100 lb. Club - One step forward....
08-28-2007, 12:04 AM
Two steps back. Just when I think its ok to start to smile, I should know better. I get knocked right back down. (emotionally)The ex knows exactly what to say to make me feel about as big as that dancing carrot icon, and it feels like, whoooooshhhhhhhhh nothing else matters. Instant sadness and I feel like the lonely fat girl no one wants.Its interesting how much my happiness is hinged on his happiness, and how Im SOOO willing to forgive just to be with someone so im not the fat girl who no one wants. Why do i want to be with someone like that? Why do i look for any excuse to come back? Ive never been so dependant on someone, so afraid to be on my own. Sigh...what drama....how can 7 years of being together, going thru everything together, just go up in smoke...poof...like it was nothing.He's the loser, right?
08-28-2007, 12:10 AM
You are right he is the loser. You obviously have a big heart. Maybe it is time to focus on yourself. Get healthy. It makes you feel so much better. I know when I'm feeling down it helps to eat well and exercise. It is just getting started that is the hard part. Hope you feel better soon. Take care of yourself.
08-28-2007, 12:40 AM
He's a loser if he's pushing your buttons to hurt you. Why do you still have contact with him?
I think, no I completely believe that we all have major issues that have contributed to our over eating. We don't have to know what those issues are, but they certainly help us to move ahead. Was there someone like your X in your life when you were younger? Someone with a similar personality or similar expectations.
You know what? This terrible experience is a blessing because it will help you to grow and figure out what makes you tick. Have you thought about starting a blog? They have 3 chick blog sites and I know it has helped me to summarize key points of my day. Very cathartic. You need some place to spill the whole story, to rant and rave and then move on.
08-28-2007, 01:02 AM
I agree with these ladies, he is the loser sweetie. I like that song from christina aguilera from her song fighter.
After all you put me through
You'd think I'd despise you
But in the end I wanna thank you
'Cause you made me that much stronger
After all of the stealing and cheating
You probably think that I hold resentment for you
But, uh uh, oh no, you're wrong
'Cause if it wasn't for all that you tried to do
I wouldn't know just how capable I am to pull through
So I wanna say thank you, cause it...
Makes me that much stronger
Makes me work a little bit harder
It makes me that much wiser
So thanks for making me a fighter
Made me learn a little bit faster
Made my skin a little bit thicker
Makes me that much smarter
So thanks for making me a fighter
'Cause if it wasn't for all of your torture
I wouldn't know how to be this way now, and never back down
So I wanna say thank you
I am a fighter and I
I ain't goin' stop
There is no turning back
I've had enoughhhhhh
The whole song is great, but you get the idea. I remember dating this horrible guy and all the crap that he would put me through and I realized that all though I would be sad to be alone, I was miserable with him. So either way I was miserable I might as well push through and start healing without him and dump him.
You will get through you are a phenomenal women
08-28-2007, 04:13 AM
You know, there's seriously something wrong with anyone who gets their kicks by putting someone else down. That got old when we were all 13, let alone now.
You're recognising what he's doing, which is huge - took me 4 years to realise what my ex was doing to me.
A question - is there a reason you're having contact with him? Can you completely cut him out of your life or are there other reasons - kids etc - that you need to have regular contact with him. If not, then give him the flick. You deserve far far more than he's going to give you...
Sending lots of :hug:
08-28-2007, 08:23 AM
Be thankful that it was only seven years you wasted on him and not 8, 9,10,etc. Life is too short to settle for less than the best!
08-28-2007, 08:28 AM
I know when I argue with my husband I feel like running for food( old me), it is hard to say no to food when you feel upset. Just remember, :
No One Can make you Feel Infereior Without Your permission-Roosevelt
You are worth it.
Be glad it was only 7 yrs !!!
You can do it!!
08-28-2007, 08:52 AM
:hug::hug::hug: Just sending you some cyber hugs. :hug::hug::hug:
08-28-2007, 10:03 AM
08-28-2007, 10:33 AM
He's an EX for a reason, baby girl.....you are strong enough to be on your own!!!
YOU CAN DO IT!!!
08-28-2007, 02:16 PM
Oh, yuck! So sorry you're going through this (maybe universal?) experience. I have hung onto relationships for waaaay too long because I was convinced that if only I did the right things, was good enough, GOT good enough, I'd win, and he'd love me, and that would make up for the times I wasn't loved, and finally, finally validate me. Only problem is, it never works! I never got "good enough" because there was no such thing. But as someone pointed out to me years ago, I would step over ten sweet, nice guys to get to an a**hole. One day you'll look back and say "What did I ever see in him? Why, oh why, did I want him? Ick!" I promise!
When I was 20 my ex and I broke up. We had been together since I was 17
I was madly in love with him. He treated me like CRAP..... But I thought that I could change and that I could love him enough for the both of us. Anyway. We had one of those relationships where we would break up every 20 minutes.
I loved him so much and then after 3 years of loving him he thanked me by cheating on me. Then he broke up with me for her and I was devistated. I cried for like 2 months every night.
I weighed about 200 then. So I stopped eating because I thought that if I lost weight he would see how much of a mistake he made and he would come back. So here he was living his life and I got stuck for 2 months crying every night. Not eating anything except a mcdonalds chocolate milkshake and that was only because I didnt want to pass out. So when I would start to feel shaky or hungry I would go to mcdonalds. I had a milkshake every other day. I lost 30 pounds in 2 months.
Then I heard that the girl that he left me for was pregnant and I guess something hit me that he was gone. I still cried but not as often. I kept myself busy with my friends. i went out and had fun with just the girls. 6 months after we broke up I met my husband. Now I look back and realize how bad he treated me and how toxic that relationship was.
I wasted so many tears and could have done some serious damage with not eating. DUMB DUMB DUMB......
08-28-2007, 10:36 PM
Wow, thank you for so much, everyone. And you are all right. Right now I just have contact because we lived together and Im still getting everything moved out. And, although, no kids, we have a yorkie, who is my "kid" and I know its going to kill him to be moved and learn a new home without "daddy". And through all of this, all of my worrying about the dog missing daddy, I just realized, has he thought twice about me?? Has he worried how I was going to get thru Christmas alone? NOPE. Has he worried about how Im going to get along because Im leaving all my dishes here? NOPE.NOPE. NOPE. NOPE.Women are such different creatures. I broke last night into tears, and the only place I knew to go was here. You all know me as a signature and statistics, and you sent me more love than he has given me consideration that Im leaving my "home" over the last few months. Thank you all. Women are great support columns, I knew I could find it here.Thanks to you all. Hugs right back atcha!OH - Im doing much better than last night. Found that the Zone Diet looks like something fantastic that I could really do and Im going to focus all my energy on me and who I am. Weigh in day is Thurs, hopefully I will have a lower number.
08-29-2007, 12:28 AM
wow, how'd you ever let a charming guy like that go??? what an a$$hole!!! a hate guys who put girls down, or subtly try to keep a girl down to make himself feel like a big man grrrrrrrr i wanna beat him up!
I don't think your feelings are necessarily because you're a bit heavier than you'd like ~ I have a close friend who's thin and quite pretty and yet she lets her dude treat her like absolute friggin' garbage and I'm losing a friend over it :( I told her I can't be her sounding board anymore, can't listen to her cry anymore when she's so unwilling to do anything to change it.
I guess the main thing is to keep positive happy shiney people in your life and cut the black-hearted cancers O-U-T!!!