100 lb. Club - Feeling a bit of malaise

View Full Version : Feeling a bit of malaise

09-06-2007, 02:21 AM
I don't know whether it's the shift in routine or what, but I've been struggling for the last few days. I am having difficulty finding a way to fit swimming into my new routine, but I am enjoying exploring other options. Doing the elliptical today, I enjoyed working hard enough to have sweat dropping from my forehead, something that I missed when I was swimming. But for some reason, I'm feeling really disenchanted with the weight loss journey right at this moment. Whereas last week, I craved recognition for losing the weight, this week, I cringe at the thought of someone mentioning it.

In the last week, I have felt fatter than I EVER remember feeling. When I first started this, I thought that if I ever got below 200, I would feel normal again, and I could be happy with that even if I never reached my goal weight. But now that I am below 200, I feel enormous. Maybe it was the expectation? I don't know, but it's really affecting my mental state.

The ironic thing, though, is that I also feel more committed to my plan than ever before. And right now, I'm not even really feeling the compulsion to lose the weight. I just know that when I'm on plan, I feel better, am not overwhelmed by guilt every time I eat anything, and I feel strong and fit. In fact, I felt significantly better mentally after I went to the gym, so I am doubly committed to the exercise.

So, has anyone experienced this in their journey - the feeling fatter at a lower weight than a higher weight? I think part of it is I'm actually paying attention rather than making a concerted effort to ignore my weight issues. Still, though, it happened so suddenly and inexplicably that it's really annoying me, and I'd like to know how unique my experience is.

09-06-2007, 02:36 AM
I've definitely felt that way. I think you hit the nail on the head when you said I think part of it is I'm actually paying attention rather than making a concerted effort to ignore my weight issues. I am paying attention to my weight now and so notice all of the little annoyances that I pretty successfully ignored before.

I thought that getting under 200 would be magical and now I'm realizing that while it will be exciting, I'm not going to look much different in 5 more lbs than I do now.

I'm glad you're staying OP and not letting this derail you. I know that when I feel that way, it usually means my monthly friend is coming for a visit. I just start feeling gigantic a few days before hand even if the scale doesn't move a whit.

Keep on keeping on, it'll pass!

09-06-2007, 02:50 AM
I loved your post......as a chronic yo-yo dieter I've experienced every emotion you mention and the damndest thing was: I remember feeling that way at 120 lbs!! Which now seems like another planet to me, but when I was 120 and actually a perfect weight, I thought I was fat and wanted to weigh 105. The frustration of the dieting binging cycle over the years has gradually taken me where I am now.

What I'm coming to realize is: FEELING fat is worse than BEING fat!!

So along with shrinking our bodies we have to shrink our heads too, because if we keep a fat "mindset" our body will subconsciously match that image....it's a cycle of self fulfilling prophecies.

I THOUGHT I was fat, so I ACTED like I was fat, and now....I AM fat! I mean REALLY fat, like the DOCTOR won't argue with me, LOL, oh and I tried to get him too, believe it.

I've been thin lots of times, but I've never been happy or comfortable with it, or felt I was think enough. So now I'm trying to look at the weight as a temporary number, and myself as the nice woman that I am and not a fat girl I've always felt like no matter what my size was.

09-06-2007, 08:43 AM
Yes, I can relate to you completely.

I know exactly what you mean. I felt fatter then ever at certain points, which is of course insane, given how much lighter I was getting. But, yes, for the first time I was aware and paying attention to my body and its weight and how I looked instead of ignoring it all totally and completely.

I've also had some down weeks throughout my journey. But I've stayed commited throughout and luckily those feelings pass - although they do come back from time to time - and then they pass.

It's hard and next to impossible to feel good and upbeat all the time. Hopefully this will pass for you quickly. I'm glad to hear that you're staying the course though. Good for you!!! You're doing great and I promise you there are more rewards and great things and wonderful feeling to experience for you just around the corner. Keep up the AMAZING work. :hug:

09-06-2007, 04:02 PM
Oh goodness yes, I can echo almost everything you said. I am as committed as I was from day one, but at times, I am so tired of it, disenchanted, fat feeling, etc. Robin's right, those feelings do pass, but (for me at least) they'll be back. Staying on plan, like you're doing, gets me through it all.

I've been in this spot for at least a week or longer. Part of my problem is that the journey is sooooooo incredibly long. Last week was my second anniversary of weight loss, and I'm stiiiilllllll not at goal. I just want to get there and start maintaining. I'm tired of the weight coming off so incredibly slow. I feel like such a failure because I'm still not at goal. (OK, rationally I know all of this is crazy, but I can't seem to get the inner baby in me to shut up whining.) Two years ago, I thought I would be happy to see the scales say 299, a year ago, I thought I would be happy to see 199. Now, I'm beginning to wonder what number will make me happy? Can a number really make us happy anyway?

Wow, what a downer I am right now. Sorry about that, but I do commiserate with you. I also agree that the best thing to do is keep trudging on. I'm scared to get off plan when I'm in this frame of mind. I'm so afraid that I might not be able to get back on plan. At least I feel "safe" knowing that I'm still on plan.

09-06-2007, 04:16 PM
Last week was my second anniversary of weight loss, and I'm stiiiilllllll not at goal.

As someone who will "celebrate" my fifth year of weight loss in October, and I'm still not at my goal, I say you're doing pretty darn well!! You'll get there no matter what, but, believe me, I fully understand the frustration. Let your inner baby whine all she wants, but don't let her eat badly.

And to answer the original question, you betcha!

09-06-2007, 05:58 PM
Two years ago, I thought I would be happy to see the scales say 299, a year ago, I thought I would be happy to see 199. Now, I'm beginning to wonder what number will make me happy? Can a number really make us happy anyway?

Oh yes, this rings true for me. I wonder sometimes why I have trouble finding peace and contentment in the moment (in more areas of my life than weight loss). Things like this are often just not enough what I expected or it still doesn't feel good enough that I'm disappointed. Why I can't just be pleased to have reached a mini-goal and keep going I don't know!

This journey can get boring and tedious even if you aren't inclined to use that as an excuse to stop. It's the impatient side of me I suppose. I wish that I didn't have to do this - that I had kept my weight in check early in my life. At least though (for me) the mood passes and I have glimpses of feeling happy with my progress and with what I'm accomplishing. But it's a bummer that it's can't feel like that all the time.

09-06-2007, 08:03 PM
You guys have completely read the thoughts I've had all summer. Without running and focusing on training for the half marathon, I have to say -- I may have had some REAL trouble. I was feeling that same kind of malaise -- really tired of making the effort, even though I was enjoying the rewards. But yes -- I also felt kind of annoyed that I still wasn't happy with my body, even after losing 100 pounds. That's why I focused on the running until I could feel ready to get back to weight loss, which I've just gotten back to this week. Well, I hope I'll lose weight -- I'm on the right plan for it anyway.

I don't know...sometimes you do need to take a break from the weight loss thing and maintain for a while, I think, but it's hard to take that break and then go back to it when you need to.

Just remember, Laurie, you're doing FANTASTIC and you'll keep doing it regardless of what feelings come up -- because you're COMMITTED!

09-06-2007, 09:53 PM
I've felt the same way several times.

I'm feeling it right now to be perfectly honest.
I've lost 5 pounds this last 1 1/2 weeks, which is wonderful, but somehow, I feel even more fat, and discouraged than before...

09-06-2007, 09:53 PM
You guys are amazing. I remember before I started this thinking that if I could just get two or three good weeks, I would be able to just keep going because it would then be habit. I really thought it would become easy. And it has certainly become easier. I know I'm not struggling in the same ways that I was in the beginning. But I'm constantly amazed at the new struggles - especially those that arise in my own mind - that I am facing. And at the same time, I feel pretty whiny to even bring them up. I am not dealing with the same medical problems that so many of 100-pound club members face and that make it difficult to lose weight even with profound effort. Thanks in large part to the thoughtful responses, I feel as though I am moving past it. I weighed in at TOPS tonight, and I actually started getting excited again about watching the scale go down. Maybe there is light at the end of this very, very long tunnel...

Lisa - I know that you're going to watch the scale start moving down again. After your amazing half-marathon, I would be surprised if you find anything you want to do that you're unable to do.

CC - You are such a deep, profound thinker. I love that you make me think beyond the number and realize that many of my problems extend beyond the weight loss issue.

Sheila - You always make me smile. Thanks for the continued support and understanding.

Tammy - You've done amazingly well. Maintaining that effort over an extended period of time bodes well for your continued success after you've reached goal - which I know will be soon.

Robin - You are so good at transmitting hope. I only want to continue to follow your example. Thank you for continuing to care.

K8 - You encapsulated the issue so well for me, especially the insight about feeling fat versus being fat. Yet another example of how fixing that number on the scale won't fix all of my problems. **SIGH**

Gale - So glad you've bounced back from your post-vacation slump. It took me a long time to really appreciate the wisdom in just letting things pass. Can't wait to see you in Onederland! (So very close)

09-06-2007, 10:53 PM
:hug: ;)

09-07-2007, 12:23 AM
I've had lots of points of struggle on this journey. I am amazed by how 'mental' the trip has been.

I remember about the time I'd lost about 70 pounds. I was doing great! Feeling fine! Hubby and I went to the mall and I was very excited to shop for clothes. But I was so depressed when I realized I still only fit in the "fat girl" sections. My mood deflated so quickly! Suddenly I felt fatter than I'd ever been.

I've been doing this over 2 years now and lots of habits are well established. But I still have to sometimes practically force myself to go to the gym. Even with the gym bag packed and in the car. Even though I know it's "good for me" know that I'll feel better for having done it... I suspect it will always be this way.

I think these feelings are normal -- if not, then we need a new normal! :)

09-07-2007, 12:47 AM
I was actually hoping that you'd chime in so I could get your perspective as well, Heather. I relate to your shopping experience. When I finally got into an 18, I went to Herberger's because I wanted a new suit. When I got there, I was devastated to discover that none of their 18s came even close to fitting.:mad: Once again, I was relegated to fat girl h*** - and I was not going to buy anything from there every again! I was embarrassed that I'd even had the audacity to start to think I was "normal size" - and it was a horrible feeling. Thanks for reassuring me that my feelings are normal. That's the toughest part of this journey - having never "gone there," I don't always know what to expect. I so appreciate having guides to show me the way!

09-07-2007, 11:35 AM
Laurie -- For me, that's why this community is so valuable. I don't think I could have succeeded (at least not as well) without a group of people to learn from and learn with -- knowing what to anticipate (like loose skin and periodic drops in motivation) and tricks for dealing with every aspect of this journey. It's also great to see different approaches and different goals that people have. There isn't only one way to succeed!

You just keep going, and then, only if you choose, you can go to Hershberger's and buy any suit you want!!!! :)

And of course, know that you are guiding others just as others guide you!!