100 lb. Club - Food is controling my life
08-17-2007, 10:27 AM
I just need to get this off my chest. I am sick of having food control my life. I really am. I have been a mess this whole week. I am so depressed I can't stand it. I am moody. Feeling sorry for myself kind of. Last night I binged on everything I could find. I am so sick of thinking about food all the time. I was wondering when the enthusiasm would leave me this time, and I got my answer. It is happening now. I am not giving up, I just cant seem to stop binging. I look at it as a "demon". I truely picture myself stabbing it and yelling at it and kicking it. I am sick of it controling my life. My emotions, my attitude, the way I treat my family. I can't snap out of this funk.....I have thoughts of just eating and eating and eating.
I am not giving up but just had to type this out. I feel like I am taking two steps forward some days, then some days 3 steps back. Kind of like sabatoge. I have come to realize that I like the "so full I am going to bust" feeling in my stomache. I like the way food feels in my mouth. Since I can't seem to stop this, it is so discouraging and frustrating and makes me so damn sad all the time. I just don't know what more to say. Just really down.
08-17-2007, 10:45 AM
I am so sorry you are going through a rough time.
As was said before you need to get the food that you binge on out of the house!! So if you do binge, you will have fruit and healthy food around.
You are the only one who can stop this cycle , no one else. Why are you binging? Why are you trying to sabatoge your plan? These are some things you can think about. You have lost weight,you are under 300 lbs!!! Do you want to gain the weight back??
I believe in you!! I know you can do this!! Do you believe??
I have come up with this thought: I am a masterpiece in progress and the ending is up to me. I know you can be your own masterpiece and you can shape the ending. Don't give up!!!
08-17-2007, 11:12 AM
I'm not an expert, but I know when we feel bad about ourselves, or have been depressed, even slightly, we turn to food as a way to comfort our souls. It doesn't get rid of the underlying problems, but for that brief moment, we feel a little better. Then, the sadness or depression comes back. Kind of like a vicous circle.
It may be a good idea to talk to someone professionally, your doctor or perhaps a pyscholigist/counselor about the things you are feeling and he/she may be able to suggest something that will help you in the struggles that you are having.
With the help of a professional, you will be able to identify or pinpoint the problem/s and from there you can start to take back control.
08-17-2007, 11:26 AM
i feel kinda the same. my life revolves around this diet...drives me insane
08-17-2007, 12:09 PM
I'm glad you haven't given up. Don't beat yourself up over something you can't change (what you ate yesterday), but take control of what goes in your mouth today. You have some work to do, and you've already gotten some good advice - counseling, getting rid of unhealthy foods. I know what you mean about everything revolving around food. The funny thing about "being on a diet" is that you can get in the mindset where everything still revolves around food, or "the diet". Maybe you need to stop thinking "diet" and just start working on developing healthy habits to last for a lifetime. Maybe just work on one or two things at a time. I don't know what you do - work, student, parent, but also maybe work on developing other areas of your life that will take your attention away from food.
I hope that this way of eating is something that will stick with me forever, even if I have a slip every now and then. But I am still thinking about food too much - planning menus, looking for new recipes, etc. I really want to get to the point where these habits are a natural way of life, and I don't spend a lot of time focusing on it. I wish that for you too.
08-17-2007, 12:29 PM
I also have let binges destroy many of the attempts I have made to get my life and weight in control. I think the biggest hurdles for me when I was starting over and sticking to it this time were all about choices. I knew that I couldn’t give up all the foods I like… I knew that if I even had them once in a great while they would lead to binges so portion control has become the answer. Instead of buying a regular bag of Doritos I buy the “lunch bag” type… I know if I had the big bag in the house I could eat half of it in an emotional night if not all, now I still get the taste and feeling but only a 140 calorie limit. Instead of going for cookies or chocolate bars I have those little dove promises, only one or two. Are these healthy choices? No, but I am able to limit myself, keep my eating in somewhat control and every thing slowly helps and adds up.
I also agree with getting some of the binge food out of the house, while I know I can’t give up all of my favorite (bad) foods I don’t need to have them always in the house at once. Buying one or two for the week keeps that in check for me too.
Not sure if any of these suggestions might help but figured I’d throw it out there. Good luck, food can seem like the enemy in trying to loose weight, but stay healthy and don’t let the binge get you down. Tomorrow is a new day and another start.
08-17-2007, 12:41 PM
It is different for everyone, but for me, the piece of me that wants to binge is just that – a piece of me. It is a scared, frightened, hurt, lonely, rebellious little girl who doesn’t know any better way to get what she wants. Mostly I have come to a peaceful understanding with her. When she starts wailing and grabbing for chocolate, I try to calmly ask her what is the matter and soothe her in a similar way that I would do with any small child who was angry and upset.
For me, a large part of being able to stop bingeing was to stop demonizing that part of myself. I had to start being quiet and listen to that voice, because it really does have something to say. It is a part of me – it just doesn’t know very well how to communicate its needs to the rest of me. This does sound a bit wacky – separating the pieces of my mind in that way and thinking of them in some senses as different entities, but in a way that is how it feels. One thing I did (I don’t remember where I got this from – perhaps a therapist I was seeing at the time?) was I got a small doll that represented that part of me and I would talk to it. Honestly, it really did help me a lot.
Another thing that really helped me with the bingeing thing, and I may have mentioned it before, are the books by Geneen Roth. You may not be interested in following her intuitive eating type plan, but what she writes about why we are drawn to food really helped me understand and start to deal with a lot of my food issues.
08-17-2007, 12:46 PM
Wow, Nancy! I love that you've separated yourself in that way and begun to understand and appreciate even the rebellious child in yourself. It really touched me. For the next few days, I think I will try and do the same thing. My 3YO daughter isn't experienced enough to know that if I gave in to her every demand, I would be doing her a huge disservice. Very interesting...
08-17-2007, 02:43 PM
My life has revolved around my weight since I was 11 years old. I have binged and lost and gained and you get the idea. I don't know why we continue to hurt ourselves over and over again. For what?? Food!! :rolleyes:
This way of living has to involve a mind change about why we do what we do. I love how RockinRobin calls it a commitment and that motivation is not the answer. I agree, and have made that commitment. It is damn hard. Some days are better than others, but the commitment has been made and I will not fail!
We all have so much more to live for than the stuff we stick in our mouths!
This plan I'm on consumes me. I enter everything I eat into Fitday, I come to this board several times a day, I belong to a local weight loss group, I go to Curves four days a week and work as hard as I can, I have awesome support a home, I don't allow junk food in my house, I search the web for exciting and healthy meals, I have learned to love fruits and veggies. I fix myself up and look my best because I refuse to wait any longer to "deserve" to look nice. :)
I agree that you have to get the junk out of your life. You have to have a workable plan. I know it's hard. I still binge on occasion. I did it two weeks ago when I was left home alone for the day. I binged on all healthy foods, but that didn't help the reasons why.
Hang in there and you will do this!! :hug: