General chatter - Why, oh why, won't she just shut her mouth?
09-13-2007, 03:41 PM
This is going to be a totally OT rant (and maybe even a little bit of a whine).
My DH works at Riceland Foods, Inc. as a maintanance man. He has worked there approx. 10 years and during regular season (not overtime/harvest) makes just under $13/hour. He comes home hot, stinky and wringing with sweat almost everyday because the job he does is HARD.
My co-worker's husband is VP of a local bank, serves on the National Soybean Association Board and Riceland Board. My co-worker is CONSTANTLY talking about the trips that Riceland is paying for her husband (and her) to go on. I mean, like trips to Las Vegas, where they also pay for board members and spouses to eat $300/plate meals, go on tours (city and Hoover Dam), etc.
She KNOWS this bothers me, because I've let her know, politely at first and then NOT so politely, but she CONTINUES to run her mouth. This year the Riceland Board members (and spouses) are getting a full-expense-paid trip to Chicago. The trip is in December and she's ALREADY talking about it non-stop.
My husband has not even gotten a Christmas bonus in the past 3 years because the company is supposedly "short on funds."
I really don't know what I was looking for in typing all this out, I guess I just needed to release some pent-up frustration.
09-13-2007, 03:48 PM
HOW FRUSTERATING!!!!! I guess personally I would tell someone higher up about this blatent spending and how it isnt right.....but I think it probably wouldnt do much good....if this is a "Board" type company, go to a board meeting....Bring it up, I WOULD DO THAT!!!!!!
And while your there mention how hard your DH works with very little appreciation!!!!
09-13-2007, 04:04 PM
On the other hand... if you did what StillTryin suggested, it might backfire really badly... Is there any way you can learn to let it roll off? The woman must be feeling like she's a complete loser if she has to brag in front of others like that.
If you've told her it bothers you and she continues, I don't know what else you can do except ignore her or change the subject or leave the room or get on the phone when she starts to talk.
09-13-2007, 04:12 PM
Every time she started, I would say loudly "no wonder my husband hasn't gotten a bonus in 3 years." Or "I don't know how you live with yourself, taking a free vacation on the backs of people that are working their butts off for the company."
or how about
"The company might be able to justify trips for their executives, but for their wives? You might not want to spread that around, someone could accuse the board members of misappropriating funds and someone could go to jail."
I'm lucky (and sometimes not so lucky) to be rather quick-witted so I don't put up with crap like that without saying stuff back. Usually I do it with a big generous smile on my face and an "only helping" attitude. It drives idiots crazy, because they don't know how to get mad at someone "being nice"
09-13-2007, 04:15 PM
On the other hand... if you did what StillTryin suggested, it might backfire really badly...
Really, that's why I've never spoken up (I mean called Stuttgart and complained). They could easily retaliate against my DH (I know that sounds paranoid, but I've seen things like that done before).
Thank you both for your responses. I don't feel like such a :devil: now. I really did just need to blow off some steam!
09-13-2007, 04:16 PM
Oh, Colleen, I love you.
I am NOT a quick responder when it comes to stuff like that. My anger drives any kind of response right out of my head.
09-13-2007, 04:24 PM
"Oh, I am so sorry you have to go to Chicago. What a bother. Well at least it isn't Detroit."
09-13-2007, 05:13 PM
LMAO Colleen! I like that response!
4myself, I would want to knock her *** out and call her a four letter word that starts with a C and ends with a T. I HATE people like that; those who think they are somehow "better" than you or that their s/o is better than yours and therefore feel the need to rub it in, whether it's out of insecurity or just genuine pride.
Your husband is a good, hard working man. Her's probably doesn't do jack squat. A large percentage of what people do in executive positions is sit pretty in an expensive suit and look busy. Some people do legitimately work hard to get in such positions, though I've seen so many cases where it isn't even a question of hard work... just connections. Ok, I'll end my rant now before I get REALLY mad... I tend to go off on corporate America and our many flaws (well, what *I* perceive to be flaws) as a society far too often :lol:
09-13-2007, 05:23 PM
I am more like Colleen also, I mean I would be obnoxiously clear on the subject that it isnt right that my DH has to work his rear off while they are going on free vacations!!! It just isnt right!!!!!
09-13-2007, 05:33 PM
While it's annoying that she brings it up - it's even more annoying that thins are so inequitable in the workplace these days!! My husband works at an animation studio and the amount of bonuses and stuff the executives get for their cushy jobs is nothing short of scandalous...
Your situation is more or less a microcosm of how it's been trending the last few years, rich getting richer and working class getting stiffed....just IMO.....sucks!
09-13-2007, 05:48 PM
That would annoy me, too!!! I have a coworker that is kind of like that. Constantly talking about how her H gets raises and owns a BMW and will probably buy a house in December, and oh, her $15k Tiffany engagement ring (which he had to sell stocks in order to buy, and will have to borrow against their 401k's to buy a house!!)
I just try not to give her a reaction. Obviously my e-ring and wedding band cost a lot less than $15k, and obviously I do not drive a BMW or own a house. I just kind of smile and politely change the subject. Maybe she is doing it because she knows it bothers you? Some people are just rotten like that.
09-13-2007, 06:06 PM
Yeah, while I like the comeback, I don't like people ripping on Chicago! :( (Just kidding...although you could just as easily say "Too bad it isn't California!" or something). Also, I like the idea of saying that you'd considered going on some trips with your husband too, but decided it just wouldn't be fun to travel if your husband were stuck in meetings all the time.
09-13-2007, 06:09 PM
I've had this experience a lot in my professional life. (Which is short, considering I'm only 26). I've found that a lot of the wives that do this sort of thing are probably actually jealous because you have a real man. I have a friend like the one you described. My hubby is a professional in his field, but it is not a high paying field and requires a lot of manual labor. Her hubby is an executive due to his family connections - not his intelligence or ability. She is constantly bragging about the corporate vacays and perks. Truth is, they've gone into debt living their executive lifestyle and aren't very happy. Just remember that one weekend of happiness does not make the whole year happy. Chances are they lead much less fulfilling lives than you and your hubby.
Not that you should feel sorry for her or anything. I think it sort of validates the idea that their husband is a good "provider", which is what equates to "manliness" in some people's minds. Just remember that when she's going to town about her recent "company-dime" experiences that it's probably because she and her hubby had a huge fight the night before. It doesn't make it go away, but it might keep you laughing inside while she's bragging! ;)
09-13-2007, 06:09 PM
Also, I like the idea of saying that you'd considered going on some trips with your husband too, but decided it just wouldn't be fun to travel if your husband were stuck in meetings all the time.
I actually tried that tactic. She responded by saying "Oh well, that's OK, I usually just go to the spa in the hotel while he's working."
09-13-2007, 06:37 PM
UGH - people like that make me SICK. My husband is a welder, comes home smellling like sheet metal, sweaty, working in a 100 degree shop and makes jacksh_t - there are many snobby "executives" in our town who wouldn't talk to us if their butt was on fire and we had a hose. I don't have any suggestions for you but COLLEEN is right on - I wouldn't have ANY problem saying some of those things - the woman deserves that and more -
09-13-2007, 10:24 PM
Love Colleen's response! You could also say, "Thaaaat's Niiiiiice" in your best, smiling "FU" voice... :devil:
I usually just say, "Good for you!" and then change the subject to the weather or something meaningless and not give into the "look at me" people that tend to over-do it.
I bet you have a wonderful husband and are far "richer" in life with love and happiness. "Things" don't bring anyone prestige and honor. How we treat people does. All jobs are important in this world and I appreciate everyone in the "real" working world, esp. those who work hard as your husband does. Cuz ya know, we're all working together in a sense. I make sure to wave and say thanks to the garbage/recycling men cuz I get the feeling that people look down at them. I think we all do important jobs. No one is above or below me... we all just do different jobs.
But, hey, that's just me! (P.S. I think people that brag are hiding something)
I bet you're a sweatheart and you just go look in the mirror and smile. We all make a difference in this world! And so does your family! :hug:
09-13-2007, 10:38 PM
Haha, made me think of another one. "Dear you really should stop bragging, someone's going to think you're insecure."
09-13-2007, 10:57 PM
Forget who the comedienne was...years ago...but after every comment "like those" she would say "Ain't that SPECIAL"
09-14-2007, 12:20 AM
Ah, yes I think you're referring to Dana Carvey on Saturday night Live, with his church lady character.
09-14-2007, 01:47 AM
Haha, made me think of another one. "Dear you really should stop bragging, someone's going to think you're insecure."
She shoots, she scores! That's a great one! :D
09-14-2007, 05:04 AM
I'd just ask her straight out why she feels the need to constantly brag about it. You've gotten some other good advice too.. It just sounds like maybe this lady is unhappy with other things in her life and needs to brag to make herself feel better? My husband is a car mechanic and works in a steel garage with no air conditioning or fans of any kind and comes home often sweaty and stinky and exhausted, but its what he loves to do, is fix things. He makes a good living which enables me to go to college for my bachelor's in nursing and I don't have to work either and I am able to take care of my sick mother who at times requires around the clock care. I have found that some people get a bit of an attitude with me or a weird look on their face when I tell them my husband is a car mechanic. Unfortunately it seems that in America working with your hands and your body is something that is looked down upon.
09-15-2007, 02:32 PM
I'm a corporate, white collar Board member... to offer a different perspective, do they ever go on non-perk vacations? Does he ever buy her things that aren't comped? I know a lot of people who only "vacation for work" and brag about how much time they spend at the office, and a lot of wives who get gifts that were either corporate give-aways or purchased at an airport gift shop.
I encounter wives like the one you describe all the time and can almost guarantee she is insecure about what she perceives as her lack of accomplishments in comparison to her husband's. You may want to consider changing the subject to one of your recent work or volunteer successes. You'll be reminding yourself of your accomplishments at a time when you are feeling vulnerable and quite possibly hitting a nerve in a way that will never make you look bad to anyone but her.
09-15-2007, 04:53 PM
My hubby works for a company that does internet service and runs a new station and production company...he works for the internet division...they get paid practically nothing, are expected to do ridiculous tasks, etc...
and the guy that sits in front of the camera and reads a card for 3 hours a day? oh he gets a new car comped every year, can afford to drive it, and a house, etc.
Corporate America is not based on the thought that the ones working the hardest are the ones getting the most pay, that is for sure.
I agree that the woman either feels completely insecure or insignificant - not that this is behavior that should be tolerated. I think I'd go with a firm - I've asked you to refrain from discussing this with me and if you cannot then I'm not going to be able to have any conversations with you in the future.
09-15-2007, 05:36 PM
Here's Dana Carvey as the Church Lady saying "Well isn't that special?" I think that's a perfect response to her bragging. You didn't mention what it is this woman does for a living herself, maybe she just feels the need to build herself up because without her man, she feels she is insignificant? I would just ignore her. Her behavior must be infuriating as all heck, but maybe if you didn't show how much it bugs you, it wouldn't be so fun for her to rub it in? Sorry you have to put up with such a braggart.
This situation also reminds me of those military wives who think their husband's rank is part of their title as well i.e. Mrs. Colonel Sanders :lol: I wanna just laugh when I hear that, asking them when they themselves enlisted :lol:
09-15-2007, 09:48 PM
hahaha - on the military wives thing too. I really hate when someone pulls the - well you'd better change all your policies because I'm a colonel and I'm used to getting what I want and this situation won't be any different BS with me.
Other arguments that don't fly in a customer service situation: "Well, I'm a Dr. or I'm a Lawyer" I don't care! I can't do something just for your because you think your station in life is higher than mine. Gah!
09-16-2007, 11:47 AM
I went to a military wedding, where the reception was set up like a formal army dinner. We were the "least important" guests, so we were seated at the very far end of the table. During the toasts, the Colonel who was drunk as a SKUNK at the time, wobbled to his feet and toasted the bride by saying "Janie makes a STUNNING addition to our Regiment."
I couldn't help it, but I said to our end of the table,
"I didn't know that Janie joined the Reserves!"
WELL, I thought I was going to get killed. Seriously. The woman across from me said that SHE had a regimental wedding and SHE was now part of the regiment and SHE was the SAME RANK as her husband. SNORT!!! I found this hysterical, because at the time I was in the army, as was my husband, so my rank was earned. I suppose she earned hers too, in a sense, but not the way I'd like to earn mine!!!!