General chatter - Venting!!!
08-22-2007, 10:45 AM
i know this had nothing to do with loosing weight....but im so upset right now...i have to vent! Okay well im only 20 years old...i have been dating the same guy since i was 18.....we live together...and have for a little over a year....my mother (who is my closest friend) has just moved to TN.....and my grandparent have just moved to IN....so im here with him...and no family...i work 55-65 hours a week....and he works about 60 hours....when we first met we rode four wheelers.....allllll the time.....recently we have not...last weekend we spend the WHOLE weekend with friends...and we had a GREAT TIME....this weekend we are going to see my mom for the first time in 2 months....so i know him and i will not have much alone time....so yesterday on my lunch i called and suggested him and i ride four weelers last night and he asks....who is gonna ride??? and i say just you and i....like old times....and hes good with that....he shoots me an email around 3 pm and says me and a buddy are gonna go riden at the hunting club...(WHICH HE KNOWS I HATE...lol EVERYTIME i go there i get eat up with bug bites) and that when i get off work i can meet him down there and ride with them.....well of course that hurt my feelings.....so i suggested that him and his buddy ride there....and then his buddy and his wife and kid come over to the house...and by the time they get there ill have supper cooked and then we can all go riding.....well it did happen like that....but after he rode all day he didnt want to ride last night.....and made it very clear to me that he didnt want too...but he did go....but i just felt like i was more of a burden then anything.....and then i get this long email this mornring telling me how he thinks i owe him an apology blah blah blah.....do i??? Am i being selfish....or childish....i dunno im just confused...HELP!!!!
08-22-2007, 12:27 PM
well first off you are 20....so i am assuming he is around your same age. And if that's the case...unfortunately guys at that age are immature and stupid at times. I think you have a right to be upset that you haven't had some quality time with BF. I don't think you owe him an apology. He should WANT to do things with you not feel forced into them. What i would suggest to you is sit him down and talk to him rationally and calmly about how what happened yesterday upset you. Explain to him that you guys have both been so busy and you just wanted to spend some time together with him...alone...something that hasnt' happened in a while. He may get defensive or say you are being childish. Don't get upset. Just tell him you wanted to tell him how you feel and then drop the subject. See if he gets the idea. A relationship should always be open ended communication. Give it some time and then also see if you can plan something again for the 2 of you. If he continues to blow you off...maybe its time to see how life is without a guy. I think we all grow and mature at different rates. And sometimes in our life...we mature faster than our partner...and trust me you being only 20...there's plenty of people out there...and you may find your current bf isnt the one. You have a lot of growing to do and will find you someone right for you...weather its the current bf or someone else...but the big key is discussion...he can't read your mind. You do have a right to feel hurt...but you need to express these feeling to him. Good luck!
08-22-2007, 12:30 PM
thanks....and yes i am only 20....and he is 25.....so i dunno??? i was always told to date someone 2 years older to be on the same maturity level....but im think now it should be 7 years lol but thank you very much! That made me feel some better!!:hug:
08-22-2007, 12:40 PM
no problems...and 25 yr men can still be boys LMAO...and as for how much older to date...its really hard to tell..i've dated a 25 yr old that was super mature and then a 30 yr old that was freaking immature. But good luck. Talk to him....and my suggestion is to figure out what makes you happy and be happy about yourself. Then life, men, marriage will fall into place. I would give it some time and see if he's right for you. Good luck
08-22-2007, 12:58 PM
Man, I wouldn't be 20 again for anything. Just reading this brings back lots of memories of guys who thought nothing of blowing you off to hang out with friends at the last minute.
Gatorgal couldn't be more right. If this gets to a point where you just feel the relationship isn't what it should be; don't be afraid to give it up. You've got lots of time to get it right with somebody.
There really are guys out there who would rather spend time with their girl. And there are lots of guys who would understand that with your family having moved away, that you might need a little special attention.
08-22-2007, 01:10 PM
I'm with Robin. I was working at MasterCuts at the mall over the winter with a bunch of women in their early 20's and man, did it bring it home how happy I am to be in my 40's!
If this is his only offense, then I'd give him some slack. Men, especially in their early 20's, have to blow off steam from time to time with their guy friends. But if this turns out to be a pattern....like maybe since your family has all moved away, you may seem a bit more needy or maybe he's AFRAID you'll become more needy (guys can be such self-centered jerks sometimes) because you'll naturally become more dependant on him for a home base and he may not be ready for that...then I'd consider the relationship and what it holds for you for the long term. You'll want to know now if he's a phobia about being tied down because if you get married and kids come along...he'll be outta there!
But, maybe he just wanted to go hang out with some friends and be guys. No harm done.
08-22-2007, 02:37 PM
btw...one more thing to add..i didn't marry until later in life...i was 33 when i finally got married. And you know what...most of my life i've been single and go any where between 1-1.5 yrs between relationships...i think its important to know who YOU are and WHAT you want before you can be in the right relationship. So don't freat if this one isnt the one. I think my 33 yr wait was worth it....i have a man who loves me for who i am (not what i look like), loves my mind, gives me the freedom to be who i am, laughs at my stupid corny jokes, and treats me like a godness...not one day goes by that i question if he's "the one for me" cause he reminds me every day of it. I hope you find someone just like that. But don't rush things...good things come to those who wait. Enjoy being young for a while. You have many years before you should get married. Enjoy the freedom of your youth!!!!!!!
08-22-2007, 03:19 PM
well he is usually always with me....he does go out with his friends....but always considers me first....and he usually invites me to go...he does support me money wise....he pays 85% of our bills....and i pick up the 15% left...he does complain alot about it...but has never told me that i HAVE to pay the other half....he tells me he loves me...and he tells me that he will marry me one day.....soon...so he says....i just dont know??? is life ever completly happy after married life????
08-22-2007, 03:48 PM
is life ever completly happy after married life????
No. There have been times when I've been so mad at my husband that I have to leave the house and walk around the block because I just don't feel like he understands me (Usally these times coincide with PMS when NOBODY understands me). Sometimes I just have to understand that nobody's perfect...INCLUDING ME...but I'm lucky to be married to my all-time best friend and that I love him more than life itself and he's a grump and a pain in the butt, but life would totally suck without him. My gramma once said that to make a marriage work, both people have to give 100%. I know that makes 200%, but if each person put in 50%, where is the other 50% going? My gramma was a very smart woman and was married for 66 years before my grampa passed away. When he did, she sat in her favorite chair watching TV, as if he were still there at his end of the couch, but with a picture of him in his baseball uniform in front of his truck in 1928 (he was so cute) on the end table and she'd look at it a lot as if she were thinking, I wonder when the good Lord is going to take me home to 'my darling'. They had differences...they fought...but they BOTH gave 100% to their marriage and family and were each other's best friends and that's what makes it work... Everything else just falls into place. Same goes for me and my husband...he's a grump and an emotional pain in the butt a ton of the time, but he gives 100% to our marriage and family, as do I, he's my best friend in the entire world and I wouldn't trade him for anyone. I didn't meet him until I was 32 and we got married when I was 36 and he was SO worth the wait.
By the way...in a strange turn of events....my husband was the WORST boyfriend for reasons that made him the BEST husband. I can't explain it, but it is like, when other boyfriends I'd have thought I was a flake or whatever, they'd just go away...but my husband would point it out to me, which would make me mad because he was so critical of me...but it turns out he was the only one that loved me enough to point out some of the major mistakes I'd made in my life and help me to become a more responsible person/adult and be taken more seriously by people. Its hard to describe without making him seem like a control freak, which is what I thought of him when I first started dating him, but I realized that there is a difference between someone that is a control freak and someone that loves you and doesn't want to see you making a fool out of yourself. Know what I mean? I saw the difference and really look up to my husband. He took my daughter under his wing, me under his wing, turned our lives around and really made a difference in my life.
I don't feel like I explained myself properly, but gotta run...
08-22-2007, 05:06 PM
My gramma once said that to make a marriage work, both people have to give 100%. I know that makes 200%, but if each person put in 50%, where is the other 50% going? My gramma was a very smart woman and was married for 66 years before my grampa passed away. When he did, she sat in her favorite chair watching TV, as if he were still there at his end of the couch, but with a picture of him in his baseball uniform in front of his truck in 1928 (he was so cute) on the end table and she'd look at it a lot as if she were thinking, I wonder when the good Lord is going to take me home to 'my darling'. They had differences...they fought...but they BOTH gave 100% to their marriage and family and were each other's best friends and that's what makes it work...:cry::cry:
Hey, hey now.....Hormonal pregnant lady on board.
08-22-2007, 06:33 PM
I know...but my grandparents are the best example I know of for marriage 101. And how wonderful to know that that kind of love exists and in MY OWN family!! :love: My own mom and dad are hermetically sealed to one another, as well. And I plan to be the same way to my husband until one of us kicks the bucket. And even though some days are filled with crap, many more are filled with things like boat trips with the wind whipping through my kids' hair and my husband with the I-own-a-boat grin on his face. Life is what you make of it...choose someone great to go through it with.
08-23-2007, 02:49 AM
Older definitely doesn't always mean wiser/more mature in the case of men... my boyfriend is quite a few years older than me, and he can be the most selfish, insensitive, arrogant person I've ever known sometimes (I speak out of love!... ) Of course everything feels so much more magnified when you're in a relationship. It's tough when you're time together is limited, and then the time you agree to spend together is spoiled or not as exciting as you'd looked forward to. I don't really think you owe him an apology.
Things always get sticky when allotting time between friends/buddies and your girlfriend (believe me I'm in that boat all the time.... I can't remember the last time I've had a weekend alone with my boyfriend-- He ALWAYS wants to spend his days off with his friends, and I so very much wish he wanted more alone time with me. We were supposed to spend this weekend camping at the beach, our first real romantic date, I'd been looking forward to it since July... aand his best friend and sister are coming. ._. Talk about a bummer.
If this is a one-time or not-too-often-time situation, then it's not that big of a deal. If it's reoccurring and you don't feel like he's giving you proper attention and "me-time", you should definitely work that out with him. It's so important to feel special and loved in a relationship. Don't feel like a burden just cuz you wanna spend time with your man! He should feel honored :P