General chatter - My first love
09-05-2007, 12:11 PM
Pretty please no one judge me or say things to make me feel bad about this, I just really needed to get it off of my chest and this seemed to be a safe place to do and you ladies are always making me feel better.
Well, do any of you still think about your first love's.
I do not too often but every now and then. I'm happy with my fiance and I love him with all my heart and soul, it just feels like Brandon (my first love) will always have this tiny peice of me.
I hadn't thought of him in a while and one of my old friends called and started talking about him, telling me how he was doing and all about his new girlfriend and how in love they are and. I just wanted to tell her to shut up. It was weird I didn't like hearing about him and his girl. It's like I was jealouse.
But why? I mean I wouldn't trade my man for him in a million years.
Why do I still have lingering feelings? Is it normal?
Another one of our mutual friends is going into the army so they're having a going away party for him and my fiance and I were invited and I'd really like to go say bye to my friennd but I won't go becasue I don't want Brandon to see how much weight I've gained in the 3 years it's been sinve we last saw eahother.
How pathetic is that?
Why should I care what he thinks?
But I do.
09-05-2007, 12:20 PM
I know how you feel! I've been with DH for 6 years (married for 3) and we couldn't be happier! I love him with all I am, but I am still curious about my first love (we were engaged, but the Army split us up - kinda). We did a lot of terrible things to each other while we were together and I know we never would have lasted if we had gotten married, but still, he was a HUGE part of my life. I know I wouldn't be who I am today without having experienced our relationship.
I've told DH about my curiousness and jealousy regarding my former beau, and he convinced me to contact him. We emailed back and forth for a while just discussing family, etc., etc. Now that I've done that, I at least don't feel jealous any more. I think we needed closure and forgiveness. It really helped!
I also know what you mean about not wanting him to see you since gaining. I'm exactly the same way.
09-05-2007, 01:17 PM
I can also relate. My first real love was killed in a car accident, and even though I have loved since, I really think of him a lot. I wonder "what could have been", you know stupid romantic things like that. I love my DH and my life, but you still have human nature to wonder.
Good luck to you!
09-05-2007, 01:38 PM
I feel better knowing I'm not the onlyone, I was feeling awful for a while there.
I guess it is just being curious and wandering "what could have been".
Kim just like your cituation, we weren't good together he was an a$$ and could never have made me happy like my current love has.
I'm soooo going to come up with some sort of excuse to see him when I get to my goal weigh and rub it in his face, lol, that is immature I know but it sure would feel nice.
09-05-2007, 02:33 PM
SHy, it does feel good to do that, I did that with an ex, he was an A** and just spitefull, so when I got to my lowest 135lbs I RUBBED it in hard, and flaunted myself, he was sooooo mad that he lost me. It felt SOOO good!
09-05-2007, 02:49 PM
You go girl! lol
and I forgot to say it in my previous post but I'm truly sorry about the loss of your first love. Still to this day my heart would break if something bad happend to my first love.
09-05-2007, 03:44 PM
Just an fyi, I've been married for 20+ years. I still occasionally think about my first love. We talked a few years ago (it was high school reunion time and although we went to different schools, it would have been possible for me to go see him), and there were times that I felt just like I did way back then. Judging from where we are in our lives and the way different paths we took, we would have never made it as a couple. But, I still remember that special time with him and I'll always have a smile when I think about him. It is ok! I think it would stop being ok if I ever planned to secretly meet him and/or do something stupid. The good thing is that I'm here and he's in Massachusetts. Whew!
Anyway, that memory does not diminish what my husband and I have together, and it never will. You are not alone in how you feel!!
09-05-2007, 07:41 PM
I think most everyone wonders the "what if's" of their first real love, no matter how long ago it ended. It is how you think and act upon those thoughts that make the difference between normal and fantasy.
09-05-2007, 08:18 PM
Well thanks gals, I'll just remember what we had and the lessons I learned from it and be happy for him and his new love. I truly do want him to be as happy as I am in my relationship. Isn't it weird how you fall in love with someone and you belive with every fiber of your being that you will spend the rest of your life with that person, awww being in highschool was such an experience?
09-05-2007, 10:20 PM
You're not alone. There are actually two former men from my life that I wonder or have wondered about. I got very jealous hearing when they got married, had kids, etc... I've been with my husband for almost 8 years (married 5).
I also occasionally have dreams about both of the former guys, which just brings up bad feelings from the past. I kind of wish it would happen anymore. I guess I never got over one of those guys and I still wonder what if. Oh well - it doesn't change anything for me, at least.
09-05-2007, 10:29 PM
I'm right with ya lizzyness, I still dream of Brandon and have my own inicocent fantasies, that are annoying. I wish I could get him out of my head.
I so don't think I'm up for seeing him anytime soon, I especially don't want to feel what I know I would feel seeing him with his girlfriend.
09-06-2007, 12:04 AM
sort of similar, but not a first love...lately I've been hearing about girls from high school getting engaged and/or married...(and I'm still very single without even a possible boyfriend right now) so I started thinking back about old boyfriends or "almost" boyfriends. Anyway, I wound up calling this guy I haven't talked to in at least two years. It was the most awkward conversation! He was like "not to be rude...but why are you calling me?" hahaha....oh well. At least I now I don't have to wonder about what could have been between me and him. :)
09-06-2007, 02:39 AM
There's something special about your first love, isn't there?
My first love and I remained friends after we broke up, and he died rather tragically a couple of years afterwards. I've never cried so much as I did at his funeral. I think about him occasionally - more a case of wondering where he would be and what he would be doing if he was still around.
And every year on 2 March, I think about him a lot. Next year he will have been dead for longer than he ever lived...
09-06-2007, 03:41 AM
I think we all have those thoughts. It's a natural curiosity. I know i do ;)
09-06-2007, 11:41 AM
Nicolen-I'm sorry about the loss of your first love. That's really sad.
I moved away from my first love very quicky and things just ended very suddenly so maybe I just need closure. Maybe if somehow I could see him again and we could have a chat about what we had but how it never could have worked then maybe I wouldn't wander about what could have been. My fiance would be so angry though if he ever knew I saw or talked to Brandon. I understand his feeling on it.
It makes my fiance sad that I was his first love but he wasn't mine.
I tell him all the time though that he wasn't my first love but he was my first REAL love, Brandon and I were so young and we fought more than we got along.
09-06-2007, 01:57 PM
I think those feelings are normal. I still wonder about my first love. I haven't seen him or any of his family in years, but I think of him occasionally, and wonder how he is. I found out after we broke up that he's gay, so I don't wonder about a wife or girlfriend. I know he has a SO and that's probably a different experience than wondering about a wife or girlfriend. I don't know that I could explain that, but I do feel like I would feel more "jealous" at the thought of him being with another woman. :shrug:
I do sometimes think of contacting him. We were great friends for the longest, friends longer than boyfriend/girlfriend. But I never have. And at this point it just seems like it would be pointless. I doubt we have a lot in common anymore, just memories, and they are better left in the past.
09-06-2007, 02:15 PM
O.K Brandons mom called me to invite me to a dinner where our mutual close friends and even some of my family would be going to, I told her I couldn't go becasue my fiance would feel too awkward with Brandon there, she understood but then she dropped a huge bomb she said BRANDON STILL LOVES YOU:yikes::yikes:
I didn't know what to think, she said he talks about you a lot but of course not around his GF but his brother told his GF about me and even showed her a picture of me and she got pretty mad. She said she was jealouse of me. I don't know why she's the one with him:?:.
I was also told that she isn't all that attractive and this is going to sound very shallow but I SOOOOO love hearing that I was perttier than her.:o:devil:
09-07-2007, 08:13 AM
My DH and i met as kids and were eachothers first loves. Last year i married him.
09-07-2007, 10:51 AM
Awww thats cute thintinythighs. Congrats.
09-08-2007, 08:15 AM
Shy--you should go to send off your friend--sometimes we put those first loves on a pedestal they don't deserve to be on, I know I did. You remember all the good and none of the bad, seeing him again may remind you why you two are not together.