Well after having somewhat of a breakdown this morning regarding my eating over the weekend, I have decided to take a few days off from 3fatchicks. There is no sence in keeping on asking for support when nothing seems to help me. It is a wast of your alls time. I really appreciate all the support here but I kind of feel like a fake making it seem like I am doing so great when in actuality, I am on my way to gaining back the 15 lbs I have already lost. I really feel out of control, like a drug adict or something. So I guess when I can snap out of what ever the **** has ahold of my mind, I will come back and continut to ask for and give support.
08-20-2007, 09:32 AM
Coming from someone who continues to do the same thing, my advice is don't go!!! :hug:
In my opinion, what you are going through is exactly what this website is for. I suggest you look all over here and possibly spend more time on 3FC!! There are so many people who have and are going through the same thing and you'll find some amazing advice here on how to get out of your rutt. Trust me, everyone here has "been there/done that" and are very supportive, even if you feel like you are constantly looking for help.
08-20-2007, 09:37 AM
How can we help you if you're not here? We want to.
08-20-2007, 09:38 AM
I do feel like I am constantly looking for help . I get so frigging mad and discusted with myself for it. I work my butt off in the gym to where my face is red and my head is busting, all to blow it when I come home and start binging. I cant stop it! I just hate all of it.
08-20-2007, 09:53 AM
I am SO sorry that you're feeling this way. Please don't feel like a fraud. You are working SO hard - you just haven't found the key to deal with those weekends yet. It's the times when I struggle when I need this place the very most and when I get the most benefit from being here.
What do you think is going on? You have to find what works for you. Nancy (I think) talked about the little girl inside of her who throws tantrums and rebels at the restrictions of her plan. She has found success in curbing that little girl by accepting her and talking to her about why she wants what she wants. Pita (I believe) extols the virtues of positive self-talk, and I have found much success in that route as well. It could be as simple as telling yourself that you are someone who stays on plan during the weekends, and plans everything out so that it's inevitable that you will stay on plan. Or maybe if you gave yourself permission to go a little off plan on the weekends, and pushed yourself a little harder on the weekdays to make up for it, it might ease the pressure and make it possible to have controlled binges that don't sabotage all of your efforts.
I don't know the answer for you, and I struggle with weekends as well. But I am finding things that work for me, and I know that you will find those things as well. Please allow us to try and help you find the keys, knowing that when we struggle, you will be be here to help us as well.
08-20-2007, 09:53 AM
:hug:I agree with the other posts Don't go!! Stay and no matter how bad your weekends are , you are getting accountability here. You are owning up to what is happening.
But only you can make this decision, and my ultimate words are I will always be here, so if you ever need to talk find me. I believe you can find the way out of this, and I know if you really want it you can do it. So I wish you luck with whatever you do, and hope that you don't go.
08-20-2007, 10:54 AM
I agree - don't go. Don't let go of the one thing that is keeping your weight loss efforts alert. I have been here for 7 years and even though I am not having any success - I don't quit. I can't even imagine what I would weigh if I ever left. 3FC is not just the successful - it's for everyone at all points in their journey. You can't figure it out if you quit working at it.
08-20-2007, 10:54 AM
Weight loss isn't for sissies. It's HARD!!!!! Don't beat yourself up, keep at it, and talk to people who know what you're going through - some who've been successful at it, and some who haven't yet.
If you're finding yourself binging, there might be a good reason for it. Are you cutting your calories so low that you feel like you're starving and eventually lose control. Cutting calories too far can act almost like you're holding your breath. You can do it for a while, but it gets harder and harder, and eventually you "let go."
Are you having a hard time thinking of this as a life-long learning and changing process? Have you found out yet which foods make you the hungriest?
I do understand where you're at. I've been there hundreds of times before. I'm kind of there now. I've been in a year long slump. It seems like I'm treading water, but not going anywhere. But even not going anywhere is progress. I have always regained what I've lose within a few months of losing it - plus a little extra (some times not so little extra) for good measure.
If you can avoid that, you're already ahead of the game.
You can do it, don't give up. Your not just welcome here, you're needed. You never know whom you'll be an inspiration to.
08-20-2007, 11:00 AM
When you're having trouble isn't the time to leave. You are giving a voice to problems that everybody has; it's not a waste of anybody's time.
Trust us, when we say that we know how you feel, we REALLY know how you feel.
08-20-2007, 11:29 AM
I have been on 3FC since November. I have seen people lose massive amounts of weight....I've seen people stop posting and come back again later to start all over. Some people never come back. Sometimes, I feel like a massive whiner...a real phoney. One week, I'm on top of the world and 100% committed. The next week, I'm struggling again and can't seem to get the eating under control. Throughout my journey, I have decided to stay on 3FC and keep posting. Reading about other people's successes and failures...their struggles and triumphs...encourages me to pick myself back up over and over again and keep going! You know that saying "out of sight, out of mind?" Don't let this happen to you. As long as you keep trying, you are successful. Never ever quit. What is the alternative? On January 1st, when its time to make those resolutions again, wouldnt you rather say "Wow! I actually lost weight this time!" If you're like me, you might make three steps forward and two steps back...but, just think....I'm still moving forward! You can move forward, too.
08-20-2007, 11:30 AM
Another voice in the chorus, Mug: please don't go. Not only will people here support your efforts (even if you think you aren't making any), you might be surprised who you can help as you share the easy and the not-so-easy parts of this journey.
Your posts are never a waste of our time. We can choose to read them, respond to them, or not, and we read, respond, or not for our own reasons. We are taught over and over again, especially us women although men hear it too, that we must put everyone else ahead of ourselves, think of others first. Put yourself ahead here. The rest of the world might call it self-centred but I think most 3FC forum folks will call it honest sharing. (Is it possible that you're giving so much of yourself to others -- work, family, friends -- that come the weekend you've nothing left for you? I have found that some of my overeating is because it seems like I have to do something, anything, that's just for me. It is ironic, of course, that overeating isn't satisfying and leaves nothing except bad feelings and poor health effects.)
Finally, you're doing lots of things right. You're exercising. You're being honest about your difficulties. And even if you blow weekends, that's less than 30% of the week, which means you're working on success over 70% of the week!
Please stay. :hug:
08-20-2007, 11:34 AM
Thanks for the kind words everyone.
08-20-2007, 12:19 PM
Mug I have been on this board for years and haven't lost any weight, in fact I am heavier than when I started. Back then though I felt terrible about myself, like I was the only person that felt this way, like I was fat and ugly and horrible. Now I know better, now I feel better about myself as a person. Maybe 3FC hasn't helped me lose weight but it has helped me regain my self esteem and self confidence. I've been where you are now and have stopped posting for awhile because I didn't feel like I was getting anywhere and also because I didn't feel like I was able to be supportive because I've never lost weight. So what? This isn't bootcamp, we are all friends, we've no expectations other than to treat everyone the way you would want to be treated. Best wishes with whatever you decide to do.
08-20-2007, 12:21 PM
Geeez..I have been sitting here for ever wondering how to reply to this message. Reading your post..it's as if the words are coming out of my own mouth.
I can't tell you how many times I have sat here and felt bad about asking for support, and at times, I feel like its a non stop thing for me. If you look at my postings..many of them start of with an appoligy..because I do feel like I am whining alot.
Feeling out of control...7 times out of 10 I still feel out of control. If someone was to sit a big bag of cheeto's and a 2 liter of soda in front of me right now...I know inside..I would have no control and would just start cramming the crap in my mouth. But, now, when that happens, I know I can come here and post about what is going on...and there is always someone that will reply and tell me.."it's ok"
Feeling like a fake...yeah I do too at times...cause I can sit here and give what may seem to be good advise to others..but many a time..I am doing the complete opposite.
And..I will tell you from experience...I didn't post on 3FC for perhaps 2 weeks, a while back if you remember, and it didn't make things any better for me. I was still unhappy, still doing the wrong things...and even worse...I didn't have anyone to talk about it.
And..correct me if I am wrong (and I appoligise if I am wrong) but when you say So I guess when I can snap out of what ever the **** has ahold of my mind, I will come back and continut to ask for and give support. what your really saying is.."I just want to give in and quit and pretend that I am ok with myself and never have to be held accountable for the things that I have done"...
If I am right and this is what you really mean, the only reason I am right..is because I say that to myself every other day BUT I am now getting into the habit of saying to myself..."If I quit..then and only then..have I failed!"
Ultimately, the decision is yours. Good luck what ever you decide to do!
08-20-2007, 12:44 PM
I am a master quitter. I go to the IT'S HAAAAARD, I DON'T WANNA place at the slightest provocation. Now, having just revealed that part of myself so publicly, maybe it won't have as much power anymore. It seems like that's what this support site is all about, learning not to take ourselves so seriously. It is for me, anyway. If I can laugh at myself and my struggles, it strengthens me, and blunts my ability to feel like I'm unique. Cuz I ain't. There isn't a thing I can feel here, or say here, that hasn't been felt/said hundreds of times before, by the women I would like to consider my friends. I need to be reminded of that. Daily. The way to do that is by being real. If I'm whining, then by golly I will whine out loud! If I'm depressed, I'll let you see my tears. If I just ate the world, with two stars for dessert, I will crawl in here and tell you what I just did. Because only by telling you all where I really am, can I ask for the gift of your experience, strength, and hope. So Mug, the further you feel like you have fallen, the greater will be the strength you get from picking yourself back up, and the more wisdom you will gain to help the next woman here who feels hopeless. Don't give up before the miracle happens!
08-20-2007, 12:58 PM
Mugs- don't go. I, too, am going through something similiar. It doesn't help that TOM is due today- look at my FitDay, and you will see how horrible I've been the past couple of weeks.
I know some of it is due to a huge increase in exercise. I've been walking anywhere from 3-5 miles a day, with jogging/running added in those miles to improve my stamina. You see, I have a goal to play on an indoor soccer team by next fall. First, I have to get at least 100 pounds off as well as get into better shape. I've lost 40 pounds so far, but my stamina isn't good, hence why I am bumping up the walking/jogging/running as well as weight training every other day.
With that, has come an increase in appetite. I told myself I will ride it out for two weeks, then see from there what I can do to stop myself from going crazy like the past couple of days (whenever TOM is due, I crave chocolate- badly!). The one way to ground myself is to keep posting here for support and solutions. Staying away will only hurt me in the long run. I did that last year, and that was a huge mistake.
We all go through this.... finding solutions is the key. Maybe have one day out of the weekend that you can treat yourself to a few extra calories without guilt? I save Sunday's as my day- we usually have a nice dinner and a dessert we wouldn't eat the rest of the week, and it's worked well for us so far. Try juggling your calories around- keep them lower during the weekdays, so you have some to spare on the weekends.
Good luck to you- I know how you're feeling. We have to keep trying, though. Find the positives in your journey, and just keep going. If you slip up, don't fret about it, just move on to the next meal and keep it healthy and do some extra walking to burn off those excess calories. :carrot:
08-20-2007, 01:12 PM
Hang on to those 15 lost pounds! Find out what your maintenance is and if you need a break, than JUST do maintenance!
But stay here. Whenever I leave is when the pounds start coming back on. Forget that. There may be certain foods that are triggering you.
For instance, I generally walk 90 minutes a day so I can lose on 1700 a day nicely. The first week of this month I was at an 1550 7 day average, then the next week my walking was still fine but i fell apart with the eating. I think the diet soda triggered me. My average was 1900 cals a day for 7 days! uggghhh
WAY TOO HIGH! I told myself, yeah cause I am walking so much I can still lose even on 1900 a day but you know what? 1900 is rediculous! 1500-1700 is very good, 1900, forget it!
Anyhow so I gave myself a good tongue lashing and kept trying on all the stuff I have that is starting too fit when it wasn't fitting even just a few weeks ago and reminding myself that I do want this.
The last two days I did 1200 cals each day. And you know what? I am not even hungry. But I am telling myself a few days at 1200 is fine but I need to eat at least 1400 at this weight. So now I have to add in the cals somewhere and I am almost afraid to do that. *sigh*
But you know what? We all fall down some time, the difference in the winners and losers is the winners, we get back up again.
08-20-2007, 01:33 PM
Hey Mug. I'm sorry to hear you are struggling. This weightloss stuff IS hard, isn't it? I was in your very shoes for 20 years. I wonder what would have been different for me had I known about 3FC. Would it have taken me twenty years to get my act together? You know about 3FC. Use it. I can't help but think that by sticking around, there just might be one thing that sparks you, lights that fire and makes things "click" you.
We here understand your struggles. We're here to help you and help you sort things out as you try to figure out what might work best for you. We don't care if you fail one million times. You only need to get this "right" just once. And you never know which time is going to be "thee" time.
You can't ever give up, you just can't. It's too important. You're too important. And it is doable and you CAN do it. :hug:
08-20-2007, 02:20 PM
Keep reading and keep posting. Look at it this way: If you aren't getting support from 3FC, do you think you would be even worse on weekends? Maybe when you are feeling less than stellar on the weekend, maybe that's the time to come back to 3FC and start reading the NSV's or something like that. Just a thought!
08-20-2007, 02:23 PM
My best advice is: don't do it! Isolating is the worst thing you can do. We're all here to help you, no matter what.
08-20-2007, 02:43 PM
ohh looky..its me again (gosh I can be a real PITA at times huh?) hehehe
but ya know...I ain't gonna let you leave 3FC that easily...nope, no way...
There's a lot of people who care about you here...do you really want to leave us..even for a couple of days...(going with the whole guilt trip angle here..is it working?)...hehe
Don't make me get on my hands and knee's..I don't think I could get back up (humor? is this working)
08-20-2007, 02:54 PM
Ok so everybody has made me feel much better. I promise I will not quit! I will be gone for a few days due to surgery, but I promise I will come back. thanks everyone for your heartfelt encouragement. I really believe 3fatchicks is what has made me be able to lose 15 lbs so far. Please know that your responses today really means a lot to me and I appreciate it so much. After posting my post this morning, I went upstairs to the campus nurses office and weighed in. I pray the stupid scale is correct---it says I have lost another two pounds. So with all your enspiring words and that weigh in this morning, things seem a litlle brighter than this morning.
08-20-2007, 02:55 PM
I really do feel so much better reading all your replies, no lie. Thank you again!
08-20-2007, 03:13 PM
I think Mug's post really speaks to a lot of us. I think someone said it already, but how many of us could've written what she did? Mug, at least you had the courage to say that you wanted to leave and quit so we could embrace and support you.
This journey is NO easy feat. When people would say that weight loss is about falling down and getting back up until you reach your goal, I didn't think it was true. But now that I am well on my way to my goal, I understand what they meant.
I would recommend taking some time to get in touch with why you binge? If you've never read anything by Geneen Roth, you should give her a read. She has a great book called "When Food is Love". There's another great book called "The Artist's Way" which has a lot of activities for processing feelings. What finally made things click for me was attacking my emotional eating with actually changing my habits. But the part they never tell you is that the work is never done. It's a constant work in progress, but the key is not to give up.
Be kind to yourself.
08-20-2007, 03:32 PM
Mug - Couple of points:
(1) As already said, you are wasting no one's time. Many of us look forward to your posts.
(2) While you may not be happy with your progess, you have made progress!! I found 3fc in April but didn't come back until July. During that time, I was busy gaining weight. I can't tell you how much, because I wasn't weighing myself. Not only have you lost weight, you avoided the weight gain you might very well have had during the same time period.
(3) Weight loss doesn't go in a straight line. Two steps forward & one step back. We all have set backs. Today I weighed in at my doctor's office, and then inexplicaby really overate at lunch. Well, I'm going to analyze this & try to think of what I can do differently next time. We can't change a lifetime of behavior overnight. It takes time.
One specific suggestion: try to think of each meal as a specific event. One bad meal doesn't have to be the whole day or whole weekend.
Don't give up!
08-20-2007, 03:55 PM
I'm gonna go out on a limb here and suggest something nobody else has. Instead of taking a few days of from here, take a few days off your eating restrictions. I imagine you will still make healthy choices, especially since you have posted another loss.
If something is on your list of 'foods not allowed', they seem more appealing. And if they are 'allowed', it takes the mental pull away. Personally, I can't live with telling myself that I can't have brownies(chocolate, ice cream, name your poison!) ever again. Its unrealistic for me. But once I told myself that I could have whatever food I wanted, I didn't want the brownies(or whatever) anymore. I know that in order to lose the weight, I need to eat more nutritionally sound foods. If the cravings get horrible, tell yourself you can have some tomorrow. Or set aside one day a week to eat what you feel like, and NOT stress over your choices. A completely FREE DAY!
You are making changes that you need to be able to continue with.....for life. Remember, you have control over what you eat. The food does not control you. :hug: You CAN do it!
08-20-2007, 04:00 PM
I'm so glad you've decided to come back to us after your surgery. As others have said, when you're struggling is the very time you SHOULD be here, as often as possible. I don't know if I could have lost all this weight without 3FC -- it's been a HUGE part of my journey, and always will be (because I'm sure I'll struggle with weight in some way for the rest of my life). It's hard. Very hard. But we have each other, and that's SO powerful.
08-20-2007, 04:33 PM
read your username, remember how you felt when you chose it???
I also backslid a bit ......we can do it together :)
08-20-2007, 05:43 PM
Mug I am SO glad to hear that you're sticking with us at 3FC's!!! I say when you're having a rough day, post here for help. If the suggestions don't work let us know and we'll brainstorm to help!
I've only been dieting for awhile and belive me I've had days where I wanted to eat everything in site! Especially around my period. Don't give up-brush yourself off and try again.
Also not to be nosey but maybe if you post a menu here of what you eat in a day maybe some of the members here can help. When I first started here I wanted to get by on 1000-1200 cal until another member gave me a heads up that I needed to eat more. Maybe some of the seasoned members can offer you some tips!
Glad that you're back girl!!!!!!!!
08-20-2007, 05:51 PM
Hey! As the MOD who changed you to a new and more positive user name, I really want you to hang around. I'm also a MOD who has been here since August 1999 and have lost very little. Being here is good for us! Please continue to post, even just to say Hi! :hug:
08-20-2007, 08:49 PM
One thing I have learned early on that weight loss is a continuing education. When I was DX'd with diabetes last year, I *thought* the hospital gave me eggs for breakfast everyday, so when I was released, I had eggs for breakfast everyday. Then I learned that this was bad, that you should only have eggs 3 times a week. Then I learned about whites and yolks, and then learned (thanks to the ladies at work!) about Egg Beaters.
I am learning how to curb overeating, how I looked to food for support. Just January of this year, I had problems overeating at dinner time (after my long walk home from work). I asked for help here, and people recommended eating protein prior to the walk. Some people swear by water, which I am now swearing by it! I have learned the hard way, to drink more water if I eat more fiber/ You see, if you don't, the fiber doesn't bulk up, and will just sit there making you constipated.
Why did I gear off-topic here? I wanted to point out that this is a constant learning experience. I did not go to college to become a dietitian, so therefore i didn't just know this stuff. I am sure some of the stuff I am doing nowadays I will learn later on...a week later?...a month later?....next year?...that what I was doing was wrong. I have hit plateaus, but I kept going. I lost 6lbs last week, yet 0 pounds the month of January! Staying around, even though I lurk more often, has reminded me of my sights.
Who cares that you had a bad weekend? We all do. We all will. I am sure even the maintainers indulge once in awhile. The one thing I learned was, when I screw up, just forget that it happened, and get back on the bandwagon immediately! Not tomorrow, not next week, but now!
08-21-2007, 01:20 AM
Just saw this thread today, but I am relieved to see that you're going to stick around here! Everyone else has said it better than I can, but this is such a great community that wants to support you - so take advantage of all the group has to offer. Hope your surgery goes well, and that it's nothing serious, we'll see you here when you recover. :hug:
08-21-2007, 08:58 AM
It's good that you're not leaving. Don't make the same mistake I did. I left 3FC for one of the same reasons. I was asking for so much support and not being able to follow through with the advices--and managed to end up in worse shape than I was staying here. So, please stay :)
08-21-2007, 09:29 AM
I actually want to appoligise to you this morning...Your post really made me think..alot.... about how you were feeling which started me thinking of other things.
I feel that I may have come off a little bit too strong yesterday...a real PITA but I want you to know that is was only because I want to see you succeed...and your post hit me unually hard because everything you said..is exactly how I feel many times.
anyway's..I will back off..and I am glad that you have decided to stay with 3FC...oh and good luck with your surgery.
08-21-2007, 09:30 AM
I am also glad that you are staying. Colleen is right-losing weight is NOT for sissies. Kick that self-doubt to the curb! It's like Christmas day when you have a success-so try and have Christmas every weekend.