100 lb. Club - Eating out and pity parties

View Full Version : Eating out and pity parties

08-25-2007, 11:02 PM
Ugggghhhh I can't stand myself sometimes!!

So, we had a lovely day taking the kid to this mall to meet her little online boyfriend. All very nice and I got a beautiful new watch. :)

Then we left the mall to go to dinner at one of our favorite places to eat. We love this place because in the past we always get the Reuben sandwiches with the onion rings. VERY yummy!!

Well, of course my boyfriend, who is wonderful but a tad annoying at times, ask on the way there, "Are we going to be good?" Sure I reply, I know that getting our favorite meal will totally blow my plan and I've been doing so great all month.

So, I order the chicken salad. Menu makes it sound great. Well, it's awful! Iceberg lettuce with a clump of chopped chicken that has grapes, walnuts and some sort of dressing mixed with it. Not good in the slightest. I manage to eat half of it while he munches on a nice looking steak and the kid eats a BLT and fried cheese sticks.

Yeah, I had myself a pity party and it's not like I have a poker face!! :rolleyes:

Why can't I just go to a restaurant and be happy with getting something low calorie? Or why can't I have an indulgent item when I had the calories for it already planned. Why can't I say to my boyfriend that I want something more tasty than a salad. **** I cook much better than the crap I put in my mouth tonight! When I go out I want it be good. Is that so wrong????

I just want to be like a normal person!!

08-25-2007, 11:16 PM
I don't think the "low calorie" option was the problem. You just got a gross salad. I'm sure you'd feel differently if the salad you ordered had fresh, crisp lettuce with a beautiful array of colorful vegetables with perfectly grilled chicken on top.

Be proud that you picked the low calorie option (even if it turned out to be gross) Just think how much worse you'd feel right now if you'd gone with the reuben and it had come out sloppy, soggy , and gross and the fries were cold. At least the bad meal you ended up with didn't blow all your calories.

08-26-2007, 12:01 AM
I don't think there is a right or wrong answer here........I will tell you, when I originally lost my 80#s ( and I have gained 20 back...another story!) but when I lost that 80#s.....yeah, it sounds like alot, but it was SO EASY, because all I did was to eat less of the food I wanted.......I just ate less and lost 5#s a month for over a year........and it was so easy..........then I got caught up in this diet or that......and go sloppy, got lazy......and have gained 20#s and am going from diet to diet.........next time, just try it...order what you want, exactly what you want, and eat less of it........it worked for me; I diidn't feel deprived...it was just
SANE, yanno?


08-26-2007, 12:52 AM
Ditto maryblu...I STILL eat steak..my ABSOLUTE favorite meal...almost weekly. I get a nice, rare center cut top sirloin, and cut off the fat, instead of the ribeye I used to order. Sure, I get the 6 oz instead of the 12oz. Sure, I get sweet potatoes instead of fries. Sure, I get Low-cal ranch instead of blue cheese for my salad, and dip my fork into it instead of pouring 4 oz. of dressing on my salad....Sure, I skip out on the whole loaf of bread slathered in butter I used to eat before my salad even arrived LOL! And yes, I even skip dessert now :D

Please, still enjoy your favorite foods! I have eaten out the whole way to 35 pounds of weightloss. I just modified my choices and made them healthier! And sometimes, I do let loose and eat some fries...or get blue cheese dressing...Treat yourself, just don't make it an everyday thing :)

08-26-2007, 01:35 AM
I know those kind of restaurants, the food is in giant portions on platters instead of plates....and the salads are either awful or just as fattening as the other stuff!

I've kind of come to the conclusion that the best option in places like that is to order a broth-based soup and an appetizer, if they have anything that's not to damaging (like potstickers or a shrimp cocktail.)

I also agree with the poster who said you shouldn't totally give up your fave stuff. Maybe as a treat you could work it in, in a way that it wouldn't cause any harm to your health goals. Plan very light meals and extra exercise for the rest of the day and maybe split the rueben & rings with your BF?

The thing about those kind of places is, it's not a good idea to eat that stuff on an impulse, because it's ALWAYS around. I mean all you have to do is go to the mall and there's cinnebon and french fries and cookies and God knows what else around every turn.

But every now in then in half amounts would be nice to look forward to.

I find it easier to just find more healthy foods/recipes/restaurants that I enjoy and blow the other ones off most of the time.

08-26-2007, 01:44 AM
Ah...the pity party...a sure sign of a frustrated dieter. Pita, I've been there. Had the bad salad while hubby was eating something WAY more yummy looking. I wish I had ground-breaking advice, but unfortunatly all I can say is that sometimes it taks a while to find good food that is also good for you. I order lots of grilled chicken or fish and steamed veggies...that can get old too so sometimes I sub in that steak, in fact my plan suggests that I eat steak sometimes...and who am I to argue. Sorry about the yucky salad...but keep your head up...its worth it in the end.

08-26-2007, 08:29 AM
Pita- here's something you can do that I learned most restaurants will do. Ask them to give you half of the portion of what you enjoy, at the same cost. I did this recently at a family style restaurant, and they were happy to oblige. I had to pay the same amount of course as the regular meal, but I think you would enjoy it more if it was something you wanted rather than have something that wasn't so appealing.

I know how you feel. Hang in there! You're doing great! :hug:

08-26-2007, 08:55 AM
HI there Pita. I know EXACTLY what you mean. My home cooking, low cal, healthy and nutritious is WAAAAY better tasting then most restaurants these days. So, I then wonder why oh why do I want to go out. Which is why I try to keep it to a minimum.

As for the chicken salad, it could be loaded with so much mayo, that it's actually not such a healthy option afterall. I've become an absolute pest when I go out to eat. I question the waiter about how things are prepared - oil, mayo, cream, sugar and what not. And I make them customize it to my liking. Cause, like you said I want to ENJOY what I'm eating while out. Heck, I ALWAYS want to enjoy what I'm eating. And part of that enjoyment is knowing that I've eaten something that won't blow me out of the water caloriewise. I try to stick to salads with dressing on the side. Grilled or baked chicken or fish. Veggies, roasted or steamed. Vegetable soups made with no butter or oil or cream.

This stuff is all a learning experience. Eating out now is a totally different experience then it was in the past for me. You said you just want to feel like a normal person, well the thing is for me, I've got me a totally "new normal". Which is a good thing, cause my old normal - not so good.

Just one more thing, you said that salad sounded real good on the menu, if it was nothing like they claimed it would be, uh-huh, I'd be a pest and send it right the heck back. That meal is over. On to today and some yummy and healthy foods. :)

08-26-2007, 09:27 AM
Oh yuck... I NEVER order salad as a main meal! Mainly because it reminds me of being forced on really depressing diets when I was a chubby kid. That said I love salad smothered with Blue Cheese or Ranch dressing and covered in croutons LOL!

Oh Pita what a shame! I agree it would have been different if the salad was tasty. Learn from this - next time you are going to your favorite restaurant and can have a favorite meal perhaps have it - but think about having less of it or having it in a healthier way. Like maybe have the reuben but skip the onion rings? Or something like that!

Hope today is better and you get some tasty diet meals!

08-26-2007, 10:09 AM
I don't eat out , I cook at home, so I don't know if I can help much. I agree with everyone else, it sounded like a nasty salad, who is going to enjoy that? Since you have been to this place before , did you ask if they had anything low cal? Maybe it is time to find a different place to eat. I know there are things I am never going to be able to eat again( eggplant parmagian, Lasagna, french fries), and I accept it, maybe the same is true of this place. Next time maybe you can pick a different place to eat?

08-26-2007, 10:57 AM
Sorry you had to eat such a nasty meal. I would have felt sorry for myself too. I know that the only way to stay on plan and reach my goal is if I can eat things I really like. It's so disappointing to eat out and get something not good, dieting or not. So, I just don't eat out anymore unless I absolutely have no choice, or as a treat if it's somewhere that I know I can have something good. I am learning the hard way too which restaurants I can go to and which I need to avoid. My family used to go to a chinese buffet from time to time because the kids and DH love it. But there is not a lot there I can eat, except for steamed shrimp, which are small and overcooked, and egg drop soup. I'm not going to pay for the buffet just for that, so now I tell DH to take the kids when I am out of town on business, about once a month. By the way, lean steak is perfectly okay on my plan.

08-26-2007, 11:31 AM
That is an awful feeling and I completely understand your pity party. I'll tell you that over time I've learned to eat out exactly as I do when I cook for myself at home. I still order my favorite meals but I ask that they be customized.

I love ruebens and still order them sometimes when we go out to eat (which is admittedly infrequently because, like others have noted, I like my healthy cooking BETTER than any restaurant's). I just ask that the sandwich be grilled without butter, made with half the meat and cheese, and that they bring me the 1000 island dressing on the side (reduced calorie if they have it). Or, if DH is in the mood for a rueben too we order one and split it. I skip the fried sides all together and substitute some sort of fruit or vegetable. Just remember that when you eat out you are paying them to serve you. Don't be afraid to ask for what you want. Most places are perfectly willing to accomodate speical requests.

Also, I can tell you that I am much more likley to overeat when I don't listen to my body and have some variation of what it is I am really craving. I end up with an unsatisfied feeling and find myself picking at this and that trying to "hit the spot". The thing is, if I just eat a smaller portion or healthier version of what it is I REALLY want I am satisfied and that is the end of that!

08-26-2007, 11:38 AM
Thanks everyone for the support and sympathy. You know this goes deeper than the food and one crappy meal.

I just had a very long and productive talk with my Sweetie. We often talk about how I'm an emerging butterfly. I've been trapped in my cocoon of an unhappy life that included much more than just being overweight. Now, I'm on my way to having the life I've always prayed for and sometimes the old me gets in the way.

I want very much to be proud of myself and to see myself at goal, which is the last big remaining hurdle, next to reentering the workforce after college. I also want my sweet Joe to be proud of me, because he is the one that has given me this new life and the opportunity to fly. He is also a perfectionist and it is one of my jobs to help him lighten up.

So, what happens is that I read his simple question about what I'm going to eat at the restaurant as saying, "I better stay on plan." That is not what he is saying and that is very unfair to him. We have decided to try not to read into each others words anymore and if I want to splurge and know I have the calories to do so than I will. I really think just knowing I have that option will make me want to splurge a whole lot less. Who knows!

08-26-2007, 12:45 PM
Pita, that is funny that you assumed he was judging you. I haven't made a big deal of being on a diet because I'm not thinking of it as a diet, but as a change of lifestyle, and I plan to continue to learn to eat healthy for the rest of my life. But of course people have noticed that I've lost some weight, and my DH and kids are very aware of my changes, since I'm the cook, and they are also affected. And everyone assumes that this is a "diet" and I'm supposed to be eating 5 lbs of celery or grapefruit every day or something. I made the SB breakfast cheesecake a couple of weeks ago, and had some for breakfast with sf strawberry preserves. Everytime DH saw me eating it, he got this little smile and look like "oh, look, she's finally cracked and cheated." I explained it was on plan, but he still had this look like "sure it is, miss delusional." I went to the movies with the kids last night and allowed myself a little popcorn, 1 cupful. DD saw me eating it and said (loudly) "Mom, that's not on your diet!" When we eat at my mom's, she makes a big deal of having "diet food" around for me too, so I feel like I have to eat that instead of the regular food everyone else is eating. So they just don't get it and are trying to be helpful and supportive but are still judging me, and it makes me feel guilty, like I am cheating even if I'm not, but I just have to remember that I make the rules for me and I know if I'm cheating or not, and even if I am, then it's okay if I've planned for it. It's good that you and your sweetie talked this out, maybe I need to do the same with my family. While I appreciate their support, I wish they'd just let me get on with it and succeed or not, on my own terms...

08-26-2007, 01:08 PM
Pita it sounds like even though you had a cruddy salad you made some progress both on yourself and with your sweetie which is great!

I myself know I could not stick to my program if it meant I could not have tasty things I enjoy. Did anyone here ever see that "Honeymooners" episode where Ralph is on a diet and he has to snip off this tiny tiny piece of pizza while Norton eats the whole thing? That is my worst fear about diets - and how I NEVER want to feel!

I guess you have to find what works for you. In fact I was just saying to my DBF when we came back from the movies that the only reason I can stick to this plan is because I don't have to give up cheese LOL!

08-26-2007, 01:39 PM
I myself know I could not stick to my program if it meant I could not have tasty things I enjoy.

I agree with this statement 1000%. This is why I had to find NEW and different, delicious foods that are low cal and healthy, yet still enjoyable. So yes, I can still have extremely tasty things, but they don't have to be off plan/high calorie. I thoroughly enjoy each and every item that I am eating now.

Eating foods that are good for you, does not mean eating foods without taste. For me, it would be impossible to stick to a lifestyle without garnering pleasure from what I eat.

traci in training
08-26-2007, 03:26 PM
We went to visit our oldest daughter at college yesterday and took her out for supper. Her choice - Applebee's. They have some weight watchers choices, but I love their pasta. So I ordered it. Alfredo sauce, chicken tomatoes, pasta. Big pile of calories! But it's what I wanted and it tasted wonderful.

Here's the difference: I ate maybe 1/3 of the meal. Way less than half. The rest I packed in a box and sent back to the dorm with our daughter. She won't have to cook lunch today and my plan isn't dead for the day. Yes, it's probably an 800-1000 calorie bowl of food. But I've learned to eat only what I'm hungry for and then STOP! I'd much rather eat a little of something I'm really hungry for than a big ol' plate of crappy salad or flavorless chicken that somebody's calling the "diet" special of the day.

08-26-2007, 10:41 PM
Oh, yes, I hear you, traci, on having what you want in an amount that does not make you feel like you "failed." Robin, I love finding delicious treats that are on-plan. Now, for example, an indulgence that feels so outrageously luxurious it should be illegal, is sliced strawberries with a sprinkle of splenda and a couple of tablespoons of heavy cream (not whipped). My mouth thinks it's died and gone to heaven. Yes, it's about 6 of my daily 20g carbs, but SO worth it! And if I'm feeling deprived, I'll bbq a rib-eye steak. Completely on plan, but feels like it shouldn't be. I have found ways to stick to Atkins without feeling like I'm "on a diet" at all. This seems to be necessary for me. What I eat is still absolutely required to make me happy, or I won't be able to do this for any length of time, let alone for life! I had to find a plan that lets me eat things I love, and doesn't "prescribe" so-called food, dry and tasteless, or downright disgusting, that I have to hold my nose to get through. I think that's why it's so important for each of us to keep searching until we find a plan that feels natural and satisfying, and not like a hardship. For me, it's Atkins. And since my lipid panel got stunningly better since I started this, it clearly is good for me!