100 lb. Club - Not related to weight but I need some advice and thought you might be able to help

09-10-2007, 11:15 PM
OK. So Me and my cousin were friends for a long time. More than cousins, She is very needy and need alot of attention and is very controlling and selfish and opinionated. But she is my cousin and I love her. we stopped talking over a year ago because it got to be to much for me to handle. But I miss her alot because there are good qualities about her. She is funny and we had alot of good times. Alot of memories. well she just had a baby and there were some problems with him and she had to have a csection. The baby and her are ok and nothing serious. She had high blood pressure and he was breech so they had to deliver him 5 weeks early. They are ok. BUt it made me think that life is too short. So I dont know if I should leave things alone and not talk to her or if I should go see her and start our friendship again. Can you guys give me some advice. Thanks

09-10-2007, 11:19 PM
If you miss her and love her in spite of her faults, then by all means, let her back into your life. As long as you don't let her faults affect how you feel about yourself or how you react to her, then you'll be fine.

I had an aunt who was closer to me in age than she was to my mother (her sister) and we were very close. She was an addict so she had a lot of issues, narcissism and the whole nine yards. Eventually I cut her out of my life because she was such an emotional vampire, so when she died (overdosed at 38), I carried a lot of guilt. Still do. If I had a chance to take it back...well, honestly I'm not sure what I'd do, but I know I will always wonder.

09-10-2007, 11:19 PM
Go see her...it will help BOTH of you.:hug:

09-10-2007, 11:24 PM
I would go see her -- amazingly babies change people a lot, maybe she's matured and would be a great friend -- without the baggage this time.

Or, are you just remembering the good stuff and forgetting how drained she made you feel.

You can always cut off ties again, if she continues the same -- but I would do it guilt-free, if you give her another try.

09-10-2007, 11:30 PM
Does it have to be all or nothing? My brother is an alcoholic, and he can be completely draining, and I hate that I can't "fix" his situation. But, if some major milestone happens in his life - like his birthday or something - I will send a card. When I drive the 800 miles to see my parents, I make sure that I see him as well. He's always welcome to call, but he knows that I won't answer his calls after 10 p.m., etc. Why not go see her in the hospital, congratulate her, and see where it goes from there? It might be a good first step to dip a toe in the water without plunging in right away.

09-10-2007, 11:34 PM
The baby is in the NICU and I have strep throat so I cant go to the hospital. I got her number from my mom. So I might call her just to see how she reacts. It is hard to tell with her. Either she will hang up or she will cry. Im not sure. they are supposed to come home tomorrow. So I might wait until next week and then just stop by to see how she reacts. Not really sure what Im gonna say. Kinda nervous. I dont know. I guess if she is the same then I can just cut it off again. well see.

09-11-2007, 12:20 AM
You could always break the ice by sending her a baby gift with a heartelt note telling her that you would love to see her again when she's feeling up to it. I gree life is too short.

09-11-2007, 01:52 AM
i agree that trying to bridge the gap is a great idea - if it's what you want and you are prepared for it... but I do think that this would also be a great opportunity to set boundaries with her and build a new improved relationship with her.

Doesn't seem likely that you can let things go back to the way they were & manage to keep the relationship.

09-11-2007, 03:20 AM
Just be sure you can handle everything you've got on your own plate before inviting her back into your life. Life is too short and some people are just energy sucks. It probably wasn't easy to break off your relationship the first time; are you really prepared to do it again or are you willing to take a lot of crap for the sake of the friendship?

I'm not saying you should or shouldn't get back in touch. Only you know that. Just be sure you don't romanticize the previous relationship; needy, controlling, opinionated and selfish people don't change too readily.