General chatter - Why do I let this crap get to me?




View Full Version : Why do I let this crap get to me?


ShyShy19
08-28-2007, 06:43 PM
This is probably going to end up kinda long so I apologize in advance.

Today has been AWFU:mad:L, I let some girl wind me up and get my temper going, now I feel like crap.
Why did I let her bring me to her level?:?:

I'll back track.
I've known this girl and were friends for a long time until I found out her and her husband were abusing their children.:mad:
I called CPS and her kids got taken away from her.
Now she is calling me, emailing me and all kinds of stuff, she's going o and on about awful things.
Saying my husband is a peice of crap and that he has tried to sleep with her
(Im sooo angry about this):tantrum:
I don't know if he did or didn't.
She's telling people I'm a bad mother, everyone who knows me knows better then that.
She's even trying to get me to meet her at the park to fight.
Can you believe this girl?
She's even saying things about my childhood and how my parents abandomed me becasue I was a peice $hi*.

I was having such a good day, now I feel sooooo alone.:(
Why is she getting to me like this.

I need a freind right now.:hug::grouphug:
Anyone volunteer.
I don't even want to talk to my fiance, becasue now I'm mad at him for what she's saying he did.


annie175
08-28-2007, 06:46 PM
Shyshy...

Don't let someone else steal your joy in life. Consider the source, you are better than that and until you have proof of anything she says, do NOT believe her especially about ones you love.

Stay strong,

Annie

ShyShy19
08-28-2007, 06:53 PM
I am in tears right now.
My fiance cheated about a year ago, we got counseling, I felt fine about us, the minister gave his blessing for us to get married and now I feel like I'm coming undone.
What if he did do this?
She says it was about 4 years ago, when my fiance and I were about 16, does that mean I should let it go.
GRRRRR I know I can't do that.

The child in me wants to KICK HER A$$

I'm sorry, I just need to vent.................

AND CRY


iwmonn
08-28-2007, 07:49 PM
shyshy,
I completely agree with annie. Don't let it get to you.

First off, IF it did in fact happen, it was 3 years before you got counseling. AND, You were all 16! SIXTEEN! I would not consider that cheating, it is growing up, learning about life; which we all do at that age. It may have been an incedent he doesn't even recall.... or it may not have ever happened. You were all teenagers. You are an adult now, with what looks to be a very beautiful baby I might add ;)... Talk to your minister again, talk to your fiance.

I'm going to say something that sounds harsh now. You need to be able to trust your husband. If you can't honestly do that, then maybe you need to postpone your marriage until you can work this out together.

That being said, DO NOT under any circumstances let this woman spoil your day. She is in the wrong about you, period. And your friends & family who know you know that, right? Try not to pay attention to what she is saying. Hold your head up high and smile. I wish you luck hon. :hug:

Robin41
08-28-2007, 08:12 PM
I started getting nasty e-mails from a former friend who everybody thought was an angel. So I forwarded them to everybody we knew in common with a little note about her language and general craziness.

You'd be surprised how fast the e-mails stopped coming.

Settle the trust issues with your fiance before you marry him or you will be constantly miserable.

ShyShy19
08-28-2007, 08:13 PM
Thanks ladies, I'm starting to feel a LITTLE better.

I'm going to TRY and forget this girl exsists, try is the big word here.
Am I overly sensative or something?
I can't stop thinking aboutitand, my chest has this funny feeling like there's a dump truck sitting on in.

I was going to yell at the fiance when gets home, I think I'll call my minister instead.

What should I say to my fiance when he gets home?

AmberD
08-28-2007, 08:25 PM
I just wanted to thank you for calling CPS. Whatever she says, know you were only trying to help those children and that is incredibly commendable.

GatorgalstuckinGA
08-28-2007, 08:33 PM
First i would take what this person says with a grain of salt. She's bitter and angry for what you did (even if it was the right thing). Even if it is true..that was 4 yr ago which means you both have probably grown. However, i wonder if it did happen...sort of a funny coincidence that after you turned her DH in...she's now saying your fiance slept with her. Second, i totally agree with what was said about trusting your fiance. If you don't trust him...you shouldn't marry him.
Now i'm going to ask you something that you may take offense...have you ever been truely alone (ie without a bf/fiance) for a long period of time??? the reason i'm asking this is the last few post seem to be a lady who is very unsure of herself. And maybe i'm misreading..and if so i apologize. Here's my suggestion to you...before you get married...find you. In other words, be happy with who you are, what you are, how you look, and realize how wonderful or a person you are. Until you do that to yourself...you cannot be a good mate for someone. I know that sounds weird...but your last few post have seem like you are not confident and unsure with yourself and things in your life. And i firmly believe that until you like who you are and are comfy in your own skin...you shouldn't think about marriage. Some women rely on a man to "make their life complete"...but reality is a man shouldn't make your life complete..it should compliment and enrich your life. Too many people get married too young because they haven't found themselves and think getting married will help that. Unfortunately most of those marriages don't make it. If you are feeling confident and happy and i've misread anything..i'm sorry. I just hope you find your happiness you need. Good luck and let us know what happened

ShyShy19
08-28-2007, 09:09 PM
Gatorgal, my self esteem issues have been a problem for as long as I can remember.
I don't like addmitting it but, the issues are still with me.
Since you could see it in the way i POST, I guess I don't hide it too well.
My dad sold me for drugs, my mom abandoned me then my dad did the same.
I got put into a fosterhome that had lots of foster kids for the $.
My fiance pulled me outta there when I turned 18 and have been living with him sinnce.
Than a tear ago he had an affair.
I thought we were through it, he is, maybe I'm not.
I sooooo want to marry him and be happy, but not if my self esteem problem is going to be a burdon on him.
I called my preacher a few minutes ago and we're starting another round of counseling this Sunday.
Maybe we'll work on ME a little more this time.
I don't mean to be such a low self esteem wreck, I dont want to be this way, I do try.
Thanks you guys for being here, it helps to have someone to talk to.

Missmess~ She does know it was me that called CPS, I was very honest with her about it. Her husband went to jail, she bailed him out, they told her that she HAD to keep the kids away from him, I told her that I was upset that she bailed him out and that, I cared for her but I cared for the kids more and if she took them over to be with him I would call CPS.
Well guess what she did.....

bargoo
08-28-2007, 09:28 PM
I'm confused you mention your husband and your fiance? Do you have an ex and are now engaged to someone else?

ih8diets
08-28-2007, 09:55 PM
Aww. I feel for you! I hope this stuff all works out for you but you are a much better person than that girl, she is the piece of sh*t!!! You just keep your dignity and ignore her! She doesnt deserve children if she behaves that way and she is prob lying about your fiance, some people stoop so low

GatorgalstuckinGA
08-28-2007, 10:02 PM
i think some much needed counseling is great! You sound like a wonderful person but from your post i could tell there was pain. I'm not telling you not to marry your fiance...but i think it's a great idea to seek counseling. I assumed you must have had a poor childhood, but did not feel it was my business. to know or ask. I think you definately need to work on your health (mental and physical) some. You seem like a sweet and caring person who just needs to figure how great she is. I also think, if affordable, you may also want to seek advice of a psychiatrist, since your past is sooo traumatic. I'm not saying that a minister couldn't and won't help...but sometimes it takes multiple people. I do hope you find some much needed confidence in yourself. I can't even imagine what you must go through with a past like yours..but know that time and people can help. I wish you the best and please don't let this horrible lady get to you. You did the right thing turning her dh in to DCS, and just remember the crap she gives you...is just that...crap! Good luck and know we are always here for support and advice.

aymster
08-28-2007, 10:40 PM
:hug: You did the right thing. And don't let someone who is abusing their children get to you. She wants to bring you down to her slimmey level. She wants to meet you to fight? What is this, Jr. High?

She's evil and what goes around comes around and she'll get what she deserves.

You and your hubby need to be strong on this issue as it'll make your foundation better and impenetrable.

Keep your chin up! :hug:

Blueyedblond
08-29-2007, 01:03 AM
ok - from what i read, I can't believe that she is mad at you for protecting her children - something SHE should be doing. How can someone who lived through **** as a child (you) sit there and watch, and KNOW that chldren who you know an care about are being harmed - you couldn't - so you called CPS to protect them. You did the right thing - she is twisted.

I agree with other posters about having trust n the relationship. Now I'm no expert and God knows I have relationship issues of my own - but trust is not one of them. Im not sure I could be in a relationship without total trust. It's just too stressful. Im sure you will come to the right answer, and I hope your fiance can be honest with you about the past.

Hermit Girl
08-29-2007, 02:02 PM
I have not read any of the responses yet, before writing this/

We can *only* act in our best nature if we do not get into other's dramas. If you really had concrete reason to believe there was child abuse going on, and you acted, you did the right thing. Whatever follows, about that particular sitation, follows naturally.... and can't be easy.

If you were somehow mistaken and the childrens' parents were innocent, its not like the police would have taken a child/children away without looking into it a bit. Their own actions lead them to their consequences, good/bad/indifferent.... not yours. Your actions lead only to your very own consequences. In this case it was a moral involvement, and you made the choice to be involved , so you now are. Being involved in peoples' lives isn't always the easy way to live, but sometimes rewards in ways we can't always understand.

Now, the bit about your fiance, try to separate the issue of your exfriend's drama from him. This isn't about having a good day or bad, it's about living a life of integrity, and choosing those to be around you that you admire, can grow from, and more importantly >> can trust. Honest communication skills must be learned at this point. As far as those who don't influence you in a positive way, sounds like a bit of housecleaning in that department, might be necessary

ShyShy19
08-29-2007, 06:29 PM
Thanks blueyedblonde fo the kind worrds, I just did what no one else wanted to.
Oh and totallt off topic but you are HAWT, you don't need to lose 1 pound IMO, Oh yes and I too was once 107, but that was back in H.S.

I know what ya mean hermit gil about being involved in peoples lives, I was her "freind" for far too long and she brought me down.
I won't be allowing her to do it again.

Mummy_Tummy
08-30-2007, 02:38 AM
It sounds to me like you are in a hurry to create a married family life that will be everything that you didn't have as a child. And on top of that, you perceive your fiancee as the "rescuer". I'm not criticizing that at all! It's completely understandable. And I'm also not saying that you and your fiancee don't have a good relationship or that he's not a good guy. So first of all, ban this woman from your e-mail list so that she cannot send you ny more mail. Do NOT buy into her poison and do NOT respond! People like this thrive on drama and when you just ignore her, she'll realize how small she is in the scheme of things. I can understand being hurt to find out he made a move on her but come on, he was 16! If it even happened. 16 year old boys are just hormone factories so I wouldn't judge him too harshly. Talk to him about, yes but don't let it unravel your relationship. I'm guessing it brought up alot of painful memories about his affair andthat's why it's so hard for you to deal with this allegation. I'm glad you are seeking counselling with your minister but I wonder if you might consider a professional counsellor, as well?

The best way to deal with a person like this ex-friend of your's is to live well and be happy. Don't let her cause a rift between you and your fiancee and don't give her the satisfaction of a response. Ignore her and she'll slink back into the cess pool she came from.