingsi- If your GF does that to you I would seriously reconsider my relationship with her. You need more respect than that. But your gf may also think if you get all hot and stuff you may leave her for someone else.

GirlyGirlSebas
09-14-2007, 04:14 PM
Wow, I have to say that I'm really surprised by some of the responses on this thread. No, he didnt pry her mouth open and shove the doughnuts in....but, you guys are really missing the point. Our spouse's are supposed to be our partners in life. They are supposed to want what is best for us. Good health is best for us. A whole box of doughnuts is nothing less than sabotage of Cara's efforts to achieve good health. Her partner has let her down and this is unacceptable. IMHO,Cara, if he's not going to support you, then its time to play some hardball. Stand up for yourself and don't make excuses for him....throw the damn junk away if he brings it home! Its your home, too, and you deserve to have a temptation free environment. And, even if he is slender, he doesnt need a whole box of doughnuts either! These should be occasional treats.

Megan1982
09-14-2007, 04:39 PM
cara1980, I agree with Kim & others that we are responsible for the food we put into our mouths. However, it is reasonable to ask for a little support from our loved ones, and to hope that though we are met with temptations in a lot of situations - work, social occasions with friends, etc., you might try to make your own home a 'safe zone.' My roommates totally respect my healthy eating habits, don't bring large quantities of treats into the house, and will keep things in their cabinets (read: out of my sight) at my request. Yes, sometimes I have to ignore the queso dip during a football game or ice cream in the freezer, but they don't bombarb me with it, which it sort of sounds like your hubby did in this case.

Do you & DH live by yourselves? As in, he bought a dozen donuts for the two of you alone? I think that if this is the case, it is a reasonable request that he not bring foods like this into the house, or only bring what he will eat. Have you had any heart-to-hearts about him supporting your weight loss? Is he generally supportive about your efforts? If you haven't, I would first suggest sitting down with your husband and have a talk about your efforts and how he feels about them. Explain why being healthy is important to you, and that you are working on your self-control but it is hard when there is a big box of donuts sitting there. After that, yes, I would suggest throwing the food away if he insists on bringing it home "for you." Or put 6 donuts ("his half") in a bag and put it on his dresser, and throw "your half" away. Something like that so he realizes that you're serious.

Good luck! And remember - we all have slip-ups and eat donuts once in a while. Don't be too hard on yourself for eating a few donuts. This is a new day (or afternoon, in this case), for you to start fresh. :hug:

cara1980
09-14-2007, 04:50 PM
We have a 3yo but that chunky little girl doesnt need them either. He intended for the donuts to be all is, or at least he claimed that.

Marseille
09-14-2007, 05:01 PM
Why is there such a double standard for the way people treat others who have addictions? He specifically came home to drop off the donuts, left them in plain view, TOLD HER THEY WERE THERE, and did not eat one himself. Obviously this was not just a case of the hubby wanting a snack. This looks like a blatant attempt to get her to crack and thats totally unfair!! If she were an alcoholic, would her hubby buy a bottle of vodka, leave it on the counter, call her to tell her it was there, and then pick on her about drinking it? **** no! That would be totally unacceptable and everybody would agree that he had done something despicable. What about offering a cigarette to a person who is trying to quit smoking? These things are obviously not appropriate and it should be no different from someone who is trying to kick a food habit. Yes, we are all supposed to control what goes in to our mouths but that does not excuse ANYONE from this kind of bullying behavior.

cara1980
09-17-2007, 09:43 AM
On Saturday I had a meeting and I asked DH for a couple of dollars since I didnt have any cash. He knew we were having the meeeting at a restuarant so he asked why I needed the money and I said to get me a tea to drink there. He said I couldnt have one b/c it had sugar in it and if I didnt eat the donuts I could have had the tea. I told him he shouldnt have left them on the stove for me. He started laughing so I confronted him about it. He did leave them for me to find on PURPOSE! We didnt get into the reasons why he did that b/c I had to leave but I did get it out of him that he meant to do that and has no remorse about it. He even gave me extra money and told me to get something to eat there (buffet restuarant)

GirlyGirlSebas
09-17-2007, 09:50 AM
Cara, I'm so sorry that he's doing this. Stand strong, girl! You are so worth the effort!

Marseille
09-17-2007, 09:59 AM
I hope you have since discussed this with him! I don't know any other details about the rest of your marriage and I realize this isn't probably the time or place to bring this up, but his behavior can't be considered normal. I was married for 5 years to a man that controlled me just like that. When I tried to lose weight he would deliberately attempt to sabotage my efforts because he wanted me to be fat so no other man would look at me. Unless he has a DAMN GOOD REASON for doing this to you (and personally, I can't dream up a single one!!) then I hope you will take a long hard look at your relationship.

Torister
09-17-2007, 10:14 AM
On Saturday I had a meeting and I asked DH for a couple of dollars since I didnt have any cash. He knew we were having the meeeting at a restuarant so he asked why I needed the money and I said to get me a tea to drink there. He said I couldnt have one b/c it had sugar in it and if I didnt eat the donuts I could have had the tea. I told him he shouldnt have left them on the stove for me. He started laughing so I confronted him about it. He did leave them for me to find on PURPOSE! We didnt get into the reasons why he did that b/c I had to leave but I did get it out of him that he meant to do that and has no remorse about it. He even gave me extra money and told me to get something to eat there (buffet restuarant)

:?::?:

Wow. I am really sorry that you had to go through something like this with your husband. To me it is quite hurtful.

I don't know the whole story since it is between the two of you, but it might not be a bad idea to seek counseling to sort it all out.

Take care of yourself. :hug:

cara1980
09-17-2007, 12:16 PM
He thought he was being funny although I didnt find is humorous.

10Again
09-17-2007, 12:39 PM
I'm so sorry! :hug: There is not much worse than feeling like the person who you should be able to turn to for the most support is the one you feel is not very supportive at all. That just hurts. :(

kaplods
09-17-2007, 04:58 PM
Funny? Does he laugh at dying puppies?

I'm sorry, it just seems so sadistic to me, and I'm usually the one defending the clueless men who bring home treats. But this admittedly wasn't cluelessness, but a practical joke at your expense.

Laugh at his penis and see how he likes it.

Sheila53
09-17-2007, 05:10 PM
Laugh at his penis and see how he likes it.

Ouch! :lol: The visual on this was just too much.

cara1980
09-18-2007, 11:04 AM
LOL well i could but he already makes jokes at his own expense regarding that area. I'll hide his fishing pole, hunting bow or something equally as important to him.

JayEll
09-18-2007, 11:29 AM
Stop playing games! Insist on seeing a counselor or going to talk to your clergy! This isn't just naughty tricks, it's more serious. He is disrespecting you and making you a joke--and he's also being sadistic.

"See how you like it" isn't the point. Yes, you're the one who ate the donut, but you know, if my SO did that to me, the donuts would have gone in the garbage and the fight would have been on!

Jay

Torister
09-18-2007, 11:45 AM
Stop playing games! Insist on seeing a counselor or going to talk to your clergy! This isn't just naughty tricks, it's more serious. He is disrespecting you and making you a joke--and he's also being sadistic.

"See how you like it" isn't the point. Yes, you're the one who ate the donut, but you know, if my SO did that to me, the donuts would have gone in the garbage and the fight would have been on!

Jay

I completely agree Jay.

It is not a joke and is not the least bit funny. Honestly, you need to get some outside help. To me there seems more going on here than diet sabotage. It doesn't sound like this is something that is going to stop without some intervention.

Good luck.

kaplods
09-18-2007, 12:18 PM
When I made the retaliation comment, it was a gut reaction, not meant to be taken literally. Only you know the idiocy/maliciousness ratio in this stunt, and whether it is an isolated incident or a pattern of behavior with him.

I would agree that counseling is a wonderful suggestion, even if the problem seems relatively insignificant to one or both of you. This is either a respect or communication (or both) problem, and counseling can help with that. A relationship doesn't have to be at death's door to benefit from counseling, in fact, if you wait that long, counseling often can't even save it.

cara1980
09-18-2007, 01:12 PM
good luck on getting him to go. He told me before if I felt I needed it thats fine but he doesnt. (Claims he doesnt have any problems) I did go to counseling to help my self esteem and loved it. I was just joking about hiding his stuff anyway. From now on if he brings the stuff home I'll just fling it out the door for the ants.

LaurieDawn
09-18-2007, 02:29 PM
I, too, agree that this is a serious issue, and I do believe that returning to counseling alone could benefit you a great deal. I actually think about you quite a bit and worry about you. It wasn't only the donut thing that throws up red flags. The money for your tea at the restaurant also raises alarms. Do you really have to ask him every time you spend even two dollars? That suggests really controlling behavior on his part. Then, it sounded as though he was taunting you when he gave you extra money to buy food there as well. At first, he denied you the money, trying to make you feel as though your one mistake invalidated your right to spend even two dollars. Then, it sounds like after he successfully made you feel bad, he taunted you by suggesting that you would never have any success on your eating plan so you might as well ruin your plan at the buffet. He also accuses you of infidelity without any reason for him to suspect infidelity. Again, this screams that he is trying to control you. This, combined with your struggles with your father, etc. suggest that counseling would be a wonderful opportunity to learn to protect yourself from these predatory men in your life. Good luck.