General chatter - My Birthday is already ruined!!!




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staciec878
09-08-2007, 04:59 PM
Im just so upset right now, in tears.
My birthday is tomm. And I got tickets for the Dallas Cowboy game. Which I had to pay for, not only mine but my mothers. I got payed $300 this friday because I didnt work alot this week. My mother picked up my check, gave me $90 of my own money, took $100 to buy the tickets, and wont give me the other $100. OF MY OWN MONEY. I wanted to go buy some outfits and get a mani and pedi. But NO!! She wont give me my money for my own birthday. Thi upset me soo much. Its my money!!! I wanted to go do something today since I cant really do anythiing tomm. because I have to work early monday, and since Im going to the game I already know Ill be extra tired monday.

So I told her to give me back the tickets I bought, and that im selling them so I can go out tonight and have some money to buy me a few things. So she calls me a miserable person. And alot of other nasty stuf. She telling me she had nice things planned for tomm. But I ruined it. She telling me even if I dont sell the tickets shes still not going with me to the game because im a misrable person. She had a very nice birthday. But no, of course Im not going to. this just makes me so upset. Its my birthday for gosh sake. How are you going to do this to me??? She constantly tells me I have no one. Im so tired of being treated like dirt and keep getting remeinded how shes all I have. She just throws it in my face all the time. all I wanted was a nice birthday. Quess that wont happen.


HeatherAngel
09-08-2007, 05:05 PM
Uhh, Stacie - this makes no sense. Why is your mother 'cashing' YOUR paycheck? Why didn't you get your OWN paycheck - and did you ask your mother why she's holding your pay? Do you owe her money? Is she using it FOR your birthday?

I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but without more info, there's not a lot anyone can do to suggest help.

Take a deep breath, calm down, and tell us why this has happened. :hug:

Heather :D

CLCSC145
09-08-2007, 05:17 PM
Wow. I see a miserable person in this scenario, and it ISN'T you!!!! IT sounds like she wants you to only have her. Sometimes miserable people want others to wallow with them. I think you need to make a few new friends or reconnect with some old ones and build a new support system.

Oh, and make sure you don't let her touch your paycheck in the future. It's your money and taking it from you without your consent is theft. Even if it's your mom.

Birthdays are often a great time to reevaluate your life and make adjustments. Instead of letting this ruin your day, use it as a catalyst to make some positive changes for yourself. You deserve it! I hope you find a way to make this a good birthday so, from one of your many cyber-friends at 3FC, I want to wish you a...

:bday2you::bday2you::bday2you:


modkittn
09-08-2007, 05:33 PM
I'm probably going to echo Heather's comment here, but yeah why is your mom cashing your check? I don't know how old you are, so this is hard to deal with here. Is she making you take money out of your check and put it into savings every week? Do you pay rent or owe her money? Or did she just keep it for herself for no apparent reason???? If that is the case, that is pretty pathetic. I'd open my own checking account if I were you!

PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :celebrate:

staciec878
09-08-2007, 05:35 PM
Uhh, Stacie - this makes no sense. Why is your mother 'cashing' YOUR paycheck? Why didn't you get your OWN paycheck - and did you ask your mother why she's holding your pay? Do you owe her money? Is she using it FOR your birthday?

I'm sorry you're having a bad day, but without more info, there's not a lot anyone can do to suggest help.

Take a deep breath, calm down, and tell us why this has happened. :hug:

Heather :D


The place I pick up my check from closing at 5, and I work about an hour away and I dont get off till 5. Uusally I leave around 3:45 from work, but this Friday I couldnt leave so I told them that I authorized her to pick up my check. I owe her about $400, but she sayed that I didnt have to pay her this week because it was my birthday.

JayEll
09-08-2007, 06:00 PM
Now stacie, it sounds like this really sucks, I can't deny it... but listen hon you don't have to EAT because of it! I hope you won't turn to food because you're hurt and angry.

Did you ask your mom why she is keeping the $100 and doesn't want to give it to you? What did she say? Is it because you owe her the money?

Don't give up the game... let it blow over for now... tell your mom you both can still go to the game... and you can work out the $100 after that. I know you're mad right now and so is she, but keep taking those deep breaths.

Also, how old are you, stacie? That is, are you a minor or are you just living with your mother for mutual convenience?

Hang in there... take it easy... breathe...

Jay

ih8diets
09-08-2007, 06:01 PM
omg your MOTHER!! I cant believe this! you need a big hug

chick_in_the_hat
09-08-2007, 07:03 PM
:bday2you::bday2you:

staciec878
09-08-2007, 09:02 PM
My 20 birthday is tomm. I still live here because I cant afford to live on my own yet, with me working a full time job and going to school full time. Im not here that much, and it doesnt make much sense to move out now.
I havent turned to food. I havent eaten all day. Except I did go to burger king and get a 4 piece nugget, and a small onion ring. But that cant do to much damage because it was the only thing Ive eaten all day.

EZMONEY
09-08-2007, 09:17 PM
Sorry about your check STACIE but (for tomorrow)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

:celebrate: :bday2: :celebrate:

staciec878
09-08-2007, 10:18 PM
UPDATE***
My mother just called and told me "Happy 20th B*tch"

I promise Im fed up with this

JayEll
09-08-2007, 11:00 PM
Your mom sounds less mature than you do. She'll be sorry that she said that in a moment of anger. I'm sorry about your troubles, Stacie. I hope you can still go to that game!

Happy 20th! Hang in there! Things will get better--let go of all this craziness and be glad you're alive.

Jay

kaplods
09-08-2007, 11:17 PM
This is a horrible situation. I don't know you or your mother, or what you each said to each other, so I'm not even going to try to decide which of you is more at fault than the other. That really doesn't matter all that much anyway, since the damage is being done to you both.

I know my mother and I said some horrendous things to each other over the years, as she and her mother also did. In fact, I remember some pretty insane three way aguments as well (though usually we made up just as quickly). Since your situation hasn't been resolved yet, maybe there are some very serious issues here between you both, or maybe you are both incredibly stubborn and neither of you are willing to back down when confronted, or admit you are wrong in any way.

It's your birthday, and your Mom treated you in a way that left you feeling disrespected. You admit that you owe her $400, and regardless of how long you have owed it to her, or whether she said you could pay it back later, this means neither of you are blameless. It sounds like you both said nasty things, both had justifiably hurt feelings, and both have unrealistic and unmet expectations of each other. All I can advise reasonably, is that you live a more independent life, and seek counseling with or without your mother. An objective third party, really can help you make changes in your life that will allow you to be strong, independent, and happy.

swiminky
09-08-2007, 11:25 PM
Let me know if you want someone to commiserate, or if you a real reaction. If you don't have to live with her, I suggest getting a roommate yesterday. If she has a history of treating you like crap, why are you surprised by these recent actions? There are crappy people in the world, and sometimes they are your parents.

I suggest you tell her she can have all 300 bucks if they are that important to her, and that you will be celebrating with your friends and without her. Generally, if someone throws a specific dig your way, they are talking about THEIR OWN fear.

Now, taking this away from her treatment of you and the fact that is your birthday, you are out of high school and living with your mom. Do you pay rent or utilities or groceries? She may consider herself deserving of some money but has a poor way of delivering the message, especially if you already owe her.

Do your friends have a places where you could couch surf for a bit? I got a friend of mine out of a similar situation years ago. We moved her out while her mom was at work and she stayed with me until she could find other arrangements.

Rhighlan86
09-08-2007, 11:37 PM
I'm sorry hon but I would honestly suggest that you look at an apartment. Check around at your school.....if theres a newspaper....cause honestly I don't think that it is worth it. If you have to cut back for a little while in the long run it would make all the different just to get out of that atmosphere. Usually if you share an apartment it's not that much. Right now I only pay 250 a month. You just have to weigh your options.....would you rather live in a negative environment like that?

Hopefully the rest of your birthday is better! :hug:

veggielover
09-09-2007, 04:38 AM
I don't think your mother is a very understanding mother. In fact, sometimes this makes me wonder why some parents are even parents. I really don't want to make you feel bad by saying this, but if my mum ever did anything remotely close to what your mother did, it would give me the impression that she didn't appreciate me as her daughter. First off, taking a portion of your paycheck just because you owed her is a little petty. Most mothers wouldn't burden their children with the payback if they could afford it. And to top it off, the Happy 20th comment is just so immature.

staciec878
09-09-2007, 06:31 AM
If I could afford to move out I would have. We have 2 cars, there both hers, but I mainly frive own of them. If I left she would take the car. I dont make alot of money and noe I have to start paying for school.
I jsut really cant afford it. I have lots of bills, and living here is basically mo only option for now. Since I work from 8-5 then go to school from 6-11. I dont see her much, its just that shes been on vavation. Right now my only option is to suck it up and live here rent free, till I gradute college. I jsut really dont like how she talks to me, I try to keeo me cool, but when she sayes something abobut my weight or how im an nobody thats what get me

All this really is giving me determinated to be someone, which I will. but until then I hav to find a way to ignoreher.
Mybirthday is on there 9th. And if shr ruind it for me, I dont think
I csn forgie her. Sunday is supposed to be my day. Thats all I asking fot.

SamsGirl2002
09-09-2007, 07:39 AM
Stacie, Happy Birthday! I'm sorry things are tense with mom, and I understand not being able to afford anything else right now. I think you should still go to the game!!! Why give up something fun because your mom is not willing to celebrate with you?
Good for you for not turning to food for comfort!!!

Hang in there! You will be able to be on your own someday. I remember counting down until I could be out of our house when I was growing up, and reminding myself that as long as I hung in there, I would be free eventually. Same is true of you!!! In the meantime, stick with your friends who care about what happens to you!!!

Celebrate your day!!!:bday2you:

kaplods
09-09-2007, 10:16 AM
Whenever a person posts here about how evil another person is to them, I always hesitate before posting advice. My gut reaction is to want to console the person and wish evil on the one at fault, but I have to remind myself that
reality is never that simple, and fault usually lies with both sides. We only get your side of the story, not hers, and as they say there are always at least three sides to every story, in this case your mom's side, your side, and the "truth" generally lies somewhere in the middle, even if it does nudge closer to one side than another.

The truths in this situation isn't easy to feret out. Your mom obviously has problems, but this situation is not her fault. She obviously isn't completely evil, as she had every right to kick your bitt out of the house at 18, and let you fend for yourself as best you can (a parent doesn't have to be evil to believe a person needs to be independent and make their own way in the world). You are 20 years old, legally an adult for 2 years now, and you admittedly pay no rent. Your mother owes you respect and common courtesy, just as you owe her, but she is supporting you, when she does not have to. You live rent free, and have use of a car. Your mother is giving you, each and every month a gift that is worth far more than $700 in most cities each and every month. A gift she has no obligation to give you (that she takes some of what is owed in a pound of flesh is unfortunate, but you do have a choice as to whether to pay it). The reason you cannot move out at this time, is because on some level, you recognize the value of what you are getting out of this relationship.

She isn't evil, she is a flawed human being. She seems immature, ungrateful, and mean spirited, but [not trying to be harsh, really], but so do you [which really is to be expected, considering you learned from her example]. That she doesn't tell you to move out and find a way to support yourself on your own without her help is to her credit.

Unbalanced adult relationships are extremely unhealthy. You are not pulling your weight in the house, and whether you acknowledge it or not, it puts a burden on your mother. However, it also gives her emotional and financial power over you. It not only allows, it encourages her to treat you like a child, and you to act like one. Neither of you know how to treat each other as adults.

I know you said you can't move out, but the truth is you could, but don't want to. Many people leave abusive situations with nothing but the clothes on their back, and they find a way to cope. If the situation is as bad as you say, you really need to get out, regardless of the cost.

If you aren't going to move out, I strongly suggest counseling. I also suggest that you sit down with your mother, apologize for your part in this nasty business, even if she doesn't acknowledge hers. I'd also advise discussing ways to share the responsibilities and finances of living together, to put you on a more equal footing with your mother. You should be paying some rent, even if it's $50. You should also be paying part of the utility bills, groceries, phone bill, gas and car maintenance costs (and payments if there's still money owed on the car). If you can't afford to do so in money, you should do so in chores (and if you're alread doing so, that's great, but put it in writing, so you both can acknowledge that each of you is making a contribution to the support of the home), or at least acknowledge the value of the "gift" in some way each month.

When your mother is negative or nasty in any way, respond calmly with a "catch phrase," such as "I love you, and I'm grateful for all you've given me, but I refuse to allow you to talk to me that way." Get up, and leave the room EACH AND EVERY TIME. Get counseling, even if your mom refuses to go. One of the best things counseling can do is help you deal with difficult people whether they're your parent, boss, coworker, stranger, or some day child.

Good luck, and choose to have a happy birthday. It really is in your control, not hers.

Colleen